Finally, you have arrived at this point. The point where you have to persuade both parents to be willing to do something they really don't want to do. Even if your chances of success aren't that great, it doesn't hurt to apply the following tips to make the situation more favorable for you!
Step
Method 1 of 3: Initiating Conversation
Step 1. Think about what you want to ask your parents for
Before starting a conversation, be clear about what you are going to say and the situation you are trying to reach. Do you want to go to the dance? Do you want to extend your curfew? Do you want to go out to dinner with your parents? Think about the results you want after!
Step 2. Write down the things you want to say
If necessary, write down all the details you want to share with your parents, so that it will be easier for them to answer any questions they may ask later. Trust me, your parents will feel more at ease if you can answer all the questions they ask clearly and straightforwardly.
For example, if you want to stay one night at a friend's house, find out in advance if your friend's parents will be home that night. Also, know what time you have to get there, what you need to bring, and when your parents can pick you up. That way, your parents can call their parents to make sure the information is correct
Step 3. Choose the right time and place
Do not invite your parents to discuss when they are busy. Instead, choose a time when they're free so they can fully focus on you. If you're having trouble finding the right time, try asking your parents directly.
Step 4. Start talking
Don't delay too long so that the nervousness you feel doesn't get bigger! After successfully gathering your parents, immediately convey your meaning!
- For example, you could start by saying, “There's something I want to discuss with Mom and Dad, here. Hopefully Mom and Dad can hear it with an open mind, okay? Can I go to the dance on Saturday night?"
- If you're really having a hard time conveying it, try starting the conversation by talking about something else, as long as you're still getting that point across at one point.
Step 5. Explain the benefits they will get
The best way to convince someone is to explain the benefits they will get after giving their permission. Therefore, try to think about the benefits they will get from your wishes, and convey that to them.
- If you want to ask permission to go out all night, try saying, "The bonus is, Mom and Dad can be alone at home all night, you know!"
- As another example, try mentioning their favorite food when you want to take them out for dinner
Step 6. Speak honestly
If you lied or didn't tell the whole truth, chances are your parents will be reluctant to give their permission again if they catch you. After all, they must know you well enough to detect your lies easily!
Step 7. Focus on yourself
In other words, fight the tendency to blame your parents in every conversation you have. For that, you should focus on your feelings or thoughts, instead of trying to accuse or blame your parents.
In other words, use "I" instead of "You." Say, "I get annoyed when I can't travel like the rest of my friends," not "Mom and dad are so mean for not letting me go with my friends." The second sentence is "blaming" your parents, while the first is more focused. on your feelings
Step 8. Accompany your words with detailed information
If possible, provide various details to clarify your words. As explained in the previous method, it is important to provide details about the location you are going to. But actually, that's not the only information you need to provide! For example, enlist the help of someone who is superior to you, such as your friend's parent, teacher, or even a researcher to further convince your parents.
If you want to ask your parents for permission to join a music group, try looking for articles that state that music can improve a person's mathematical abilities. For example, you might say, "According to this study, joining a band can improve my math skills, you know. Here, I'll give you the article so Mom and Dad can read it, okay?"
Step 9. Listen to your parents' opinion
If your parents aren't willing to give you permission or grant your wish, try listening to their reasons. Most likely, your parents have a pretty strong reason or argument, you know! After that, you can try to find a solution to overcome the problem that rooted the rejection.
Step 10. Have a polite discussion
Remember, you have to do the approach process politely! Trust me, being angry or upset won't convince them to give their permission. Instead, you will look even more childish because of it.
Method 2 of 3: Continuing the Process
Step 1. Discuss possible solutions
To reach a solution, you and your parents must be willing to compromise. In other words, give your parents a chance to make some leeway by reducing your stubbornness a little. If both parties are willing to relax their will, surely a solution that benefits all parties can be more easily achieved.
- When compromising, understand the needs or wants of both parties. For example, your parents' focus may be on your safety and well-being. Meanwhile, your focus is on how to get what you want, such as freedom.
