Friends who behave negatively will bring negative energy into your daily life. On the other hand, you need to appreciate the good things in your friend and help them shape positive behavior. However, negative interactions with friends will drain your energy and affect you. Learn how to deal with negative friends so you can understand their behavior and bring positive things into their lives.
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Method 1 of 3: Dealing with a Friend's Negative Behavior
Step 1. Don't criticize your friend
Advising a friend who is behaving in a negative way will make him feel guilty and blame you in return. Many people find it difficult to accept criticism, especially those whose thoughts and emotions are always negative. Complaining negative behavior to the person concerned only exacerbates the problem and makes him or her feel attacked. Try to create the best possible supportive conditions.
Step 2. Take responsibility for your own happiness
Relying on negative people to be happy will only lead to disaster. Emotionally distance yourself from negative friends. Don't get carried away in his life and try to help him solve the problem so you can make yourself happy.
Step 3. Show your own positive attitude
The most effective way to deal with a negative friend and help yourself is to stay positive in the face of negative behavior. In addition to keeping you happy, this method allows your friend to see another way of understanding and dealing with things in everyday life.
- Stay away from time to time. The emotions of the people around you can affect you because emotions are contagious. Even if you are a very positive person, you will have a hard time being positive if you often interact with negative people. Therefore, once in a while, stay away from negative friends.
- Another way to maintain a positive attitude is to be aware of the emotions you are going through. If negative emotions start to appear, be aware of these changes and remind yourself that this is not what you want. For example, “I started to get angry with the restaurant waiter because my friend kept complaining about his service to us. I'm not really mad because everything is fine.
- Use humor. Redefining negative experiences humorously can change the brain's natural impulses to focus on the negative aspects of your problem. If your friend starts nagging again, change things up by joking: “Wow, looks like your car broke down, so you should walk home. It just so happens that you really want to exercise often, don't you?"
- Remember that your friend's negative behavior doesn't make sense. Maintaining a positive attitude will be easier if you are able to ignore irrational negative behavior. For example, if your friend complains that he disappointed you because tonight you can only watch 2D movies instead of 3D movies, remember that this is very irrational because you can still watch movies and have a great night. Don't be influenced by other people's unreasonable thought patterns.
Step 4. Don't conform to other people's negative attitudes
Maybe you will be provoked into being negative. Research shows that people are more likely to engage in unpleasant activities with friends than to enjoy pleasurable activities alone. However, negative attitudes will only get worse if supported. He will think that his attitude is acceptable and you encourage him to be more negative.
Step 5. Be nice
Research shows that being nice to others is a way of interacting that is enjoyable for both parties. Being kind is beneficial for both mental and physical health as it can prevent stress and make you feel closer to others which will boost your immune system. In addition, you can also help others by being kind because this will make other people want to be kind too. Giving selflessly makes others do the same. In conclusion, being kind will keep you and those around you healthy.
For example, look for ways you can help others. If your friend's car breaks down, offer to drive him to his destination or help him by electrocuting the car battery. If he complains about a family member, offer to listen. Giving a small favor like this will have a big impact on both of your lives
Step 6. Protect yourself
While breaking up with friends isn't always fun, sometimes it's the best option. You can make friends by ignoring his negative behavior and thoughts, but you need to cut ties if he's being excessively negative. Realize that by breaking up, you are taking care of yourself by avoiding negative influences.
Sometimes, the negative attitude of others brings back unpleasant or traumatic memories of the past. For example, if you are recovering from a drug addiction and your friend continues to complain that her family is asking her to stop taking drugs, the negative behavior may remind you of an experience you've had. Stay away if your friend often makes you feel angry or triggers painful emotions. Distance yourself is the best way to deal with it
Step 7. Consider consulting a therapist
This is especially useful if you want to keep in touch with a negative friend, but have a hard time dealing with their negative habits. The therapist will help you learn how to deal with this problem well and change your mindset to stay positive.
