While everyone has the right to have a personality and a way of expressing themselves, there are basic steps you can take so that everyone can improve their relationships with others. Leaving a better impression on those around you and developing a stronger reputation can go a long way in networking, career development, and outreach.
Step
Part 1 of 4: Being Likeable in Everyday Conversation
Step 1. Be respectful and courteous to everyone you meet
Everyone means friends, strangers, and, most importantly, yourself! If you judge or belittle other people, they are more likely to act equally negatively towards you. Making the other person feel welcome and appreciated will go a long way toward your success in developing friendships.
- Interact with strangers in a friendly and calm manner, ask for help patiently, and respond quickly. Don't forget the words "please" and "thank you".
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Remember that everyone you interact with is also human. Just because you're paying someone to be on hand to take your order from your table doesn't mean you have the right to be rude; treat him the way you would for yourself, especially if you were in his position.
In the words of J. K. Rowling, "It's easier to know a person's true nature by seeing the way he treats people who are in his inferior position, not towards people of equal standing."
Step 2. Be confident
People like to be around other people who are sure of themselves without being arrogant. Be confident in who you are without stepping on the dignity of others. Healthy self-confidence means that you know you're pretty great, but there will always be someone else who is better than you.
- If you are constantly self-critical and seem unhappy with who you really are, you run the risk of others feeling the same way about you. Well, if you are dissatisfied with yourself, why should anyone else be satisfied with you?
- On the other hand, if you're very self-satisfied, that's also bad -- you'll become too arrogant and people will think you love yourself too deeply, so they don't have to love you. The goal we want to achieve here is a reasonable sense of satisfaction, not excessive pride.
Step 3. Be honest, but be gentle
Being honest is a very important thing to do with friends and people who ask for your advice. Usually, they can tell if someone is lying and full of lies; dishonest people will not be liked. The people around you should be people who do not tolerate lies.
- When someone asks, "Does this make me look fat?" (yes, this is a cliche, but a classic at the same time), make comments gently, in a way that is unlikely to offend him. If you are someone who is fashionable, tell WHY a certain fashion doesn't suit that person. He will trust you because he knows that you are honest. He will also appreciate your help.
- Being very honest with someone who doesn't ask for your advice can be very tricky. Making such comments can result in an appreciative response or an offended look, depending on the other person's personality, so assess the situation. You should probably avoid triggering negative comments, no matter how honest they may be, towards people who aren't close friends with you.
Step 4. Listen
There wouldn't be anyone on this earth who could feel he was being cared for too much (except for the celebrities that journalists often follow). When we humans have a conversation, most of us will look for someone who seems genuinely interested in what we have to say -- other people's input is secondary. Don't think that you are boring! You actually make other people feel good about themselves.
However, you must listen actively. If someone keeps talking about the most effective way to bathe their dog, don't look away (though you may be tempted to do so), as this means you're not being a good listener. Try to show that you're paying attention at all times -- through eye movements, head nods, comments and questions, and body position -- everything should be focused on the person speaking
Step 5. Ask questions
An important part of being a good conversationalist (and while you are listening) is asking questions. Be the person who makes the other person leave the conversation satisfied, without realizing that he hasn't learned anything about the other person, because he keeps on talking. Ask who, why, or how questions. In this way, the other person will feel appreciated, liked, and immediately chatted, so that the pressure on you disappears. Plus, he'll like you for it.
Make sure everything is open. If your office mate, Jill, says, "God, I spent hours working on this Powerpoint slide," respond to her! Ask him what he was doing, why it took him longer than usual, or how he did his research. Even a biased topic like Powerpoint can start a good conversation, which makes Jill feel cared for
Step 6. Use their name
One reader of Dale Carnegie's book, "How to Win Friends and Influence People" had great success using someone's name in a conversation. Hearing one's own name activates areas in our brain that normally remain silent when we hear other sounds, and it's been proven that we like them. A name is our identity and conversing with someone who uses it makes us feel that our identity is recognized. So the next time you talk to your acquaintance, insert their name. Chances are the other person will feel attached to you. This bond may not appear if you do not mention the name.
