Every relationship has its good and bad times, and there will be times when you feel like being alone. Oftentimes, when we hear, “I need some alone time”, we're already assuming the worst, but wanting some alone time doesn't mean you want to end the relationship. It could mean that you want to focus on other obligations such as school, work, or family. Here are a few steps to help you say you need some alone time.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Analyzing the Situation
Step 1. Emphasize why you need some alone time in the relationship
Take some time to really think about the reasons why you feel how you feel right now. Instead, write down your reasons so that they can be reflected in the future. This will help you form answers to your boyfriend's questions about the decision you are making.
Some of the common reasons people want some alone time in a relationship are wanting to pamper themselves after a busy week, wanting to focus on a project, or taking care of personal family interests
Step 2. Decide what you want to do with your relationship
Your boyfriend may want to know what “alone time” means in your relationship. If you want to break up with your lover, it's best to do so now.
Togetherness and separation go hand in hand in a healthy relationship. In such a relationship, you will also feel like yourself and have friendships outside of romance
Step 3. Plan a place and time to meet and talk
A good time is when both of you are relaxed, calm, and can focus on listening to each other. A quiet public place where you can still talk will help avoid other people's attention, such as in a park or a cafe. These places can be good locations.
Part 2 of 4: Meeting Each Other
Step 1. Organize the conversation
Make sure you stay on topic and don't get distracted. Use "I" statements to emphasize what you need and want. The "I" statement indicates that you are responsible for your decisions. This will also help your lover not feel attacked or blamed. Some examples of "I" statements are:
- "I'm not happy."
- “I feel pressured.”
- "I don't have time for my hobbies."
Step 2. Make a clear schedule
Find out how often the two of you keep in touch, including chatting, texting, and meeting in person.
- Relationships take various forms once every few days, once every two weeks, or once a month.
- Scheduling specific times to connect will help add stability. Maybe your mom has a doctor's appointment in the morning, so the afternoon could be a good time or you volunteer on the weekends and weekdays are better.
Step 3. Provide a time range
It's important to let your boyfriend know how much time he should give you alone time. You can give specific answers such as one week or one month. Also consider the expectations. After this period lasts, the time needed to be alone can be evaluated by both parties.
Uncertain times are not a good choice because they are ambiguous and make one feel powerless
Part 3 of 4: Coping With Your Lover's Reaction
Step 1. Make sure you are aware of his feelings and concerns
You can say:
- "You seem disappointed."
- "I know I hurt your feelings."
- "Is there anything else I can tell you about?"
Step 2. Defuse the outburst of anger
Try to focus on listening to him and over time he will calm down. If emotions keep running high, don't show them. Let your boyfriend know that you want to stop the discussion for a while and that you want to continue the conversation when both of you have calmed down.
Step 3. Accept that your lover may not approve of your choice
He may not want the time to be apart from you and decide to end your relationship. If this is the case, let him do it to avoid further emotional pain.
Part 4 of 4: Evaluating the Results
Step 1. Try out your plan and ask yourself to help you adjust as needed:
- "Do I feel like I've got the timing I want?"
- "Will this time help me?"
- "Is there something I'd like to change?"
Step 2. Define clear and concrete changes together
You may have to maintain communication as before. Perhaps you and your partner have determined that you both would improve communication by texting and chatting, but you won't see each other very often. Or, you may choose to end all communications at the same time.
Step 3. Give each other positive suggestions to show that you support and care for each other
- "I'm grateful that you want to support me."
- "I'm glad we can do this together."
- "I'm glad we can try this together."
