Understanding the driving factors that influence your behavior and the behavior of others is an essential part of life. Humans tend to have feelings of insecurity (self-doubt, lack of confidence, or lack of confidence), and these feelings greatly influence behavior. The skill to recognize insecurities in yourself and others will ultimately benefit you in any situation and relationship. This is because recognizing insecurity is the first step towards change. This article will improve your ability to recognize feelings of insecurity, and thereby inspire you to grow and understand others better.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Observing Yourself
Step 1. Evaluate the self-talk that is happening to you
Have you ever noticed the constant conversation going on in your own mind? Self-talk can be positive and productive or negative and damaging to your well-being. Focusing on your bad qualities based on your own judgment will keep you trapped in feelings of insecurity. After all, judging yourself harshly won't do any good.
- Don't judge yourself too harshly as this will result in an untrue/unfair self-image. Humiliating yourself will destroy your mood, motivation, and outlook on life.
- Look in the mirror every morning and tell yourself the things you like about yourself. The more you find positive things, the more you will be able to develop self-confidence and let go of insecure self-talk.
- Negative self-talk will make it difficult for you to speak up for yourself. On the other hand, positive self-talk will build your ability to speak up for yourself.
Step 2. Deal with social situations
There are some social situations that cause people to feel anxious and insecure. Maybe you need to struggle to fit in at a party, chat with other people, or walk down the main aisle at school. Sometimes, if you don't feel confident or are not good at something, people will feel doubtful and unsure. The good news is that you can learn to recognize and deal with these problems.
- Social situations can trigger thoughts and feelings that you are doing something wrong or stuck at the wrong time and you want to avoid embarrassment. In this case, use visualization techniques to calm yourself down. Visualize yourself feeling comfortable just observing and enjoying the experience.
- Seek professional help with social anxiety. Professionals will help you rethink and fight the distorting thoughts of each of these social situations and build a healthy sense of self-worth.
- Your insecurities may show up in social situations in the form of abusive behavior. In fact, this kind of behavior is your attempt to control a situation that makes you feel insecure. Look for other ways to be successful in your life, such as working with other people instead of forcing your opinion on them.
- Pay attention to whether you feel uncomfortable expressing your needs and wants in front of other people, and whether this discomfort triggers resentment and frustration. If you only express yourself passively, your needs will very likely go unmet, and you will start to feel angry and humiliated.
- Practice using an assertive style of language to ask for what you need. It will be uncomfortable at first, but eventually you will feel more comfortable when you are able to successfully express your needs.
- The fear of losing security can also encourage negative behavior. For example, if you feel nervous, anxious, and angry with other people while getting ready to travel, this may mean that you are insecure because you are not sure about your safety.
Step 3. Ask for input from others
There are times when you should ask for input from others. You don't always recognize your own behavior, so it can be helpful to ask a trusted friend or family member for input. They may notice that you become very, very quiet around certain people, or that you don't move and don't talk at all in certain situations.
- Not everyone is capable of providing constructive feedback, so think of a friend or family member who will be honest with you without being rude, insulting, or condescending.
- Ask the person to notice if you are showing signs of insecurity. Also ask to be completely honest.
- You may feel vulnerable because you need to ask others for input about you, but remember that your goal is to get to know yourself better so you can reduce feelings of insecurity.
- An example of good feedback might be: "You seem to think so much about your compatibility with other people you think is cool, so you become too talkative and have a hard time controlling yourself when you're around those people. many advantages, and you can definitely develop self-confidence."
- An example of a devastating feedback might be: "You're such a weirdo and suck."
Step 4. Monitor your response to conflict
In the midst of a heated situation, you may notice that your responses are flamboyant and defensive. You may become afraid and feel embarrassed or humiliated. In essence, your actions can be different in each situation or in the presence of each person and conflict will show the worst side of many people.
- For example, you may feel insecure about your education because of reading difficulties when you were in elementary school. As a result, as an adult, when a colleague jokes about you misunderstanding the contents of your memo, you respond angrily to that person, because the joke triggers your insecurities about your reading ability.
- Think back to some of the major conflicts you've had. Try to identify your response. Your response may seem exaggerated to the trigger. The hidden feelings triggered by the event are usually related to insecurity.
Method 2 of 3: Observing Others
Step 1. Observe your personal moods
People usually behave differently when in a more private setting than in public. You'll see more open, honest, and even outspoken behavior from various people when in private. Perhaps, people feel more comfortable when they are in a smaller circle. Finding signs of insecurity is beneficial because it brings compassionate understanding to the other person.
