When a child enters adolescence, many changes occur. To help your teen adapt and develop positively, you need to change expectations and develop empathy, while setting clear boundaries. Creating a safe, supportive and loving, structured environment is very important, not only for you, but also for the child who is going through his teenage years.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Adapting to His Independence
Step 1. Treat your child as a teenager, not as a child or an adult
Realize that your child has grown. So it's important to adjust your expectations and stop treating him like a child. However, he cannot be considered an adult and cannot be held responsible like an adult. The teen's brain is at a critical stage of development, and you are expected to help it through this time. He is immature when it comes to making decisions, using reason, or managing impulsive urges. Instead of assuming he will act or think like an adult, be prepared to deal with behavior that seems irrational.
If you're upset that he keeps making the same mistakes, show your affection and realize that your teen is still learning and is far from becoming an adult. One part of adolescence is learning from failures and mistakes. Make negative experiences in life a learning opportunity
Step 2. Show flexibility in giving freedom
If your child is serious and trying to be responsible, give him more freedom. If he makes the wrong choice, you need to be stricter. Make him understand that his behavior will determine whether he gets freedom or restriction. It's up to him.
- If your child asks permission to do something and you tend to say no, listen to what he has to say. Say, “I don't really agree, but I want to give you a chance. So, show that you can be responsible if you want to go to this concert with your friends.”
- Likewise if you have to provide restrictions. Say, “Mom has given you freedom, but you don't seem ready. So, I think we should revisit the rules."
Step 3. Focus on trust, not suspicion
It's true that teens often find themselves in complicated situations, but don't focus on past mistakes or the risks they may face. Even if your child has betrayed your trust, it is important for both parties to restore that trust. If you think your child is involved in something bad, ask him or her to fully explain. Don't jump to conclusions, ask questions. If you're not sure, say, "Mom and dad are worried, but we've decided to trust you on this."
If your child abuses your trust, revoke one of his privileges and let him try to get it back. For example, if he comes home after a set time, say he can't drive for a week, and ask him to get that right back by showing that he can take responsibility for managing his time
Method 2 of 4: Enforcing the Rules and Consequences
Step 1. Stay calm
If you're angry, take some time to calm down. Take a few deep breaths or walk away and come back when you have calmed down. This way, you can apply a fair and reasonable punishment. It's important to stay calm and not act out of frustration or anger, especially if your child knows how to make you angry. If anger or irritation starts to bubble up, listen to your body. Observe the physical sensations you feel: Does your stomach twist? Are you shaking? Are you starting to sweat? Watch for these signs and try to stay calm.
Keep a journal of how you feel when you're upset. This step can help you reduce stress and identify patterns in your own or your child's behavior
Step 2. Set boundaries and stick to them
The child must know what is expected of him. Set limits on when he can leave the house, what time he must come home, and what role he plays in the house. Teenagers tend to want to go beyond these boundaries. Therefore, you have to stay firm while and not give up.
- Discuss this limitation with the child, and invite him to participate in formulating it. It would be easier for him to follow the rules if he participated in setting them.
- Write down the boundaries and rules on paper so that there is no confusion about what is expected of them. Ask him to sign this document. If he breaks the rules, you can show him the signed document.
- For example, you might enforce a rule that he's not allowed to do extra activities until he's done an assignment or homework. If your child makes a request, say, "Sounds great, but you haven't done any homework this week. Sorry, but you can't go." Explain that he should only leave after his chores are done.
Step 3. Apply penalties
Learning to deal with behavioral problems can be tricky. If you are too lenient, your child will think that he has no boundaries or that you are not taking his behavior seriously. However, if you are too strict, your child may feel resentful or rebellious. Show a firm attitude when applying punishment, and do not be influenced by the child. If your child breaks the rules, tell him calmly what he did and will have to bear the consequences. When deciding on a punishment, be sure to match it to the action taken, not based on your anger.
- Don't be a dictator. This attitude will make the child rebel and develop hatred. If he makes a mistake, don't criticize or insult him as a person. You simply lay out the facts and the consequences as previously defined.
