Winning the hearts of friends and influencing others is more than just a topic in a motivational book, it's a goal we all share, and it takes patience, practice, and strength of character to get there. Read the steps below to learn how to do this best.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Taking Care of Your Appearance
Step 1. Dress neatly
Think about costumes. People wear costumes to convey an image that others will directly understand, whether it's a zombie, a firefighter, or a bride. In fact, every shirt you wear, even your everyday clothes, is your costume. They give a lot of messages to people who see them. Use it to describe yourself to others as a confident, happy, and stable friend.
In general, this means wearing clothes that are clean and fit for the body and have colors and patterns that complement each other. It shows that you like yourself until you think about how you look, and are confident not to hide it
Step 2. Maintain cleanliness
In the handshake distance and closer, the difference between clean and dirty becomes more visible. If you want to connect with other people, you need to be that close, so make sure your body is clean. Shower every day, wash your hair 3-5 times a week, brush your teeth twice a day, wash your face, and apply deodorant every morning. More concerned with long-term considerations such as fingernails and mustaches and beards for men.
Women can choose to shave their armpits and legs depending on their preference, but be aware that some people still think that not shaving is dirty. To reach the highest potential for everyone, it's safer to shave
Step 3. Treat your hair
No matter how long it is, you have to keep it in regular cuts, or to a salon you trust. Make sure you always look presentable, even if you don't always look like that at home.
Step 4. Take care of your belongings
More specifically, your home and vehicle are the two most important things you should take care of. You never know if you have a sudden guest, or who will see your bike or car when you get out. After all, keeping your environment clean makes your life better.
- Cars should be washed every month, clean up trash on seats and floors, and have regular servicing, such as an oil change. Bikes should be hand washed monthly (especially if your bike gets dusty easily), and set up at a bike shop twice a year.
- Your home should be as neat as possible. Clean dishes and kitchen after eating. Wash clothes, and make sure to fold and store them after washing. If you have a page, make sure it's clean of trash. Keep your walkway clean and tidy.
Step 5. Control your body language
This has been said time and time again, because it's true: body language is the strongest communication between people. This is because body language is hard to fake and says a lot about our emotional state. In many ways, paying attention to a person's body language when speaking can tell you more about that person than what he or she is saying. It's therefore very important to do what you can to use your body language to tell others what they want to hear from you.
- Body language is complex and sensitive, and the same gesture and posture can have different meanings depending on who is interpreting it, when and where. Instead of trying to read everyone's body language, try to make yours easy for them to read. Control what you can control and leave what you can't.
- Move confidently without hesitation. This doesn't mean you have to move quickly, but it does mean that your moves exude confidence. When you shake your hand, hold it firmly, you'll be surprised how many people notice it. Walk smoothly at your pace, letting your arms swing as you walk.
- Watch your posture. It's been said many times by others, but it's very important indeed. Your shoulders should be behind your chest, your back should not slouch. Your neck should continue the line of your spine, and don't let your chin come forward. Correct posture not only shows confidence, it also allows you to breathe easier, reducing the risk for back pain as you get older.
- Use your face to your advantage. If your eyes are the window to the heart, your face is a floodgate waiting to be opened. Always do your best to smile, make genuine eye contact (especially when talking to people), and keep your face animated, which shows sincerity and empathy. People prefer to be around people who smile all the time over people who are too serious.
Step 6. Stay active
Even an unhealthy body will get a healthy aura around it if the owner of that body tries to revive it. Exercise regularly, and eat regularly. If you have trouble making a schedule, remember that even the smallest effort is better than no effort. Even a few minutes of exercise after you wake up or get home from work helps you to maintain your posture, body language, and have more energy.
Method 2 of 2: Winning Hearts and Minds
Step 1. Re-learn classical rhetoric
Great public speakers came and went, but few left a lasting impression on the western world like Aristotle, the Greek philosopher. His approach to rhetoric, recorded 2000 years ago, is still the most useful for discovering how to maximize the level of influence of what you say. Aristotle divides this into 3 important elements. By combining all three in harmony, you can come up with an argument that's hard to refute.
- Create a solid foundation with a logo. A logo is the clarity, organization, and internal consistency of what you want to say. Speech delivered with a logo cannot be reversed to mean anything other than what you intended. Any attempt to try it by the person who tries to resist will only make him look stupid.
- Add credibility and a level of trust by adding an ethos. Ethos is the foundation of your argument, which is usually reflected in your tone and style of delivery, and your character (and your reputation, if you have one). Speech that uses ethos never leaves your personal beliefs in doubt, and makes you look like you know what you're talking about and can be trusted.
- Ask your listeners with pathos. Pathos is the part of your argument that helps it connect with the listener's personal life, experiences, feelings, and imagination. By transmitting sympathetic emotion to your listeners, speech with pathos makes them feel personally attached to what you have to say.
Step 2. Practice active listening
Nothing gets people to like you faster than listening, but it's not just sitting around watching other people's lips move. Being an active listener means using some technique to show your attention to the speaker. With practice, all of these techniques will become a natural part of your communication.
