While living in a close-knit relationship can complete your life, feeling unable to function without the other person can lead to problems such as Relational Addiction. Relational Addiction is a progressive disorder, meaning that the relationship may start out in a healthy way but one person will gradually become more controlling or dependent on the other person, resulting in an unhealthy relationship. In addition, self-actualization is needed for personal growth and is considered the main need that motivates our own behavior. In general, independent and self-sufficient people usually survive and function better in society than people who depend on others for their happiness and sustainability. Taking control of key tasks and skills in life not only helps you to stay in control of your life, but also ultimately contributes to making you a happier person.
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Method 1 of 4: Developing the Habit of Being Free
Step 1. Take responsibility for your own life
Part of being independent is taking on certain responsibilities that allow others to be more free. Doing simple things like paying bills on time, cleaning things up without having to be asked when you've made a mess, and being on time for work or school can help you feel more responsible and independent.
If you don't have a job, you have the responsibility to find a job, seek an education that can lead to a job, or start your own business
Step 2. Have the information
Information is power, so having information gives you the power to make your own decisions and reinforces your independence. Try to be balanced and
For example, realizing that the local government will ask all communities to vote with the aim of allowing chicken storage in the backyard so that people can get fresh eggs
Step 3. Know where you are going
You have to have direction. You must have something that can direct you. For example, if you go to college, you should at least have an idea of what you want to do after college and what you like about studying. You should also try to set goals for yourself. Try to set short-term, mid-term, and long-term goals, then be realistic about what you need to do to achieve those goals.
- Look for a career counselor if you're not sure what you want to do with your life. Career self-assessments can be found through the internet. Many sites like this or this can offer a guide that will help you.
- Most schools have career centers or mentors available to all enrolled students. These resources can help you to form a vision for your future.
Step 4. Make your own decision
Allowing others to make decisions for you is basically like giving up your freedom and independence. Be assertive about yourself and make decisions for yourself based on your goals and dreams. While it's important to take other people's opinions into account, you don't have to give up the ability to make your own decisions.
- For example, if you're looking for a place to live with a roommate, be sure to make your decision based on what's best for you. If you prefer to rent a house and have more freedom than an apartment building, stick to your preferences and don't let your roommate ask you to do something you don't want to do.
- It has become common for some people to allow their partner or other person to make all the decisions in their relationship, from where to go to eat to where to live and what kind of car to buy. Changing the dynamics of the relationship can strain the relationship, but having a part in making decisions will give daily and long-term relationships more control over your life.
Method 2 of 4: Managing Money Independently
Step 1. Learn how to manage money
Allowing someone else to manage your finances can result in unwanted debt, a lack of freedom to use your money the way you want, or a loss of financial savvy about how to handle finances.
This result can make you more dependent on someone to manage your finances, which not only makes it difficult to break this unhealthy habit, but also has the potential to put you in a difficult position when that person is no longer in charge of your finances (for example, due to illness). serious or die)
Step 2. Pay off your debt
Experts say your long-term monthly debt shouldn't exceed 36% of your gross monthly income (for example, income before taxes, health insurance premiums, and so on). Long-term debt includes mortgages, auto payments, student loans, and of course, credit cards.
- If you exceed 36% of your gross monthly income, make a plan for how you will repay the debt, starting with the credit with the highest interest rate.
- This might include transferring the balance to a lower-interest credit, redesigning your monthly budget to allocate more funds to debt payments, or consolidating debt into one lower-interest-rate payment. For example, if you own your own home and can replace an old loan with a new loan with a better offer, it is possible to use the equity from your home to pay off your debt without making new credit.
Step 3. Pay in cash instead of using your credit card
When paying for your credit card amount, refrain from increasing the number of credit cards to more. The only way to get yourself out of debt is to stop the debt you have created in the past. When you pay off debt, if you don't have enough cash to cover the costs, stop shopping.
Step 4. Keep cash in your hand at all times
Make it easier to pay with cash by keeping cash on hand at all times. However, make sure you keep your cash in a safe place. Also make sure to make lots of savings so that if unexpected expenses arise (which they most likely will), you can pay them off with your savings instead of creating more debt.
Think of savings as a way to make a 0% interest loan for yourself. For this reason, sometimes it makes more sense to save than pay off your debt
Step 5. Own a house
Making credit and equity by owning a piece of land is one of the best ways to become independent and build wealth. Renting a house can make you dislike your living situation and landlords can change the terms of the lease when you are about to renew it, which will force you out of your living situation before you want to change it.
