There are times when we need a helper, and understanding how to develop the ability to help others will make you a reliable helper. Learn how to anticipate other people's needs by listening intently to what they have to say, and discover the most useful ways to share time.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Be a Helper
Step 1. Get to know the situation first
Before giving help, first observe and study the situation from various points of view, either to find out what methods you can use, or to determine if your help is really needed. Try to find more information. What is the source of the problem? Appropriate help really depends on the situation and the presence or absence of underlying causes.
- For example, if your friend's car bill is due and his car will be confiscated if it's not paid off, you can lend the money for a certain period of time, but you may have to do it again in the next few months.
- Alternatively, help your friend prepare a financial budget, or find a loan. Help others so they can help themselves.
Step 2. Stay calm
The effects of calm can also be helpful, at least as can offering a loan of money or advice. Staying calm is also an important part of clear thinking and good behavior, which will help you see possible solutions and help, and choose them honestly and objectively.
- Read the situation and find the perspective needed to find balance. If you worry a lot, your instincts may be that your real friend is worried about a big event that you're worried about yourself, but can this help? On the contrary, try to find a balance. Be a calm person in a situation like this.
- On the other hand, if your friend is planning a solo hike with just a pair of clothes and no money, maybe your worrying will be worth it.
Step 3. Use positive words to lift your spirits, not discourage them
A positive attitude is one of the most useful ways you can offer others. Uplifting others can inspire a person to be more confident, and saying positive things makes other people feel better about themselves. Be the one who always strives to stay positive, even if it seems very difficult, so that others will appreciate your presence as a useful aspect of contributing to the group. Try to be a cheerleader.
But don't be afraid to have a different opinion. Under certain conditions, it may be necessary to abandon a positive attitude in order to maintain the truth. There's no need to be afraid to be someone who chooses to act this way
Step 4. Take time to help
By being in other places often, you cannot qualify to be a helper. If you want to be of help to your friends and family, you must always be ready to help and give time. Try to make time for the people who are important in your life and willing to do what you might not normally like in order to be a helper.
- Helping your grandma clean the room downstairs on Saturdays may not be your favorite thing to do, but if you want to schedule a time to visit her, you can at least keep it in your schedule so you don't have to miss meeting your friends because you have to help your grandma.
- There's no need to sit pensively at home waiting for someone to call, if you really want to help. Live your life as normal, but schedule certain times for the important people you want to help, so you'll be there if needed.
Step 5. Follow up
Sometimes you will face a problem that is quite burdensome. This can be taken literally, for example, someone asks for help moving house, or figuratively, like someone who wants help to stop drinking, or deal with problems due to a breakup. It always takes effort and investment on your part. If you are committed to helping, be prepared to open your wallet, your home, your heart or your mind. This is not all easy but it is very necessary.
Although it seems like many people already understand this, you have to help yourself first before helping others. If you don't care about yourself, it will reduce your ability to help others
Part 2 of 3: Listening to Others
Step 1. Ask how you can help
Wondering if you can help? Just ask. The best way to find out quickly and precisely is to directly ask if you can help and what you can do to help. Sounds like your dad is having trouble with his lawnmower? Ask "Do you need help?" Looks like your friend is feeling down because of being humiliated in fitness class? "Hey buddy, sorry, there seems to be a problem. Need someone to chat with?"
Sometimes offering help without being asked can offend the other person, if they feel they can handle it on their own
Step 2. Try to anticipate undisclosed needs
Watch for signs to see if someone needs help without having to be asked. Think of a way if you want to be helped yourself, then apply it to others. For example, while you're cooking, it's more fun to have someone chop the vegetables and someone else to prepare the sauce to get the job done faster.
- If a friend of yours is trying to do a math problem with a set of formulas, offer to help check it.
- If you see someone struggling with too many bags, you probably already know without asking that they need help.
- If you see your roommate cleaning up, join in so you can both get some more rest.
Step 3. Listen sincerely
Put down your phone first, and give your full attention to the person you're helping. Listen carefully and evaluate the situation as objectively as possible. Seeking more information, asking questions and remaining concerned about someone's problems will make you the ultimate helper. Don't just help, give real help.