- For example, you want to stay one night at a friend's house. Your parents will probably forbid you because they don't know their parents. As a result, they cannot guarantee your safety there. If that's the case, try to compromise by taking your parents on a trip with your friend and their parents. After that, try conveying your wishes again and promise to update regularly so they know you're okay. That way, the situation will feel more favorable for all parties, right?
- In many cases, parents won't compromise if they don't think your safety is guaranteed. Consider that before you start compromising, OK!
Step 2. Accept their decision
If neither succeeding in getting what you want nor succeeding in changing the determination of your parents, try to be merciful to accept their decision, at least for now. After all, you can always try again later, right? If you're constantly whining or complaining now, chances are your parents will find it even harder to entrust their permission to you!
Step 3. Continue to discuss with them
One way to improve your parents' understanding is to share your feelings honestly and openly. However, that doesn't mean you have to keep whining so they can change their mind, right! Instead, try to engage them in an open dialogue about how you feel about their decision.
For example, if you're asking permission to travel more, don't say, “You guys are mean! That decision has to be changed, okay?" Instead, try saying, "I know you guys just want to protect me. But I really feel lonely when my friends are traveling without me. We just want to drink coffee or watch a movie, don't we? going to parties or getting drunk. I think it's still normal, though."
Method 3 of 3: Earning the Trust of Parents
Step 1. Be someone you can trust
In other words, do everything at the time you promised. Show your responsibilities at home to build the trust of your parents. As a result, it will be easier for them to give permission in the future!
- Another way to build trust is not to lie. Believe me, your lies will surely smell one day, and can reduce the trust of your parents.
- Another way to build trust is to do what you promised. This means that you have to go home on time, travel according to the permit you get, and do your homework if you promise to do so. Believe me, simple things like that can also increase the trust of your parents.
Step 2. Apologize if you have betrayed your parents' trust
Most likely, your parents will tell you if you have betrayed their trust. It means, you have made a mistake because you have broken your promise to them. For example, they may believe that you will only visit your friend's house. However, you went to a party instead of your friend's house. It was a form of betrayal of their trust!
After realizing that you've made a mistake, try saying, “I'm sorry for lying, okay? I know this is worse than breaking the rules because Mom and Dad are willing to make concessions. In what way should I make up for it?"
Step 3. Prioritize your needs and wants
Needs are things that you must have in life, such as shelter, clothing, and food. In addition, another basic need that you need to have is happiness, as well as support from family and friends. Meanwhile, desires are things beyond that, such as a new jacket or traveling with closest friends on the weekends even though you have often met on weekdays.
- Just because you want something, doesn't mean you have to get it. That is why, you must prioritize the most important desires. For example, traveling with friends one weekend is far more important than attending a party the following weekend. After compiling a list of priorities, it will be easier for you to convey the most important wishes to your parents.
- When compiling your priority list, try to think of things that would make you sad if you couldn't have them. That's the most important wish for you.
Step 4. Choose a desire worth fighting for
As your parents did not carelessly give prohibitions, you must also be able to sort out arguments or desires that are worth fighting for. In other words, don't try to fight for everything to minimize the chance of rejection. Instead, pick a few things you really want, and try to pass them on to your parents. This way, your parents will see how important your priority request is.
For example, you could say, “I've really thought about what's most important to me. I understand that Mom and Dad forbid me from visiting a friend's house, but is it okay if we just drink coffee together? Mom or Dad can take me to the coffee shop if that's more comfortable."
Tips
- Keep your argument light and simple. Get straight to the point and get rid of any unclear or ambiguous explanations.
- Don't keep adding new information AFTER conveying your wish. For many parents, this is considered fussy and sometimes the additional information provided will only weaken your argument. Therefore, present the entire argument at the same time instead of enumerating it gradually over several days. Finish the discussion process, emphasize that your father or mother can negotiate with each other, then make a cup of tea for them so that the discussion process can end well.
- Ask why they won't grant your wish or request. Then, explain that there is always a middle ground that will benefit both parties. Be as calm as possible and don't force them.
