There's no denying that finding out your lover is cheating on you is very painful, and if you have experienced it, you're probably hurting a lot right now. When you're ready, talk about what happened to him. To overcome a broken heart, manage your feelings and take care of yourself. Eventually, you will be able to move on with your life with or without it.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Confronting
Step 1. Practice what you are going to say before speaking
Having a serious conversation about this issue can be difficult, especially if you are deeply hurt. So that you can convey what you want to convey, first determine what you are going to say. Then, practice saying it in a normal voice. This will help you when you really need to talk later.
Try talking in the mirror or talking to a supportive friend
Step 2. Talk to him when you're ready
Call by phone or text message, saying you're ready to talk about what's going on. Invite him to meet at a neutral place or another location convenient for you. Schedule enough time for both of you to discuss things so you don't feel rushed.
- For example, ask him to come over to your house or meet him at a coffee shop.
- You can send a message that says, “I want to talk about what happened between you and Tantri. Can we meet at the Soul Promise at 1pm?”
Variation:
You may not know for sure if he is having an affair or not. If this is the case, send a message like, “I heard a rumor that confused me. Can we meet at the Soul Promise at 1 pm? I want to talk."
Step 3. Ask him if he's having an affair if you don't know for sure
You might suspect he's having an affair because he's drifting away or you've heard a rumor. If this is the case, it's best to ask directly rather than make assumptions. Explain your suspicions and the reasons for your suspicions. Then ask him if he's having an affair.
You could say, “We haven't seen each other in 2 weeks, and now I'm hearing rumors that you're dating Alina. Are you really cheating?"
Step 4. Tell her that her decision to cheat hurt you
Maybe he didn't mean to hurt you, but he should know that you were hurt because of his actions. Explain how you feel and why it hurts so much. Say whatever you have to say to feel better.
For example, “I was hurt and felt betrayed. I believed in you, but you broke that trust."
Variation:
Maybe he doesn't want to hear how you feel or you think he doesn't want to talk to you anymore. In this case, you can put your feelings on a letter, then burn it or tear it up. This will help make you feel better even if the letter isn't sent to him.
Step 5. Listen to the explanation, but don't accept the blame
You probably already know that there are always two sides to a story, and it's a good idea to look at the situation from his perspective. Give him a chance to explain and try to understand why. However, don't let him blame you or justify his actions.
- It's also a chance for him to say if he wants to save the relationship and give a reason you should take him back. Plus, you can also tell that he's not cheating on you to hurt you.
- If he starts blaming you, raise your hand in front of him and say, “Stop. I will not accept blame for your actions. If you're going to blame me, it's best if this conversation ends right away."
Method 2 of 3: Overcoming a Broken Heart
Step 1. Allow yourself to grieve
You may be very hurt, so just let the feeling go. Acknowledge your current feelings and express them in a healthy way. Give yourself time to grieve as long as it takes. Your feelings will improve faster.
Say to yourself, "I feel so betrayed right now," or "I'm so sad because I thought we matched."
Step 2. Use healthy strategies for processing emotions
Your feelings may not be certain, just express it to make it better. Try different strategies to see what will help you the most with your emotions. As an example:
- Share your feelings with friends
- Pouring feelings in a diary
- Soak in the warm water and listen to soothing music
- Watch your favorite comedy
- Take a walk or run
- Yoga
- Expressing yourself through art
Step 3. Spend time with people in your support network to remember that you are loved
The heartbreak of being betrayed may make you feel wasted and worthless. However, there are actually a lot of people who really love you. Distract yourself from your lover's betrayal by enjoying time with loyal friends and family. Invite them to your home or do a fun activity.
- For example, take a friend over to your house to watch a movie or play bowling with some friends.
- Try not to discuss the problem with your partner. Instead, focus on other relationships with people who love you.
Step 4. Remember that her decision to cheat was not your fault at all
When he cheats on you, you may be trying to figure out what went wrong in the relationship. However, there is no reason to betray. He's in charge. So don't blame yourself. When you start to worry that you've made a mistake, remember that you can't control their actions.