- Look for traits and behaviors such as envy (excessive concern for others coupled with a suspicion that the other person has certain faults/faults); selfish (excessive focus on one's own needs without concern for others); sulking (attempts to control another person or situation by "sulking").
- However, if you decide to talk about someone's insecurities, remember that this is a sensitive topic. Your interlocutor will deny it when faced with direct questions like, "You feel insecure, don't you, because I'm with my sister?" Consider other words such as, "I'm so grateful to be able to enjoy being with my sister. I feel very supported because of her, and I'm happier because of that togetherness. As a result, our relationship improves too."
Step 2. Study common situations
Whether you're with a group of friends, visiting another city, or just joining a running team, you'll recognize people's insecurities just by observing and interacting. People who have a lot of insecurities are usually difficult to relate to or interact with. Insecurity can take many forms in common situations.
- Look for traits and behaviors such as: wanting to please others too much (attempts to please others to keep others liking him); arrogance (exaggerated view of oneself and conceit about all one's accomplishments); excessive competitive instincts (turning any situation or conversation into a challenge to be won); too materialistic ("sticking" expensive things on himself to convince others that he is great and important).
- Observe body language as a way to recognize insecurity. People who feel insecure will position themselves by bending or crouching, as if they are trying to hide from the world. The opposite happens to people who feel confident. A confident person will stand tall and straight, with shoulders pulled back, while making eye contact with others.
- Avoid confronting someone in public about their insecurities. Get the person out of the crowd for a moment to have a private talk with you. Remember, the person himself may not be aware that he is exhibiting forms of insecurity. Let him know that his behavior has caused some unwanted confusion, saying, "Hey, I know this is a sensitive topic, but it seems a lot of people get angry when you're being too competitive. I don't know if you were aware of that all along.."
Step 3. Analyze behavioral responses that arise during conflict
Watching other people get defensive or angry can be difficult. Moreover, engaging in such conflicts is a challenge in itself. When a person is in a position to believe he needs to defend himself, he will show his insecurities through various reactions. Pay close attention to this and you will understand the person and their motivations better.
- Find such traits and behaviors; excessive authoritarian attitude (knowingly and insulting and demeaning others); self-defense (not being able to accept input without taking it as a personal attack); extreme passivity (reluctant to fight or defend oneself at all).
- When observing a conflict, ask yourself the following questions:
- Did the person vent their defensive attitude by using physical violence? (If so, report the person to the authorities).
- Does the person say nothing or just agree but show a passive-aggressive reaction afterward (indirect resistance to your request, for example by procrastinating)?
- If the person is feeling bad about himself for losing his job, does he become irritable, irritable, and uncaring about most things?
Step 4. Analyze verbal responses that arise during a conflict
There are many examples of verbal responses triggered by hidden insecurities. Understand that these concepts cannot be used as excuses for negative behavior. However, all of this provides insight to keep you safe, get out of the situation, or resolve the conflict thoroughly.
- When observing the verbal aspects of the conflict, ask yourself the following questions:
- When you feel challenged, does the person attack your weaknesses or verbally abuse you?
- Does the person make responses like, "What? You're saying I'm stupid???" when you didn't say anything related to his level of intelligence?
- Does the person respond to your words differently than you do and turn the meaning of your words into an attack on themselves?
Method 3 of 3: Observing Your Relationships
Step 1. Understand insecurity in the form of personal involvement
A person's ability to engage emotionally with other people in a relationship is strongly influenced by the relationship he had as a child with the person who played a major role as caregiver. If the relationship with the caregiver is plagued with insecurity, it is very likely that the person's relationship with his adult partner will face similar struggles. The forms vary widely, but in general the styles of emotional involvement in adult personal relationships fall into four categories. Know your category or the people you are observing:
- Safe: the person is very easy to get involved with other people.
- Nervous but overthinking: the person wants to have an emotionally intimate relationship with another person, but believes that other people don't feel the same way.
- Avoiding and running away: the person is very independent and does not want to rely on others or be relied on by others at all.
- Avoiding because of fear: the person wants closeness but feels insecure because of the possibility of being hurt.
- If you find yourself in any of the above categories, there are several things you can do: study the theories about patterns of human involvement in relationships yourself; seek therapists who are experts in this area; looking for a partner who is in the safe category; join couples counseling; and talk about your relationship.