This is quite easy to do. The most direct way is to include his name in your greeting. "Hey Rob, how are you?" is a much more personal greeting than "Hey, how are you?" If you're close enough to Rob, say, "Hey, Robi Cool! How are you?" Apart from greeting, names can be used casually in any conversation. You could start a conversation -- "What do you think of this image for use on my computer screen, Rob?" -- or use the name in a comment "Rob, you're being silly again." Rob will feel like your best friend
Step 7. Get to know the person you are talking to
Chances are you already know them, who come from many different social groups. Getting the cool-ass kids from your high school to like you (if they can actually like someone else) takes a very different way than getting your industrial engineering classmates to call you on a Friday night. So, identify who you are talking to. What do they like? What do they value? What caught their attention?
If you really want to be genuinely liked (remember, being popular and being liked are two different things), you're in luck: normally, all humans like the same things. And no, wealth and attractiveness are not their priority. In a recent study, honesty, trustworthiness, warmth, and friendliness were the qualities that were most valued (in many types of relationships). After that, there is openness, intelligence, and a sense of humor
Step 8. Recognize rejection
You may have asked all the questions you had, been very polite, said all the right things, but the other person wasn't interested in you. If every time you go to Jerry he picks up the phone, you need to be aware that he doesn't want to talk to you. Spend your resources elsewhere. This will happen -- you can't possibly please everyone. Even if you do have to try, try where you deserve it.
Relationships are about giving and taking. If you're the only one trying, texting, being super friendly and welcoming, study the situation. If there's a specific explanation (e.g. the other person is having a problem, or is tired after working 60 hours a week, etc.), then you should probably keep trying. However, if he responds to other people but doesn't seem to have time for you, leave him alone. You really can't be friends with everyone
Step 9. Make them laugh
Everyone will appreciate someone who can ease the tension in a room and make them laugh. A good sense of humor can go a long way. When people recognize you as someone who is upbeat and fun-loving, they will want to approach you. It's also a great way to show that you're approachable, because people will know what they want to say (they want to be liked, just like you!) -- they can joke around with you, too. This is a solution that is both satisfying for you and the other person.
If sometimes people laugh at you, accept it! If you can laugh with them, great. This shows that you are humble and don't really care about your self-image -- both of which are very good things. And research even shows that humiliating yourself makes people like and trust you more -- you become a real person to them. Makes sense, right?
Part 2 of 4: Mastering Body Language That Makes People Like You
Step 1. Remember to smile
You make a good impression with this simple body language, and you can lift the mood of everyone around you. Even if you're not feeling happy or in a bad mood, the voluntary action of the muscles that make you smile can sometimes result in feelings of lightness and happiness.
- Think of happy feelings or moments in the past that made you laugh to get your smile going. At least other people will be curious about what you smile!
- You need more facial muscles to frown than smile -- so that's a good reason! Everyone should smile more often instead of frowning.
Step 2. Be open
In fact, everyone wants to be liked. Yes, everyone. This is simple logic -- the more you like yourself, the easier life will be. Since everyone is competing in the same race as you, help them out a little. Be approachable (when it's not you who approaches the other person -- which is, you'll likely have to do this at times). Smile and don't cross your arms in front of your chest. Put down your cell phone. The world is in front of you. What do you think he will offer you?
Think of the people you want as friends. You certainly don't want them to give you a "rude" impression. If you want to contribute to developing friendships, make sure you make a warm impression yourself. Keep yourself relaxed, appear interested in your surroundings, and pay attention to other people. Thus, you have done the required half
Step 3. Make eye contact
Have you ever spoken to someone and their eyes seemed to sweep across the room, except for you? This creates an uncomfortable feeling -- as soon as you notice it, you'll want to shut up and see if the person notices you're paying attention. Well, don't be this kind of person. If someone says something out of the ordinary, it's okay to look the other way from time to time (because you have to avoid eye-to-eye conflict, of course), but, on the other hand, if he's really paying attention to the topic you're talking about, make sure you pay attention too. This is certainly something you want from other people too!
