There are many reasons a relationship ends; sometimes the ending of this love story is permanent, and sometimes not. If you think your relationship isn't really over, consider breaking up with him as something to analyze what's wrong with the relationship and start over. Here are some methods to help you reconcile with your ex.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Fixing Errors
Step 1. Think again
Relationships don't usually end suddenly and without warning, even if you did something wrong. Try to remember anything your ex said or did that indicated that he was unhappy. These characteristics can be shown as:
- Complaining that you are always distant or not paying enough attention.
- Doubt you when you say something, such as where you're going, or why you're doing something.
- Say that he feels you never leave him alone (a healthy relationship should provide space and time for someone to cool off once in a while).
- Says he wants something you don't give him.
- Complaining that you never help with household chores.
Step 2. Don't be angry
Crying is a natural part of trying to deal with difficult emotions, but even if you feel angry, stay calm. Yelling at your partner will not make him want to reconcile with you. If you're having a hard time staying calm, here are some things you can try:
- Stay away. You can say something like, "I'm really emotional right now, can we stay away from each other first so I can calm down and express my true feelings?"
- Go to sleep. Before starting a conversation with your ex, use 24 hours to make sure you really want to say what you've been planning. Consider his reaction and your reaction if he says the same thing.
- Take deep calming breaths or imagine yourself in a place that relaxes you.
- Write a letter (or email), then wait a day before sending it. It's better to write down your thoughts beforehand because you'll have time to think about what you've said before your partner reads or hears it, and you won't accidentally change or forget what you wanted to say at the last minute.
Step 3. Ask
If you don't know what you did wrong, and can't figure it out, just ask your ex. Even if you know that you did something to make her angry, ask if there is anything you can do to fix it. Some examples that can be used include:
- "Can you tell me why you are angry?"
- "What can I do to make our relationship stronger?"
- "Is there anything I can do better?"
- "What behavior makes you angry with me?"
- "Is there something you need that I can't give you?"
Step 4. Apologize and admit your responsibility
If you already know the source of the breakdown in your relationship, say that you are truly sorry for what happened. Even if you don't know what went wrong, apologize for your “everything wrong.” Take responsibility for the mistake and explain why you didn't do something earlier. Examples of good words are:
- "I'm really sorry that I didn't know you wanted _"
- "I don't know why you left me, but I'm really sorry for my mistake. Is there anything I can do to correct my mistake?"
- "I know I made you sad when _, but losing you has made me realize that you are more important to me than _. I'm really sorry I _ and I will never do that again".
- "I know I can't do _ the way you want, but I didn't realize this was so important to you, and I'm really sorry for that. I promise I'll make you my top priority from now on."
- "I know I go out a lot for _, and I hate that too, but this is a temporary matter and once this is over, our relationship will get better. I also feel how hard it is like you, and I'm really sorry because this has already happened. Is there anything I can do to help you through this with me?"
Step 5. Change what he is complaining about
After apologizing, it's important to act rather than just talk. Whatever problems you find from your ex's thoughts and answers, now is the time to fix them. If you still don't understand what to do, ask more questions. As an example:
- If he complains that you are not by his side, make time for your relationship. Try going out to dinner together, or cooking together at home once a week (or more often than that!). Sacrifice something else to show that you really care about your relationship with him.
- If he says he doesn't feel appreciated, try thanking him more often (sincerely!), and choose a task you can do to make his life easier.
- If you're cheating on him, make sure he doesn't have any reason to ask where you've been all this time. You have to show that he can trust you. Go home when you promise to come home, and when hanging out with friends, get him to talk to your friend to show that you're not lying to him.
- If he complains that you never do anything, go out and have some hobbies! You can also take some classes and hone new skills (whether they make money or not).
Step 6. Try to compromise
Compromising is an effective way if you have issues with each other that are causing the relationship to break. Discuss what the problem is (making a list is a good idea), then agree to a compromise that both of you will sacrifice something for the good of the relationship.
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Remember to consider that some things are not more important to a person. Balance based on how much this means, or how difficult it is for you.
For example, if being punctual is very important to both of you and you or your partner don't care about punctuality, a fair compromise would be when you're getting ready to go somewhere together, people who don't care about punctuality let the other person always wanted to be on time to arrange his schedule so that neither of them would be late
Part 2 of 3: Building New Relationships
Step 1. Listen
When your partner says something, make sure you pay attention and focus on him. Also make sure they know it. Some ways to do this include:
- Put down and close whatever book you are reading or viewing, and turn off the TV.
- Don't scribble, look at your watch, or bite your fingernails.
- Pay attention to your partner while they are talking.
- Repeat what he said. When he finishes speaking, say, “All I hear, you_” and add a summary of what he just said. If he thinks your summary is accurate, move on. If not, ask him to clarify until you're sure you understand what he's saying.
