There is nothing lighter than light conversation. Even if you think small talk is just a way to pass time or avoid awkwardness, many great friendships and relationships start with a discussion about the weather. Small talk can not only help you build a meaningful relationship with someone, but it's also a very important skill that will benefit you in the world of work. If you want to know how to master small talk, follow the steps below.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Make Others Feel Comfortable
Step 1. Have body language that shows you are approachable
If you want to make someone feel comfortable, the best thing to do is show the "open stance" and direct your body towards the person without appearing too pushy. Make eye contact, don't cross your arms, and bring your shoulders back to the person. This will make the other person feel that you have your full attention on him and that you are not just half-hearted in having a conversation with him. Maintain an appropriate distance to the person.
- Save your cell phone. There's nothing more annoying than talking to someone who is constantly checking their cell phone.
- While you should look like you want to talk to the person, don't look too eager. Don't lean so close that you will overwhelm the person or frighten him or her. Many people do not like people who talk too closely.
Step 2. Give a friendly greeting
If you see someone you already know, say hello and say hello by saying their name: "Hi, Jen, nice to meet you." It is simple and direct and tells the person that you have a desire to talk. If you don't know his name, introduce yourself first so that you feel more confident and in control of the conversation. Say "Hi, I'm Marla, may I know your name?" say the person's name when he says it to you, then he will feel more special.
Remember to smile and pay attention to the person when you greet them. Don't look like you're just wasting time until your "real" friends come along
Step 3. Keep things light and positive
Conversation is as much an exchange of energy as an exchange of information. To make great small talk and conversation, you have to keep things light, fun, and positive. If you're optimistic, be prepared to smile at the right times, and laugh at things that aren't too funny, then you'll make people want to keep talking to you – even if you're just talking about your favorite cereal brand.
Reality: it can be hard to keep things light and fun when you're having a bad day or week. But remember that if you are having small talk, then this person is not your close friend, so you should avoid talking about anything too negative or the person will feel reluctant
Step 4. Start with a light compliment
Just a light compliment like "I love your shoes – where did you buy them?" can get you into a fun conversation about shoe shopping. Even if the compliment doesn't get anywhere, it will still make the person feel appreciated before you start talking about other subjects. You can also do this earlier, as a way to introduce yourself to someone.
Method 2 of 3: Start Talking
Step 1. Find common ground
Similarity does not mean that you and the other person are big fans of an activity. It could mean the fact that both of you have had to deal with bad weather in the past week. Anything that can connect you to that person and make a connection, but a weakness, can be seen as something in common. And since you don't want to talk about the weather, remember that "little things" can lead you to talk about things that are important to you. Here are some ways to have something in common:
- "Professor Hoffer is a funny man."
- "Ashley had the most amazing party ever."
- "Can you believe the amount of rain that fell?"
- "I love visiting the Arbor Cafe."
Step 2. Say something about yourself
once you have a few things in common, you can expand on them and say something more personal. You shouldn't say something so personal that it might scare other people away, like, "I've actually been in love with my professor for the last five years," but you can talk about yourself a little more. Here are a few things to say following up on the previous statement:
- "He was my best teacher. He was the main reason I took English lessons."
- "I met Ashley last year, when Ben took me to his Great Gatsby party."
- "It was raining terrible. I had to train for a marathon and had to train on a treadmill – that's a bad thing."
- "Every time I'm in this cafe, I feel like I'm in a zone. Maybe because of the strong dripping coffee – but really, I feel like I could work long hours here."
Step 3. Get the person involved
Now that you have something in common and have shown something about yourself, it is time to engage the person and get him to talk by asking a few questions to reveal some information about him. Don't ask questions that are too personal, such as asking about their health, religion, or political views. Keep it light and fun and ask open-ended questions about his interests, his job, or his surroundings. Here's how to get other people involved:
- "How about you? Are you majoring in English, or are you just here to hear Professor Hoffer's funny stories?"
- "Are you coming to the party, or is this your first time coming here? It was fun, but I drank too many mint juleps."
- "What about you? Has the rain prevented you from doing anything fun this week?"
- "Did you come here to do some work, or did you just read for fun?"
Step 4. Follow up with a question or statement
People's response will affect whether you continue with a question, a statement, or a joke. Try to find a balance between questions and statements. Too many questions will make the other person feel like he is being interrogated, and too many statements will not give the other person a chance to speak. Here's how to keep the conversation going:
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Someone else: "I also take English courses. I've always wanted to take English courses, but Professor Hoffer is of course a bonus."
You: "Oh really? What do you think by doing that? It's a great thing to be able to meet other people in this very lucrative field."
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Someone else: "I couldn't come to the party, but I came to the Cinco de Mayo party last month. It was so crazy."
You: "Yeah, the party was crazy! I feel like I've seen you before. How do you know Ashley? Isn't she crazy?"