Step 2. Learn family dynamics
Family is where you learn a lot of things that eventually carry over into adulthood. Some of them are things that will strengthen your life and are great, but others will be extraordinary challenges. Often, insecurities arise from interactions you have had and continue to have in your family, and even affect the forms of relationships you seek in adulthood.
- Write down a list of all members of your immediate family. Then next to each name, write down the positive things you have because you learned it from that person. Next, write down the things you believe are contributing to your negative feelings and behaviors.
- For example, if your dad takes care of your older brother and doesn't involve you in activities just because you're a girl, you'll end up feeling like you're never good enough. Not only will this affect your relationship with your father and older brother, but it will also be a continuing "theme" in many of your adult life situations.
Step 3. Explore your friendships
The biggest difference between family and friends is that you can choose your friends. At times, you will become closer to friends than to family members. Insecurities can make friendship very difficult at times. Recognizing a friend's insecurities and showing empathy for them will help you build stronger friendships.
- Maybe you have friends who fuel your insecurities. For example, one of your friends is so attractive that when he is with him he gets so much attention from other people. You also feel isolated and unattractive. When this happens, appreciate your great qualities and focus on them without judging yourself.
- On the other hand, if one of your friends is showing signs of insecurity, help him regain his confidence and fix the problem. For example, your friend might not be selected for a school theater audition and start saying, "I'm such a sucker. Of course I knew I was going to fail. It's because my nose is too flat." Tell him, "Hey, you can't say that to yourself. You're beautiful and smart, and you have to remember that theater is looking for a certain type of cast for the role. You're not the right fit for that role, and that doesn't mean there won't be other amazingly cool roles for you in the future."
Step 4. Observe self-destructive behavior
It's hard when you watch your friend make the wrong decisions that affect him and the people who care about him. Unfortunately, insecurity can cause people to do things that require you or someone else to get involved to help.
- If your friend is having multiple sexual partners, this is usually a sign of a more underlying problem. People who use their sexuality as a way to be liked by others are very likely to have insecurities. Your friend is very likely to judge himself based on his sexual attractiveness in the eyes of others, and does not dare to be judged as a fully human person. This type of behavior carries various risks of health problems, being taken advantage of by others, and a reduced sense of self-worth.
- Insecurity is also common for people to try to "cure" themselves with alcohol and drugs. Maybe one of your friends gets drunk to feel more confident and relaxed. How badly your friend does this is the real issue. Addiction is a very serious problem and requires persistence and professional help to overcome. Help yourself or your friends by asking your doctor for the right therapist or a close friend or family member. However, if this is not possible, contact your local mental health service for information on available counseling.
Step 5. "Surgery" on your relationships at work
Insecurity in the work environment can affect your livelihood. If your boss likes to insult and demean others but you must follow his instructions, you need to be vigilant. Recognizing insecurities in coworkers will prevent you from endangering your job. The goal is to understand those insecurities so you can avoid the conversations and actions that trigger and make the person explode.
- Your coworker is unwilling to share information with you because he or she is insecure about his or her job. Don't confront the person, but find other sources of information. If the situation becomes very, very difficult and threatens the continuity of your job, discuss the matter with your boss. Appreciate the existing lines of authority and seek his advice on how to handle the situation.
- Maybe you work for an online company and never meet face-to-face with other coworkers. This situation will certainly limit you in the possibility of developing relationships or the confidence to continue the job. To combat those insecurities, put in the best possible performance and let your work speak for itself. Focus on building self-confidence through ways such as exercise, volunteer work, or involvement in group activities in the community.
Tips
- Feelings of insecurity can be reversed by taking action and confronting your fears, and participating in activities that create new, confident behaviors.
- It's okay to show insecurity to trusted friends and family members. Revealing your "secret" in this matter will be beneficial and is one step further in the process of changing your behavior for the better.
- Be sensitive to others who have insecurities. If you see someone who is insecure, don't make a fuss about it because it will embarrass them.
- Practice empathy for others and treat others as you would like to be treated.
- Many forms of insecurity will resolve over time simply by getting used to various situations. Practice will make this process easier.
- It's never too late to seek the help you need if insecurity keeps you from living the life you want.
- Change is never easy, but it is still possible if you are willing to put in the effort and find ways to deal with your problems.
Warning
- If you let your insecurities control you, you may end up apologizing to the other person over and over, or even worse, be forced to pay for your negative behavior at a very high price. Stop yourself before acting negatively towards others.
- If you are the victim of physical or mental abuse because of someone else's insecurities, seek help from the authorities.
