Have you ever been in a situation like this: you meet the perfect girl, but it turns out that she already has a boyfriend! Well, it always happens, doesn't it? You may feel hopeless, but there are ways to handle this problem wisely. If you want to make an approach, try to assess the situation, talk to him, and show some respect so he wants to date you.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Assessing the Situation
Step 1. Talk to him about the relationship he is in
If you have the courage, ask directly. Keep in mind that if you take an open approach, he may suspect your motives. So, don't choose this option if you want to keep your intentions a secret. Try asking him casually “Eh, I wonder, do you have a boyfriend? I'm just curious."
Step 2. Ask him how serious the relationship is
If you feel comfortable enough to ask if she already has a boyfriend, take the next step and ask how serious the relationship is. If it's serious, it may be more difficult to ask him out, but if the relationship is just an "adventure," he may be interested in meeting you. Ask him "Is your relationship really serious, or is it still in the exploration stage?" Again, if you ask him directly, he may know right away where your conversation is headed. So, be careful.
Step 3. Ask him if he is happy in the relationship
Ask directly, but be careful. You could say, “How is your relationship with your boyfriend? Are you happy?” You have to be extra careful when bringing up this topic because he might get defensive or offended by such a personal question. His reaction will depend entirely on his personality. Therefore, evaluate his previous answers to see if he responds well to such intimate questions. If your previous question made him uncomfortable, get the information from a friend or some other way.
Step 4. Use indirect cues
Asking direct questions about the relationship may be a little dangerous because he could be offended. Personal questions can make him uncomfortable and he may be able to guess exactly what you're asking these questions for.
- Ask questions indirectly. For example, “Do you have an event tonight?” or “What do you usually do in your spare time?” He might mention about his girlfriend spontaneously and save you the trouble of not having to ask the question directly.
- Observe seductive behavior. While some girls like to be flirty, whether they're single or not, if he's attracted to you, chances are he doesn't have a girlfriend. See how far you can get back to his flirting. If he responds positively, chances are he is single.
- Watch what he buys. If you're lucky enough to run into a girl at the store instead of at school or at work, you might be able to get a clue from her groceries. See if he's buying bulk food, men's essentials, or baby products.
Step 5. Ask her friends if she has a boyfriend
They will know a lot about the relationship and be able to help you. They'll probably tell him that you're asking about the relationship, but this method is more likely to keep your intentions a secret.
- Ask his friends how serious the relationship is. They might be able to give a more honest answer than a direct answer from him. His friends have an external perspective so they can provide more valuable information about the state of their relationship and what their courtship is like.
- Ask her friends if she is happy. This method may be better than asking them directly because they are less likely to feel offended. In addition, they have more unbiased information about the relationship. They may spend a lot of time with him and his girlfriend, and may have seen or heard of a fight or disagreement between the two.
Step 6. Look at his profile on social media
While this method can make you feel like a snooper, it's the easiest way to get information about your relationship status without revealing your intentions. A Facebook profile has a special section to show a person's relationship status, while Instagram and Twitter publications can provide information on whether he or she is single. However, don't be discouraged if you see pictures of him with other people. It could be an ex-boyfriend or some other close friend.
See if he looks happy. Social media may not be able to tell you how serious the relationship is, but it can give important information about whether the relationship is happy. Check her social media pages to see if she's posting about a fight or disagreement with her boyfriend. Try to use this information only as an indicator, not evidence. Don't talk to him about specific publications you've seen because he could think you're spying on him through his social media accounts
Part 2 of 3: Talking To Him
Step 1. Talk about relationships
Before you ask too blunt questions and ask her out, try talking about the relationship in general. Start the conversation with a small chat about the day and how it was, then ask how things are going. Relationships are a common topic of conversation. He will be less suspicious if you speak in a light, friendly tone. Use this relationship talk to pave the way before you ask him out.
Step 2. Ask her out on a date
If you find that he's in a relationship, but isn't serious or unhappy, try getting the courage to ask him out. This method takes a lot of steel because you don't know how it will react or what will happen, but it's worth a try. He could have accepted it.
- Say, “Hey, I know you already have a boyfriend, but I don't think the relationship is serious/going well. Do you want to go to dinner with me? I promise I won't mess around and I don't mean to offend your relationship. I just want to get to know you better.” This method emphasizes the quality of the relationship and signals to him that you can be a better partner.
- If you want to try a different approach, just say, “I know you might think I'm presumptuous and I know you're in a relationship with someone else, but would you like to go on a date with me? I think you're a great girl." This option doesn't say anything about the quality or seriousness of the relationship, and just tells her that you're attracted to her even though she already has a boyfriend.
Step 3. Acknowledge the relationship
Make sure you don't badmouth his girlfriend. Not only does this question her taste in men, but if she truly loves her boyfriend, you could offend her. Tell him that you know he already has a girlfriend, and that you don't want to interfere if the relationship is serious, but that you want to get to know him better.