- Don't give advice before asking how they feel or how they would like to respond to their situation.
- The most important thing to ask if someone asks you to help them is how they feel about the situation they are in, and what they would best do. After that, just give your opinion, and don't be disappointed if they don't follow your advice.
Step 4. Think before responding
It sounds easy, but it is very challenging for most people who like to interrupt or give advice too quickly. Offering a willingness to listen patiently and non-judgmentally will do more than most people expect and really need. Allow them to pour their heart out as you think about the appropriate advice and actions needed so that you can be an excellent helper.
Step 5. Let your friend focus on the bigger problem
Often, the help you offer may be very simple, such as giving a ride. Or maybe it's a little more difficult, like helping your friend pass a high school equivalent exam, or getting a job. Even though the friend you're helping may not know exactly what he needs, or even he may be confused himself, this means that you can help him by listening carefully and saying different things.
For example, your friend might think the biggest problem she's facing right now is her inability to raise money to buy a new pair of shoes, but the real problem is that she can't keep her job longer than a week. Can you be the best helper in a situation like this?
Step 6. Don't give advice unsolicited and stop talking
Helping doesn't always mean giving advice, opinions, or even trying to solve a problem by offering the best solution. Sometimes, people just need sympathetic listeners and supporters. You don't have to make things right to be a helper. Just listen and offer more time.
Part 3 of 3: Giving Your Time
Step 1. Find out if you can really help
There are people who think like great heroes, who jump right in to help anyone, no matter what the circumstances. But in reality, there are things you can't do on your own. In situations like this, you should give help by asking other people for help. This way, you can see better results than if you tried to do it yourself, and you'll find that you are a helper in pointing them in the right direction.
If your friend who is three hours away calls for help because his car has a problem, you can pick him up immediately and waste 6 hours, or you can find a place to rest while contacting a close friend who may be more capable and more ready to help him
Step 2. Take action
Sometimes the best course of action is to get involved and help directly. Don't wait to be asked, volunteer. Especially for big tasks like cleaning the garage, or arranging the yard, things people don't like, but still have to do. Instead of just waiting and arguing, just do it and start by volunteering.
Your willingness to work will probably move other people to do it too and no longer wonder what they have to do. Be a leader
Step 3. Give help quietly
It can be a bit embarrassing to receive help at times, so try to put yourself in the other person's shoes and not make a big deal out of it. This condition usually occurs if you help by lending money or releasing someone from an embarrassing situation.
Don't underestimate what might feel embarrassing to some. If your friend needs help changing her tires because she doesn't know how, you'll be embarrassed if you tell all of your friends about it. If he allows you to tell this incident as a joke, do so, but don't share this information on your own
Step 4. Help as you wish
If you really want to help others, you should do it out of kindness, not out of expectation of something in return. This will only lead to disappointment, anger, and deceitful behavior, and make you experience bitterness in life in the future. Taking action with ulterior motives only makes you more powerless later on.
Don't force help on others. If someone is committed to wanting to do something on their own, it's not up to you to force yourself to help them. Be ready to help in case they change their mind
Step 5. Beware
There are people who like to take advantage of your kindness. The pleasure you feel in helping friends comes with risks, but these risks should be avoided as much as possible. Use common sense. Recognize your limitations and be happy for helping others.
Watch out for loan sharks. Learn to know who really needs help and who is just trying to take advantage of or trick you. Don't be fooled into being emotionally provoked into helping someone excessively
Tips
- Be friends with other people because you like them, never ever friends because of what they have. If you hang out with someone because you really like them for who they are, this friendship will work well and your friend will genuinely like you too. But if you hang out with someone because he or she is famous or wears the latest fashion, relationships this won't work.
- If someone asks you to do something, do it, because you never know, they might help you too one day.
- Don't forget yourself, but you should care about other people's feelings. Asking for their opinion on certain matters won't offend them, they may want to talk, but don't dare. You have to help everyone.
