Being able to talk to anyone is a great skill to have. This skill allows you to make new friends or find a love partner. In fact, these skills can provide new career or business opportunities. Although humans are social creatures, not everyone has the skills to start a conversation. However, it's never too late to learn to talk to other people!
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Part 1 of 3: Starting the Conversation
Step 1. Calm down before starting the conversation
If you're already nervous when you want to talk to someone else, you'll feel pressured to start a conversation. When you get into social situations, try to stay calm. That way, you can start the conversation smoothly without stuttering.
- Do physical activity before engaging in social interactions so that you feel calmer. Try meditating or doing exercises like progressive muscle relaxation.
- Find a quiet place to do a relaxing ritual before jumping into a social event. This exercise helps you feel calm as you leave and are at an upcoming event. At least, take a deep breath slowly.
Step 2. Pay attention to body base
You need to make sure someone is willing or ready to chat before starting a chat with them. You can't chat with anyone during your approach until the other person is ready to be approached. Watch for signs someone is ready to chat before starting a conversation. If he seems withdrawn, wait until he feels calmer or more comfortable.
- Look for open body language. When showing open body language, a person will not obstruct or cover his body by, for example, crossing his arms. People who want to chat will stand up straight with their hands by their sides.
- Someone who catches a glimpse of you may indicate that he or she is open to chatting with you. This can be a good sign and it is safe to approach someone.
Step 3. Use questions to open a conversation
Questions are the right medium to open a chat. In addition to maintaining the flow of the conversation, questions also show interest in the other person. After introducing yourself briefly, try asking the other person a question. Also, it's a good idea to ask open-ended questions that require more than a "yes" or "no" response.
- For example, if you're at a party, start the conversation by asking, "How do you know the host of the party?"
- If you're at a networking event, ask a question about someone's job. You might ask, "What's your job like?"
Step 4. Take advantage of your surroundings to start a conversation
You can also use what's available to start a conversation. If you're having trouble thinking about a particular question or topic, comment on what's around. Pay attention to the room and start the conversation based on what's on.
- For example, you might say, "I love this kind of hardwood floor. It looks very vintage."
- You can also ask other people for input to start a chat. For example, you could ask, “What do you think about this wallpaper? I don't think I've ever seen a design like this before."
Part 2 of 3: Keeping the Conversation
Step 1. Listen to the other person
Naturally, people want to talk to people who will listen. Everyone wants to feel important and heard, so if you want someone else to talk to you, give them your full attention. Make sure you always listen when the other person is talking.
- Try to follow the “Listen first, then talk” rule after starting the conversation. Once you've opened the conversation, allow the other person to give their full input before you interrupt.
- Show that you are listening to the other person by maintaining eye contact and nodding occasionally. You can also mutter (e.g. “Hmmm…”) to show interest.
Step 2. Ask the other person a question
Questions can keep the conversation going. If there seems to be a "quiet" moment in the conversation, rekindle the conversation with a few questions.
- Ask questions about something the other person just said. For example, you could ask, “That's interesting! What's it like to study in a big city?"
- You can also raise new topics through questions. Think about what is appropriate to discuss in the given situation. For example, if you're chatting with someone at school, say, “Oh yeah, how was your chemistry test yesterday?
Step 3. Share information about yourself
People won't talk to you if you just ask questions. A person will feel uncomfortable talking to someone who asks a lot of questions about others, but doesn't talk much about himself. Make sure you also provide information about yourself so that other people will talk to you.
- Create a pattern between questions and information sharing. For example, you can ask about the book the other person is reading. After he answers, you can comment on the book you've been reading recently.
- You also have to be willing to answer questions someone asks. If you appear to be hiding information, other people will feel nervous and reluctant to talk to you.
Step 4. Change the topic if necessary
Pay attention to the other person to make sure he doesn't feel uncomfortable with the topic being discussed. He may appear nervous and suddenly become quiet when you bring up certain topics. You may also have covered too many topics at hand. If you're both having a hard time figuring out what to talk about in a chat, find a new topic.
- It's a good idea to look for related topics. If you previously discussed books, for example, direct the conversation to the topic of movies.
- However, if you can't think of any other related topic, it's okay if you want to cover something new. Go back to common questions like “What is your job?” or “Where are you from?”.
Step 5. Discuss current events
Recent events can be a great topic to keep the conversation flowing. If you follow the latest events in the world, it will be easy for you to chat with anyone. You can start a conversation about what the other person is thinking at the moment.
You don't have to discuss a serious event, especially in a situation that could make someone uncomfortable. If you don't want to talk about controversial things, talk about the latest movies, celebrity scandals, or famous songs on the radio
Part 3 of 3: Avoiding Common Mistakes
Step 1. Don't be a loser
Sometimes without realizing it, you accidentally stand out in a chat. This is often caused by nervousness. You may want to bring up a story that relates to someone else's story, but the story seems more important or great than the other person's story. For example, the other person is talking about his weekend getaway to a city. In this situation, don't tell me about your long vacation to Europe after graduation. With this story, you will feel like you are bragging.
Balance the “level” of the stories you share. For example, if the other person is talking about a simple vacation, talk about your vacation which is more or less the same. You could tell about a weekend trip to grandma's house when you were a kid
Step 2. Don't make assumptions about the other person
Enjoy the chat without any assumptions or assumptions about the other person. Don't assume that other people will agree or share your views or values. People tend to feel that everyone they interact with share their values and beliefs, but this is not always true. In a chat, remember that you don't know the other person's feelings or views on the topic being discussed.
- Sometimes, debate can be fun and you can share what you believe, as long as the other person seems open. However, make sure you don't get the impression of making assumptions when you want to bring up a particular topic. For example, when commenting on the presidential election, don't say, "The results of the general election were very disappointing, weren't they?"
- Instead, bring up topics that allow the other person to share their views. For example, you could say, "What do you think about the results of the presidential election?"
Step 3. Refrain from judging others
Other people don't want to chat with someone who likes to judge others. In the chat, remind yourself that you want to learn about the other person. You didn't come to judge or make assumptions about other people. Refrain from analyzing what the other person is saying and focus on listening to the other person. That way, you won't have time to judge others and other people can share their stories comfortably.
Step 4. Make sure you stay focused on what is in the moment
While chatting, sometimes you think about other things. Make sure you don't let your mind wander. Focus on the situation at hand and don't think about what to say next or daydream.
