The emotional sensation you feel when you like someone is certainly extraordinary. When you meet someone you like, it's natural to feel like you want to date them. However, sometimes your parents won't approve of your wishes, especially if you are a child. This can make you sad and frustrated. Luckily, there are things you can do to change their minds about dating. What is needed is patience and openness for their minds to change.
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Method 1 of 3: Discussing Your Wishes with Parents
Step 1. State your wishes honestly
The first thing to do is talk to them about wanting to date. Speak honestly and show openness when speaking. Never start this conversation after a fight, or after they tell you you can't date. You need to know where they stand on the issue, as well as their level of resistance to your desire to date.
- Discuss this topic at an unplanned time so they don't get suspicious of your question.
- Listen to what they are saying and don't interrupt, except when they are asking a question.
- You can start the conversation by saying "When did you first date?" or “How did you meet each other first?”.
Step 2. Know their perspective and understand their values regarding dating and love
Your parents grew up in different generations so the world of dating when they were your age would have been different. Therefore, you should be able to understand their perspective on dating, even if you feel that their views are old-fashioned and cannot be agreed upon.
- The greater your understanding of why they are against dating, the better your ability to know what steps you can take to change their mind (or at least lessen their worries).
- Sometimes, your parents may disapprove of your desire to date because of your cultural background or religious reasons. In a situation like this, it will be more difficult (or even impossible) for you to change their mind.
- Sayings like “Times have changed” aren't the best reasons to persuade them, although they may be true.
Step 3. Develop solutions to change their resistance
After understanding their perspective, think of a solution to change their mind. Find out why they forbid you to date, and prove them wrong. If they say you can't take responsibility, take on more responsibility at home.
- Discuss the things your parents wish you could do in order to date, and make sure you try to do them. If you really want to date and like the person of your dreams, you need to work on getting what you want.
- If your desire to date fills your mind and makes you neglect your responsibilities, try developing your favorite hobby or sport to sharpen your focus.
- Don't just mention the changes you will make. Prove what you say through action.
Step 4. Explain who you want to date and your reasons for dating
Sometimes, your parents just don't trust the other person, and not you, so it's important that you talk to them about the person you want to date. Highlight the positives, such as sports or activities he is involved in, and explain what you have in common. Don't talk about the negative things he points out, and make sure you give honest reasons.
- You can talk about your ideal person before telling your parents that you want to date them. Try saying “At school, I had a friend named (name of your ideal person). He's always the top of the class, you know!"
- The more you talk about your relationship or your desire to date, the more your parents will want to be involved (positively, of course).
- The things that you think are cool about your ideal person may be things that your parents don't like/approve. Therefore, it is important that you understand what they want to hear from you.
- If your ideal person is a class champion (or has good grades), this aspect is usually considered a plus in the eyes of parents.
Step 5. Refrain from getting angry or getting emotional
Yelling at your parents isn't going to make them change their minds about dating. Your chances of dating while still living with them could be ruined. Don't go against their views on dating. Stay calm and try to change their minds. If the situation escalates and you feel the argument is starting to escalate, simply end the conversation before things get out of hand.
- Accept their decision and change the subject if the discussion turns negative (or you start to get emotional).
- Don't just walk away in the middle of an argument or ignore your parents. Such an attitude actually shows your immaturity. Instead, try to solve the problem at hand, but respect their opinion.
- Say "I understand your point of view, but I don't agree. I love you so much that I will do what you say. However, I would like to discuss my wishes again when my emotions are calmer."
- You can't change their mind with one discussion session. Maybe you need to go over it several times until you get what you want.
- Don't be cynical or sarcastic about them because your chances of getting their approval in the future could be ruined.
Step 6. Revisit the problem at a later date
Sometimes it may take your parents some time to get used to it or realize that their child is old enough to date. If you can demonstrate your readiness to date by meeting your parents' expectations, they can treat you like an adult. Wait a few weeks or months, then revisit the problem once they've seen it from your point of view.
- You can start the conversation by saying, “I know you don't agree with me dating, but I've done my responsibilities and now I want to be in a relationship with someone I like. Mom/Dad may feel that what I want isn't important, but it does affect my emotions and I think I'm old enough to start dating."
- Don't ask or talk about this every day.