Step 4. Try giving him your phone number
Instead of asking her out, try writing down your phone number and giving it to her. This will make your intentions very clear and you won't have to look for the perfect way to ask him out. You just need to give him a phone number and ask him to call you sometime. He may call you when things go wrong with his girlfriend, or he may start texting or calling right away to get to know you better.
Step 5. Let him take the initiative
Sometimes, you don't need to take the first step. When you start talking to a girl who already has a boyfriend, she can always flirt with you or show that she's interested in you. If this happens, let him propose the date. Ask him if he has anything to do after school or after work. With this kind of open-ended question, you give him the opportunity to suggest meeting times and to get to know each other better.
Part 3 of 3: Be Respectful
Step 1. Be careful if his girlfriend finds out that you are asking her out
Most likely he will be angry that you tried to snatch his girlfriend. So, be prepared to apologize if necessary. If the girl accepts your invitation to go on a date, her boyfriend will be even more angry. Try to avoid him, but if he comes to you to talk, apologize and explain that you don't mean to mess up the relationship.
Step 2. Decide what you would do if you were in the “friend zone.” In general, girls like to have male friends
So you have to make sure you don't end up as friends, and not as potential boyfriends. If you spend time with him, but he doesn't break up with his girlfriend, chances are he just sees you as a friend and doesn't intend to date you. It's possible that he just likes spending time with you, but that's not a guarantee that he's interested in you.
- One of the signals that indicate that you are in the friend zone is a conversation that involves feelings. If he starts to call often to talk about his feelings, or if he uses you as a place to rant about his girlfriend, it could be that he only sees you as a friend.
- Listen to how he talks about you. If he talks about you with his friends, but keeps telling you that you're "just a friend" or a "nice guy," he likely isn't interested in dating you.
- Watch if he flirts with you. If he's flirting with you and seems genuinely interested, you may have a chance. However, if as time goes on and he flirts with you less and less with no signs he's ending his relationship with his girlfriend, chances are you're just in the "friend zone."
- Cut off friendships with him. If you're still interested in dating him, but he only sees you as a friend, break up. You'll end up heartbroken if you're only in the third person. He can't force his feelings, and if he just sees you as a friend, chances are he won't change his mind.
- Stay friends with him. If you decide that you value your friendship more than a romantic relationship, it's okay to stay friends with him. It's not impossible to build a strong and healthy relationship with the opposite sex, but you have to be comfortable with the fact that the relationship will only be platonic.
Step 3. Don't make him cheat on his girlfriend
If he really likes you, but is in a serious relationship, he may be tempted to have an affair with you. Explain to him that you won't do anything with him unless he breaks up with his girlfriend.
- If he is having an affair with you, this could be a sign of danger for you. If he can betray his girlfriend, he can also cheat on you if the two of you are later in a relationship. Many people who cheat on their partners do so compulsively and may find it difficult to trust them.
- Don't be a "backup guy". If his relationship with his girlfriend isn't serious, but he keeps it up, you run the risk of being used as a backup. He may call you often or spend some romantic time with you, but you'll end up hurting yourself. Chances are he will never make a serious commitment to you or end the relationship; He's just using you..
Step 4. If all your efforts are fruitless, forget it
If you're really attracted to a girl, you might try asking her out a few times, despite the fact that she already has a boyfriend. However, you have to be realistic with your chances of success. If he's constantly reminding you that he has a girlfriend, or turning down all the dates, you're only going to frustrate him with time. Keep in mind that there are “more fish in the sea” and switch to another girl if there is no significant development.
Tips
- Try to be confident. Girls love confidence, and respond well to direct and assertive questions.
- Always respect his decision. If he decides to turn down your date, he may have a number of reasons behind it. Don't be angry with him or get frustrated. It's not about you, it's about the decision.
- Present your attractive self. You will have a better chance of asking her out if you are presentable, maintain personal hygiene and exercise.
- Always try to be yourself. Success in attracting a girl's attention may be influenced by an attractive appearance and calm demeanor, but you don't have to pretend to be someone else. It's fine if you want to know what he's attracted to and improve yourself, but don't overdo it so you want to present someone you're not. He would be able to see it.
- Don't bother him. While persistence can remind him of your attraction, it can easily cross the line and turn into something annoying. Ask him out several times over the course of a few months, not every day.
Warning
- Don't confront her boyfriend. Provoking a fight or getting into trouble with his girlfriend may seem like an "alpha guy" way to impress a girl, but it can end badly. Physical fights and aggression can get you injured or even get into trouble with the police and can make the girl dislike you.
- Don't be too hard on yourself. If he refuses, you may feel depressed or low on self-esteem. Focus on improving the areas where you are lacking, but don't push yourself.
- Never get involved with a married woman. Dating relationships can be easily ended, but not so with marriage. You can ruin other people's lives if you have an affair with a married person, especially if there are children involved.
- Don't love him too much. Too much affection for a girl often ends in hurt, especially if you don't know her very well. He may decide to turn down your date, but if you love him too much, you could end up heartbroken.
