Violence against children, although common, is still a serious problem that can threaten a person's life. If you or someone you know has experienced violence that was (ironically) perpetrated by a biological parent, don't hesitate to ask for help (immediate help and long-term help), ensure your safety, and try to respond in a healthy way.
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Part 1 of 4: Asking for Help
Step 1. Take immediate action if you or someone you know is in danger
If you feel physically hurt, or if you feel your safety is in danger, call emergency services immediately.
- Your safety is in jeopardy if someone threatens to harm you (screams while threatening to hit or hurt you), has a weapon or object that can be used as a weapon, chases you with the intent to hurt you, or makes you feel insecure. Your safety is also at risk if you have recently experienced violence (both physical and emotional).
- Emergency service operators have been trained to deal with such situations. They can immediately dispatch law enforcement or medical personnel to assist you.
- Law enforcers have also been trained to handle such situations. They will usually have a one-on-one conversation with you and ask relevant questions to determine the best course of action for them to take.
Step 2. Identify if you have experienced violence
Before seeking help, all you need to do is be aware of the situation; was what you experienced violence or was it just a casual parenting effort? Violence against children is categorized into four types, namely physical violence, sexual violence, emotional violence, and neglect.
Step 3. Understand about physical abuse
Physical violence is any action that can cause visible injuries, including hitting, punching, slapping, or other actions that leave scars. This kind of violence can be reported to teachers, psychologists, relevant NGOs in your area, or local law enforcement.
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Some of the common symptoms of physical abuse include unexplained cuts or bruises, wounds that logically don't fit the description of the situation, insecure behavior or excessive fear (often looking around and always looking alert), being too easily frightened or startled, and feeling afraid of others. his own family. Some other indicators include changes in sleeping hours, eating patterns, social patterns, or extreme academic performance. Children who are physically abused are also very likely to engage in harmful behavior such as abuse of alcohol or drugs.
- Each country applies different criminal sanctions for perpetrators of violence against children. Not only that, the benchmarks of an action can be categorized as violence or not, they are different. For example, under federal law in the United States, spanking a child does not constitute violence except the blow leaves a scar or bruise.
Step 4. Understand about sexual violence
Sexual violence against children includes touching a child's private area, having sexual contact with a child, penetrating or other sexual activity with a child, or exposing minors to sexual images or content.]
- Some of the common symptoms of child sexual abuse are when the child understands the details of sex at an early age, often behaves seductively or has an unusual interest in sex, has difficulty standing or walking properly, avoids certain people for no apparent reason, feels ashamed of his own body, reluctant to change clothes in his own house, and run away from home.
- Some additional symptoms are when the child uses illegal drugs or drinks alcohol, becomes pregnant out of wedlock, or suffers from a sexually transmitted disease.
Step 5. Understand neglect
Neglect occurs when parents do not provide all the children's needs, such as food, clothing, shelter, and medicine.
Some of the common symptoms of child neglect are when the child often wears clothes that are dirty, smelly, too small or too big, or not suitable for the weather around him, and if the child has untreated health problems. Another symptom is when the child is often left unaccompanied for long periods of time, or if the child often comes late (or doesn't come) to school
Step 6. Understand emotional abuse
Emotional abuse includes shouting, humiliating others, threatening others, insulting and belittling others, and doing things that can disrupt a person's psychological condition.
- Indicators and symptoms of verbal abuse in children are when the child seems withdrawn from his social environment, is not close to his parents, often feels ashamed or guilty, worries about his behavior, and behaves inappropriately (such as always giving in, being too shy, being too stubborn, or misbehaving. like not a child his age).
- Violence in domestic relationships (husband against wife or vice versa, witnessed by children) is also a big problem that can affect the psychological and emotional condition of children.
Step 7. Get rid of the habit of blaming yourself
Victims of violence tend to blame themselves or (ironically) justify the violence they experienced. Realize that the violence is not happening because of you. Understand that physical, sexual, emotional, and neglect are situations that should not be justified for any reason. Remember, you don't deserve to be treated that way!