When buying property, look for a home or condo that is still within your budget (which means you don't want to take on mortgage payments that exceed 28% of your monthly income)
Step 6. Avoid going into debt by spending no more than your income
Make a monthly budget and stick to it. This can be possible if you are honest with your expenses and also build an allowance for unforeseen expenses. If you don't know where your money is going each month, check your expenses (rent/mortgage, utility bills, insurance, taxes) along with how often you eat out, what you buy, gas purchases and entertainment expenses.
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An example of a monthly budget could look like this:
- Mortgage/Rent: $1,000
- Car payment: $400
- Gas/Electricity: $200
- Water: $30
- Mobile phone: $100
- Television/Internet: $100
- Food: $800
- Entertainment: $150
- Homeowners insurance: $300
- Health Insurance: $300
- Car Insurance: $100
- Gas for vehicles: $200
- Child care: $600
- Credit card payment: $200
- Other costs (may include child support, alimentation, activities or classes, property taxes, or other extras such as trash/recycle bins or phone bills from “phone lines”.)
- Looking at your expenses and comparing them to your monthly income on a piece of paper can make you more aware of what you can buy and what you can't afford.
- This will give you the opportunity to talk to the people you share your money with and set expectations about how money should be managed, which will make you more involved and more independent.
Method 3 of 4: Living Independently
Step 1. Find out what you are responsible for
Whether you realize it or not, there are several things that are your responsibility. Knowing these things will help you to be able to take full responsibility and take good care of yourself.
Step 2. Cook your own food
Allowing others to cook for you or buy ready-to-eat meals will make you dependent on others and can reduce your independence. Cooking your own meals will help you save more money and eat healthier, and you'll find this an accomplishment.
- Take a cooking class or learn to cook online or on television. If you're very uncomfortable in the kitchen, consider taking a beginner's class at a local college or following a chef from one of the television channels about food. Several celebrity chefs demonstrate recipes that you can easily replicate.
- Ask a relative to teach you how to cook. This is a great way to learn the basics of cooking. In addition, you can bond with relatives or even learn to cook special family recipes that are passed down from generation to generation.
Step 3. Gardening
A fun way to celebrate your freedom is to grow your own food. A garden provides an inexpensive and interactive way to produce fruits and vegetables seasonally, which can also provide greater satisfaction when the time comes to eat them.
- If you live in an urban area, you may not be able to grow plants with a large garden, but you may be able to keep a tomato plant on a balcony or grow a box of herbs to flavor your food. Some urban areas even have community gardening areas or rooftop gardens that you can contribute or use.
- Some communities offer gardening equipment for rent or gardening classes for beginners at the library. These types of resources can help you if you are a beginner.
Step 4. Basic health in an emergency
Knowing what to do in a health emergency can help you save the lives of others and make you feel more independent, even in the face of an emergency.
- Take a cardiopulmonary resuscitation class. In addition to the Red Cross, colleges and hospitals offer courses in cardiopulmonary resuscitation and first aid, which can help you know what to do in an emergency such as choking or unconsciousness.
- Learn what to do in an emergency. Do you know what to do if you are camping in the wilderness and a snake bites your friend? Knowing how to deal with “what if” scenarios will help you become a reliable person in an emergency. The Red Cross has a free app for portable devices that can give you instructions on what to do in various situations.
- Learn to use medical equipment. If you or your partner need medical care, depending on a health care professional to give you continuous injections or infusions can be uncomfortable. Ask the nurse to teach you how to use certain devices at home to take control of the situation and also to provide you (or your loved ones) with greater freedom.
Step 5. Understand the basics of auto mechanic repair
Don't be a girl struggling on the side of the road when the tires are broken. Waiting for automotive assistance can put you in a vulnerable position, putting you in danger. For basic fixes, YouTube is a great resource to see how fixes are made. For basic repairs, you may find videos of the same type and model of car as yours, which can be useful when your car needs non-standard repairs.
- Learn how to change car tires. Changing tires can basically be done by anyone with a little knowledge and skill. The basic formula is to loosen the lug nuts, remove the tires, place the spare tire on the bolts, replace the wheel nuts, shorten the car, and tighten the wheel nuts. Seek information from the manual and ask a trained professional to give a demonstration.