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Someone else: "I don't really think about the rain, but it makes it hard for me to walk my dog! It's really annoying."
You: "You have dogs too? I have a poodle named Stella. Do you have a photo of the dog?"
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Someone else: "I'm just here to read for fun. I can't believe I've gone a long time without reading Catcher in the Rye."
You: "I really liked the book! Some people thought it was an exaggeration, but I totally disagreed."
Step 5. Pay attention to your surroundings
Once you've started talking to the person genuinely and jokingly, you can also look around for ideas on what to talk about next. You can identify anything the person is wearing or holding, right down to a sign on the wall the two of you might be able to talk about. Here are some things you can say:
- "Team sports shirts. That's a classic. Have you been a fan of that sports team for a long time?"
- "You participated in the New York marathon too? What year? I've forgotten what I did with my t-shirt."
- "What do you think about the Capella concert tonight? I saw the flyers all over campus, but I don't know if I want to go."
- "Ah, American Pageant. That book taught me everything I needed about American history. Is it still as easy as it used to be?"
Step 6. Take time to listen
Really listening to what people have to say can help you find new common ground and take the conversation in a more enjoyable or productive direction. The person may make a short comment that goes along with the question or topic of conversation, so listen carefully and see if there is anything the person has to say that could spark a new conversation. Here are some examples of how two people can come up with ideas and steer the conversation in new directions to take the relationship to a deeper level:
- You: "I met Ashley on a spring break trip. We all went to Mexico with friends."
- Another person: "I remember him telling me about the trip! I helped him improve his Spanish for the holiday, but I doubt he actually used that – unless you count the words Piña colada."
- You: "You speak Spanish? That's cool. You can help me prepare for the trip to Madrid. My Spanish is pretty good, but eventually I'm going to need help!"
- Another person: "I love Madrid. My grandmother still lives there, so I visit her almost every summer. She takes me to the Prado every Sunday."
- You: "Madrid is my favorite city! El Greco in the Prado is something worth fighting for."
- Someone else: "You like El Greco? I prefer Goya."
- You: "Oh really? You know, there's a movie about Goya coming out next week – I think Ethan Hawke is in that movie! Want to see it?"
- Others: "Of course!"
Method 3 of 3: Ending Strongly
Step 1. Open (but not too much)
At the end of the conversation, you can show something more about yourself, but only a little, whether it's about your obsession with cats, your interest in yoga, or your thoughts on the new album by your favorite band. Let the person you broke up with know something about you, which can lead you to build deeper relationships and make others think you're not just making small talk.
You don't need to express your thoughts about the meaning of life, the loss of a loved one, or death in light conversation. Just reveal something about yourself and wait for a deeper connection before you get too personal
Step 2. If it goes well, ask to meet again
If you really enjoy talking to the person, whether you're trying to get a partner or a partner from a friend, you can say that you really like talking to the person about something and ask if they'd like to see you again or give them their number. Or you could mention a place that both of you would like to visit. Here are some sentences you can say:
- "I'm really serious about watching that new movie with you. Can I get your phone number so we can talk about the details?"
- "I've never met someone who loves The Bachelor parties as much as I do. My roommate and I have the best view party every Monday night – can I get a phone number so I can send you the info?"
- Maybe I can meet you at Ashley's next party? I heard he wouldn't let you in if you weren't wearing a real toga, so that would be something worth seeing."
Step 3. Say goodbye nicely
Once you've made small talk but have to leave, whether it's going back to class or talking to someone else at the party, you need to make that person feel important, not like you're just obligated to talk to that person. Here are some ways to end a conversation politely:
- "Nice to talk to you. I'm going to tell you how the paella recipe works for me."
- "I'd love to talk more about Spain, but I haven't said hello to Nina yet, and it looks like she'll be leaving soon."
- "Oh, that's my best friend, Kelley. Have you met him? Come on, I'll introduce you to him."
- "I wish I could keep talking to you, but I have a class I need to take. I'm sure I'll see you again in the near future."
Tips
- Always respect others.
- Relax, the whole world isn't watching you.
- Watch how you breathe; Make sure you're not breathing too fast, holding your breath, or breathing too heavily.
- Sometimes if you feel comfortable around a girl, a good joke can make her smile.
- If you don't read/view news, at least read the headlines every day.
- Always have three clean jokes ready to tell all person. (Ask yourself, "Can I tell this joke to my mother or grandmother?")
- Know the schedule of sports matches, especially if the person likes sports.
- Practice how to have a conversation with a milkman, postman, etc. You can simply say "hello" if you feel nervous.
- Opening sentences are an effective way to open the door to further communication, as long as they are not superficial.
Warning
- Always master as much as the person says. Especially, if he's emphasizing a certain subject, try to be interested and talk about it.
- Don't force people to have small talk with you; some people are introverts, and everyone is social at certain times and with other people. Some people don't care about the weather or where you buy your shoes.
