Have you ever experienced failure in a relationship? Or are you having a hard time finding the right person to start a long-term relationship with? If your answer to both questions is “yes”, then it is natural that you find a long and happy relationship very difficult to achieve. Fortunately, there are several methods you can try to improve the quality and duration of your relationship later in life.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Starting Your Relationship Right
Step 1. Understand your needs and wants
Understanding your physical and emotional needs before entering a relationship is very important, especially because later you will need to communicate these needs and desires to your partner in order to make the relationship successful. If you still don't know it, try thinking about the following:
- Reflect on your past relationships to understand why yours worked or didn't work. Try to analyze your needs based on that experience.
- Observe how you respond to the people or situations around you. For example, do you tend to react emotionally, have trouble trusting someone, or have trouble expressing your feelings? Understanding your personality traits before getting into a relationship can really help you before entering into a serious relationship with someone else.
Step 2. Make sure you have a healthy and strong reason to be in a relationship
Try to keep some of these guidelines in mind:
- Some examples of healthy reasons to be in a relationship: the desire to share love, intimacy, and friendship with your partner; desire to grow; the desire to provide emotional and physical support to a partner; and the desire to start a family. It is very important for you to understand that the reasons above focus not only on wanting to receive, but also on giving.
- Some examples of unhealthy reasons for being in a relationship: fear of living alone, reluctance to cut ties with your partner, and reluctance to cut ties with your partner's friends or relatives. Using your partner for personal safety, sex, money, or to get revenge on your ex-partner is also a very unhealthy excuse. If you're in a relationship for any of these reasons, it's likely that one or both parties will be hurt, making a lasting and happy relationship even more difficult.
Step 3. Choose your partner wisely
If you want to create a happy and lasting relationship, be careful in choosing a partner. The common perception is that different personalities will attract each other like magnets. But the researchers found that people with the same goals, interests, and hopes were actually able to build more comfortable and happier relationships.
- Even if you and your partner's personality traits are not exactly the same, at least you and your partner should have the same vision of the relationship.
- Think about whether you and your partner's differences can complement each other or not. For example, someone who is impulsive may be able to keep up with someone whose life is very orderly.
Step 4. Think more realistically
Expecting a relationship that is always happy and does not run into problems is unrealistic thinking. Over time, the passionate passion for your partner will surely decrease. Don't worry, accompanied by maximum sincerity and effort, that passionate passion will actually transform into a deeper and more meaningful relationship.
Step 5. Never try to change partners
Maybe you can ask your partner to pick up the dirty laundry or walk the dog (which is almost impossible if he doesn't ask); but forcing him to change his personality, outlook on life, and behavior will actually have a negative impact on the sustainability of your relationship. Specifically, experts say that you can never change the personality, character, or outlook below:
- Couple's religious views.
- Couples' views on the desire to have children.
- The temperament of the partner and his habits when he is angry.
- The nature of your partner, whether it's an introvert or an extrovert.
- Hobbies, favorite activities, and interests of your partner
- Couple's relationship with their family.
Step 6. Be friendly with your partner
If you expect a long and happy relationship, focus on building friendships with your partner. Experts have found that people who are friends with their partners tend to have happier and longer lasting relationships.
- If you don't want to spend time with your partner, don't expect your relationship to be successful.
- Take time to get to know each other's hobbies and interests. For some, this is a huge sacrifice, especially since they seem to be forced to do something they don't like. But believe me, no sacrifice is in vain. Your efforts will definitely be appreciated by your partner and chances are, he will not hesitate to do the same in the future. In addition, you will also be closer to your partner, as well as better understand his personality, desires, and needs.
- Take time to do activities that you both enjoy. For example, if you and your partner both love the outdoors, try hiking or camping together.
Step 7. Don't feel like you have to do everything together
Sometimes, the title partner makes you feel like you have to do everything with your partner. But instead of strengthening the relationship, these actions will actually shackle you and your partner. Remember, maintaining a healthy distance in a relationship is also important.
- Don't stop spending time with your friends or relatives.
- Stick to the hobbies you used to do before you hooked up with him.
Step 8. Be kind to one another
Usually, generous people are willing to put the thoughts, feelings, and interests of others above their own. Researchers have found that relationships built by these people last longer.
- Share it. Giving some of what you have to your partner is a simple act with a huge impact. For example, when eating cheesecake, give half of your cake to your partner. You can also give away more significant things, like your income and free time.
- Don't be generous because you expect something in return. If you are truly sincere to your partner, you will be willing to do it selflessly. For example, don't give birthday gifts because you expect to be rewarded in return.
