"It's better to be silent than to say something negative." Ever heard of it? In fact, applying this advice while arguing with your parents is a wise move. Instead of saying words that could hurt your parents, why not try to distance yourself by avoiding them both inside and outside the home? At the same time, use this period to evaluate your feelings. If you are currently living apart from them, try implementing the advanced steps listed below to further avoid them.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Understanding Your Feelings
Step 1. Assess your situation
Think about whether or not you should take this kind of attitude. Of course, every child has the right to distance themselves from their parents to calm themselves down during an argument. On the other hand, understand that when you are having a problem, sometimes your parents can also help you solve it, you know!
Also think about the reasons behind your desire to avoid them, and the goals you want to achieve afterwards. By understanding the motivation behind your desire, you will undoubtedly be helped to find the right next step
Step 2. Have a custom diary
By applying this method, you can “record” your feelings on paper and understand them better. Try to start by free writing, aka by writing down whatever comes to your mind at that moment. Don't worry about your sentence structure or grammar! Don't forget to include the date in the corner of the paper so that your traces of feelings can be recorded more systematically. If possible, choose a book that comes with a lock or other protection so that the contents can't be read by your parents.
Step 3. Reconcile with your parents, if possible
Give yourself and your parents time to calm down first. When the time is right, take the initiative to ask them to make up. Apologize if the fault is indeed on your side. If this is difficult, enlist the help of a neutral third party to mediate.
Step 4. Seek help from an expert therapist
The desire to avoid your parents indicates that something is wrong in your relationship with them. For help moving on to a better life, try consulting a school counselor or professional therapist. If you want, you can even invite your parents to join the family therapy process.
If you still live with your parents and the situation in your home is no longer tolerable due to violence or other reasons, try asking a counselor or professional therapist to find a more suitable place to live
Method 2 of 4: Avoiding Parents at Home
Step 1. Stop the conversation going on
Don't do it rudely or disrespectfully! Instead, always give short answers to every question they ask. For example, if they're taking you out to dinner or going out somewhere, politely say "no."
Break or bend this method if the parent starts asking positive questions. In other words, listen to what they have to say before responding
Step 2. Lock yourself in the room
Lock your room, then stick a piece of paper in front of the door to explain that you need some distance from them. If you just lock the door without posting such a warning, chances are your parents will get worried and even break down your door afterward.
If your bedroom door can't be locked, paste a piece of paper that contains the rules for knocking on the door before entering your room
Step 3. Bring your favorite things into the room
For example, bring your reading books, cell phone, and video game console into your room. Also put your favorite snack or drink in a cool and dry corner of the room. Also, make sure your phone is always on silent mode and doesn't vibrate so as not to attract your parents' attention.
Step 4. Ban your friends from calling your landline
Remember, if your parents pick up the phone, of course you have to face them before answering, right? Therefore, ask your friends to call your personal cell phone, if any. If not, communicate with them via email, text message, and online chat.
Step 5. Show concern for your roommate
If you have to share a room with your siblings, respect their "private space". In other words, don't monopolize the entire room! If he asks what's going on between you and your parents, try to keep your story neutral. Don't try to get them on your side!
Method 3 of 4: Reducing Activities at Home
Step 1. Spend more time with your friends
Do fun activities to distract yourself. If you need to cry or complain, do it in front of friends who can understand you. Even if you and they are not doing meaningful activities, understand that the presence of your closest friends will definitely improve your mood!
Step 2. Find another way to get to school
You will definitely feel awkward if you have to spend time in the same car with your parents in the morning. Therefore, if the distance between your home and school is not too far, try walking or cycling. If possible, always take the school bus or other public transportation. If all these methods fail, try asking your friend to pick you up at home.
If you absolutely must drive with your parents, always wear headphones along the way
Step 3. Work part time after school
Activities outside the home is a special moment because you have time to be away from your parents for a while. Therefore, why not fill it with more meaningful things like working part time? After all, you don't need to ask your parents for pocket money again if you're already working, right? Just make sure your work doesn't interfere with your academic activities and your sleep time, OK!
Step 4. Join an extracurricular group
Try joining a school club, sports team, or community activity that interests you. Besides being able to widen the distance that lies with your parents, doing so will also increase your confidence and your portfolio when you later enroll in university.
Step 5. Study in the library
If the presence of your parents can increase stress levels and reduce the effectiveness of your study, try studying in a library, which is likely to require people in it to always be calm. As a result, you too can study without interruption! If you want, you can study with your closest friends or even alone. In addition, you can also use the online database available in the library to find information, right?
Method 4 of 4: Avoiding Parents Outside the Home
Step 1. Don't answer their phone
Whenever their number or name appears on your phone screen, turn it off immediately. If you have a foldable phone, press one of the buttons on the side of the phone to turn off the ringtone. That way, their calls will go to your voice mailbox where you can listen to them later or even delete them right away without being listened to first.
Step 2. Avoid interactions via electronic media
Don't reply to their emails, unfollow them on social media, and change your account mode to private. If you don't want to completely break the chain of interaction with them, simply turn off notifications from their social media pages. Don't worry, they won't notice and you can reactivate notifications whenever you want.
Step 3. Put some physical distance between you and your parents
Don't visit them and ask them not to visit you. Keep yourself busy if you don't want to make up excuses and lie to them. Focus on the career and academic goals you want to achieve, and spend time with the people closest to you after work. If your financial condition allows, go on vacation!
Tips
- Act mature. Show your maturity so that others can treat you that way.
- Don't lock yourself up at home! Instead, you should actually move outside the house as often as possible.
- One way to try is wearing headphones, even if you don't actually use them for watching videos or listening to music, when you're with your parents. By doing so, the other person will understand that you don't want to be spoken to.
Warning
- Don't yell or be rude to your parents. In other words, don't give them a reason to punish you. If absolutely necessary, respond to their words briefly and politely.
- Show your parents that your condition will still be fine without them. Don't show your loneliness and/or sadness so they don't worry and come to their own conclusions about how you are doing.
