If you've been in a relationship with him for a long time, you'll want to know if he's really serious about the relationship. He may say he loves you, but you're not sure if he really loves you or not. If he doesn't say he loves you, there are several ways to find out if he really loves you or not. Try to pay attention to his actions, then consider his words.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Watching His Actions
Step 1. Think about whether he treats you with respect
If he really loves you, he will definitely be attracted to you. He will respect your ideas and opinions, even when he doesn't really agree. He will pay close attention to your likes and dislikes, and will take care of your needs as best he can.
- Has he ever asked about your life?
- Does he genuinely care about your feelings and opinions?
Step 2. Pay attention to his ability to compromise
If he respects you, he will show the initiative to compromise, even when you don't ask for it at all. Regardless of whether he compromises over small things (eg watching a movie he doesn't really like or cares about just because you like him) or big things, compromise is an important sign that he really loves you.
- True compromise doesn't require you to do anything for him to get him to do what you want. Compromise is not negotiation.
- Does he insist that his opinion or decision is the best one? Or, does he relent and let your decision be the final decision?
Step 3. Pay attention to which part of the body he touches
Usually people who are in love feel the need to touch what they care about, even without sexual activity. Does he seem interested in touching or showing physical contact with you? Does he feel attracted to you when he touches you? Physical touch he makes in public is usually a way to show affection to others, and show the world that he cares about you.
- If you're not sure how he feels when he touches you, ask yourself how he feels. Do you feel loved when he touches you? Or do you feel as though he's trying to make you "his" by showing physical contact in public?
- If he is shy, or comes from a culture that prohibits physical contact (including touching) between two people in public, he may actually love you; it's just that he will rarely touch you.
- If a man touches a woman's face, it is often a sign that he wants to be closer to her.
- In most cultures, touching the shoulder or hand is not always considered an intimate touch. However, if he touches you on the lower back, or gently rubs your leg, it could be a sign that he is interested in you.
- If he only touches you when you're alone with him, that can be a warning sign. On the other hand, if he ONLY touches you in public, and never touches you when you're alone with him, that can also be another warning sign.
- Make sure he touches you respectfully. If you don't like the way he touches you but he does it anyway, there's a good chance he doesn't really love you.
Step 4. Make sure he wants you to spend time with his friends and family
If he just wants you to spend time with him, and is not allowed to see or spend time with his friends and family, there's a good chance he doesn't really love you. If he really loves you, he will also include you in various aspects of his life.
- Involving you in his family's life may be difficult for him at first, especially if his relationship with his family is less intimate or problematic.
- If he treats you differently in front of his family and friends, ask why. If he does love you, he will be proud of you, regardless of who you two meet.
Step 5. Make sure he wants to spend time with your friends and family too
Someone who loves you will be attracted to your family and friends too. Even if he doesn't really like your friends or family, he's still willing to spend time with them when you want him to meet them.
- If he shies away when you ask him to meet your family or friends, he may feel embarrassed. However, if he's also trying to keep you away from them, there's a good chance he might want to overrule your life. This is certainly a bad sign.
- If he doesn't care and doesn't want to get to know your family and friends, it could be a sign that he doesn't really care about you.
Step 6. See if he wants to do the things you want him to do
Someone who truly loves you will try to do the things you want to do, even though he or she isn't really that interested. For example, he will eat at restaurants you like, or go to cultural events when you ask him to go with you. If all the activities you do with him are always related to the things he is interested in, it can be a sign that he doesn't really love you.
- Doing something for someone else is a form of generosity. If he insists that you do something for him because he has/wanted to do something you love, that is not generosity; it is a form of manipulation.
- Someone who really loves you will notice what you like and don't like. He will make sure that you are happy because your happiness means a lot to him.
Step 7. Avoid your boyfriend if he hurts you
Sometimes, people say they do hurtful things “because they love you”. If your boyfriend says that to you, it's actually a warning sign. Learn how to identify potentially violent relationships and ask others for help.
- Abusive behavior is not always manifested in the form of physical violence. If he really loves you, he will treat you with respect. He will not demean you, call you bad names, or look down on your accomplishments.
- If you're not sure if you can trust him when he says he loves you, ask a parent or friend for advice.
Method 2 of 2: Listening to His Speech
Step 1. Listen to whether the pronoun "we" he uses more often than the pronoun "I"
When someone loves you, he will still think of you when he thinks about his daily activities or life. When he makes plans for the future, he will also include you in those plans.
- Did he include you in his plans, or did he make plans for himself?
- When he talks to his friends or family on the phone, does he mention things you guys used to do together? Did he tell them he was with you? Or is he just reluctant to talk to his friends when he's with you?
Step 2. See if he apologizes when he makes a mistake
Some guys tend to apologize easily when they make a mistake, but their actions don't really change. Some men are reluctant to even apologize, even when they clearly did something wrong. Try to notice how he reacts when he does something that hurts (or you think is insensitive). Did he apologize for his actions?
- If someone readily (or immediately) apologizes after making a mistake, but seems to keep repeating the same mistake or behavior, there's a good chance that the apology wasn't truly sincere.
- A stubborn lover may find it difficult to apologize when he made a mistake. However, if he loves you he will feel uncomfortable until things start to feel better again.
Step 3. Think about whether his words match his actions
A lover who says things that don't match his actions is inherently untrustworthy. A person whose words and actions do not match each other has a discrepancy with his mindset. This discrepancy is shown through his actions and words.
- When a person's words and actions are inconsistent, he cannot be trusted. Even though he loves you, you can't just trust him that easily.
- Sometimes, a man will try to explain the discrepancy between his speech and relationship by telling a bitter experience he has had. As a result, his girlfriend will feel sorry for him and actually want to help him.
- On the other hand, someone who is “caught red-handed” shows a dissonance in his words and his words will actually blame you. He will twist words and actually accuse you of thinking negatively. This is certainly a warning sign to watch out for.
Step 4. Remember that words of love are not enough
Someone who says "I love you" but doesn't act accordingly (in this case, affection and care) is not actually loving you. The words "I love you" are sometimes uttered without sincerity and are used to manipulate others. When someone says “I love you”, think about whether their actions match their words.
- If you're not sure if you can trust what he's saying, ask someone you trust to know the truth of what your partner is saying. Maybe he noticed something that you didn't notice before.
- If you feel sure that he really loves you, you are ready to think about whether those words are enough for you. When he loves you, it doesn't mean that you have to love him back (in this case, if he loves you and wants to be in a relationship with you, but you feel like you don't want to be in a relationship with him yet, you don't need to love him back).
Tips
There are many quizzes on the internet that "supposedly" can tell you whether your boyfriend really loves you. If you want, you can try following it. However, consider the results carefully. These quizzes can be the most interesting way to think about your relationship in a new way
Warning
- Remember that relationships filled with violence take many forms. If you're not sure you're being abused, try to find out and watch for warning signs of violence that may be showing up in your relationship.
- If you feel like you often do things you really don't want to do, or say things you don't want to say just because of your boyfriend, there's a good chance you're in an unhealthy relationship.
