Finding the right partner or life partner is not just looking for a companion during your summer vacation, it means finding someone to accompany and love each other for the rest of your life. Choosing this person is an important business, and requires a lot of thought, responsibility, and honesty. But once you find it, all your hard work will pay off and you will find lifelong happiness. If you want to know how to find the right partner, follow the steps below.
Step
Method 1 of 4: Change your mindset
Step 1. Love yourself
Seriously, loving yourself before you find the person you want to spend the rest of your life with is the easiest way to commit yourself to that person for the right reasons. You don't have to be 100% satisfied with yourself, but if you're not happy with yourself, you run the risk of being with someone just because they make you feel better.
- Indeed, the person you marry should complete you, make you a complete person, but you should already love yourself. You feel blessed because that person will make you even better!
- You have to be happy with who you are, what you do, how you look – not only will this make it easier to attract people's attention with your confidence, but it will also make you look for someone just as great as you who will make your life more enjoyable. well, not people who will only fill the gaps in your life that are not satisfactory.
Step 2. Be happy yourself (sensibly)
Face it, being alone when someone else is dating or getting married isn't exactly fun. You may want to love more than anything, and it's natural to feel sad. But part of loving yourself is having fun spending time alone, and finding ways to keep your spirits up with life without a partner. It will make you feel better when the couple comes to you!
If you're sad alone, it's easy to get carried away with the first person to walk up to you and give you something to do. Don't mistake friendship for love
Step 3. Find experience
If you find your first love when you are 16, you are rare. However, most people don't marry their first, second, or even fifth boyfriend. Dating more people will allow you to understand the many ways a relationship can work, and will allow you to see the many forms and changes a relationship can take.
- Although you don't have to "play" with the person you love, but if you're just happy to be dating him or her without ever dating anyone else, it's better to see what you're out for before stopping there.
- Dating lots of people will help you learn to compromise, and make you more sure that what you feel for your future partner is really special.
- Getting a sexual experience won't hurt anyone either. If you have several partners before meeting your special person, you will be more confident that the relationship you build with him is truly special.
- If you end up committing to the first person you were with without being truly happy, you'll spend your life imagining what's out there.
Step 4. Don't be silent
Not being silent is connected to loving yourself, liking to be alone, and having some experiences. A lot of people have settled down because they found someone who made them less lonely, even if that's not true. Another reason was because they had been together for a few years and they should have been married like his friends.
You should marry because this is what you want, not what other people want, or your family wants or because you are too afraid to separate
Method 2 of 4: Know what you want
Step 1. Consider the qualities you want in your partner
Although you never know who is the best match for you until you meet him, you can think about the qualities you most look for in your potential partner. These qualities can be so important that you may find it difficult to consider a person who lacks some of them. Here's what you can think about:
- Religion. If you want to find people who share the same religion, look for someone like that. Because it's not that easy for other people to change their religion for you.
- Family values. Do you want to have 5 children, or do you not want to have children? Although people can change their minds, this is something you should consider when looking for a partner (though of course you don't have to talk about this the first time you meet.)
- Character. Even though you can't predict people's characters beforehand, there are some things that are a must for you. Are you humorous and need someone to share a laugh with? Are you nervous and need someone to cheer you on? Always keep this in mind when looking for a life partner.
- Attitude towards relationships. Do you want to find someone who is willing to spend every moment with you, or do you want someone who knows the importance of “alone time”? This is more important than you think.
- Social relations. Do you want someone who is fun and has lots of friends, or someone who is quieter with few loyal friends? The difference is sometimes okay, but sometimes it can also be a big problem.
- Same interest. While the person you like doesn't have to have all the same interests, you should still have some interests that you both like. If you're a novelist but he doesn't like reading, or you're a fitness instructor and he never even goes to the gym, you may be running out of topics to talk about.
Step 2. Consider what you don't want
What you don't want in your potential partner is just as important as what you want in your partner. Here are some examples:
- Lack of traction. Physical attractiveness can grow, but still not excessive. Although you will not always see your partner physically until old, but you must have a basis of attraction to make this continue. Even if this person matches the other qualities you desire, you still can't force yourself to be attracted to someone.
- Lack of approval of things that are important to you. If you're very liberal while he's obsessed with Mitt Romney, this could be a problem. But you never know, you can have fun disagreeing about something. But if there's something that defines you that your potential partner doesn't understand, then you could be in trouble.
- Geographic incompatibility. You may have found your loved one, but he or she lives in Hawaii. If you are separated, and neither of you is willing to move for any reason, then this is not going to work.
Step 3. Be ready to compromise (in some ways)
While making a list of things you want or don't want can help you, you really won't find anyone who can actually fulfill all of those lists, and that's okay. The right person for you is the one who can make you the happiest, and that person may be able to fulfill a need you didn't know about before.
- Don't turn someone down for not meeting all your needs. This is very unrealistic and being too picky will get you nowhere.
- Don't stay with someone if you know they can't meet the needs that are important to you. Even if you have to be flexible, don't stay with someone if you know they won't give you what you want in the end.