Some people have trouble making eye contact -- it's because they can't really make it. If you are like this, try to trick yourself by looking at the forehead between the nose or the eyebrows of the other person. People will feel uncomfortable when you're not looking at them, so trick them and yourself by staring at their foreheads
Step 4. Mirror them
A proven effective way of increasing goodwill between two speaking parties is to imitate or mirror each other -- meaning both parties end up in a standing position, facial expression, weight distribution, overall body position, etc. the same one. Consider doing this while you're in the middle of a conversation -- the "similarity" implied by this action can be very effective for the development of your relationship. However, this has to happen subconsciously, so don't overdo it -- or you'll get caught!
This method is usually effective when you are talking to friends/peers -- not bosses/older people. Recent research suggests that the opposite effect can occur -- feeling cold, etc. -- when the two speaking parties are in an unfavorable scenario (e.g. talking about things related to money, work, etc.). So, only do this with the group of friends you want to be close to. Don't do it to your boss
Step 5. Show respect
It is likely that someone will emphasize the importance of holding your shoulders and head up and shaking hands firmly. While these things have their own set of circumstances (like in a job interview), making friends and trying to get people to like you isn't the right time. For times like this, your body should be relaxed and not stiff. Show that you are not challenging the other person.
Think about greeting someone. In the video showing the meeting between Bill Clinton and Nelson Mandela (two people who have the right to think that each of them is an influential figure), the two show respect -- through leaning back and leaning forward, while using the free arm for a touch. extra and smile. They reassure each other that they value and like each other -- this will go a long way in making yourself likable
Step 6. Use the power of touch
Humans need other humans to survive, and, of course, to be happy. Babies who don't get enough touch won't be happy. These feelings don't just go away when he grows up! If you want to create a stronger bond with someone, look for small opportunities to touch (just make sure your touch is appropriate!). You can poke his arm or shoulder, or give him a high five. Little moments like these create strong relationships because they involve touch.
Think of a time when someone came up to you and said, "Hi! How are you?" Afterward, imagine the same person coming back to you and saying, "[Your name is here]! How are you?" and lightly touch your arm when you pass him. Which greeting makes you feel warmer inside? The second possibility, right? Use the same method. After all, this method will not harm you
Part 3 of 4: Doing Your Part
Step 1. Like other people
Of course, the easiest way to get people to like them is to like them first. You don't have to be a genius to realize this. You've certainly been around someone who doesn't seem to care if you're around or not. Chances are, you've also been in the opposite position -- around people who make you feel valued and genuinely happy that you're with them. Which do you prefer, even if you can't explain it?
You can't expect other people to like you if you can't like other people. Chances are you really like the people you want to like you back (if not, why should you care about them?), so make sure this is clear! Smile when these people walk into the room you are in. Have a conversation with them. Comment on a detail they mentioned last week to show that you care about them. Little things like this will bring them to feel your sincerity
Step 2. Be positive
Everyone wants to be around people who can brighten the mood in a room. On the other hand, no one likes being around Terry the Complainant. To get people to like you, be positive. This means smiling, enthusiastic, happy, and seeing the good things in life. You probably know someone like this that you can emulate.
- This must be done 24 hours a day, 7 days a week (all the time). Being positive in front of other people can be difficult if you're used to being negative when you're alone. You have to train your brain to get used to a number of things -- one of which is being positive. Try to always think positive even when you are alone; this way you will quickly get used to it.
- Know when it's time to sympathize. There's a certain level of bonding you can get by filing a complaint together. For example, in a situation where you have to talk to a coworker about your new boss; this will develop friendships. However, if this topic is the only thing you talk about, you will come across as someone with a negative outlook. Use the opportunity to complain wisely and only to connect with a conversation -- not to heat things up or change it.
Step 3. Think about your unique strengths and explore opportunities to showcase them
What talents or qualities do you have that your friends admire? Show the world! People are naturally attracted to those with a passion for life and expertise. These two things make us useful, valuable, and interesting. Whatever your talents or traits, show them with pride.