- Find out how serpentine belt engines and cars work. Being able to check and know when a serpentine belt car is about to break down or if you may be experiencing engine problems, will save you not only time but also money. Moreover, changing the belt is a simple task where the labor cost for the mechanic generally far exceeds the price of the belt car itself. Taking the time to do it yourself can save you money.
- Practice to carry out oil and fluid changes in cars. Vehicle oils and fluids must be replaced and terminated by turning. A simple oil change can be done at home using the right ingredients and a little knowledge. Each system has different recommendations and your manual can tell you at what mileage you should make a new oil change.
Step 6. Take care of your health
Declare your freedom from prescription drugs and go see a doctor for any aches and pains while still making yourself as healthy as possible.
- Exercise regularly. The American Heart Association recommends exercising 3 to 4 times a week to lower cholesterol and blood pressure. Keep blood flowing and blood tissue healthy by doing a little cardio or aerobic exercise on a regular basis.
- Have a healthy diet by eating clean foods. Respecting your body means that you fill it with healthy foods that are grown on the earth and in their country of origin. Avoid processed foods, greasy fast food, packaged chips and sugary foods or drinks to protect and nourish your body.
Step 7. Know when to visit your doctor
It may be tempting to decide to take control of your health by never going to the doctor again. However, this is not always the best solution, as there are cases where medical assistance may be required.
- If you are a “regular” patient at your doctor due to a chronic condition, you may be able to reduce your visits if you stick to a healthy diet and regular exercise. However, you should continue to maintain a regular schedule for regular health check-ups and regular tests based on age and risk factors for early detection.
- Find out if you are at risk for certain diseases due to your health, family history, and lifestyle.
- Learn the warning signs for life-threatening conditions such as heart disease, stroke, chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, chronic lower respiratory disease, cancer (in particular, lung cancer), HIV/AIDS, diarrheal disease, and diabetes.
- Consider studying additional conditions that are common causes of death in the United States: Alzheimer's disease, flu, pneumonia, kidney disease, and suicide or things that can cause significant disability, such as arthritis, depressive disorders, and depression. drug use.
Step 8. Try to live without being connected to an energy source that provides electricity, water, sewers, and so on
If you really want to assert your independence, try living that way. Save money on energy costs by demonstrating that you really can live without help from anything.
- Consider growing your own food. From gardens to foraging for berries and mushrooms, learn about the different types of food you can grow and eat in the wild. Be careful when eating anything that grows in the wild as some plants can be poisonous. You may be able to hunt for the meat you are about to eat, but be sure to follow local hunting regulations.
- Check alternative energy. Join a “greening” initiative and investigate the various alternative energy sources currently available. You will save money and reduce your carbon footprint by following a few simple steps. Make sure that you don't end up going into debt or agreeing to a lease that could reduce your financial returns.
- Try it before you buy it. If you're not sure if you can live without an energy source, consider finding a vacation rental home that doesn't have any energy sources (for example, in a remote area such as an isolated island or forest) and turning your next vacation into a fact-finding mission.
Method 4 of 4: Feeling Emotionally Independent
Step 1. Learn to take care of your feelings and emotions
Emotionally independent means that you are able to process your own emotions and don't need other people to validate your experiences and feelings. Learning to process your own feelings and emotions means learning to introspect and reason clearly rather than taking things at face value.
- This process can create insight into the roots of your feelings and ways you can avoid negative feelings.
- Ways to learn how to become more self-aware and wise that include professional therapy, self-help books, and certain religious teachings (for example, Buddhism's teachings on identity and ways to increase suffering).
Step 2. Maintain an independent attitude
If you already feel emotionally independent in your relationship, you should try to keep that feeling in check, even in the face of major changes, such as waiting for a child to be born.
Step 3. Avoid the emotional “triangle” when you can
Other people often respond to the painful feelings they are experiencing by involving other people to help them process the experience and also avoiding talking directly to the person who has hurt them. Psychologist Murray Bowen calls this situation a "triangle."
Step 4. Express your anxiety appropriately
If something is weighing on your relationship, express your anxiety and share the experience without allowing others to add to your anxiety, make your anxiety chronic, or try to solve the problem for you.
In other words, other people should act as sources of information for each other, without making the situation worse, and not influencing other people's thinking
Step 5. Share responsibilities fairly
When two or more people have shared responsibilities, each individual must become independent by fulfilling their respective responsibilities fairly
- People should also be able to fulfill their own responsibilities without neglecting shared responsibilities.
- Everyone in a relationship must remain confident in their loyalty and commitment to the other person, as well as the ability to fulfill their responsibilities.