- Give him extra homework or revoke one of his privileges (such as watching TV or using the computer) as a consequence.
- Consider establishing the rules and accompanying consequences in advance. This way, when your child breaks the rules, he knows what will happen as a result.
Step 4. Be reasonable
Don't impose rules that are impossible for him. It doesn't make sense to ask him to go to bed at 7:30 pm or to ban him from hanging out with his friends. Teenagers need freedom and independence. So take that into account when setting rules. One way to be natural is to listen to your child's point of view. Ask him when he thinks it's a good bedtime on a school night. If he violates it, ask what the most reasonable punishment is. Ask him for input and consider his point of view. Remember that in the end the decision is yours.
Consider the child's strengths and limitations. If your child is a messy person, it might not make sense to ask him to have a very tidy room. If your child needs time to relax after school, give him a chance before asking him to do his homework
Step 5. Deal with the conflict
Sometimes children want to prove themselves or test their independence at home. Don't fight with him. You can avoid major conflicts by observing your own reactions, even when you find the behavior disrespectful. If both of you are having trouble controlling your anger, count to 10 or take a deep breath. If the situation heats up, take some time to cool off before speaking. Speak calmly, and if necessary, admit that disagreements may occur.
- Give him the understanding that fussing over trivial things will only be a waste of time. Your voice should contain empathy, and find appropriate words such as, "I'm sure you feel that way" or, "I know this is hard for you."
- Don't shout at him. If your child breaks the rules, explain calmly and rationally that he has made a mistake.
- Teens sometimes need space to deal with conflict, especially if they are upset or stressed. Often emotions make a person unable to think rationally. Try not to dwell on petty issues, and allow your child to calm down before discussing the conflict.
Step 6. Use effective communication
By keeping the lines of communication open, you will help him make positive, fact-based choices or encourage him to come to you if he needs help. Try to keep the lines of communication open between the two of you so he doesn't hesitate to ask questions, admit mistakes, and ask for help. Instead of drawing hasty conclusions about your child's behavior, ask him a few questions. Try to understand his position without assuming he has made a mistake.
- Learn to compromise with your teen. This way, you'll be in more control and neither party will be completely frustrated.
- If your child refuses to talk to you, communicate via text or text message. You don't need to be angry, just show that you are there for him.
Method 3 of 4: Showing Love
Step 1. Have fun with the kids
Make time so you can spend fun times with your child. Even though your child can sometimes make life difficult for you, do activities with him or her. Choose an activity that the whole family will enjoy. For example, schedule a board game for the whole family once a month. If your child likes adventure, invite them to race in the karting arena. If your child has an artistic soul, take a painting course together. Find common interests and have fun.
- It doesn't matter if you spend time together walking the dog. It was still a quality time together that will be fond memories for him.
- Understand that as your child gets older, he or she may want to spend more time with friends than with family. Do not force him to do activities with the family. Plan activities that really interest him, and respect his personal boundaries.
Step 2. Develop empathy
Adolescence is an important moment in a child's life, and he is looking for someone who understands what he is going through. If you have trouble communicating with him, find a way to understand him. Put yourself in his shoes and ask yourself what it would be like to live just one day's life. If he comes to you when he's having a problem, listen to him. Usually, he doesn't ask you to solve the problem (he will find the solution himself), but he just needs someone who will listen and empathize with him.
- Sometimes loneliness (or other problems) can be a burden and have a negative impact on school grades. Don't punish him right away. Instead, show understanding and support so that she doesn't feel alone, isolated, or overwhelmed by other negative feelings from her parents' side.
- Don't underestimate or ignore teenage problems or blame hormones. They regard their problems and difficulties as big things.
Step 3. Respect and honor your teen
If you want him to respect you, show him respect too. Be a good role model and show him what respect means, even when you're fighting or having disagreements. If you yell at him constantly, it can hurt your child's emotions and cause him to feel insecure. Respect his opinion and encourage him to express it.
