If breaking up with your loved one is breaking your heart, you can get over it even if it feels really hard at first. The deep sadness you feel is caused by the end of a relationship that has been triggering dopamine, the hormone that makes you feel happy. Right now, you are unhappy because a breakup stops dopamine secretion. The good news is that these steps can help you overcome your sadness and become a stronger person!
Step
Method 1 of 4: Controlling Emotions
Step 1. Shake your body to channel excess energy
As a way of survival, the body releases negative energy when negative emotions arise, such as feelings of sadness, anger, or anxiety. However, this energy depresses you if you don't release it. Shaking your body is an easy way to release negative energy. Shake the body starting from the shoulders and then gradually lowering to the feet while imagining the negative energy flowing out of the body.
If you don't like shaking your body to release negative energy, do some high-intensity exercise
Step 2. Share your feelings with those closest to you
You will feel calm after sharing what you are feeling. Ask someone you can trust to listen to you share your feelings. Tell me what happened to you and the impact. Also say things that make you feel worried.
Ask him to listen without giving advice. Explain that you are very sad because you just broke up and ask him to listen to you share your feelings
Another way:
if you don't want to tell someone, write down everything you feel on a piece of paper. Finish writing, burn or shred and throw it in the trash.
Step 3. Determine the reasons so that you can conclude that he is not the right person for you
Don't idolize your ex after the breakup. Instead, highlight traits that prove that he's not the ideal match for you. Recall a time when he made you feel sad or a trait he didn't have. Use this excuse to convince yourself that the two of you are not a good match.
Determine the criteria for your ideal partner. Use this list to choose the right partner in the future
Step 4. Test the belief that you won't fall in love again because of something like this
Breakups are even more painful if you think of your ex as your ideal partner. Maybe you can't imagine someone else being your lover, but this will happen one day. Instead of assuming only 1 person deserves to be your life partner, remind yourself that you are about to meet someone who deserves to be loved.
You can still meet people who deserve to be lovers. Everyone can choose the most suitable life partner candidate. So, breaking up is not a big deal
Step 5. Keep a gratitude journal so that you become aware of the good things in your daily life
You can get rid of negative emotions by focusing on something positive in your everyday life and being grateful for all that is good in life allows you to think positively! Start keeping a gratitude journal by jotting down 3-5 things you're grateful for each day, whether they're important or casual! When you're feeling down, reread everything that's written in your journal to calm yourself down.
For example, the things you are grateful for, "my friends, my beloved cat, it's sunny today."
Method 2 of 4: Living Everyday After Separation
Step 1. Try to keep yourself busy for 2-3 weeks after the breakup
Breakups are usually very painful because there is no more love and attention from the lover who has been with you. Right now, you may be feeling down and sad because of your loneliness. To overcome this, fill your daily life by doing fun activities with family members and friends. In addition, you need to take care of yourself by:
- Set aside 15-60 minutes each morning to focus on what you want to achieve.
- Doing physical exercise according to your hobby, such as dancing or kickboxing.
- Fulfills primary needs, such as eating, bathing, and tidying the house.
- Pamper yourself, for example enjoying massage therapy or a cup of hot coffee.
- Study or work.
- Spend time realizing life goals or enjoying hobbies.
Step 2. Establish a new routine that focuses on the things you prioritize
Before you parted ways, you probably chatted a lot and saw each other. Currently, you can use your free time to achieve your goals. Set up a daily schedule that keeps you focused on the life you want. Don't forget to include important activities that must be done, such as paying bills, washing clothes, and eating healthy foods.
When you just separated, you may be reluctant to pay attention to yourself, but by sticking to your daily routine consistently, you can adopt a healthy lifestyle
Example of daily schedule:
06.00: Wake up early, shower, dress up
07.00: Express positive intentions
07.30: Nutritious breakfast
08.00-17.00: Work in the office/study at school
17.30: Nutritious dinner
18.00-21.00: Doing activities with friends or enjoying hobbies
21.00: Relax before going to bed at night
Step 3. Find a distraction so you don't think about your ex for the first few days after the breakup
The end of a happy relationship usually triggers a sense of loss. However, reminiscing about an ex-lover and the wonderful experiences with him only prolongs the sadness. Instead, engage in activities that keep you focused on what's going on to take your mind off the sadness. Do fun activities that make you feel happy in his absence!
- For example, invite friends to play games at home, go for a walk in the hills, go camping, take painting lessons, swim, or engage in community activities.
- Don't use distractions as a way to dampen your feelings because you need to free yourself from negative emotions.
Step 4. Do fun activities so that your body produces dopamine
You will feel comfortable if you still get dopamine even though you just broke up. Therefore, do at least 1 activity every day that makes you feel happy. Instead of dealing with sadness in a negative way, find ways that are beneficial and support the achievement of the desired lifestyle. For example:
- Get in the habit of exercising at least 30 minutes a day.
- Take sewing or cooking classes.
- Join the game sports team.
- Take care of animals if you want.
- Join a hobby community.
- Volunteer according to the mission you want to fulfill.