If your friend has high-risk negative habits, such as saying they wanted to kill themselves or hurt themselves, talk to their parents, teachers, counselors, or authority figures because your friend needs more help than you can give
Method 2 of 3: Communicating Effectively with Negative Friends
Step 1. Consider the words you will say
Don't make your friend even more negative by criticizing or being rude to her. If your friend is being overly negative about her problem and you feel the need to tell her about it, think about the best way to say it.
Use sentences with the word "I" or "I", instead of using the word "you". For example, the sentence "I see there are other aspects of this matter that you may not know about" would be better than "Don't be negative." Sentences with the word “I/I” don't make the other person feel judged so he or she will listen to what you have to say
Step 2. Be careful with your body language
Besides words, intonation and nonverbal cues are equally important. Yelling or waving your hands in an attacking style makes the situation even more heated, rather than defused.
- If you agree with what he's saying, look him gently in the face and occasionally nod your head when he's talking so you can both interact properly.
- Speak with a flat tone of voice. Remaining calm when your friend is angry can make him realize that there are other ways to deal with the problem.
Step 3. Pay attention to the tempo of the speech
Research shows that speaking at a slow pace gives the impression that you are a caring and sympathetic person. In order to communicate with negative friends in a positive way and protect yourself from negative influences, pay attention to how fast you speak.
Step 4. Be assertive
Be kind and positive to others, but that doesn't mean you let yourself be treated as you wish. Sometimes, negative friends tend to want to challenge other people's opinions. Keep your stand because you have the right to express yourself and have a different point of view. Being assertive means trying to fulfill the wishes of all parties involved, not just the wishes of one person.
- Say clearly what you expect, want, and need. Express what you want without causing conflict. For example, “I feel uncomfortable being treated like this. I'd better go, but if you want, we can talk later."
- Show empathy. For example, "I know you still want to talk about this, but this conversation is making me feel uncomfortable, so I'd better go."
- Limit the conversation. For example, “I want to listen to your complaints for 5 minutes, but after that, let's talk about other things so we don't get overwhelmed by negative feelings.”
Step 5. Change the topic of conversation
If your friend is constantly talking about negative things, change the subject of the conversation by discussing things that are fun for both of you. When dealing with negative situations, it's much easier to make a positive influence than to eliminate the negative.
For example, if your friend is complaining about her problems at work, ask her if she'd like to buy her a ticket to a bowling game or a movie
Method 3 of 3: Understanding Your Friends' Negative Habits
Step 1. Identify if there is a sense of pessimism
Pessimism is the view that life will always go badly. Many people feel pessimistic because their life is really bad. Pessimistic people tend to appear negative because they easily reject ideas and opportunities. Keep in mind that they may have had bad experiences so that they think it's perfectly normal to have pessimism.
- For pessimists, positive thinking is seen as being indifferent or wanting to avoid problems. Help your friend to be able to think positively by adopting a positive mindset when interacting.
- For example, a pessimistic friend might say, "I don't need to apply for a job because I won't be called in for an interview." Someone who refuses to accept reality might respond, “Don't worry, you'll definitely get a job! You cannot fail!” Even though it sounds positive, this method will be useless because besides being unrealistic, you are ignoring what your friends are worried about.
- Instead, be positive, but realistic. For example: “You may not be the best applicant, but you won't know the results unless you apply because you can meet almost all of the required qualifications. What's the harm in submitting a job application?"
Step 2. Recognize if there are signs of depression
Depression is an emotional disorder that can be recognized through several symptoms, for example: a sense of disconnection, inability to feel pleasure, and prolonged fatigue. Depression is a trigger for many negative habits. Knowing the symptoms of depression is a way of understanding the negative behavior of a friend who may be experiencing depression. Depression can be caused by various factors that are beyond the control of the person concerned, such as heredity, family life, and social environment. People who are depressed tend to be less enthusiastic about doing things because they always feel tired and moody so they seem very negative and unhappy.
- People with major depression may try to ignore disturbing feelings, but depression can actually be cured through therapy and medication.
