Finding the right guy is quite a painstaking project, but a few simple principles will make your search easier. You're more likely to find the right guy if you look in places you've been frequently, or search for locations that guys frequent. Once you've found a guy who has the potential to be the right guy, you need to know how to start a conversation with him.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Go to Where the Right Men Are
Step 1. Call your friends
Friends who know you will likely know what kind of guy you want. Let them know that you are looking for the right man, and they will help you. Chances are, they know a lot of people you aren't friends with, so your search area will automatically expand to a new group of people.
- Friends can also help screen out men who already have a partner.
- If a guy has a reputation for treating women badly, his friends will warn you.
- It's easier to start a relationship with someone who has the same friends as you.
Step 2. Look at the men in your everyday life
Usually, a man who shares your interests with you can make a stable and long-lasting partner. If you are already active in social clubs, religious groups, or other special interest groups, consider approaching the men you meet in those groups.
- People who share similar interests tend to be more compatible as partners than people who don't have much in common.
- Friends in this group can also help you find the right guy.
Step 3. Consider joining a short course or lecture
Many colleges offer evening courses that can fit your work schedule. If you are interested in finding someone who shares a common interest in a particular subject, this is the way to go.
- Consider taking a course that your ideal guy might be interested in. For example, if you want a guy who loves to travel, take a course in geography or a foreign language.
- Religious education can help you find a partner who shares your religious understanding.
- Courses usually provide opportunities to work together in small groups, and they are ideal opportunities to get to know new people.
Step 4. Try an online dating site
Online dating may be the best way to meet a potential lover, especially if you live outside the city or in a socially isolated area. If you're shy or too busy to spend time looking for the right guy, online dating provides a way to meet guys without having to leave your comfort zone.
- Online dating offers more variety and options than meeting men in real life.
- Online dating services usually offer matchmaking services, such as matchmaking people based on their interests, qualities to look for in a partner, etc.
- Be aware that computer profiles may provide misleading information about a person. Don't let your expectations of a guy become unrealistic just based on his profile on the computer.
Step 5. Go where the guys usually hang out
Comedy clubs, music clubs, or baseball games are some of the places that men frequent. Invite your friends who are also single to the place. Chances are you'll meet a number of guys who are having a good time and enjoy meeting new friends.
- You can also try car shows or sporting events.
- Other unusual places are blood donation events, science fiction conventions, or cosplay.
Step 6. Try meeting someone through your child
If you're a single parent, you might want to try meeting men through a parenting organization. You can meet other single parents by chatting at children's sporting events, parent and teacher gatherings, or participating in Boy Scouts.
- You can also offer to be a group leader or coach.
- Getting acquainted with the parents of the child's friends usually occurs naturally. So you don't need any extra effort.
Step 7. Consider compromising
Maybe the ideal man for you is a man who is 180 cm tall, handsome and funny with a big salary, but the man you get may be short and bespectacled who works in a video shop. Instead of ignoring him because he doesn't fit the criteria of an ideal man, think again about what you like about him. Does he treat you with respect? Can he make you laugh? Is he honest, kind, and wise? If so, maybe you should reevaluate the ideal definition of a man.
- No one will meet all the criteria for a perfect man. The most important thing is to think about the non-negotiable qualities of a partner.
- Keep in mind that maybe the perfect guy has to compromise his ideal criteria for you too.
Part 2 of 3: Avoiding the Wrong Guy
Step 1. Stay away from the overnight love scenario
A good man will be attracted to a woman he can respect and share his interests with. If you're looking to meet the right guy, chances are you won't find him in a place designed for one night dates.
- This doesn't mean you have to avoid all bars or parties, although these places usually open up opportunities for overnight dates.
- If you're interested in a guy, make plans to meet him on a date at another time.
Step 2. Don't drink too much
Drinking can change your judgment and reduce your ability to decide who you want to be close to. A nice guy won't push you to drink a lot. Plus, if you drink too much on the first date, the right guy might be scared.
- If a guy drinks too much on a first date, it's a warning sign that he may have a drinking problem. You'll be able to notice how much he's drinking if you're sober.
- Be careful if someone "poisons" your drink. Your drink can be poisoned by adding alcohol or certain drugs without your knowledge.
Step 3. Wait before you make a commitment
If you're not sure about being in a close relationship with a guy, don't commit to it right away. Strong relationships take time, and the right guy won't pressure you into committing until you're ready.
- Commitment takes many forms, such as sexual intimacy or other types of trust.
- The signs of a good guy are that he's interested in you personally, not just physically.
Step 4. Trust your instincts
If you feel that the relationship is not going well, you can end it. If you stick together to keep her feelings in check, because you want her to think well of you, or don't want to sound naive, you run the risk of getting involved with the wrong guy. Actually you are not being nice, but just wasting your own time as well as his time.
- One way to leave her is to pretend that you have another appointment or that you're sick when she asks you out, but you can also tell the truth: "I don't think this relationship is going to work out. There's nothing wrong with that."
- Even if you say you want to date again the next time, you could be breaking it. Say that you won't be able to leave
- Even if he insists, you don't owe him any time or attention.
Part 3 of 3: Starting a Chat
Step 1. Find something interesting to ask him
Don't rely on small talk. Instead, ask about the clothes she was wearing, or comment on your surroundings at the time. Then, continue your questioning on topics related to their emotions using empathy.
- For example, ask, "What coffee is good here?" and continue with, "I love black coffee, the taste reminds me of lazy mornings."
- In general, you should avoid negative comments until you get to know the bee well. Otherwise, you might offend him.
Step 2. Ask open-ended questions
If you ask something that can be answered with a yes or no, the chat will not progress. So ask her what book she is reading or what she likes about the show.
- Open-ended questions usually start with the words “What”, “How”, “Tell me”
- There are no right or wrong answers to the open statements.
Step 3. Ask about him
Most guys like to talk about themselves, and asking something about him is a natural topic after introductions. If you've chatted with him before, you can open a chat by asking a question. You could ask something related to the current situation, such as "What brought you to this mall tonight?" or more generally, like "What do you usually do on vacation?"
- Asking about her clothes is often a great way to find out what she's interested in. For example, if he's wearing a sports team jersey, ask if it's his favorite team.
- You can also ask context-free questions, such as "What kind of movies do you like?"
Step 4. Create a match
Compatibility is characterized by the same perspective and feeling comfortable with each other's presence. To achieve this, you must be sincere and warm. Creating a match is an important part of building trust. Even if you're just getting to know him, treat him like a human being who deserves respect and respect.
- Avoid being judgmental, and you can create a sense of belonging by basing your comments on empathy.
- Try to chat as if you already know him. However, don't act inappropriately, have a casual chat like you would with a normal friend.
- Your first statement or question is not as important as how you proceed with the chat.
Step 5. Plan follow-up questions or comments
If your first words don't work, don't be discouraged. You can try again so the chat can continue.
- You can start a chat with another topic, or ask another question on the same topic.
- The more often you try, the better.
Tips
Use nonverbal cues/body language as a way to convey that you are interested
Warning
- Arrange to always meet new guys in public until you've already trusted him, especially if you know him online.
- Pay attention to his words and actions. If his actions don't match his words, he's most likely not a trustworthy person despite his very attractive appearance.