Step 9. There is no need to feel rushed
In the early stages of a relationship, most people tend to want to rush up the ladder of their relationship through various means; one of them is to decide to get married immediately regardless of the age of the new relationship as long as corn. Thinking of a happy ending and spoiling your imagination is fun. But if your relationship has not lasted too long, make sure you and your partner are willing to take the time to first equate views, perceptions, as well as vision and mission in the relationship.
- Believe me, you and your partner will feel much happier and more confident if you can live a relationship without being haunted by pressure from any party (including from each other).
- The more you get to know your partner (and vice versa) and the more you are willing to put in the effort to build a positive relationship, the greater the percentage of success for you and your partner will be.
Method 2 of 3: Keeping Relationships Lasting and Happy
Step 1. Expect your relationship to change
Just as you and your partner continue to change from time to time, your relationship will continue to evolve. Instead of keeping the relationship in the same place, try to embrace and appreciate any changes that occur; build a more established and solid relationship with your partner.
- Do you often worry about feelings and passions that feel faded? Do not worry, the abatement of passion is a natural thing (especially for those of you who have been in a relationship for too long). As the relationship matures, you and your partner's focus may also shift to things that are considered more crucial, such as work, family, and various other responsibilities. However, research shows that couples who have been in a relationship for a long time actually feel better physically and emotionally than those who are just entering the early stages of a relationship.
- Instead of worrying about the negative impact of an established relationship, think about the positive developments your relationship has made. For example, do you now feel like you have built a deeper bond with your partner? Do you feel much more confident now, even more trusting of your partner than at the beginning of the relationship? What experiences and challenges have you gone through together?
Step 2. Be willing to invest time, effort, and effort into your relationship
To build a lasting and happy relationship, it takes two individuals who are willing to put all their time, energy, and effort into the relationship.
- Change your mindset. Maintaining a lasting relationship is not a tough job that takes up all your time and energy. Instead of thinking that way, let's say you're trying to get your frequency together with your partner. Of course, every now and then, you have to be willing to face various challenges and obstacles that come your way. But never forget the happy days, special events and exciting opportunities that are waiting in front of your eyes.
- Even if your relationship feels difficult at times, focus on the return on your investment. You have put all your time, energy, and effort into maintaining a happy relationship. Of course no effort is wasted, right?
Step 3. Treat each other with respect
Appreciating each other can help you and your partner maintain a lasting and happy relationship. Here are some effective ways to show your partner your appreciation:
- Treat your partner the way you want to be treated.
- Respect each other by asking for opinions or directions on important matters such as parenting, or less important things like your dinner menu today.
- Before making plans, first consult with your partner.
- Ask about work and partner activities throughout the day; Also ask is there anything that caught his attention? How did he feel that day?
- Avoid harsh words and behavior that can demean your partner. Maybe for you, grumbling, being fussy, or throwing words of sarcasm at your partner will not have a lasting negative impact. But whether you realize it or not, your words and behavior can hurt your partner, and even encourage him to become defensive and unfriendly in the future.
Step 4. Show how much your partner means to you
Celebrating a partner's birthday or a relationship anniversary is important. But it would be nice if you also show appreciation for the simple things your partner does every day.
- Showing care doesn't have to be with money.
- Give your help before being asked. There's no need to overcomplicate things; Helping your partner take out the trash or even cook a simple dinner is sure to make him happy.
- Tell your partner why he means so much to you.
- When your partner does something for you, acknowledge their behavior and express your gratitude.
- If you want your partner to be more sensitive and appreciative, then do the same to him or her. Give real examples, not just through words.
Step 5. Communicate with your partner
Poor communication can prevent you and your partner from building a long and happy relationship. On the other hand, effective communication will help put you and your partner on the same frequency, while also showing how much you and your partner trust each other.
- Check with your partner regularly. Make sure you also make time each day to talk about things that are more personal, not just about work, parenting, or household matters.
- Communication is a two-way process. You are not only given the opportunity to speak, but are also required to listen. Don't interrupt your partner or keep on commenting when your partner hasn't finished talking.
- When your partner shares his feelings, summarize his words to show that you are listening. You can say, "So what I hear and understand is…". Even if you don't agree with anything he says, you need to employ this strategy to show that you pay attention to whatever he has to say. Plus, it will help you empathize with your partner more, and prevent either party from feeling the need to get defensive.
- Face-to-face communication, especially in romantic relationships, works much more effectively than the telephone, text message, or email. Looking your partner in the eye, observing their body language, and seeing their reactions firsthand can help you to understand their concerns better, think of the most appropriate response, and manage the problem more effectively.