- Other symptoms of depression: often feel sad or want to cry, want to throw tantrums, lose interest in doing things that he has always enjoyed, changes in weight/sleeping patterns/eating patterns, feeling worthless, feeling guilty, often thinking about hurting yourself, or want to commit suicide.
Step 3. Discuss the issue of depression with your friend
Depression is a serious problem that makes sufferers unable to feel emotional closeness and do not have a healthy and happy life. You can't deal with your friend's depression, but if you see signs of a problem, talk to him to show that you care and suggest that he seek help.
- When speaking, use sentences with the word “I/I”, for example: “I noticed, lately you rarely hang out with friends. I'm worried about your attitude. Would you like to share your problem?”
- Ask a question. Don't assume you know what's going on. It's a good idea to ask directly, for example, “Have you been going through this for a long time? Why do you feel this way?”
- Provide support. Show that you care and are willing to provide support. People with depression tend to feel guilty and worthless. To make your friend feel cared for and supported, tell them, “I really appreciate our friendship. You can talk anytime, I'm ready to listen."
- People with depression may be angry or annoyed that you want to help. Don't be offended and don't have to force yourself to want to solve the problem.
Step 4. Watch for signs of anxiety
Anxiety can trigger feelings of frustration and annoyance. People who experience anxiety tend to feel helpless in everyday life or feel afraid of things that are not scary to others. They will spend time thinking about what scares them so much that they have trouble thinking or concentrating on other things. People with high anxiety tend to speak harshly and get angry easily so that their emotional life is full of negative energy.
- If your friend is constantly worrying about things that are out of her control or feels like she can't control her life, she may have an anxiety disorder.
- Like depression, anxiety is a serious mental disorder, but it can be cured. You can't cure your friend's anxiety, but show your concern and support them.
Step 5. Suggest that your friend go to therapy for anxiety
Many people with anxiety disorders feel guilty about not being able to control their anxiety, which makes them even more anxious. They consider following therapy a sign of weakness or experiencing a mental disorder. Encourage them by reminding them that seeking help is a sign of strength and self-care.
Use sentences with the word “I/I” when discussing anxiety with friends. Don't make him feel even more guilty by saying, "You have to work on your anxiety." Instead, say things that are uplifting and comforting, for example, “I see you seem to be feeling anxious and depressed these past few weeks. Are you alright?"
Step 6. Look for insecurities and self-esteem issues
People who feel insecure or unappreciated usually have a hard time being positive and don't respond well to positive things. This attitude is a way of protecting themselves because they are worried that they will be rejected or hurt again. Although often misunderstood, understanding the reasons behind these attitudes will go a long way in helping you deal with them. You can help a friend build self-esteem in the following ways:
- Give him positive feedback. Overcoming the habit of protecting yourself takes time. Whenever you see a small improvement, say something positive about it. For example, “I'm so glad you want to play bowling again today! It feels like a long time since we last played together.”
- Give encouragement. Overcoming negative habits takes hard work and may come back again. Keep encouraging your friend to try new ways.
- Listen as he speaks. Many people feel inferior because they feel unheard or ignored. Take time to listen to your friend talk, try to understand their concerns, and offer advice. In this way, he feels included in your life and can be someone who means a lot to you.
Step 7. Realize that negative habits can go unnoticed
We tend to think that negative behavior is a choice, but it is actually more complicated because it is influenced by many other factors. Negative behavior that arises due to depression, pessimism, anxiety, insecurity, or other causes is something that is beyond anyone's control. There are several things we can do to overcome negative habits, but judging someone as a negative person can sometimes make things worse.
Remember that you can't solve a friend's problems, but you can provide support. Don't forget to take care of yourself
Tips
Suggest that your friend consult a therapist if it seems that she is having trouble controlling her emotions
Warning
- Don't tell your friend's problems behind their backs. This attitude is neither good nor beneficial.
- If your friend says he wants to hurt himself or is suicidal, ask him to immediately call the Ministry of Health's emergency services (local code) 500567.