If you can sing well, join karaoke nights and entertain others. Are you a great baker? Make bread and take it to the office. Or, are you a painter? Invite a group of people to your own exhibition or hang something in a public area. Let others see your personality to get to know you more deeply
Step 4. Most importantly, remember to stay true to yourself
Getting everyone to like you is impossible -- different personalities will eventually clash at some point in your life -- but you'll earn respect from those who are compatible with you and important in your life.
People like others who give the impression of being honest and genuine, so don't take drastic change steps until you feel uncomfortable about your own actions. Faking anything can set an alarm in someone who is always on the alert. Be serious about everything you say and do. If you want people to like you, you definitely have good intentions and will be fine for that reason
Step 5. Know that other people will only be temporarily impressed by something fake
They really like something original. So, while your Coach purse or six pack abs may catch some people's attention, they are meaningless and enduring. Looking good does seem likely to make other people like you -- and it's a fact, but it won't last forever. You also need good qualities to make other people like you. If people eventually find out that you are a liar, they will leave you, no matter how beautiful your outward appearance may be.
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In a recent study, people were asked what personality qualities they thought others wanted in relationships and friendships. Money, appearance, and status are at the top. However, when they are asked what they value, the answers are honesty, warmth, and friendliness. Society has told us (in the wrong way) that looks and money are far more important than anything else, and, deep down in our hearts, we know that these things are simply not true. If you want people to really like you, worry about what's on the inside, not the outside.
This means, you have to keep your body clean. People won't be happy to spend time with you if you smell like you just came from a compost farm. Even if your personality is like Mother Theresa or Bill Cosby, other people will still ignore you. So shower, brush your teeth and look in the mirror before you leave the house, then go and smile
Step 6. Know that you will feel insecure
The desire to be liked will make you dependent on the decisions of others. Doing new things to achieve this will make you a little insecure. The action you take will be scary. All of this is good and challenging. You will be challenged to grow. As long as you are still yourself, you will train your character and improve it. This experience may be daunting, but the rewards will be worth the effort.
There is a difference between wanting others to like you and feeling the need to be liked in order for you to be happy. Your self-image shouldn't be based on other people's acceptance; if this is the case, you will soon feel hurt. However, if you feel good about yourself and just want to be accepted, you'll be fine. People will see this and respond. This scary factor will soon disappear with time
Step 7. Get over your insecurities
Most people will avoid people who can't control their insecurities. Saying something like, "It's okay…I can take it" or constantly commenting on how fat or ugly you are will set off a warning signal that you don't like yourself. This personal negativity won't attract anyone's attention, so avoid it. These feelings are not good for you and your friendship.
Insecurities are all the feelings we get and the behaviors we display when we feel bad about ourselves. If you feel this way, the other person will feel it too, and most people don't want to deal with those feelings. Avoid worrying about looking humble or arrogant. Say things according to the truth. You are a valuable person. We are all precious
Step 8. Know that you can control your thoughts
Negative perspectives can be learned and forgotten; no one will ever say, Oh my God, my baby is so negative (as if the baby will never change). If a positive outlook is a problem for you, the good news is: you're the only one who can change that! Your brain is flexible and trainable, you just have to be determined and do it.
The best way to start is to quit. Stop all negative thoughts that will arise. When you find yourself thinking something bad about yourself, don't finish the thought. Replace it with something more realistic and positive. You will also feel better. Change your "I'm really fat" thoughts to "I want to lose some weight. How do I do that?" and a new line of thoughts will begin to appear in your brain. Continue this thought
Step 9. Don't mind other people's prejudiced ideas
We've talked about how self-confidence is considered a very favorable attitude, and not caring about how you represent yourself plays a role in this too. When you start showing who you are, people will notice. Just make sure you're not like this: imagine a guy at a party, "showing off." He tries to show how macho he is so that everyone notices him. Yeah, you know, the way he does it isn't interesting. He was being bogus, and, frankly, pathetic; he doesn't value himself. Don't be someone like him.