Method 2 of 3: Changing Your Parents' Mind
Step 1. Show that you are a mature person
Maturity is required in dating and is one of the main reasons parents don't want their children to date. Mistakes or immaturity, as well as carelessness in relationships have a real impact in the long run. Maturity means your ability to take on responsibilities without being asked or reminded, and to make wise decisions.
- One of the main reasons parents don't want their children to date is their poor performance in school.
- The more you show that you can manage your life and responsibilities, the more likely your parents will feel that you are capable of dating.
- Maturity also means not fighting or fighting with your parents all the time. Try to live your life and make things easier for yourself and your parents.
Step 2. Help your parents at home
Even though they seem unrelated, sometimes parents feel pressured and need help at home. Take the initiative to help your family at home. Do your homework without being asked, and ask if your parents need your help. The more mature you are in their eyes, the more likely they are to let you date.
- Don't just get hung up on homework. Help your parents with the chores that take up their time. If you can earn their respect, they will eventually open their hearts and let you date.
- Surprise your parents by taking the initiative to keep them happy and open their eyes about your desire to date.
Step 3. Reflect openness and honesty
Another reason parents don't want their children to date is the breakdown of their trust. If you have previously broken their trust, it will be difficult for them to believe that you can keep that trust. This is especially true for sex, the possibility of contracting a sexually transmitted disease, or an unexpected pregnancy. The more often you are open and honest with them (even if they don't like or agree with you), the more respect they will be able to give. In addition, they will be more open and willing to be positively involved in your relationship.
- Apologize for your lie in the first place and say that you realized your mistake. Convince them by continuing to tell the truth (even if it can be "to your detriment" in certain situations) because your honesty shows that you are no longer hiding something from them.
- Don't go against their orders and date secretly. If caught, you will get severe consequences. They may also ban you from dating for a longer period of time.
- Sometimes, the best way to build a parent's trust is to say something you've done before (including things they've forbid). If you show that you are capable of being honest, even if your actions are deemed inappropriate, your parents can trust that you will always be honest.
- It may be difficult for you to be honest if your parents punish you every time you make a mistake. However, honesty is the only way to build their trust.
Step 4. Accept their decision and try to compromise
In the end, you stay with them and all this time, it is they who provide you with food and clothing. Therefore, you need to respect the final decision they make. If you've taken steps to earn their trust and understand them, but they still won't let you date, try a compromise. Agreements not to date until next year, get better grades in school, or not get into trouble can be compromises that open up opportunities for you to date.
- Usually, parents have good reasons for forbidding their children to date. Therefore, do not immediately reject or ignore their opinion.
- Be honest with yourself. Even if you really like him, that doesn't mean you're actually ready to date.
Method 3 of 3: Introducing Your Dating Partner to Your Parents
Step 1. Make sure it's the right person
Before introducing him to your parents, ask yourself if he's good enough for you. If you're afraid he's embarrass you, maybe you should rethink your desire to date him.
- If your parents don't want you to date and your date leaves a negative impression, there's a good chance they won't let you date in the future.
- Think about his attitude in front of parents and teachers. This way, you can assume that his attitude will probably be the same when he meets your parents.
Step 2. Invite him over to your house as a friend and let your parents get to know him
One of the best ways to introduce the person you want to date to your parents is to introduce them as a friend first. That way, your parents won't immediately have any preconceived notions about it.
- If you get into trouble with your “friend”, your parents will get a negative impression of him and forbid you to date him.
- Let your parents know that he will come early to avoid any awkward situations.
Step 3. Introduce his parents to yours
One way to reduce the stress your parents have about your wanting to date is to introduce them to the parents of your potential date. If they chatted with each other, there was a chance they could be friends. Your parents can also get a positive impression of the person you want to date.
- Sometimes, parents expect a strong or good family background from their child's date. If your parents are looking for this aspect of your date, this approach could win them over.
- You can introduce his parents to your parents at a sporting event or show.
Step 4. Explain the situation to the person you want to date
If you really want to date someone, but your parents don't give you permission, you have to tell your ideal person. Thus, he will not take your parents' attitude or words to heart. On the other hand, he will also show his best attitude when meeting your parents.
- You can say, “I really like you and want to date you, but I can't keep fighting with my parents. So please show a respectful attitude and try to make a good impression when you meet them."
- If you can understand your parents' perspective, you can share it with your date. Thus, he can show the right attitude and pleasant.