Step 2. Pay attention to body language and pent-up emotions
Some signs that there are many things that cannot be conveyed in words are:
- Tension in standing and sitting (crossed arms is a sign of anger and impatience).
- All expressions other than the neutral one on his face (if he's very excited, this is an invitation to join in the fun. If he looks sad, he probably wants sympathy).
- Touching the neck, ears, and face are signs of insecurity. These signs may mean that he is not comfortable with what he wants to talk about.
Step 3. Don't get defensive and jump to conclusions
Many people tend to jump to conclusions when they're angry, and this could mean that you hear something (usually criticism) that your partner is trying to say. If he's trying to explain something he doesn't like about your behavior, remember that it's better for both parties to understand what is being said and answered.
Step 4. Communicate
When something is bothering you, say it. If you feel your partner is hiding something, ask him or her. Open all lines of communication. It's important to be honest but kind. Some tips to simplify the communication process are:
- Don't say "You always_" or "You never_". Both of these are likely to be untrue and will put your partner on the defensive.
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Start by saying, “I feel_”. You'll always be honest with your feelings, and this is a great way to get your partner NOT to get defensive because you're not complaining about their behavior.
Try to avoid "I feel you_". This speech can be packaged by using the subject "I". For example, instead of saying, "I don't think you ever do the dishes," say, "I think I always do the dishes."
- Don't interrupt. If you're not sure whether or not your partner is done talking, give them a few seconds of silence and then ask if they're done or not.
Step 5. Schedule time to talk
These are helpful tips to avoid building tension in your relationship, and the fear that comes with the word “we have to talk”. Schedule a time once a week, or once a month to talk about all the issues (big or small) in your relationship, and you won't have the big trouble that could lead to a breakup.
You can also schedule time not to talk. For example, if you always look tired after work, agree that the first 15 minutes (half an hour, two hours, or whatever) is your relaxation time so that neither of you will disturb each other
Part 3 of 3: Moving On
If you've tried all the ways above and still can't find a way out, this means you have to move on with your life. If you change for the better, there's a good chance that your ex will see that you've grown into a new person and will want to reconcile with you. But don't focus on this because it won't work. You must really want to move on with life.
Step 1. Don't act like a suffering person
It's okay to make a clear statement that you want to reconcile with your ex and that you're sad that the relationship ended, but don't give up your emotions. Smile, be a cheerful and positive person, and don't show your suffering. Instead, act that you are happy, and slowly but surely, it becomes a reality.
Step 2. Make new friends
This is a very important step if most of your friends are friends with your ex. Any activity, as outlined in the next step, can be a great way to meet new people. This will help you say that you are trying to make new friends after breaking up with your ex, but remember not to overfill them with too much information about how much you suffer!
Step 3. Go outside and do something
Create a new hobby, meet new people, and have fun! Some things you can try are:
- Hang out with your friends (you can make a “no partner” rule if you like).
- Join a new club and participate in the club's activities.
- Do a project you've always wanted to do.
- Take a few classes-this is a great way to combine meeting people and creating a new hobby.
Step 4. Get rid of your ex from your life
Thinking about it all the time isn't going to help you recover, and you shouldn't be bothered by it. Some good ways to do this are:
- Remove it from the social networking websites you use.
- Delete the number on your phone.
- Ask your friends not to talk about it.
- Try not to bring up the topic yourself. If you're having trouble, ask your friends for help. You can do this when you feel like bringing up the topic of your ex, or ask your previous friends to change the topic whenever you start talking about the end of your relationship.
Step 5. Dating someone else
Even if you don't think you'll find anyone else to take your place, play your best game, and try to find a good boyfriend. Don't compare him to your ex, but find what you like about him. Try a matchmaking website if you're having a hard time meeting new people, or go out with some old friends and show them you're looking for a new boyfriend.
Warning
- Know when you are stuck in an abusive relationship. If your partner says, "You can't do anything better than me" or "You need me because you're ruined without me," don't believe it. This is abuse of position in a relationship, and you should stay away from it!
- If you hear a solid answer that says, "No, I don't want to talk to you," you should accept it and move on with your life. A relationship needs two people who want to make it work to keep it going, and you're not going to gain anything by constantly chasing your ex.
- If your ex doesn't want to see you, respect the boundaries. He will not want to reconcile with someone who does not give him what he wants. Constantly finding out about her can be called stalking and harassment, and both are illegal.
- Never resorting to violence is a way to make sure your relationship really ends FOREVER, and it can also get you legal action: harming someone is against the law, regardless of the anger and annoyance you've made with his choices..
- Don't use blackmail to get him to do whatever you want-blackmail can kill as much of a relationship as violence; blackmail causes resentment that will not make the relationship better. Extortion is also illegal to do.
