If you suspect that your partner is cheating on you, of course, you want to confirm the suspicion as soon as possible. According to statistics, wives who suspect their partners are cheating on them are 85% right, while husbands who suspect their partners are cheating are 50% right. You may want to try to uncover the truth yourself, but this method is often ineffective or can cause your partner to keep secrets even tighter. The most effective way to monitor your partner's movements is to hire a private detective/investigator. Private detectives are professionals who are trained in gathering information and conducting surveillance, and they can be the best solution to determine whether or not there is an affair.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Deciding to Hire a Private Detective
Step 1. Don't confront your partner without proof
As a married couple, of course you should always discuss all matters with your partner, but when it comes to infidelity, it's best to wait until you have proof. What is meant by evidence here is concrete evidence, such as pictures, caught them red-handed, and so on, that the couple has betrayed. If you confront your partner too quickly or without any evidence, he or she will just deny everything. He will also keep secrets more tightly and be more careful in his actions so you will have a harder time finding evidence of his infidelity.
Step 2. Look for signs of infidelity
Before deciding to hire a private investigator, it's a good idea to gather some information to support your suspicions. Be careful when doing this, so you don't get caught in this first step. Also, keep in mind that signs of infidelity are not the same as proof of infidelity. The most common signs of infidelity include:
- There is a significant increase or decrease in intimacy, level of attention, or sexual interest.
- Suspicious phone habits like hiding the screen when the phone rings or being secretive about text messages.
- Significant changes in appearance and hygiene, such as showering as soon as you get home from work, dressing up for daily tasks like grocery shopping, or applying new perfume or cologne.
- Trying to cover up the web pages he visits, spending more time on the internet, especially at night.
- Changes in work routines, often having to work overtime or traveling out of town on the pretext of office assignments.
Step 3. Keep a journal to record the whereabouts of your partner
In an effort to track changes in your partner's behavior, it's important to write down significant information. Cheating partners often dodge by changing the story or questioning your memories, and this journal will help to clarify these discrepancies. Some of the information that needs to be recorded in the journal include:
- Date and time of the event/tourist activity
- People who attend the event/tourist activity
- The reason why you weren't invited
- The reason the partner gave for the delay
Step 4. Gather concrete evidence
Continue the initial investigation, without being too obvious or intrusive, by monitoring his habits and spending. In addition to journaling what he said, try to find concrete evidence of what he did. Making covert observations can help you gather evidence against your partner. With this evidence you can use it to find the right private investigator. Without being too obvious, try to keep track of the following:
- Monitor mileage, receipts, credit card bills, ATM withdrawals, spouse's phone records, and so on to give her an idea of where she is going and whether she is spending more money than usual.
- If you have a shared cell phone account, contact the phone company to request a text message log, including all text messages sent or received that have not been deleted.
- Try searching other social media accounts to see if your partner has a secret profile using a different name.
Step 5. Discuss the problem you are having with a private attorney
If you're serious about hiring a private investigator, it's important that you talk to legal counsel first. Marital disputes are fraught with legal issues, and seeking advice from a lawyer can help limit the risk of your case being exposed. Many lawyers also work with private detectives and may be able to recommend private investigators they have worked with or know about.
Method 2 of 2: Choosing a Private Detective
Step 1. Find the services of an experienced and trustworthy private detective in the area where you live
When you start choosing a private investigator to help confirm that your partner is having an affair, it's important to choose a detective who is experienced and can be trusted. Abroad private detectives get protection and legal protection. They get a license or permit to become a private detective from the police who handle the field. In Indonesia, there is no special law that regulates private detectives. Most private detective work is done as a police “side job” or a profession they take up after retirement. In the United States, not all states require private investigators to be licensed, including:
- Alabama
- Alaska
- Colorado (voluntary license available)
- Idaho
- Mississippi
- South Dakota
Step 2. Choose a private detective with experience in investigating extramarital affairs
Many private investigators specialize in the field of investigation. Instead of hiring just any private investigator, try to find someone with experience handling marital investigations. A private detective like this will be more experienced with the intricacies of an affair and recognize the signs of an cheating person, than a private detective who is used to investigating corporate or insurance fraud.
Step 3. Ask the private investigator what services they provide
If you want to ensure a thorough investigation, you should discuss all the details with each private investigator before making your choice. In general, private investigators will conduct investigations based on the standard methods they follow. However, it is important to make sure the private investigator you choose makes use of all available methods. Of course private investigators cannot act like law enforcement officers, tap phones, or obtain phone records under any pretext, but they should include the following in their investigations:
- Physical surveillance
- Hidden camera
- GPS Tracking
- Internet monitoring
- Social network investigation
- Bait to seduce cheating partners
Step 4. Do a comparison to get a reasonable price
Another factor to consider when choosing a private investigator is the high cost of professional investigations. The cost of hiring a private investigator varies greatly depending on his experience, the location of the investigation, the estimated time of the investigation, and the difficulty of the investigation (eg spouse is an important and well-known person). However, consider the following general information regarding private detective fees:
- The cost of a private detective in Indonesia ranges from IDR 5 million to IDR 7 million for 3 days. If the case takes a long time to solve, the costs will be even greater.
- Some private investigators may need an assistant or a down payment to cover investigation costs and expenses. Factors that determine the amount of the down payment include transportation costs, airfare/hotel fees, estimated surveillance time, and the urgency of the case.
- Also consider additional costs, such as transportation costs to commute and the cost of hiring a private investigator for the case.
Step 5. Demonstrate a full commitment to the investigation
After choosing the right private investigator, the most important thing you should do is to be fully committed to the investigation. You must also provide all information about your partner that you obtain from the results of your personal investigation. It is also important to answer all questions honestly to the best of your knowledge. Withholding information from private investigators, even matters that are incriminating and involve your own loyalties, will hinder and interfere with the investigation. You must be willing to speak openly with a private investigator about the situation you are in, and must be willing to find out the truth!
Tips
- It's best not to tell others that you hired a private investigator. You don't know who was involved in the affair, and telling someone else could derail the investigation.
- Hire a private detective only if you are ready to face the truth. Affirming the existence of an affair will have an impact big on your life and the lives of everyone involved, like children.
