The failure of a marital relationship can be caused by many things; The jealousy that arises when a husband glances at another woman is one of them. If your husband is constantly glancing at other women, it's natural to feel angry, hurt, or even lose self-confidence. Getting a husband to stop doing it is difficult, but not impossible. At least, first make sure that your husband is also willing to change his behavior.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Observing the Situation
Step 1. Be aware of the situation
There is a very basic difference between "be aware of the existence of a woman" and "to expose a woman's body with her eyes". Naturally, men have the instinct to stare at a woman's body without realizing it. Let alone men, women often judge each other's physical appearance without realizing it, right? Try to assess the situation as objectively as possible; see if you really need to worry or not.
- If your husband looks around the room and his gaze is fixed not only on the woman's shirt in front of him, but also on the man's coat beside the woman, it's a sign that he's not flirting with the woman.
- If your husband compliments a person's appearance in reasonable and polite words (for example, he doesn't call her “sexy” or “hot”), you likely have nothing to worry about. It's natural for your husband to notice someone who is attractive, especially if the person is dressed up or has just had their hair cut. Think about it, if you did something similar, would your husband have any reason to worry?
Step 2. Realize if the behavior starts to become unnatural
If your husband is really flirting with another woman, his gaze will usually be focused on her breasts, waist, or bottom. Alternatively, he will make inappropriate comments or show a different facial expression when he sees the woman.
- Remember, flirting with other women – especially when you are around – shows that your husband doesn't respect you.
- Some men think that a man's virility is judged by his “naughty or not”; the more naughty, the more manly they are in the eyes of women. Maybe your husband also has that mindset.
Step 3. Consider the role of hormones in their behavior
Men have higher testosterone levels; hormone that controls their libido. This is why naturally, they have the instinct to observe women's bodies without realizing it.
- Most husbands who glance at other women are like teenagers whose hormones are still booming. When they see a woman who looks attractive and seductive, their body will automatically send a chemical response to the brain. This process occurs naturally and can cause a pleasant addiction. This is why without realizing it, this behavior has been transformed into a habit that is difficult to change.
- Since this behavior has become a habit, chances are that your husband won't even notice when you do it (similar to nail biting or picking your nose). As a result, he may actually become defensive if you discuss his habits. Alternatively, he may turn the blame on you; accuses you of being overly jealous, insecure, or overly possessive.
- Fortunately, there is no habit that cannot be changed. The key, you need to be quick to rebuke whenever the habit comes to the surface. Help your husband develop the right strategy to change his behavior.
Step 4. Don't take her attitude too seriously
Controlling emotional responses when you realize your husband likes to glance at other women is not easy. You may immediately lose confidence and find yourself less attractive afterward. Remember, most men behave this way not because their wives are less beautiful or less attractive, but because that is their habit.
Remind yourself that the behavior wasn't triggered by your appearance or attitude. There's no need to try to look more attractive just to get his attention back. Your husband's behavior stems from his habits, and therefore has absolutely nothing to do with your qualities
Part 2 of 3: Managing the Situation
Step 1. Let your husband know if his habit is repeated
When your husband starts to repeat his habits, immediately convey the behavior that you think is inappropriate. Chances are he did it unconsciously; therefore, it is you who are obliged to awaken him. By communicating it, your husband will also be made aware that in your eyes, the behavior is serious and worrying.
Just say, "Why do you keep looking at that woman's chest?". Chances are, you were in a public place when she did it, so you can't bring her into a discussion right away. But at least let your husband know when he's behaving inappropriately. After returning home, you can bring up the topic again and invite him to discuss further
Step 2. Share how you feel when you see this behavior
Your husband needs to know how you feel when he sees him eyeing another woman.
- Try framing the conversation with the sentence structure “When you are X, I feel Y”. Let him know that you feel frustrated, angry, jealous, and unappreciated every time he sees him glancing at another woman's body or making obscene comments.
- Afterward, tell your husband what changes he can make. For example, say to her, “When you saw Riana's chest earlier, I felt so ashamed and unappreciated. Next time, I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop staring at my friends like that. Please respect them.”
Step 3. Don't accept his defense, don't justify his behavior
Your husband may defend himself and call his behavior natural, right, unavoidable, or he may turn to blame you.
- Beware, he can manipulate your emotions when he hears your criticism. He may accuse you of making up stories, call your overreaction, or even accuse you of being crazy. It is their way of avoiding responsibility and the consequences of their behavior.
- If the above response actually occurs, leave the conversation. If your husband starts blaming you, your conversation is no longer productive and there's no point in continuing.
Step 4. Think carefully about whether your relationship is still worth fighting for
If the behavior occurs only once, you may still be able to breathe a sigh of relief. But if the behavior has happened multiple times – or if your husband keeps blaming you, calling you unattractive, or accusing you of being overly jealous – consider getting marriage counseling. Don't force yourself to tackle everything alone.
Emphasize the fact that his behavior makes you uncomfortable. Show that his behavior is a serious threat to your relationship; Also make sure he is aware that his behavior is inappropriate and hurt you
Part 3 of 3: Correcting Husband's Behavior
Step 1. Show the impact his behavior has on your relationship
If he still insists on justifying his behavior, show how serious you are about the situation. Tell him that his behavior can be a serious threat to the continuity of your relationship with him.
In a healthy marriage, neither party should want to hurt the other. If your husband is committed to you and your marriage, he should be aware that his behavior is unacceptable and needs to be changed in order to keep your marriage going
Step 2. Help your husband to change his habit
If your husband often glances at other women without realizing it, chances are that his behavior has transformed into a habit that is difficult to change. You can certainly help him change the habit, as long as he wants to do it.
One of the most effective ways to change someone's bad habits is to "reward" them if they do it again. For example, if your husband gets excited again or is flirting with another woman, he will have to accept the agreed-upon punishment, such as staring at something bad or disgusting for a few minutes
Step 3. Take marriage counseling
If your husband's bad behavior threatens the continuity of your marital relationship, it's a sign that you and your husband need to take marriage counseling. Sometimes it takes a neutral third party to reassure you and your husband that the behavior is dangerous and that your concerns are not being made up.
- If you are a religious person, marriage counseling is usually also available free of charge in some places of worship, such as in churches. Try to find a psychologist/counselor who is certified as a marriage counselor.
- If marriage counseling doesn't help either – for example, if your husband's habits don't change or he doesn't want to work for a change – consider ending the relationship with him. Remember, everyone has the right to have a relationship with someone who values them.
Step 4. Take individual counselling
Taking individual counseling is also quite effective in saving your sanity as well as your relationship. On this occasion, you can tell the truth about how you feel about your husband's behavior so far. Chances are, your husband also has personal issues that he needs to work on with the help of an expert counselor.
