If you have a crush on someone but it turns out to be one-sided, most people will advise you to remove that person from your life. However, sometimes it is not easy. Maybe you work together, or are in the same class, or you're in the same group of friends as that person. How to get rid of this feeling?
Step
Method 1 of 3: Confess Feelings
Step 1. You may be upset
While it may be tempting to suppress your feelings and pretend they don't exist, this is really only a temporary solution. Feelings don't just "go away" if they're ignored. Those feelings will show up in ways that would normally be destructive. Give yourself time and space to express your sadness.
- Cry, punch a pillow, sit in a chair and scream if you think it can release some of the negativity.
- Don't turn to alcohol or anything like that to deal with your feelings. This can be a temporary solution, but in the long run it will only make things worse.
- Be careful not to wallow in sorrow. At some point, you have to start moving to recover. If this has been going on for weeks and you're not taking care of yourself (not showering, crying all the time, refusing to see friends), it's time to focus on feeling better.
Step 2. Realize that you can't force other people to reciprocate your feelings
Even if your intentions are clear, the reality is that the person doesn't feel the same way. You cannot control other people's feelings or choices regarding their lives. You may be tempted to try and change their mind--by begging, giving gifts, or even yelling--but you can't get someone to feel a certain way when they don't.
Remember, this person may not be trying to hurt you. Nor can he force himself to have feelings for you
Step 3. Give yourself as much space as possible
If you can, stay away from this person for a while. You don't have to be mean or cut off from him altogether, but you need to put some distance between these feelings. If this person is a part of your everyday life (such as a coworker or classmate), do everything you can to avoid having too much contact with them. Don't sit next to him at lunch, don't walk with him to class.
- This also means minimizing contact with him on the internet. If possible, unfollow, unfriend, or at least hide this person from social media. Checking his Facebook/Instagram/Twitter account will only keep that feeling alive.
- If the person knows you have feelings for them, tell them you need space. Ask him to appreciate the space so you can recover.
- It's hard to get away from the person you have a crush on, but it's an important part of stopping those feelings.
Step 4. Think about what makes this person a bad match for you
Make a list of his negative traits and all the things about him that don't suit you. What is written first on the list? They don't reciprocate your feelings. In order for a relationship to be established, both parties must like each other. You deserve someone who really wants to be with you, not someone who just feels casual or doesn't really care.
- Write anything you want on the list, because the list is just for you. Maybe he tastes when he eats, and that bothers you a lot at times. Or maybe he often overslept even though he was making a promise to you, causing a lot of trouble. Write it down!
- Research shows that recognizing a person's unfavorable qualities can help you overcome rejection more quickly.
Step 5. Don't take it to heart
Rejection, especially romantic rejection, seems to be a very personal thing. But often rejection has more to do with the person rejecting you and their own problems, than it has with you.
- Don't think that because the person doesn't like you, neither will anyone.
- Remember, everyone has been rejected in their life. This is a universal experience, and you shouldn't think bad of yourself because your feelings are one-sided.
Method 2 of 3: Keeping yourself busy
Step 1. Reconnect with other friends or make new friends
If this person includes your main crew or a very close person, now is the time to expand your circle or friends. Call a friend you haven't seen in a while and ask if he or she would like to go out with you. Or talk to your friends in science class and ask if they'd like to see a movie sometime.
- Focusing on the person you have a crush on will only narrow your vision: it's as if no one else or no one can make you happy. Meeting new people will remind you that this is wrong.
- Don't be alone. You may feel like being alone, and sometimes that's okay. But spending time with other people will speed up the recovery process and distract you.
Step 2. Enrich your life with new activities and hobbies
Keeping yourself busy is an important step in redirecting your focus and not dwelling on how you feel about that person. Don't give yourself a chance to think about it.
- Volunteer or get involved in an activity you enjoy.
- Watch a movie, listen to good music, read an interesting book, or dance.
- Start a new creative project, such as writing a story, song, or poem; paint; learn to dance.
- Concentrate on your studies or work.
Step 3. Make sure you enjoy it
Laughter releases endorphins, which will make you feel excited and happy. Spend time with people who can make you laugh, do things you enjoy. Go to karaoke and laugh at each other as you try to sing popular pop songs. Go to the playground or do a sport you enjoy; exercise can increase endorphins too.
- Watch comedy films, funny videos online, or even find short funny footage.
- Laughter increases resistance to pain. When you experience pain emotionally, the same areas in your brain that you experience pain physically also become active. Laughter will ease your heartache.
Step 4. List the things you like about yourself
Your self-esteem may take the strongest hit after rejection, and it's natural to wallow in your mistakes. He doesn't like you because you're like this or because you're not… this will only make the pain worse. Focus on your positive qualities, write down your accomplishments, the things you've done, and what you really like about yourself.
- Ask your friends and family for help if you're having trouble making a list.
- Are you generous and wise? A good listener? Reliable? Write it down.
- Read your list often, especially when you're feeling down.
Method 3 of 3: Continue Step
Step 1. Give it time
Your feelings don't go away right away. There are bad days, when you feel hopeless, and there are times when you feel hopeful. However, as cliché as it may sound, time will heal. The deep pain you feel will fade, and eventually go away.
If this has been going on for months and you feel like nothing is changing, you may need a little extra help
Step 2. Talk to someone if you have a hard time being sincere
If you've been trying to move on or ignoring your feelings but nothing changes, you're probably talking to someone. See a mental health professional or a trusted friend and ask for support. The therapist will provide more strategies for dealing with your feelings.
Step 3. Find new people
When you feel ready, you can start looking for someone else who is more suitable and who will reciprocate your feelings. You don't need to start anything right away; getting up quickly isn't always a good thing, and it can hurt other people if you're not honest about it. Take a look at your list of positive qualities and remind yourself that you are a wonderful person and deserve love like everyone else!
- When you feel better, you won't feel worried or homesick when you hear his name.
- You think less and less about him.
- You'll start to really see and understand that he's not the right person for you.
Tips
- Watching comedy movies with friends will make you feel better about yourself.
- Perhaps if you're having a hard time dealing with your feelings, it's best to talk to someone (you trust).
- Don't listen to love songs because it will bring back your feelings.
- Don't entertain yourself by eating! That's not good for you in the long run!
- Watch your favorite movies or light movies.
Warning
- Don't expect results right away.
- Don't test yourself by asking what if you make a mistake.
- Don't hold back your feelings, accept them.
- Remove the person from your contacts.