- For example, if a couple has a baby, they will share responsibilities as parents and individual responsibilities as primary workers or caregivers. If one person stays at home to care for the children, the other person who goes to work will have special care and responsibilities. People who stay at home will also have special care and responsibilities.
Step 6. Ask for help when needed
You need to be able to distinguish between anxieties/problems that you can still solve/problems that you can handle on your own and problems where you need help from others.
- If your threshold for going out with other people is very low, the other person will feel overwhelmed and become less accepting and willing to help you. You can also become dependent on others.
- If your threshold is too high, you may become grumpy and begin to see others as selfish, uncaring, and unsupportive. You may also not get the support you need.
- Using someone else to help you is possible as long as that person doesn't become dependent on one person to process emotions, and the other person doesn't feel that loyalty and commitment have been lost.
Step 7. Assess whether the new challenge is a shared or individual responsibility
As a relationship grows, there will also be problems and responsibilities assigned to one person, as well as problems and responsibilities to be shared.
- When a problem arises, one person must understand whether the problem/responsibility is joint or private, and the other person must engage with his or her partner or other resources as needed.
- Like a President or other head of state discussing issues with key advisers, this individual must be able to believe in himself, as well as in others who are consulted in order to become independent. This person should also know when decisions have to be shared with others and ensure that the person feels trusted as well as involved.
- For example, as a child grows, both parents must develop their relationship with the child and their parenting style even when they are divorced, especially on larger issues that require both parents to work together (for example, getting into college). Children must take care of their own responsibilities and feelings as well as respect the rights of other parents who sometimes do things differently.
Step 8. Process your emotions through a journal
To help keep track of your emotional development in a relationship, consider keeping a journal. A journal is basically a record of your day-to-day activities, but it is different from a diary which focuses on your inner self and is an afterthought. For example, instead of simply saying that you and your partner went to look at baby furniture, focus on how you felt during the experience, using the events of the day to help organize your thoughts. Journal writing is self-contained and doesn't have any set rules or procedures, but there are a few tips to get you started:
- Find a special place that is clean, comfortable, and quiet. You should be able to come back to this place frequently and, if privacy is important to you, it should be quite private.
- Before you write, allow yourself to relax and reflect for a moment. Use music to stimulate your emotions.
- When you are ready, start writing. Don't worry about grammar, spelling, or perfect word choice. Don't worry about what other people think of your writing or how your writing might affect their view of you. Think of your journal as a secret room and a place free of criticism.
Step 9. Stick to your journal
If you have trouble writing, help with a clue that uses your emotions. To decide which emotion to choose, take the emotion that first pops into your head or take a dictionary, thesaurus, or any book and read it until you find one word that describes your emotion. Don't waste time choosing words, just take the first word you find. Enter the word wherever you see it as below. If the emotion is important to you, take a week to write it down with 6 pointers and use the seventh day to reread what you have written:
- Write at the top of the page and you are free to write as much as you want until you feel more at peace and no more burdens on your mind.
- What does it mean for you to feel ?
- When do you feel really good? Do you relate more or less to other people when you feel ?
- When do you feel less? Do you relate more or less to other people when you feel ?
- How do you react to other people? What is the source of this reaction?
- Meditate on the quote that includes within it. (Use an internet citation search engine, such as https://www.faganfinder.com/quotes/, to search for quotes with words that reflect your emotions in them).
Step 10. Check your journal again
As your journal grows, check regularly what you have written, focusing on the ways in which your relationship has changed and whether you have become more/less independent.
When you see an opportunity to become more independent, think about ways to (1) be responsible, (2) be up-to-date (3) know your goals, and (4) make your own decisions
Step 11. Visit a counsellor if needed
As illogical as it may seem, getting help from a therapist can make you feel more independent. Journaling can bring up emotions that you will find difficult to handle on your own, so be prepared to ask for help if you start to feel overly anxious or depressed.
Tips
- Learn something new every year. Whether learning how to weave a basket or how to put an IV in your dog; learning new skills will add to your pool of tricks.
- Get to know people from different backgrounds and disciplines. You can learn a lot from other people so look for trustworthy people, good people from different backgrounds and skills.
- Have an emergency kit at home that includes enough water bottles for everyone in your family for two to three days, canned food, a flashlight, a radio and a first aid kit.
- Be yourself. Don't try to change your inherent personality to accommodate other people's behavior. Stick to your basic goals and principles to maintain your freedom.