Step 8. Report the violence you experienced
Sharing your abuse with a trusted adult is one of the most important steps you need to take. Violence is not something you can easily deal with alone. Consider contacting a trusted adult, teacher, counselor, child abuse NGO, or local law enforcement.
- NGOs dealing with violence against children have been trained to handle these kinds of situations. Most likely, they will ask you various questions and give their views on your future condition.
- The local authorities or authorities will most likely carry out an investigative process that will require them to interview you and your relatives.
- After reporting the situation to the local social service, police or NGO, it is likely that you and your parents will be asked to seek counselling. Worst case scenario, you will be asked to “leave home” for your safety. In such cases, the children will usually be placed in social institutions or safe houses until the case is resolved.
Part 2 of 4: Keeping You Safe
Step 1. Design rescue measures to protect yourself
Making a self-defense plan is very important to protect yourself and prevent the recurrence of similar violence in the future. Your rescue plan should include symptoms of violence, ways to escape, appropriate temporary "hideout" locations, and a list of those who might be able to help you.
- Write down your plan. Keeping the whole plan in mind is not easy, so make sure you write the details down on paper.
- If you feel unsafe or smell signs of violence, immediately implement the rescue steps you've already created.
Step 2. Identify the symptoms
It is very important for you to know the symptoms so that you can anticipate the next steps. Some situations that often involve violence are the use of alcohol and/or illegal drugs, uncontrolled violence or stress, marital problems, and household problems. Whenever you feel you are in danger, don't hesitate to run away from the situation. Also make sure you call the emergency services in your area immediately.
Remember, every human being has the right to feel angry. But whatever the reason, they must not vent it through physical violence
Step 3. Plan how to escape
Whatever the reason, you don't deserve to be abused. Sooner or later, you will surely realize how important it is to escape and save yourself from the situation. Try to identify possible situations based on your past experiences.
- Identify where violence usually occurs. If violence occurs frequently in a particular room, make sure you find out the easiest way out of the room (such as a door, window, etc.). Also make sure the exit is not blocked by furniture or other objects.
- Don't try to hide in the house. You could end up stuck somewhere and have a hard time escaping.
- Find the best escape route from your home. Most apartment buildings provide emergency stairs that can be accessed from all floors (not infrequently, the floor plans are posted on the wall). Get to know your residential building, then learn the quickest way to get out of it. Instead of the elevator, use the stairs.
- Understand how to open doors and windows; Also know where to store important keys in your home.
Step 4. Plan where you are going
Determine a specific location that is safe to use as a “temporary hiding place,” such as the house of your neighbor, relative, or friend. Make sure the landlord in question is aware of your plans; also make sure when they are at home.
- Find the easiest and fastest way to arrive at your destination. If you can make it up by running, do it. If you are already legally allowed to drive a certain type of transport (such as a car, bicycle, etc.), then use it.
- Specify a few backup locations in case you're having trouble or can't take shelter where you want. For example, identify a public area that is open 24 hours and provides a telephone that you can borrow when needed.
Step 5. Plan who you will talk to
Take note of the names that can protect you, such as relatives or close friends.
- Always keep important numbers you can call anytime and take them with you wherever you go.
- When you are in a safe place, you can contact emergency services or local authorities if needed.
Part 3 of 4: Addressing the Long-Term Impact of Violence
Step 1. Understand the negative effects of violence
Violence against children can bring various negative impacts for victims, such as shame, guilt, decreased self-esteem, increased anxiety, and the emergence of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (or commonly called PTSD). In addition, the actions of the perpetrators of violence (parents) will also shape the identity of the victim, the victim's mindset towards himself, and the victim's understanding of normal behavior. Identifying the ideal parent-child relationship is not easy. But if your daily life is filled with fear or inferiority, it's a sign that something needs to be changed in your life. Remember, every human being is precious and deserves to be happy.
Step 2. Express your feelings
One of the natural instincts that will appear when faced with a situation that you can't control is to "hide". Whenever you are tempted to hide your feelings, remember that expressing your emotions is very important for maintaining your sanity and health.