- Find a balance between finding people who make you happy without sacrificing what's important to you.
Method 3 of 4: Search in the Right Place
Step 1. Ask your friends
Many couples meet because of friends. Although this is rare, you could end up marrying a former roommate or cousin of your friend. You can be open to being matched by your friends, who really understand your personality and the person you are going to match with. Or you could also go with one of your friends, who might know someone who might be a good fit for you.
Do not be shy. Your friends know what makes you happy and can help you find the right person without being too direct with it
Step 2. Find someone who shares your interests
Shared interests will bring a relationship to life, whether you're meeting a cute guy at your yoga class, or watching someone else reading your favorite book at a coffee shop. This mutual attraction can be the starting point of an interesting relationship.
This shared interest can also be a good idea to talk about on a first date, if you like the same things you can do it together and see what happens
Step 3. Find someone at work – without breaking the rules
It is common knowledge that more people meet their partners at work. This makes sense, because you'll be spending more time there, and if you like what you're doing, then you and the other person will have the same interests.
While you shouldn't go after your co-workers as intensely as this could violate the company's code of ethics, if you do feel attracted to someone at your workplace, be open to the possibility that this person could be someone special to you – as long as you follow the rules. company
Step 4. Find it online
Online dating can be the easiest way to meet your potential partner. This site can help you narrow down your choices based on common interests and other important things. In addition, people who join this site are usually more serious about committing. About 20% of relationships now start online, so don't be shy about trying it.
Even if you don't like this option, try it first. You can close your membership if this doesn't work
Step 5. Always open wherever you go
It's true, you can meet your potential partner at the bar. While you shouldn't be looking for a life partner at company meetings or funerals, you should still be open to the possibility that you can meet them anywhere. If you are open, then more people are open to getting to know you more deeply.
Method 4 of 4: Make Sure it Works
Step 1. Make sure you match
Compatibility is very important. This person may have passed all the criteria you gave, but when you are together, you feel something is missing. Maybe you weren't made to be together. If you don't fit in, you don't fit, there's nothing you can do to change it.
Sexual attraction is different from compatibility. Match means that your character matches it, and you match up more often than not
Step 2. Give it time
Even if you've wanted to be married for 20 years, you shouldn't be married to someone you've only met for a while. Even if you feel "totally fit", it's still very risky to marry someone you just met. Give the relationship enough time to know that your feelings are not just ordinary attraction, so you can see your happy future together with him.
You may think you are absolutely sure after a few months, but this will not give you enough time to test the relationship
Step 3. Make sure it's reciprocal
You may feel that this person is the right person for you, but you also need to make sure that he feels the same way. You two should not only be infatuated with each other but equally interested in spending your next life together.
Step 4. Make sure you can be yourself
Even though marriage will change 2 people as they bond more closely, make sure the person you want to be with lets you be who you really are instead of being the perfect person for him or her. If your family or friends say that you are not who you are when you are with them, this is a bad sign. But you'll know that you can't be with him, because you feel like you're being held back.
Step 5. Share the same long term goals
You might like being with him for a year or 2, but you should make sure that you both have the same vision of the future. Whether it's to have two children, or about moving around the country. Even though life is unpredictable and neither of you knows exactly what you want, your vision of the future shouldn't be at all different or you'll both get into a lot of trouble.
Step 6. Describe this person in the future
If you really have found it, then you should be able to imagine being with this person for the rest of your life. This may be a long time, so make sure that you want to see that person grow old, to have children, to support each other's careers, and actually become lifelong friends. “I want” means “I want to be with you forever” not “I want to be with you for a while.”
If you really can't imagine the rest of your life without it, then congratulations, you've found a permanent life partner. Now, have a wonderful adventure with him
Tips
- Think carefully about your future partner. Open yourself up to new people. Always surround you with friends or in the community. The time will come when you find the right person.
- Make sure you fit in all areas, you have to be willing to talk about everything, major and minor. But you don't have to deal in bed with everyone you match.
- Remember that this person is looking for the “ideal” pair too, if you search long enough, you might find each other.
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Take another look at your list and ask yourself what kind of people will come across you. This doesn't mean wishy-washy, but means refining and rethinking any variations.
- For example, you are looking for a rich person. Rich people will not marry people who are motivated by money alone, so fix your finances so that you are not too desperate, can show you can deal with money, and will not disappoint.
- Similarly, if you want an athletic person, you have to be physically fit too, because athletes want their partners to be physically fit too. If you want someone who is religious, you should be too. If you want an educated person, at least finish your school as well.
- Of course, this change will require hard work. You have to prioritize some of the qualities you are looking for.
Warning
- If your boyfriend didn't finish school/couldn't keep a job, he might not be a good choice if you want a happy marriage.
- Don't underestimate your courage. If you feel something is wrong in your relationship, end it immediately. Put a wall on your relationship as possible so you don't develop a bad one.
- If your boyfriend is abusive, especially physically, call 911 immediately.
