Of course it's natural when you feel arousal or sexual desire. The passion or passion may be fixated on one particular person, or you may be attracted to activities such as masturbating or watching pornography. However, sometimes this desire is too passionate or undesirable. If you're having trouble getting rid of those thoughts and feelings, don't worry! There are several things you can do to control sexual desire. If you can't control it yourself, your doctor or counselor may be able to help.
Step
Method 1 of 13: Set boundaries for yourself
Step 1. Avoid temptation so you can control your lust
For example, if you are tempted to watch pornographic videos every time you use your computer, download an app or browser extension that can block the "teaser" website. If you're having trouble controlling your sexual desire for someone, limit the time you spend with them if possible.
- Doing activities in public or openly will make it difficult for you to "submit" to lust. For example, instead of using your computer in your bedroom and when you're alone, use your computer in public places like parks or coffee shops.
- If you're going to a bar or the beach, bring a friend who can distract you and keep you busy so you don't notice other people.
Method 2 of 13: List reasons for holding back
Step 1. Clearly state your values to strengthen self-defense
When you're setting goals for yourself (eg having a healthier diet or suppressing sexual desire), it's a good idea to have a clear picture of why you're doing it. Write down the main reasons you want to quell or control your impulses and read the list of reasons whenever your defenses start to waver. For example, these reasons could include:
- “I want to wait and not have sex before marriage because sexual intimacy is sacred and special to me.”
- "I try to resist the temptation because I want to be with my partner."
- “Self-discipline is an important aspect of my spiritual beliefs. I want to control my thoughts or passions in order to improve my relationship with the Almighty.”
- "I don't want my sexual urges and behavior to ruin my relationship or cause problems in my professional realm."
Method 3 of 13: Identify your triggers for arousal
Step 1. By understanding your passion, you can control it more easily
When you feel that passion or lust, think about what is going on. For example, do unwanted sexual thoughts occur more often when you are feeling depressed or bored? What about when you're surrounded by certain people or in a specific place (eg the beach or a bar)? Write down the things that seem to trigger unwanted thoughts and desires, and think about how to deal with those triggers.
- For example, if you're aware that thoughts about sex come up whenever you're bored, ways to occupy your mind and yourself. Try listening to interesting music or broadcasts while doing a tedious task (eg folding clothes).
- You may be aware that you are using sexual thoughts or behavior to deal with stress. Determine to find new treatment methods and form healthier habits.
Method 4 of 13: Find healthy ways to keep yourself busy
Step 1. Quench your appetite and distract yourself through fun hobbies and activities
When you start to sink into sexual thoughts, try running or calling a friend for a chat. You can also try creative activities like painting, playing music, or cooking delicious dishes. Thus, your mind will be free from unwanted sexual arousal.
Method 5 of 13: Strengthen your intimacy with your partner
Step 1. Strengthening your relationship can reduce temptation
If you are married or in a relationship, remind yourself of the things that you find attractive in your partner. Make an effort to spend time with him. You also need to make an effort to cultivate love, affection, and physical intimacy in the relationship. This way, you can refocus your thoughts and desires on your partner instead of on the other person. If you don't know how to rekindle the flames of romance with your partner, here are a few things to try:
- Schedule a short time each day-even if it's just 10-15 minutes-to talk about funny things. Make sure the two of you don't discuss work, school, kids, or the daily grind on this special occasion!
- Write down 10 things you like about your partner or the memories you shared with them.
- Do something together, like take a weekend getaway, take a dance class, or visit a new restaurant.
- Show physical closeness. Even if you don't have sex, there are many ways to show affection physically, such as hugging, kissing, or giving each other a back massage.
Method 6 of 13: Try relaxation techniques to relax yourself
Step 1. If your sexual obsession is triggered by stress, relaxing activities can help
When you feel tense, try listening to relaxing music, doing light stretches, and trying yoga. You can also try taking a shower or going for a walk.
If you're distracted while trying to relax, try taking a class (eg online taici class) or doing something relaxing with a friend
Method 7 of 13: Join a self-help group
Step 1. People experiencing the same problem can be a great source of information and help
Ask your doctor or therapist for a self-help group recommendation, or search the internet for support group information. By joining a group, you will not feel alone and the sexual arousal that arises will not feel too annoying. Other members can also share strategies and suggestions to help you deal with the situation.
- If you're still on/following social distancing or aren't comfortable meeting other people in person, look for groups that hold online meetings.
- You may need to try several groups before you find the one you feel is right for you.
- Self-help groups come in many “forms”. Some groups are based on belief, while other groups take a psychological approach. Think about the method you find most helpful and find a group that can meet your needs.
