Fighting with friends is painful. You may feel irritated and angry with your friend, or just want to make up with him. Even though things may never seem the same again, you can improve your friendship by talking and listening to what he has to say.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Calming Yourself
Step 1. Stop arguing before the situation gets worse
When your emotions run high, it will be easy for you to say something you didn't mean. If you're starting to have trouble controlling your emotions (or your friend can't control them), let her know that you'll talk to her later and walk away.
Even if your friend says something rude and hurt your feelings, try not to get back into the fight. Tell yourself that he's just throwing a tantrum and forgetting what he said
Step 2. Take a few deep breaths to calm yourself down
The first thing to do after a fight is to calm down. It can be hard for you to calm down when you're angry, but staying angry is not a good thing and can actually make it difficult for you to make up with your friend.
- Inhale slowly through your nose, then exhale through your mouth. Repeat this step a few times while focusing on calming yourself down with each inhale and exhale.
- Another thing you can do to cool off is to take a leisurely walk outdoors, meditate, or enjoy ice cream straight out of the box. Whatever steps you take, take time to clear your mind of anger.
Step 3. Accept the “role” you played in the fight
Usually, fights don't happen because of one party's fault. Think about what you did that triggered the fight. Try to look at the argument from your friend's side to get a new perspective on the things you say.
- Have you been feeling depressed or irritable lately? This condition may play a role in your behavior.
- Is he trying to explain something that you end up ignoring or rejecting? It's possible that you hurt his feelings and this triggers an argument.
Step 4. Try to see the fight from your friend's point of view
It can be hard to stop for a moment and see things from someone else's point of view. However, your ability to empathize can show that you care about your friend, and aren't just thinking about your own feelings.
Part 2 of 3: Planning an Apology
Step 1. Save your feelings
Don't talk about your friends or the causes of your fights with other people, and definitely don't share your fights on social media. This will only add drama to the situation and make the fight worse.
Even if you only share your feelings with a close friend, your words can reach the ears of the friend who is fighting with you
Step 2. Reconcile within a few days of the fight if possible
Anger can develop if the fight is left alone. You do need to give your friend time to calm down, but don't forget to solve the problem as soon as possible.
The time it takes to cool off is different for everyone. Some people make up within 5 minutes of a fight, while others take months to recover from hurtful remarks
Step 3. Wait until you are ready to apologize
If you're rushing to apologize just because you're tired of the fight, your friend may feel that you're not being sincere in your apology.
You're ready to apologize once you're no longer angry, or you care more about your friend's feelings than your own after he said or did something hurtful
Step 4. Don't apologize just because you want your friend to apologize too
Maybe he wasn't ready to apologize. You have to apologize because you really regret hurting her feelings. Instead of acting like that, try talking to him without expecting anything from him.
Even if he's not ready to apologize, you should apologize when he's ready. Just ask him to listen to you and explain your apology
Step 5. Take time to talk to him
Meeting in person helps the two of you reconnect and makes it easier for him to see the sincerity of your apology. Call or text him and let him know you'd like to meet and talk to him. Ask if he doesn't mind your proposed place and time. If he objected, find a place and time that fits both of your schedules.
- Try starting the conversation by saying "I really miss talking to you after class" or "I'm sorry for what I said and want to apologize in person."
- If he's not ready to talk, give him time. You will also need to send a written apology that includes an invitation to meet and discuss the issue more in person.
Part 3 of 3: Fixing Things
Step 1. Give a sincere and specific apology
Don't just say "I'm sorry." Think carefully about the reason for your apology and apologize specifically.
- If you hurt her feelings, apologize for what you said. You can say, “I'm sorry for calling you stupid. I respect you more than that and I know what I said was careless and rude."
- You can say "I'm sorry I waited so long before calling you back after the fight" if you really feel that the fight wasn't your fault.
Step 2. Give your friend a chance to tell the story from his point of view
After apologizing, let him speak. Listen carefully to what he has to say and try not to get defensive when he expresses his opinion about the fight. You may do something that inadvertently hurts or makes him angry.
Step 3. Share your thoughts on the fight
You can talk about what happened, but don't use your views as an excuse to start the fight again. Start your sentences with the word "I" which focuses on your point of view rather than sentences beginning with "you" which emphasizes the fault of the listener.
- You could say, “I've been feeling depressed lately and have lost my temper. I know I shouldn't have behaved like that” or “I'm so upset that you won't listen to you, but I shouldn't yell at you either.”
- Don't make excuses for your attitude. You can explain how you feel, but make sure you take responsibility for your words and actions.
Step 4. Accept the apology when he says it
Usually, after you apologize, your friend will say "I'm sorry too." If he apologizes, say that you accept his apology and are ready to go back to your normal friendship.
If he doesn't apologize, ask yourself what's more important to you: his apology or the return of a friend
Step 5. Give him more time if he's still angry
Maybe he's not ready to forgive you or end the fight. Respect his emotions, but don't let him pull you back into the fight.
- If he's still angry, ask what you can do to improve the situation. If he gives an answer, try to do what he's interested in. If he doesn't answer at all, he may need more time to calm down or may just want to end his friendship with you.
- Try to be patient as he may need some time to recover from the fight. It doesn't matter if it takes more time than you need to recover.
Step 6. End the chat positively
End the conversation in a positive way, regardless of whether you two made up or your friend is still angry.
- If you two make up, give them a hug and make plans to spend some time together as soon as possible.
- If he's still angry, end the conversation by saying "I still love you and am ready to talk to you."