Say to yourself, “I don't control his behavior. If he cheats, it's his fault, not mine."
Tip:
Sometimes cheating partners blame problems in the relationship that caused them to cheat. For example, he might say, "You're not paying attention" or "You're too busy with your friends, so I'm meeting someone else." However, in fact he could have talked about the matter, not even having an affair. So, in this case, do not accept the blame.
Step 5. Watch yourself so that your needs are met
Maybe right now you want to eat ice cream and watch TV all day. However, you will get better faster if you eat a healthy diet, dress up, exercise, and follow your normal daily routine. Write down a simple routine that you can do when you're feeling down. Also, do something fun for yourself every day.
For example, make daily goals to dress up, go to work or college, exercise, and do hobbies. In addition, you can plan healthy and simple menus such as yogurt with sliced fruit, lettuce with grilled chicken, or steamed fish and vegetables
Step 6. Focus on making yourself happy instead of taking revenge
When you find out that your partner is cheating on you, it's only natural that you want to respond with the same treatment. You can fantasize about kissing his friend or scratching his car, but it's a bad idea if those fantasies actually come true. You will feel more and more uncertain and may even find it difficult. Instead of thinking about how to repay him, do what will make you happy.
- For example, buying new clothes, baking a cake with a friend, or going out with a group of friends.
- Please fantasize revenge. For example, imagine you destroy his record collection or put a dead fish in his car. However, don't actually do it.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Spend some time thinking about your decision
Think about what you really want. Consider what happened, how you felt, and what your partner said during the conversation. Then, make the right decision for you.
If you're sure you want to end the relationship, go ahead. However, don't feel like you have to make a decision right away if you're not sure
Step 2. Decide if you can continue the relationship or not
You may not be able to trust your partner anymore, and that's normal. If trust is lost, the relationship may be irreparable. Consider whether you can handle it or not. Then decide whether you want to separate or stay together.
You can ask other people for advice, but make the decision that feels right for you
Step 3. Forgive him so you feel more relieved
If it takes you a long time to forgive, go ahead. And if you can forgive, forgive so you feel relieved, not for him. Say that you've forgiven him, or write letters that don't need to be sent. This will help you to move on with your life more calmly.
- You can say, "What you did hurt me, but I chose to forgive you and forget everything."
- Forgiving is not the same as forgetting what happened or saying that all is well. Forgiving is a way to let him know that you won't let him ruin your future.
Step 4. Focus on the future if you want to build a relationship again
If you want to save the relationship, leave this cheating episode behind. That means don't bring it up again when you're angry or hurt. Try to focus on building a future together, not stuck in the past.
For example, you may have the urge to accuse him of having an affair every time he comes home late. If you always bring it up, the relationship will be damaged
Step 5. Restore lost trust
It will take time to restore trust, but it is not impossible. Get him to work together to build trust again by chatting every day and spending lots of time together. Also, keep your promise and ask him to keep his promise.
For example, if he promised to ask you out, remind him. Similarly, if he promises to text at a certain time each day, message him ahead of time in case he forgets
Step 6. Disconnect if you are sure
It may be better to cut ties with a partner who has proven unfaithful, especially if he cheated on you more than once. If you have decided to end the relationship, let him know directly. Say how you feel, that the relationship should end, and focus on the future.
Say, “After you cheated on me, my feelings changed. I'm hurt and angry, and I can't continue this relationship anymore. I chose to separate so I could focus on being happy
Tip:
If he cheats on you repeatedly, it's best to end the relationship and move on with your life without him. Right now he's not ready to be loyal to one person, and you deserve better. You will find a better partner, so just let him go.
Tips
- Don't put up with people who repeatedly betray you just because you're afraid you won't be able to find love again. There are others out there who will treat you well.
- Good relationships require trust, so follow your instincts. If you can't trust him, it's probably best to just break up.