Method 8 of 13: Pray for guidance if you are a religious or spiritual person
Step 1. Prayer can help you find peace and clarity
Religious people usually rely on worship or prayer when facing problems such as lust and temptation. If you believe in God, take time each day to pray or worship in private and ask for guidance from the Almighty.
- For example, some Christians offer a prayer from a Bible verse that can help them refocus their thoughts and commitment to God (eg Psalm 19:14).
- Some research shows that prayer or worship brings greater peace and tranquility when you live it positively and focus on the conversation with God, instead of blaming yourself and fixating on sadness or failure. For example, instead of saying, “God, I have failed and fallen into temptation again,” you could say, “God, I am grateful to be on this path to become the person I want to be. Please help me get through this challenge and overcome tempting thoughts.”
Method 9 of 13: Ask a spiritual leader or religious leader for advice
Step 1. They can provide guidance based on their religion or belief
If you are a religious or spiritual person, you can see the problem from the perspective of the person who believes what you believe. Ask a trusted clergy or clergy member to meet or find a counselor who offers faith-based therapy. Explain that you often get unwanted thoughts and ask if they can provide strategies for controlling these thoughts.
This may feel embarrassing, but remember that there's a good chance they've had the same problem! Besides, it's their job to help people solve trust-related issues, whatever they may be
Method 10 of 13: Do mindfulness meditation
Step 1. Search the internet for integrated meditation or take a meditation class
Several studies have shown that mindfulness helps people cope with various types of sexual challenges, including shame or discomfort related to sex. Awareness also makes sexual urges less “troublesome” and stressful when they arise. To do a simple mindfulness meditation:
- Sit or lie down in a quiet and comfortable place. Close your eyes if you want.
- Take a deep breath slowly. Focus on the sensation of your stomach rising and falling as you breathe.
- Focus on other physical sensations, such as tension in your body or something you can feel around you (eg a certain sound or smell).
- Sit down for a few minutes and be aware of the thoughts that come to you. You may notice that sensual thoughts or sensations are starting to appear. Simply recognize the thought or sensation without trying to analyze or judge.
- Slowly return your focus to your breathing for a few minutes before returning to your normal activities.
Method 11 of 13: Accept that sexual thoughts and feelings are normal
Step 1. Suppressing unwanted thoughts and feelings will not work
Even if these thoughts and feelings are annoying, you'll feel better if you acknowledge them, rather than fighting them. Instead of ignoring them or forcing yourself to forget them, simply recognize them as they arise and go about your activities without judging them. Eventually, your mind will wander around and "land" on something else.
- It's a good idea to label these thoughts and feelings as "unwanted" or "disturbing." Do not try to analyze or determine the meaning of the thought or feeling. Just calmly remind yourself that the thought or feeling is unwanted.
- This does not necessarily mean that unwanted sexual thoughts and feelings will go away forever. Instead, you need to realize that the thought or desire will come back. Just train yourself to be more receptive to these thoughts as they arise.
- No one can completely control his thoughts and feelings. Remind yourself that what's going on in your brain and body isn't your fault, and that it doesn't necessarily make you a “bad” person (even if it thinks or feels terrible or indecent). What is more important is your step towards those thoughts.
Method 12 of 13: Talk to a therapist if you feel overwhelmed
Step 1. It's okay to ask for help when you're having trouble
Call your doctor or find a therapist who has experience with sexual problems. They can help you manage your feelings and determine if there are any early problems that are making your condition worse.
- If you have frequent sexual fantasies or urges that trigger stress or interfere with daily activities, or if you feel you can't control your sexual behavior, you may be experiencing "compulsive sexual behavior." If you experience this condition, don't feel ashamed. This is not your fault, and you are not alone. Your doctor or therapist can help you!
- The therapist may suggest that you seek treatment such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or psychodynamic psychotherapy. Both types of therapy help you identify unhealthy thought patterns and behaviors, and build better habits.
Method 13 of 13: Ask your doctor about medication if other measures don't work
Step 1. Sometimes, a chemical imbalance can trigger obsessive sexual thoughts
If therapy alone doesn't work, your doctor or therapist may suggest a combination of therapy and medication. This combination is useful, especially if your sex drive is related to another condition such as obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) or a hormonal imbalance. Some medications that can help include:
- Antidepressant and anti-anxiety medications to reduce obsessive thoughts.
- Naltrexone for managing addictive/addictive behavior.
- Mood stabilizers (such as those used to treat bipolar disorder).
- Antiandrogens to reduce hormones related to sexual behavior.
