Relationships that end in a breakup usually cause such deep sadness that you need time to recuperate and move on with life. However, the self-improvement you experience as you work through your loss will open up new opportunities and aid recovery. There are people who find their ideal partner without much effort. After all, separation is always a painful fact of life until you find the right partner.
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Method 1 of 3: Avoiding Things That Remind You of Your Ex-Girlfriend
Step 1. Eliminate all things that support communication
Even if it hurts, delete cell phone numbers, chat history, and e-mail communications with your ex. Even if you feel very sad, don't communicate with your ex-boyfriend again, as this will show that you still expect him or her to come back.
We recommend that you block mobile numbers/emails to prevent unwanted communication
Step 2. Get rid of things that remind you of your ex
Get rid of all the things that remind you of your loved one, especially the things that make the breakup even more painful, for example: clothes, jewelry, photos, and gifts.
You don't need to throw these things away. For now, just save it until you are able to overcome the sadness and move on again. Keep in a box all the things that remind you of your ex and then put it in a certain place so you don't see it and think about it again
Step 3. Make a plan for the special day
If it's your birthday or a holiday that reminds you of your ex, make plans with friends to distract yourself from the memories you want to forget. If the two of you have been watching movies every Monday night, make plans to do other activities instead of watching shows.
Have a party, outdoor activity, or dinner with friends to fill the time with laughter and fun
Step 4. Don't access social media for a while
Seeing an ex-lover holding a new partner might make you hurt and continue to feel disappointed. Even if you want to stay friends with them, building a friendship with your ex usually takes time.
Step 5. Use your preferred way of saying goodbye
One way that can help you recover is to briefly express everything you feel and hope for by writing a farewell letter. You don't need to give this letter to your ex because all you need is to express your feelings in writing.
Another way that may be helpful is to express how you feel in your heart. Releasing pent-up emotions will speed up the recovery process
Method 2 of 3: Letting Go
Step 1. Calm down and learn to accept the fact that this experience will pass
The message may feel unpleasant and difficult to accept. Even if you are the one who broke the relationship, breaking up is not easy. However, remember that the sadness of going through a breakup is normal and an important aspect of the recovery process.
- Know that everyone needs a different amount of time to deal with emotional baggage. Give yourself time to allow yourself to accept reality.
- Remember that the recovery process is different for everyone. Research shows that people who have broken up can take up to 11 weeks to get over their emotional baggage.
Step 2. Take up a new activity or find a new hobby
Even if it's not your talent, engaging in a new activity will distract you from thinking about your ex. After separating, start looking for things that bring happiness and do it!
- Exercising and engaging in fun activities will improve your mood.
- If you're not ready to put your feelings into words yet, use artistic activities as therapy.
- Take care of cats or plants because caring for the creatures that depend on you is one way to reduce depression.
Step 3. Join the group
Get involved in the community by volunteering, joining a book reading group, or signing up for a sports team. Making new friends in the group makes you stronger in the face of separation. Consider some of the following groups doing group activities:
- Gardening community
- Cleaning community
- Sports team
- dance group
Step 4. Learn to distinguish between imagination and reality
After a breakup, you may think of your ex-boyfriend better than reality. Ask yourself if you believe in unrealistic things, for example: are you telling yourself that no one loves you?
To turn negative emotions into positive emotions, distinguish between events that already passed and things that is going. For example: when you think about your ex, try to think of positive things by bringing out the positive emotions you've ever felt.
Step 5. Don't hold on to disappointment
Whatever happens, try to forgive the person who hurt you. If possible, go to this person to say that you're very disappointed, but that you've forgiven his or her behavior, whether intentional or unintentional. This will make it easier for you to let go of what has happened and free you from the cycle of negative emotions that often comes after a breakup.
Step 6. Use logic to deal with grief
Dealing with a breakup will be easier if your lover isn't the best. In order to be able to focus on the good that you have, don't hesitate to forget the beautiful memories with your ex that you consider very valuable. Do some reflection to find out how to improve after a breakup. This desire makes you feel and experience a better life.
If your ex-girlfriend is a very nice person, be grateful that you got to meet her. Remember that everyone we meet may become a teacher of life for us
Step 7. Be a positive person by always thinking positive
Remember that you won't be happy if you hold grudges or think negative thoughts all the time. Feeling what you are feeling doesn't mean letting yourself become a slave to your feelings. Make sure again what the philosophy of your life. Are you easily influenced by negative things? Do you let your ex-boyfriend control your emotions, even if you're separated? Realize that in life, you are the only person responsible for your emotions, so never blame others for your disappointment.
Method 3 of 3: Moving On
Step 1. Learn from experience
Remember that you are capable of loving others and that there is much you can do to live a better life. Compare how you were before your relationship and the progress you made when you were alone together. The connection between self-development, memory, and the positive emotions you experience due to gaining new knowledge makes it easier for you to forget your ex. Ask yourself:
- What was it that I wasn't able to do prior to being in a relationship, but that I managed to achieve through this relationship?
- What are the advantages of my ex-partner? What did I learn from him to develop myself?
- What accomplishments did I achieve with him that I couldn't do alone?
Step 2. Write down the things you've always wanted to do
There may be plans on hold because you put your relationship ahead of your personal interests. When you're done creating your lists, you'll realize how much fun awaits you. Plus, having goals that you can achieve makes life more exciting.
- Make a travel plan that you've always wanted, but haven't yet realized. Maybe it's time for you to enjoy traveling around the world!
- Sign up for a course you love, but haven't had time to.
- Challenge yourself by taking part in a spicy food cooking competition or a photography contest.
Step 3. Don't stay at home
There are many activities that you can do for free, such as walking in a residential area, gazing at the stars in the sky, reading a book, enjoying the sunrise, or other fun activities. In addition, the changing scenery greatly affects the mindset. The first step when you walk may be the beginning of your mental recovery.
Step 4. Call old friends and make new friends
When hanging out with friends, their happiness can have a positive effect on your mood. In order to meet people who share a common mindset, join a group formed by shared interests. Research shows that the habit of hanging out with like-minded people increases:
- Calm
- Sense of belonging and acceptance
- Ability to respect yourself
- Ability to face challenges
Step 5. Don't talk about your ex
The habit of complaining is a negative attitude that makes friends tend to stay away from you. Appreciate the support of friends so that they do not feel bored while helping you deal with grief. You can say:
- “This farewell makes me very sad. I'm sorry for complaining so much. Thank you for always supporting me and being a loyal good friend.”
- “Thank you for forcing me to come to the cinema. That night, I was really sad and a little depressed. Luckily I finally wanted to go.”
- "Thank you so much for being patient with me all this time. If no one would listen and advise me, my situation would be much worse.”
Step 6. Create environment positive ones.
Try to encourage yourself by placing a note with a positive message in an easily visible place in the house. Play a series or watch a show that can lift your mood.
Step 7. Consult a health professional, therapist, or someone you can rely on if you have a serious problem
Many people have a hard time dealing with a breakup because it can sometimes be a heavy mental blow. For a faster recovery, consult a mental health professional with experience dealing with emotional disorders. Seek advice from a psychologist, an adult family member, a close friend, or a counselor at school. Talking about how you feel can help relieve stress, get advice, and boost your self-esteem.
