The mixed feelings you have often leave you confused, uncomfortable, tired, and stuck. “Mixed feelings” are a combination of several and generally conflicting feelings about a person or situation. This happens because you encounter a new person, situation, behavior, or information. These conflicting feelings don't just apply to romantic relationships or recent relationships. These feelings can also occur with friends, family members, or coworkers, as well as with someone you know well. For example, when you like and admire your best friend for being kind and caring to others. However, at the same time you are jealous because he is popular and always gets the attention of those around him. To deal with these feelings towards someone, you need to identify your own feelings, find solutions, and discuss with someone who can help you.
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Method 1 of 4: Identifying Your Feelings
Step 1. List your feelings for the person
Use the Problem Identification, Choices, Consequences or PICC model to sort out your feelings. The first step is to identify all your feelings for the person. Examples of feelings you might have for the person are attraction, doubt, shame, etc.
- Make a list of all the feelings you can identify with. Be sure not to sort out these feelings as good or bad like a list of pros and cons. Just write everything down. Whatever your feelings are, they all have a purpose and a purpose.
- For example, your feelings toward a coworker or acquaintance may be awkward, respectful, offended, or irritated.
- Your feelings towards someone close to you, such as a close friend or family member may consist of: love, disappointment, irritation, comfort, and so on.
Step 2. Remember when you spent time with this person
Identifying feelings can be difficult. For starters, you can remember the situation first and then examine your feelings. Think about the time you two recently spent together. Then, write a list of the feelings you've had so far.
- You may be able to identify these feelings not because of the nature of the person or their relationship to you, but rather a situation they went through, or something they specifically said or did.
- For example, you might date the person and have a good first impression. Then your date invites you to a party where you don't know anyone so you feel uncomfortable. In this example, it's not necessarily your date that makes you uncomfortable, but the unfamiliar situation or environment does influence it.
Step 3. Identify the cause of your feelings
There may be other factors that make you have certain feelings. This may not be entirely the person's fault. Try to identify the specific source of each of your emotions.
- This method is more specific than identifying the situation. Recall a time when you felt this way. Identify what the person previously said or did.
- For example, if you remember feeling rejected on a date, you may notice that your date will drift away when you're out together. This may be the source of your feelings of rejection.
- Next to each emotion and situation on the list, write down what you think is the source of that feeling.
Method 2 of 4: Separating Your Feelings from the Person
Step 1. Check your feelings
Once you've identified your feelings and realized why you have them, you need to dig deeper into those feelings. Mixed feelings may have several different causes. Understanding these causes will help overcome your mixed feelings.
For example, if you have low self-esteem, you may feel that you don't deserve that person and will not allow yourself to commit to a relationship
Step 2. Think about the people in your past
A common reason why we have mixed feelings with someone is because this person reminds us of someone in the past. We may unconsciously assign certain qualities or expectations to new people, based on our relationships and experiences with people in the past, this process is called "transference." like to follow your boss's instructions.
Think about the people in your life who made you feel the same way you feel about that person right now. See if you can identify a common pattern
Step 3. Consider how other people treat you
Does this person treat you with respect? Is he rude to you? When someone treats you kindly and then cruelly the next minute, it can leave you confused about your own feelings. Think about how other people treat you. Do you have mixed feelings when other people treat you this way?
Step 4. Be honest with yourself
Identifying one's own feelings that may or may not relate to others is very important in understanding how to deal with mixed feelings. You can identify your true emotions once you can separate your feelings from those of the other person.
Method 3 of 4: Finding Solutions
Step 1. Write down the options you might want to do
You have found the cause of the mixed feelings you have. Now, you can make your choice. Write down all the ways of responding to this situation. Even if the choice isn't ideal, you just write it down. This will give you an idea of your options. For example, your list might look like this now:
- Feelings: Feeling confused
- Situation: A project I completed was praised by a friend, but he criticized me an hour later.
- Possible options: Ask directly, keep to yourself, discuss with parents, start gossip at school, tell the teacher the situation, and so on.
Step 2. Identify possible consequences
Next to each choice, write down the consequences you think could occur. Your list will look like this:
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Options: Ask a friend about this problem.
- Possible consequences: Friends get offended
- Possible consequences: Friends accept well
- Possible consequences: I don't feel comfortable telling how this problem affects my mind.
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Option: Keep it to yourself
- Possible consequences: The problem will persist
- Possible consequences: The problem will go away by itself
- Possible consequences: The problem will continue to plague my mind.
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Options: Telling parents
- Possible consequences: Feelings about the problem will improve.
- Possible consequences: No change in school
Step 3. Weigh the pros and cons
Evaluate the possible outcomes that will occur. Make the level of comfort in each result. Consider how you felt when you made that choice. Also consider how the person will feel.
Step 4. Make a decision
Based on all the possibilities, choose the one that you feel most comfortable doing. This choice must be the best outcome for yourself as well as for the others involved. Start with choices whose results you really need and the consequences you're willing to endure.
- In friendships, for example, starting gossip at school might not be a good choice. This can hurt or destroy relationships with other friends. For now, you may want to start by keeping the problem to yourself. Perhaps, your friend had a bad day and took it out on you. Perhaps, you are feeling sensitive that day.
- Be prepared for the consequences you note.
Step 5. If you are not satisfied, try another approach
If you feel like holding onto your own problems isn't giving you the results you expect or need, go back to the options list and try a different approach. Make sure that your choice respects yourself and the other person concerned.
Method 4 of 4: Asking for advice
Step 1. Brainstorm with a trusted friend
This can help you look from another perspective while discussing possible choices and their consequences. Invite your friends to join you in building your list.
Step 2. See a counselor to resolve the situation
Describing and defining emotions is a complex and often painful process. This is why most psychotherapists target this problem. A therapist is trained to guide his patients through the process of deep emotional clarity. They are also trained to spot aspects that don't match, and often go unnoticed by the patient. That way, you can find out how you really feel.
Step 3. Express your complex emotions
If you are constantly in an unresolved situation, seek professional help to resolve it. You may also want to seek help if you feel your previous pattern of problem-solving approaches is unproductive.