Whether you're a geek, a sports expert, or a hippy, none of this matters. If people think your love of shiny polish is stupid, so be it. If they think you're a liberal idiot for embracing the vegan lifestyle, ignore it. It's even funny. In fact, people will judge you -- just let it be. Let them think what they want. You can't be influenced
Part 4 of 4: Adopting Favorable Habits
Step 1. Be warm and friendly
You know why shy people often have a bad reputation? Because other people perceive their shyness as cold and arrogant. These two things are what intimidate others and make them not want to hang out with shy people. So, do the opposite! A warm and friendly attitude is highly valued in any community -- it shows that you care about other people and want the best for them. Who can resist someone like you?
Take the initiative to perform random actions that show friendliness. Do things for other people, even if you don't know them. Hold the door when you enter or exit a building, grab something for a stranger when he drops it, and offer to take pictures of groups looking like they want to take pictures. This unselfish sense of giving will inspire others to do the same -- not only for yourself, but for others in their own lives
Step 2. Be an extrovert
..to a certain degree. In general, people value a certain level of extroversion. This makes sense: we all want conversation and socializing to be easy, and extroverts are usually able to reduce the risk of awkwardness in these two ways. If you're sitting quietly and contributing to a dinner party, you'd be better off somewhere else. Get yourself involved! Let your voice be heard. If not, how else will others see that you are valuable?
However, if you know you can't stop the conversation, cut back on your actions a little. While everyone likes someone who can have a good conversation, they don't want to spend time with someone who also won't give other people a chance to talk. If the last 5 conversations were about you, be quiet for a moment. Other people may not be the type to join in on the conversation; they may need to be invited to participate. Ask their opinion so they too have a chance to speak
Step 3. Don't be a sycophant
What others like are people who are easy to like, not people who are desperately trying to be liked. If you are constantly praising and following others like a puppy, you will not get what you want. Even if you are friendly, you will be seen as a fly to be swatted. Avoid clinging to other people and being someone who needs attention.
If you keep paying attention, you will notice certain clues. If someone doesn't return your calls, is just plain friendly, or isn't trying hard -- and you keep asking them out, then you've probably become a sycophant. While your intentions may be good, being hopeless isn't all that attractive. Step back a little and see if the person will turn to you
Step 4. Ask for help
If you've ever heard of the Benjamin Franklin effect, you'll know what this means. In fact, we often receive cues from our own behavior to determine how we think. If you do something nice for someone else, you will like that person more. If you hurt another person, your liking for them will decrease. All of this speaks of cognitive dissonance. So ask for help -- if someone else does it for you, they'll like you more.
The basic idea here is that we subconsciously look at our behavior and ask questions about why we do it. Why do we lend our favorite cups of coffee to our acquaintances? Well, it must be because we like it. Eureka ! Funnily enough, determining that we like someone is really no different than liking them spontaneously
Step 5. Keep your promises
Make sure you can follow through on all your commitments. It's called a "commitment" because you've committed yourself to trying to fulfill a task or event, so don't resign at the last second. If you are forced to break a commitment, inform everyone involved as soon as possible that you will not be able to fulfill it. This may still be considered annoying by others, but at least they know and can adjust their schedule as needed.
Whether you're making an appointment for dinner or finishing a project, you should keep your friends and coworkers up-to-date on your progress. You can send a quick email to let them know that everything is going well, or leave a note apologizing for the delay; others will appreciate your communication. Not knowing what's going on can be really frustrating, even if the project ends up being completed on time and of great quality
Step 6. Stand up for your principles without preaching to others
In order to be likable, you have to have personality. No one will argue about this. Part of having a personality is having principles, opinions, and standards. Express all of these things, because they are a part of you. These things are what liven up the atmosphere. If we all had the same principles, life would be boring. Share your opinion. This opinion might create something interesting.
Maintaining principles is different from imposing principles. If you disagree with someone's opinion on a topic, that's a good thing! Explore the disagreement. Talk about it. Discuss intellectually with other people who have a different point of view. Both of you will learn something. Instead of ignoring him, telling him he's wrong, and forcing your own ideas, open your mind and try to see things from his point of view. Maybe you will also notice something
Step 7. Recognize that it is more important to keep other people happy than to do anything else
Humans are sensitive creatures. If someone you know starts talking about how the easter bunny is the lost son of Jesus Christ and you really want him to like you, don't make the issue big by pushing your way around. Just leave that person alone. The same is true if someone says something like, "I think my best quality is how humble I am. I mean, everything I do is humble and unselfish." Don't see this as an opportunity to refute him and awaken him to his arrogance and self-consciousness.