Step 6. Be honest with each other
Relationships that are based on honesty tend to last longer and are filled with happiness. Be careful, the distrust rooted in dishonesty can really harm your relationship.
- Instead of risking losing the trust of your partner, dare yourself to always speak the truth; let your partner know your every complaint and feeling. Even if you feel uncomfortable or have trouble communicating it to your partner, believe me, it's much better than lying to him and trying hard to restore his trust in the future.
- Although honesty is an important point in a successful relationship, honesty that is conveyed too plainly can also sometimes hurt a partner's heart. Hone your sensitivity; word your words well when you have to make a complaint or give bad news. If delivered rudely, it is feared that your message will not be conveyed properly. As a result, communication will be more difficult to do.
Step 7. Realize that you and your partner may express love in different ways
You certainly know that everyone has their own way of showing affection to others. Realizing this can help you create a healthier and happier relationship with your partner.
Be more sensitive to one another's needs; ask what you can do to show your support and affection, and encourage your partner to do the same. Once you know your partner's needs, try to express your affection in the way your partner wants you to
Step 8. Celebrate differences
Instead of focusing on how your partner treats you, or whose mindset is often different from yours, try embracing those differences as the riches that characterize your relationship.
- Think about how these differences complement you and your partner, and can contribute positively to your relationship. Unlike your partner who is very laid back and likes to joke around, you may be a serious and more reserved person. Instead of cursing the differences, try to think of how to compensate for each other. For example, your partner can ask you to relax, while you can help them focus more on the important things.
- Sometimes, a character that is annoying and feels annoying is actually the uniqueness that makes you look attractive in the eyes of your partner (and vice versa).
Step 9. Spend quality time with your partner
At a more serious level of relationship (such as marriage), often the romance of the relationship is no longer a priority and is replaced by their respective busy lives. To maintain a passionate relationship, spend time with your partner on a regular basis without fear of being disturbed by your pets, parents, in-laws, office, or children. Trust me, this will help bring you and your partner closer together.
- Instead of just watching television or a movie at the cinema, choose activities that encourage you and your partner to interact with each other, such as taking a weekend getaway together, taking a cooking class, taking an afternoon walk in the park, or simply having dinner together.
- Many couples find it helpful to schedule their “date night.” Make plans together or invite a partner to share tasks; for example, say that you are willing to plan a date night concept for this week, and ask your partner to do it next week. Make sure you choose a different activity each week, so your date night doesn't turn into a boring routine.
Step 10. Take time for yourself
Although spending time with your partner is important to do, it turns out that taking time to do personal pleasures can also help to last your relationship with your partner. Taking a break from your partner allows both parties to do the things they love separately. Sometimes, keeping a short distance from your partner is necessary to maintain your sanity, even the passion of the relationship. Spending time apart with your partner is also believed to help you appreciate your partner more in the future.
Do each hobby separately. You'll feel much more independent, as well as happier and refreshed when you finally "get back" with your partner
Step 11. Laugh with your partner
Problems and challenges in relationships are indeed obstacles that cannot be avoided. But the ability of both parties to bring jokes and laughter in the relationship is believed to be able to help overcome difficult times in the relationship.
- Try reminiscing about silly experiences you and your partner had in the past, or go to fun places like amusement parks or cinemas.
- Focus on laughing with your partner, not laughing at each other. Sometimes, criticizing each other can indeed bring you and your partner closer (especially for those of you who consider your partner like a friend). But in certain situations, a joke that is too late will actually trigger a negative situation and worsen the relationship between you and your partner.
Step 12. Don't let other people interfere in your relationship
Unhappy in-laws, parents who feel entitled to control your relationship, and friends who like to manage are very prone to sinking the ship of your relationship with your partner. Work with your partner to minimize the negative interference as much as possible.
- There is no need to completely cut ties with these people. But at the very least, you shouldn't tolerate anyone refusing to be supportive or bringing a negative influence into your relationship.
- If you or your partner have complaints about people trying to interfere in your relationship, be honest and open about it. Work together to share perspectives and find the most appropriate solution. For example, if your in-laws insist on coming over to your house every Christmas, try planning a vacation together with your partner every now and then. At least you have crossed out one pressure that comes from the family.
- You can listen to and respond to other people's complaints about your relationship, but you certainly have the right to explain calmly and politely that their involvement has violated the boundaries you and your partner set, and has negatively affected your relationship.
- One exception is when your relationship turns out to be violent by your partner. If this happens, never isolate yourself from the people who are willing to help and support you.
