No one will argue that the thought of a possible husband having an affair is painful. But if you have reason to suspect or think your husband is having an affair, it's time to start looking for signs of infidelity. The more you delay solving this household-destroying issue, the worse you will feel when you find out that he is no longer honest with you. If you want to find out if your husband is cheating on you, you have to pay attention to what he says and does when he's with you, and notice any changes. If you want to find out if there is anyone else in his life, follow these steps.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Observing His Behavior
Step 1. Observe if there is a change in your husband's sexual arousal
There are two changes you should pay attention to. The most obvious sign that your husband has another woman is that he is no longer eager to have sex with you. If your sex life has gone downhill before this, it doesn't mean your husband must be having an affair. But if he used to be so excited to get you into bed and isn't anymore, it might be a sign that he's got it somewhere else.
- Another change you should pay attention to is if he suddenly has a seemingly endless sexual desire. This could mean his sexual arousal becomes more intense because he is also sleeping with other women.
- Watch his behavior in bed. Has he suddenly become more active than before? Has he always done the same position and now has many techniques? He might learn these new moves from other women.
- You should also notice if he suddenly feels embarrassed about his body when he's with you, and he doesn't want you to see him naked. If he only wants to have sex in the dark, it could be because he feels guilty for dividing his body between two women.
Step 2. Notice if your husband is suddenly always nice to you
Maybe he's acting better because he feels guilty for being unfaithful. If he's usually uncaring and uncommunicative, or if he's not a person who likes to show his feelings, but is suddenly very nice and sweet and always compliments you, it may be because he's trying to atone for the guilt of being in a relationship with someone else.
- But it could be that he's being nice because you're having a problem and he's trying to lighten your feelings.
- If he suddenly gives you flowers, chocolates, and romantic greeting cards, he may be trying to rekindle the love between the two of you. Or, he's making up for the guilt of having an affair.
Step 3. Notice if he suddenly helps you at home a lot
If your husband usually doesn't help much with household chores but now he wants to do the dishes, go shopping, or even cook, there must be something. He's clearly trying to make amends for something, and it's possible that something was an affair.
But then again, it's possible that he just wants to be better, or wants something different from you. But still, if suddenly his habits on household chores change, you should be wary
Step 4. Watch your husband's mood swings
If he was usually gloomy and now suddenly cheerful, or if he used to be calm but now his emotions are up and down, something must be up. If he likes to smile to himself and looks off into the distance as if he's thinking about someone, it's probably not because of you.
- Also notice if he comes home and looks upset, and then tries to blame work or something he usually never gets upset about.
- If you notice a change in her mood after receiving a “short phone call” or reading a message, it may be because of another woman.
Step 5. Notice the change in the way he treats his phone
If he usually puts his cell phone on the table for hours on end, or he's the type of guy who often leaves his phone at home but suddenly can't get away from it, there must be something he's hiding. If he never leaves his phone again, freaks out when he can't find it, or never checks messages when he's with you and acts suspiciously on his phone, you may have good reason to be worried.
- If suddenly his phone was given a password when he usually doesn't care about privacy, there must be something.
- If he leaves the room for a call and comes back annoyed, excited, or sorry, you can be suspicious about who he's talking to on the phone.
- If you walk into the room while he's on the phone and he suddenly hangs up, he's probably talking to another woman.
- If he usually picks up the phone all the time, and now you can't reach him for hours, then maybe he was with another woman.
- If she often turns off her phone for hours when she usually doesn't, this isn't a good sign.
Step 6. Pay attention to his habits with the computer
If usually he is rarely in front of the computer but now suddenly often active in cyberspace, this may be because of other women. If he suddenly stays at the computer until late at night after you go to bed, or if he hastily shuts down the computer when you approach, this is a bad sign.
- If you see him at the computer, and his face suddenly brightens up, like when he's talking to his crush, he may be having an affair.
- If he never uses a computer when he's in the same room as you, it's probably because he doesn't want you to see who's on his computer screen.
Step 7. Pay attention to the reasons he gives you
If your husband and you used to always spend free time together, and suddenly he stopped doing it for some suspicious reasons, it might mean he's spending time with other women. If he's now making excuses to hang out with his "boy friends" late into work late at night, or he's suddenly taken up a new sport and is spending his free time at the gym, maybe this is just an excuse to go out with his mistress.
Of course, maybe he's really into a new sport, or maybe he's really working late every night, but if he's never been like this before and has been showing other suspicious signs, it probably means he's having an affair
Step 8. Pay attention to the words
Some of the things your husband says could indicate that he is having an affair. Here are some things you should pay attention to:
- If he usually compliments you all the time but never compliments you again, it's probably because he's thinking about someone else.
