In a relationship, sometimes problems arise for various reasons. However, often poor communication is the reason why some people find it difficult to solve the problem at hand. If you are facing problems in your relationship, it's a good idea to improve communication between you and your partner so that the problems can be solved more easily. You can also learn how to deal with problems that arise so that you can ignore past fights and focus more on finding solutions to problems. Once things get better, there are things you can do to make sure the relationship continues and thrives.
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Part 1 of 3: Improving Communication
Step 1. Take the time to talk to your partner
When problems arise, communication often drops and you realize that you and your partner are not communicating as much as they used to. To improve communication, try to make time for each other to talk about the little things.
- For example, set aside 15 minutes in the morning to sit down and tell each other the plans for the day. Or, you can call your partner during your break to ask how they are doing.
- Setting time to talk about the problem at hand can also be useful. By limiting the time to talk about the problem at hand, you can reduce tension in your relationship and find solutions more quickly. For example, you and your partner could spend 7 to 8 p.m. talking about a particular issue.
- Try to keep the conversation light and avoid any topics that could irritate your partner. The purpose of the conversation is that the relationship that is being lived can go well again. If your partner is having a bad day or is feeling pressured by something, of course you should listen to him, support him and encourage him.
Step 2. Talk about the problem in a public place
If you and your partner tend to yell at each other or yell at each other when fighting, try going out in public to talk about the problem. Go to the library, coffee shop, or mall to talk about it. Of course you know that if you and your partner yell at each other, you and your partner will get in trouble for disturbing other people. This will allow you and your partner to keep the volume down as much as possible, and chat more politely.
Step 3. Try to listen actively
In relationships, problems can arise if one party feels that they are not being listened to properly. To prevent this, practice active listening when your partner is talking.
- Make eye contact with your partner when he or she is talking. Don't look away, look at your phone, or any other way. Give him your full attention.
- Nod your head and show your interest with neutral statements such as “Yes”, “Ah, is that so?” and "Okay. Continue your story."
- Repeat back what your partner said to make sure you understand what he is saying.
Step 4. Keep using statements with “I” pronouns
Statements that begin with the pronouns "You" or "You" can make your partner feel blamed or accused, which can lead him to become defensive and even start an argument. Therefore, it is important that you use statements that begin with the pronoun "I" so that he knows what has been bothering you or annoyed you.
For example, instead of saying "You never make your bed in the morning," you could say "I'd love it if you made your bed when you wake up after me."
Step 5. Show respect for each other
Feeling unappreciated can trigger problems in relationships. This is why it's important that you remember to say simple things like “Thank you” and “I appreciate your effort” as often as possible.
For example, if your partner often washes dirty cutlery after dinner and reorganizes the kitchen, show your appreciation for what he did. Try saying, “I want to thank you for keeping our kitchen clean and tidy. I really appreciate your efforts.”
Step 6. Think before you speak
Sometimes, arguments can escalate and you're triggered to say (or want to say) things that would make your partner feel discouraged or uncomfortable, rather than things that would solve the problem at hand. If you feel compelled to say things that could hurt your partner's feelings, take a moment to calm down and think about the problem at hand, and what you can say to make it easier for you and your partner to find a solution to the problem.
For example, instead of insulting or calling your partner a bad name, explain what you think he or she needs to do
Step 7. Let your partner finish before you respond
Cutting off the words of one of the parties before the other party has finished talking is also one of the causes of problems in the relationship. If you interrupt your partner a lot, try breaking this habit and letting him finish before you say anything else. This way, your partner will feel heard and you can understand what he or she is complaining about.
Step 8. Apologize if you are wrong
Sometimes, you need to apologize in order to get back on track with your partner. Try to be honest with yourself and find out if you were wrong and need to apologize. When apologizing, make sure you're sincere, clear, and show what you're going to do to make things better.
For example, you might say, “Sorry I didn't get to tell you that I was going to be late. Next time, I'll tell you."
Part 2 of 3: Finding Solutions
Step 1. Identify the problem at hand
The first step in solving a particular problem in a relationship is to determine what the real problem is. For example, if you and your partner have been fighting a lot lately, try to find out the reason for the fight. The reasons or triggers for the fight may be different for you and your partner.