- When there is a suitable stop, even in the middle of a sentence, say a small sound like “yeah” or “mm hmm.” Don't overdo it or you look impatient.
- Whenever you think of a question that will make the speaker speak in more detail, ask it. Don't blame the speaker in the middle of a sentence, but the sooner the better. This shows that if you are interested in the speaker's words, you want more detail.
- Use neutral affirmations. If you're not sure what to respond to the story, use the speaker's emotional response. If the speaker looks at you like he can't believe the story, agree with it by saying “Wow, that's crazy” or something you connect with without taking sides.
- When the story is finished, ask the speaker what they thought about it. People like to conclude their thoughts after long anecdotes.
- After the story is concluded, summarize it again and throw it back at the speaker. This shows that if you hear and understand what they are saying, they will like it. You can follow it with your opinion. For example, someone told me that his cat had to go to the vet because of an accident. When the story is over, say “so your cat really needs to see a doctor? But at least you brought it on time. (your opinion here).”
- Use personal anecdotes, but don't overdo it. You may try to show sympathy and understanding, but listeners will begin to suspect that you prefer to talk about yourself over hearing about other people. Be balanced in using your own stories and anecdotes.
Step 3. Speak well
Most people tend to think that their voice is more or less like that, but that's not the case. While it is not possible to switch from soprano to alto, it is possible to control the overall pitch of your voice, providing clarity of what you are saying.
- Sing to learn voice control. One of the best ways to train your voice is to sing out loud. You don't have to have ears to sing, or sing for other people, try singing in your car or home. Over time, you will gain more control of your throat sounds through repetition.
- Soft-spoken, rounded, and low-pitched. This doesn't mean you have to deepen your voice, it just means you have to imagine the large space at the back of your mouth and throat when you speak. Do not direct your words through the nose or the passages in the throat. Full speaking, clear tones make you look knowledgeable, and make your voice more pleasing to the eye.
- Give yourself plenty of volume. There's no need to shout when you speak, but don't speak too softly either. Don't mutter your voice. This only makes it more difficult to understand, and makes you look unsure of yourself.
Step 4. Use an acceptable language
Just because they understand what you're saying doesn't mean they get your point across clearly. Like anyone arguing with family or spouse, there are good and bad ways to say what you have to say. By learning pyscolinguistic tricks, you can learn to speak your mind in a way that prevents listeners from being offended or intimidated, but instead makes them like you.
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Using the phrase “I” is a matter of placing the burden of responsibility on you. In an argument, instead of blaming the other person or how you feel, try saying: “When you (say/do/whatever), I feel…” This looks weird to write, but it works in real arguments because it doesn't blame the other person..
For example, instead of saying "When you said that, it made me angry," say "When you said that, I got angry." You can use this in any disapproval: “I feel you…,” “I feel (emotions) when you…,” and many more
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Using “we” is all about making the person feel involved and relevant. When discussing opportunities, events, or group work, expect the phrase “we” to strengthen the loyalty of your subordinates and demonstrate loyalty to those above you. For example, instead of saying "would you like to go with me this Saturday?" say, “we have to go out together this weekend!” This puts the other person on an equal footing with you and gives them power over the opportunities offered.
Giving people power is a surefire way to get power too, because people will be more willing to give you something else when the time comes if they remember this interaction in a positive light
Step 5. Match the rhythm with the people around you
Street hypnotists use this technique whenever they seem to “make” someone into changing their minds. In principle, there is not much in this technique, but it takes practice to get used to it.
- Start with a short "On" in conversation and use simple questions to get the other person to speak. As you use your active listening skills, pay attention to accents, verbal responses (such as "uh"), and common phrases.
- When you respond and continue to ask what you want, speak more, but match the other person's accent and verbal patterns. You're free to lean on the accent too, but don't make a caricature out of it. Talking like other people talk makes them feel comfortable and feel that they can trust you just because you like them in a certain way.
- Whenever you notice something about another person's body language, make it a point. Did he change his footstool? Does he tap his finger while waiting for the computer? You can match that to create a more sympathetic bond.
Step 6. Show good character
Supportive, kind, enthusiastic, confident, and dependable are special attitudes that you need to master. It is this attitude that everyone looks for in others, the attitude that makes you a person you can trust and listen to. They start with personal sincerity and dedication, and are hard to fake. However, if you focus on it, you can train yourself to use it more often and more freely than before.
- Convince yourself every day. This sounds weird, but self-assured it works. Just think about the positive attitude you would like to have, and say it out loud to yourself a few times. Tell yourself that you are the one who has it: “I am a good person;” “I am an enthusiastic person;” and much more.
- Look for opportunities to demonstrate your better qualities. Most of the time, because of personal discomfort with the situation, we give more assertive choices because things attract less attention. Deal with it by constantly reminding yourself to be aware of times when you are about to act violently. When you realize you're going to be a loathing and unhappy person, force yourself to be the person you want to be around other people. Even if it doesn't make any difference to the situation, it's a great exercise for your mind. In the end, you will master it.