Method 3 of 3: Troubleshooting
Step 1. Don't try to win the argument
Often times, people start an argument with the mindset that they must “win” and must be able to prove that they are “right”. This kind of attitude can seriously limit your ability to manage problems as they occur.
- Forcing "win" arguments will actually make you look like you don't care about your partner's opinions and feelings. This kind of behavior can actually close the lines of communication and worsen the relationship between you and your partner.
- This kind of attitude also shows that in your eyes, argumentation is a manifestation of dominance and self-justification, not an attempt to solve problems.
- Trying to beat your partner won't help you build a long and happy relationship. The party who loses the argument will usually feel the need to retaliate by providing another argument. Most likely, this will not lead you and your partner to a happy ending.
Step 2. Argue fairly
Entering an argument with a mindset and attitude that looks like you're sure to win won't solve anything. The same is true if you use bad argumentative tactics, such as yelling, being silent, constantly blaming your partner, and intentionally making comments that could hurt your partner.
- Even without using any of the tactics above, you can still show that you're feeling angry or frustrated. For example, instead of blaming or accusing your partner, try to focus on conveying your feelings as specifically as possible.
- Instead of emphasizing, “You did this to me,” try to explain what made you feel angry or hurt. Making accusations will actually make your partner become defensive and refuse to listen to your complaints.
- Don't use words like "never" and "always". Both expressions are usually inaccurate and prone to tension.
- If the above negative behaviors appear, immediately stop the discussion process; Come back to the discussion whenever you and your partner feel calmer and able to think clearly. To calm down, try taking a walk outside, taking deep breaths, writing in a diary, or playing with your children. Trust me, you'll feel much better afterwards (and of course much more ready to go back to discussing it with your partner).
Step 3. Focus on one problem and try to be more specific
When arguing, humans are sometimes tempted to discuss other issues that are (really) unrelated to the issue being discussed. This kind of habit will only exacerbate the problem and make it more difficult for you to overcome it.
Concentrate on the subject matter, so that the problem does not spread everywhere. Prevent it before the situation gets worse and gets harder to deal with
Step 4. Admit your mistakes
It's normal to make mistakes in relationships; but refusing to admit it won't help you build a long and happy relationship. Admitting mistakes needs to be done to strengthen the wall of trust between each other and make it easier for both parties to resolve problems that occur.
- If your partner has a complaint, listen carefully. One of the people in this world who knows you very well is your partner, so chances are, the complaints are not far-fetched.
- Ask your partner for specific suggestions to prevent similar mistakes from happening again.
- If you are willing to admit your mistakes, your partner will certainly find it easier to do the same in the future.
Step 5. Learn to forgive
Holding a grudge and refusing to forget the past can undermine the happiness of your relationship with your partner. Forgiveness is not an easy matter; but believe me, doing it can help make your relationship last.
- Try to reconsider why you feel hurt. Ask yourself, do the problems that occur really need to be lamented to that extent? Make sure you also don't hesitate to admit if your actions or words also contributed to triggering the problem.
- Ask yourself, are you still not forgiving something that happened in the past?
- Think about the benefits of forgiving others for yourself. Holding on to negative feelings will make you feel angry, anxious, and stressed for a long time. Forgiving someone can definitely make you feel better.
- The habit of bringing up problems in the past can take away your and your partner's hopes and beliefs about the future of your relationship.
Step 6. Accept the fact that you won't be able to solve all the problems in a relationship
Although you and your partner feel the need to solve all the problems that occur, this desire is actually less realistic. After all, there are still many couples who often argue but still live happily and grow old together.
- Sometimes, humans tend to focus more on an issue that is not the subject of the problem. Build your perspective and ask yourself, is the problem really threatening your relationship and needs to be resolved as soon as possible?
- Behind a successful relationship, there must be a partner who is willing to compromise, adapt, and agree to "ignore" problems that are not worth taking seriously.
Step 7. Know when to ask for help
If you're having trouble communicating or dealing with issues with your partner, don't hesitate to seek help from a couples counselor, psychologist, or mental health professional.
- Waiting until the problem is really serious and threatens your safety is inappropriate. Finish it while it still doesn't get worse.
- Asking someone who is objective and experienced in their field to help facilitate the mediation process for you and your partner can be very useful.
Tips
- To create a lasting and happy relationship, you must be able to make friends with your partner. Take time to do various activities that you both enjoy, but don't rule out understanding and exploring your partner's hobbies that you don't or don't like.
- Show you care about your partner by doing something sincere and meaningful without being asked.
- Overcome differences by compromising. A reluctance to compromise (in the sense that there will always be a loser) will derail your plans for a long and happy relationship.