For example, you may feel that your partner is not helping as much with tidying or housekeeping as you should, while your partner feels that you are being too demanding. Take some time to think about what's upsetting you and ask your partner to do the same
Step 2. Indicate your requirements
Once you recognize the problem at hand, you need to show how you feel. When expressing your feelings, make sure you start the sentence with the pronoun "I" to show your feelings and prevent your partner from feeling cornered or blamed.
For example, you could say "I've been overwhelmed with household chores and I need more of your help." Afterward, your partner may say, "I'm also feeling overwhelmed by my work schedule and I don't think you appreciate my hard work."
Step 3. Accept your partner's feelings
Accepting that you listen to your partner and understand how he or she is feeling is a good way to work things out. Don't get defensive as this will only lead to fights and deep resentment. Instead, show him that you hear and understand him.
- For example, you could say, "Okay, I'm listening to what you have to say. I didn't know you'd felt that way all this time."
- Don't get defensive, even when your partner responds defensively, such as "You're always nagging me and never appreciating my hard work." Accept his feelings and keep solving the problem at hand.
Step 4. Make a plan with your partner
After you show your feelings and accept each other's feelings, you and your partner need to come up with a plan to reduce disagreements and fights. Try to compromise with your partner so that both of your wants or needs can be met.
For example, if your partner feels underappreciated, promise to accept and appreciate his efforts more often. You can also make it a rule not to ask your partner to do anything until he or she is not too busy. On the other hand, your partner can also promise to be more consistent in doing certain household chores
Step 5. Keep the promises you make
After you and your partner make a plan to solve the problem at hand, make sure you keep the promises made. If you don't, you'll be back with the problems you were previously facing.
For example, if you promise to take out the trash every night after dinner, make sure you actually do it. If you don't, your partner will get annoyed again and may forget about the promises he made
Step 6. Be prepared to repeat the steps that have been described
In order for the relationship to continue, each party needs to maintain a consistent relationship. Productive, assertive, open, trusting, and respectful communication, and use of problem-solving skills are beneficial in resolving problems in relationships. Relationships are always a development and, over time, new challenges in relationships will emerge. Work with your partner to maintain a healthy and supportive relationship.
Part 3 of 3: Maintaining Healthy Relationships
Step 1. Plan a date night
Take one night a week or, at least, once a month for a date night with your partner. Go out to dinner, see a movie, go for a nature walk or bike ride, or do whatever you both enjoy. Having a date night schedule can help increase intimacy and keep the relationship enjoyable.
Step 2. Go out together on the weekends
Weekend walks are a fun way to increase intimacy in a relationship. Schedule two weekends a year to break out of your routine and spend some time with your partner.
You don't have to go far. Try visiting a nearby town for a few nights. After that, go to dinner at an interesting place, watch a show, or visit a museum
Step 3. Take your partner's hand and give them hugs and kisses
Physical contact is an important aspect of maintaining a positive relationship, as well as relieving stress. Sex is a fun way to maintain physical contact, although even light physical contact can have an equally positive effect.
For example, you could hold your partner's hand while watching a movie together, give them a kiss before you leave for work, or hug them before bed each night
Step 4. Make sure there is personal space or time for each party
Having some personal space or time is a great way to keep relationships healthy and enjoyable. Make sure you maintain friendships and pursue other interests so you don't become too dependent on your partner. It's important for you to have a life of your own, just like a life with a partner. Set aside time each week to pursue your interests and spend time with friends.
For example, you could go for a walk with friends once a week, take a certain class or tutoring on your own, or join a certain interest group
Step 5. Try new things with your partner
To keep your relationship growing, doing a hobby together or doing something completely new, for both you and your partner, are great ways to strengthen your relationship. Choose an activity that you both want to do, but make sure the activity has never been done by either of you before.
For example, you could take a cooking class together, join a hiking club, or learn a new language together
Step 6. Try couples therapy
If you still can't resolve the issue, despite your efforts, couples therapy may be a good option. Sometimes, communication feels forced and resentment runs deep. In this case, professional assistance is needed. Look for a therapist who specializes in couples counseling to get the best help and advice for you and your partner.