- Start by telling it to your closest friends. At first, this might be difficult. But try to muster up your courage; Believe me, a drop of courage can change everything. In addition to strengthening your friendship, they can also help you through these difficult times.
- Write down your feelings in a diary. Writing down your feelings and situations in a diary can help you determine relevant steps in the future.
- You can also express your feelings to people with similar experiences.
Step 3. Talk to a trusted adult
They will not only support you, but also help you think of a relevant move. Fear or anger is a natural feeling in this kind of situation; tell me how you feel and why you feel that way. Adults you'd like to talk to are:
- Your teacher
- BP teacher, campus psychologist, or expert counselor
- Friend of your parents
- Another relative you trust
Step 4. Try following the therapy process
If your mind starts to fill with negative thoughts (always worrying about being abused again), sadness, and fear, or if you start to behave negatively (avoiding certain situations), it's a good idea to seek professional help immediately. Some of the signs that may indicate that you need therapy are when your performance in school declines, as well as when you no longer enjoy the things you used to enjoy.
- If your situation is known to the local authorities, they are more likely to ask you and your parents for therapy. Remember, it is very important that you fully describe your situation in the therapy process; remember, they are there to help you.
- If you have never been to therapy, now is the time to ask your doctor for a referral to a psychologist or expert counselor.
- If you are under the age of 18, your legal guardian (your parents, for example) must provide an affidavit stating that you may attend therapy. They will also be asked to sign several documents before you start the therapy process.
- If you're not comfortable asking your parents for permission to go to therapy, try talking to a relative, BP teacher, or other adult you trust.
Part 4 of 4: Using Effective Emotion Management Techniques
Step 1. Understand the meaning of managing emotions
Emotion management techniques are ways you can improve your mood and deal with problems more effectively. The more techniques you have, the better your ability to control yourself and reduce stress; for survivors of violence of any kind, having these kinds of techniques can have a more positive impact on their future.
Do fun activities to manage your emotions, such as listening to music, watching movies, playing games, or exercising
Step 2. Face your feelings
Lower the intensity of your emotions, let go of your feelings, group your emotions to make them easier to manage, and seek external help. Some positive emotion management techniques include writing down your feelings on a piece of paper, putting them into art, and releasing them with exercise.
- Pull a chair in front of you and imagine your parents sitting there. Say whatever you want to tell them. Scream, swear, swear, let out all your feelings.
- Write a letter to your parents. Writing down your feelings on a piece of paper can help you process and understand your emotions; of course you don't need to actually send it.
Step 3. Use relaxation, meditation, or self-awareness techniques
Relaxation techniques have been shown to be effective in reducing a person's stress levels.
- Progressive muscle relaxation is a technique of relaxing various muscle groups until your body is completely relaxed. Start by flexing your toes for 5 seconds, then relax again for 10-30 seconds. After that, move on to other parts of your body (starting from the legs, knees, stomach, etc.).
- You can also do deep breathing; inhale through the nose and exhale through the mouth. Focus on your breathing technique. Whenever your focus is interrupted, immediately return your mind to only the breathing process you are doing.
Step 4. Identify and avoid unhelpful strategies
Some of these include blaming yourself, simplifying the violence you experienced (thinking it wasn't that severe), denying the situation, and rationalizing the violence you experienced (thinking it was natural and permissible).
Step 5. Work on controlling other aspects of your life
Focus on what you can control and ignore what you can't.
- Focus on your personal goals such as improving your performance in school or learning a new instrument.
- Focus on your dreams and hopes. Think about what you want to achieve in the future and start fighting to make those dreams come true.
Tips
- Never blame yourself. If your parents used to abuse you a lot, chances are that they experienced the same thing as a child. The help they need is as great as the help you need.
- Find positive activities that can distract you from bad thoughts. Constantly dwelling on the situation will not help you heal yourself. Watch your favorite television show, play an instrument you're good at, or do any activity to forget what happened.