Again, this principle is only if you want to be liked by these people. After you hear a lot of comments about how great someone is, it makes sense that you end up losing your temper. However, if you are new to a group/to someone else, sometimes it's better to go with the flow
Step 8. Give praise
Everyone wants recognition. We want to be told that we are handsome/beautiful, smart, funny, great, etc. We never get enough credit. So when someone comes up to us and says something positive about us, it can brighten up our day. Think about it: some people spend their whole lives never hearing anything positive about them. Change that. It will only take you two seconds.
Act as you are. Don't go up to someone and tell them you like the khakis they're wearing. Make your words meaningful. Connect with him. You could say something like "good idea." Usually, shorter words are more meaningful (and believable). "You're so funny" after a joke, or "the article you wrote was really useful; I thought about it." Whatever you say, say it with all your heart. You might get something in return
Step 9. Make an effort
Most people are not people who are experts in socializing. We do want a little attention, but we don't really know how to get it. We all feel vulnerable in social situations and we certainly want to minimize this. Recognizing that everyone else is in the same situation as you will help you to realize that trying is not a strange thing -- it is a brave thing. Everyone wants to try, it's just that they're too comfortable. If there's someone you want to befriend, start talking to them. Maybe it was something he had been waiting for.
You're unlikely to be liked if you don't even count. We often feel unwelcome, which is simply because other people don't have any feelings for us -- and this may be because we haven't been involved in social situations. The next time you're with a group of people you want to like you, show your personality. Try to fill a role in the group. Throw a joke, smile, start a simple conversation. Everything will flow from there
Tips
- Don't be proud. Arrogant people are unattractive. You won't look any better; but it will look as if you were expecting a compliment. It is not good.
- Be honest, for example by giving meaningful compliments. This will make the other person feel valued and they will like you, because you took the time to care for them.
- The easiest way to get a certain person to like you - is to ask him for help with something. Try making requests that involve his skills or interests. Not only will this show that you care about him, but that you value his authority on the subject of his expertise.
- Focus more on their interests than your own. Ask questions about school, talents, work, etc. them, and try to talk about yourself only when necessary. People prefer someone who is friendly and interested in other people.
- People who are easy to like are those who also like other people. People will feel that you don't like them. If you want someone to like you, focus on something you like about them. If you really don't like them… it probably means it doesn't matter whether they like you or not.
- Be open. If you look sad or angry, other people will get the impression of how you feel and won't want to talk to you. Even if you're sad or angry, think of all the reasons that make you happy in public situations, and try to save those heavy feelings for more private times with close friends and family members.
- Wear the right clothes. Don't hide behind the clothes you wear or your hairstyle. Choose clothes that suit you, and, if possible, use more colors in your wardrobe. Thinking about your appearance will help you to feel better inside.
- Greet others and remember that you're not the only one trying to be likable, and that being likable has brought you one step closer to popularity.
Warning
- Remember, it is neither possible nor recommended to try to get everyone to like you! There will always be people who upset you or resent you, for good or bad reasons. You need to know when it's time to forget about these things and be respectful and mature about your conflict with them. Don't blame yourself for these events, and stay confident.
- Don't be someone who chases social status or makes it clear that you really want to be friends. Other people will notice and this is what will make them less interested in you.
- Even if you're aware of things you need to change about yourself, don't forget to still be proud of yourself. Your core personality is amazing and should not be prevented from shining. After all, everyone should continue to improve themselves in small things.
- Don't be fake. People will see gaps in your behavior and understand that you are faking it. You have to believe in what you are doing, otherwise it will reflect in your behavior and make you look worse. First impressions are important, and people may sense your "fakeness" when you pretend you care about someone new in your life - even though they don't. The general rule is: treat others the way you would want them to treat you.
- Don't try to convince other people to like you. Writing positive things about yourself will make you appear arrogant. Let people see your greatness in their own time.