Step 5. Form a supportive group of friends and family members
When you've just separated from your lover, you need to join the community. Contact family members and friends. Ask them to accompany you while chatting or texting each other every day to remind you that you are loved very much.
Maybe you want to be alone, but it's better for you to be with people who love you. If you prefer to stay at home, invite friends or neighbors to do activities at home, such as watching a movie or making crafts
Method 3 of 4: Forgetting Your Ex-Girlfriend
Step 1. Get rid of all the things that remind you of your ex
You'll miss him if you see things that remind you of him. Enter the living room and collect photos, gifts, and souvenirs that bring up memories of your ex and donate them or throw them away so you don't remember them again.
If you don't want to throw it away, store it in a cardboard box and then give it to a friend. He'll throw it away or return it to you when you're ready
Step 2. Do a digital detox to get rid of reminders about your ex
Your digital device may be full of photos of the two of you and can be painful to look at. Reminiscing about the good times you had with your ex while looking at your photo collection makes it even harder to forget them. Perform a digital detox in the following ways:
- Unfollow all his accounts on social media.
- Delete all messages or emails from your ex.
- Save photos of your ex-lover or the two of you in separate folders or delete them right away.
- Block his cell phone number.
- Don't access social media a few days after the breakup.
Tip:
After the split, make sure you don't access all social media for 1-2 weeks. You will remember the relationship that just ended when you see other couples share their happiness. Instead of comparing yourself to others, take the time to live the life you desire.
Step 3. Focus on yourself instead of thinking about your ex's daily life
Maybe you want to know the people he met, his activities, or his feelings after the breakup. Don't give him a second! Prioritize your own wants and needs. Don't think about it anymore.
Once you realize you're remembering your ex, distract yourself by thinking about your hobby or passion
Step 4. Don't be tempted by the desire to meet him
It's natural to want to meet the person you still love, but this only makes the sadness worse. Your mind is used to forming emotional connections while you're still in a relationship and it gets stronger the more you see each other. So that you are not tempted, do not meet your ex-lover alone.
If the two of you must meet, ask someone to accompany you so that you are not alone when you meet him
Method 4 of 4: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Focus on existing relationships and make new friends
Good relationships with friends and family members help you become a stronger and independent person. Plus, their presence makes you realize that you don't need your ex! Spend time with people who play an important role in your life to deepen relationships. Attend community events, join a sports team, take advantage of the Meetup website, or take courses to make new friends.
- Interact with friends by chatting or sending messages every day.
- Invite friends over for coffee, dinner, or a game.
Step 2. Do the things you enjoy, but neglect in a relationship
When you have a lover, many things have to be sacrificed so that you become a good partner. After separating, live your single life by enjoying the activities you've been missing for so long! Think about the things you enjoyed when you weren't in a relationship and then schedule them into your daily routine.
- For example, you canceled your gym membership because you didn't have time to work out, but now, you can renew and train at the gym !
- Another example, you stop painting or photographing because time is wasted in a relationship. Take out the toolbox that has been neatly tucked away in the warehouse and start enjoying your hobby again!
Step 3. Work on a new project as a hobby to make you feel happy
Decide on an activity you've always wanted to do or something you're interested in. Then, write down the steps needed to carry it out. Allocate time in your daily schedule to carry out the plan. Check the completed steps. This way you can stop thinking about your ex and enjoy the freedom.
- For example, make the decision to get a master's degree or start a photography business.
- When starting a dream project, remind yourself that you are striving to achieve your life's goals for your own sake that doesn't depend on your relationship with your ex.
Step 4. Do new things that you can't do with your ex because he always refuses
Try to remember when he refused when you asked him to do an activity you enjoy, such as dinner at a new restaurant or visiting a museum, and write it all down. Ask a friend to accompany you or do the activity yourself while checking each activity that has been carried out. Every time you do something, remember that your ex always refuses your invitation.
Do activities that make you feel rejected all the time, such as taking a friend to eat Indian food at a restaurant, painting earthenware jars, playing beach volleyball, enjoying a picnic in the park, visiting the planetarium, or listening to a poetry reading
Step 5. Determine the life goals you want to achieve
Imagine your living conditions 1 year, 5 years, 10 years from now. Think about how you live your day and the things you want to do. Then write down what you want to achieve in the next few years so you can determine how to make it happen. This step will help you prepare for the life you want and get over your ex.
- For example, you want to buy a house, start a career, and enjoy a vacation that has been pending.
- Another example, you realize that you want to increase creativity while going about your daily life or want to move to another location.
Tips
- Don't be in direct contact with other people. Make sure you don't carry emotional baggage into other people's lives. In the end, you realize that your new partner is someone you don't know or have any interest in. Try to understand and accept yourself.
- Focus on creating new memories with friends to replace negative emotions when you think about your ex.
Warning
- Ignore rumors and information circulating about you and your ex. This is not worth thinking about.
- Don't waste energy trying to restore your relationship with your ex. The best way to get revenge is to live the life you dream of and enjoy the happiness of yourself!
- Don't use other people to make your ex-girlfriend feel jealous. This method is useless because it harms yourself and others.