- If he doesn't usually compliment you much but is suddenly praising you all the time, this may be a sign that he's making up for the guilt of having a relationship with someone else.
- If she sounds different, uses words you've never heard before, laughs in a new way, or expresses her words differently, she may be learning these new things from other women.
Method 2 of 3: Observing His Appearance
Step 1. Watch for changes in the way you take care of yourself
If he usually never shaved or cut his hair and now he's shaving, grooming, and looking in the mirror a lot, maybe he's getting ready to meet another woman.
You should also pay attention if he is bathing more often, especially when he gets home. He did it probably because he wanted to wash the scent of another woman from his body as soon as possible
Step 2. Observe if he pays more attention to his body
If your husband never cared about his physical appearance before but is suddenly going to the gym every day, running, or lifting weights in the backyard, it's probably because he's trying to get into shape to impress other women.
- Of course, you have to consider other factors: maybe he's going through a midlife crisis and wants to look good again, or maybe he's just excited to take care of his body.
- You should also pay attention if he suddenly becomes obsessed with dieting. It may also indicate that he is paying more attention to his body for other women.
Step 3. Notice if the scent is different now
This is a red light. If suddenly your husband smells different, this may be because his body compounds change due to physical togetherness with other women. If his body smells like perfume, women's lotion, or some other feminine scent, this indicates that he must have been spending time with other women.
Step 4. Pay attention to his body language
Your husband's body language can also tell you a lot about the possibility he is having an affair. Even though he was saying the right things, his body could say otherwise. Here are signs that something has changed:
- Pay attention to the frequency of his eye contact with you. If he used to look you in the eye when he spoke but now tends to look the other way, it may be because of his guilt over the affair.
- Concern whether the expression of affection is reduced. If he used to kiss, hug, hug, and express his affection with a touch, but now never touches you again, something must have happened.
- Notice if he turns away when you talk. If he crosses his arms, turns away from you, and isn't facing you, he may be pulling away because he feels uncomfortable.
- Notice if he shows affection when alone, but not when outside. If he is always close to you at home and stays away from you as soon as he leaves the house, this may be because he is afraid that the woman he is cheating on will catch him with another woman, namely you.
Method 3 of 3: Finding Evidence of Infidelity
Step 1. Look for information from the items
While checking your husband's belongings is the quickest way to lose his trust, you should do it if you believe he's having an affair and want real proof. If you really want to know if he's having an affair, you can look for it in the following places:
- Cell phone. If he's tech savvy, you won't find any evidence of infidelity on his cell phone. But if not, you could see his contact with a woman you don't know. He may not have his secret lover's phone number in his contacts list, so look for messages and calls to unknown numbers.
- Check the computer. If you really want to know if he's cheating, check his email or Facebook messages. You can wait until the moment he steps away from the computer while his email account is still open. If he has carefully deleted his emails, this is a sign that he is hiding something from you.
- Investigate his personal belongings. Check your briefcase, desk, purse, or even trouser pocket for clues.
- Check the bank statement. Watch him every time he spends a large sum of money at a restaurant you've never heard of. Check the date and remember his confession about where he was. If he says he's working late but is spending a lot of money on fancy dinners, you have reason to be worried.
Step 2. Follow him
If you're afraid to ask if he's cheating or if you haven't found enough evidence, you can try trailing him to find out where he really went. But then again, this is bound to make you lose trust in him. Here are some ways you can try:
- Don't follow him in your car. Borrow a friend's car, so he doesn't know you're behind him.
- Keep a safe distance. Whether by car or on foot, don't follow too closely so he doesn't catch you.
- Call him at the most unexpected time. If he says he's working late or watching a sports game at a friend's house, just "drop by" to the place he says he's at and see if he's really there. Just make sure that you have a good reason to explain why you came.
Step 3. Ask him if he's having an affair
Once you have sufficient evidence of your husband's infidelity, it's time to talk to him. Although the conversation will be painful, it is better than delaying it. Here's how to ask if he's being unfaithful:
- Ask when he least expects it. As long as you're in a private place, you can talk about it. Don't say that you want to talk seriously, because he will know what you mean and will prepare an excuse.
- Say that you want to know the truth. Explain that it doesn't do you any good if he's being dishonest.
- Show that he really has hurt you. Let him know how the thought of his unfaithfulness has hurt you.
Related article
- Dealing with a Cheating Life Spouse
- Catching a Cheating Couple on the Internet
- Find out if your boyfriend is cheating on you (for women)
- Knowing that Your Wife is Cheating