- Show respect by speaking calmly and listening to what he has to say. Let her independence develop and show that you trust her. Give him responsibility and let him prove to you that he can get it done.
- Don't forget to compliment him if he behaves well. Appreciate his efforts to show his best at school, in sports, social activities, household chores, or family events.
Step 4. Support the interest
If he enjoys activities or sports, sign him up for a club or attend an event he participates in. If he likes music, set aside money to pay for music lessons and go to his recital. Encourage him to do activities he enjoys and show your support. That way, he'll see that you care and are interested in his success, and that his happiness is important to you.
- If he wins an award, give him credit and take the whole family to a restaurant to celebrate. This activity is both easy to do and fun, and will cement a healthy and lasting relationship between the two of you.
- Sometimes teens want to celebrate their success in their own way that doesn't involve the family. Respect the choice. If you want to celebrate, make sure you do it the way he wants.
Step 5. Let his friends come to your house
Teenagers need a place to hang out with their friends. Show support by letting him invite friends over to his house. Dedicate a room where they can hang out undisturbed, but also allow you to pass freely. Prepare healthy snacks and leave them free to listen to music, chat or play video games. Make sure you are there if needed. You'd be surprised how many of his friends need someone to share their feelings with.
If their friends come over to your house, you can monitor their activity on the fly and make sure they're safe
Step 6. Make sure you are always there for the child
Teenagers may not always need physical affection, but they still need your love. Show your love by making sure you are there for him. Don't just give him credit for academic or sporting achievements, but also reward him as a person with character. Show your love through deeds too. You could attend a sporting competition that he participates in or prepare a daily lunch. All of that will prove your love for him. Not all teens are comfortable talking to their parents, but let them know that you are ready to listen.
Unconditional love and acceptance is the best gift you can give him. Not only will that increase his confidence, but it will also have the power to point your relationship in the right direction
Method 4 of 4: Dealing with Problem Behavior
Step 1. Identify the problematic behavior
All teens need privacy, but be careful if your child is very introverted. As a parent, you need to know how well he's hanging out and where he's going, and make sure he gets home on time. If he's hiding what he's doing or is caught lying to you, take this seriously. Don't let this bad behavior go unnoticed. Teens may not know or don't want to express their emotions through words, so they channel them through unhealthy behaviors to deal with their pain or confusion.
- Sometimes, bad behavior can indicate an inner struggle that requires attention.
- Take drug or alcohol use seriously. Besides breaking the law, this action is also dangerous because his brain is still developing.
Step 2. Listen and understand him
A hot-tempered, bitter, or hostile teenager may be difficult to deal with, but you should do your best to listen and understand. All teenagers want to be loved. If your child is angry or upset, listen to him without interrupting him. Don't force him if he doesn't want to talk about it right away. Tell him that you are ready to listen to him when he has calmed down.
- Make sure you understand her emotions by saying, "I see you're upset" or, "Wow, you must be offended."
- Help your child find ways to calm himself or control his anger and emotions. Have him write a journal, listen to music, exercise, or hit the pillow.
Step 3. Take her to see a counselor or therapist
If your child is showing signs of anxiety, depression, or other mental or emotional problems, or is acting destructive or rebellious, seek help from a therapist. Teenagers are very sensitive to emotional events such as moving house, divorce, loss, bullying, breakup, or other stressors.
- Make an appointment with a school counselor or psychologist. You can also see a private therapist to help your child adjust and deal with problems. Contact your insurance provider or a clinic that specializes in psychological problems.
- Take your teen's problems seriously. Don't underestimate the problem and think of it as an ordinary teen crisis. Often, chronic psychological problems begin in adolescence. It is best to seek treatment as soon as possible so that the problem does not get worse.
Step 4. Deal with the crisis
If you think your teen is in danger, act immediately. You must take remarks or threats of suicide and intentions to harm others seriously. Call emergency services immediately for help, or take him to the hospital, and notify his therapist.
