Convincing others that your way is the best way is often very difficult – especially if you're not quite sure why they're saying no. Turn the situation around in the conversation and convince people of your point of view. The trick is to make them wonder why they said no – and with the right tactics, you can do that.
Step
Method 1 of 5: Basic Steps
Step 1. Understand that timing is everything
How to persuade others isn't just about words and body language – it's also about knowing when to talk to them. If you approach people when they are relaxed and open to discussion, you will get faster and better results.
People are very easy to persuade as soon as they thank someone – they feel indebted. Moreover, when other people just thanked them – they felt proud. If someone is thanking you, it's a good time to ask for help. As those who sow will reap. You did something for him, now is the time to do something for you
Step 2. Understand them
The biggest factor that determines whether a solicitation is effective or not is your relationship with your client/child/friend/employee. If you don't know them well, it's important to establish a good relationship right away – find common ground between you as soon as possible. Humans, in general, feel safer (and happier) around people who are similar to them. So find common ground and let them know.
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First, talk about things that interest them. One of the best ways to get them to open up is to talk about the things they enjoy. Ask thoughtful and intelligent questions about their interests – and don't forget to mention why they appeal to you! When they see you as a good person, they will more easily accept you and open up to you.
Is it a photo of them skydiving on their desk? Great! You want to parachute for the first time – but does it have to be from a height of 3,000 or 5,400 meters? What do they think?
Step 3. Speak using imperative sentences
If you tell your children, Don't mess up your room, when all you want to say is, Clean your room, you will not succeed. Feel free to call me, not the same as Call me Thursday! y Whoever you talk to will not understand what you mean and will not be able to give you what you want.
Something needs to be said to clarify something. If you say something unclear, the other person may agree with you, but they don't know what you want. Speaking in positive sentences will help you keep it clear so that your goal is clear
Step 4. Rely on ethos, pathos, and logos
How did you finish the Literature course at the university that taught you about Aristotle's appeal? No? Well, here's the summary. Aristotle was a brilliant man – and his charms persist today.
- Ethos – think trust. We tend to trust those we respect. Why is there a spokesperson? For reasons of attraction. Here's an example: Hanes. Nice underwear, respectable company. Have they given you a reason to buy their product? Well, maybe. Wait, Michael Jordan has been using Hanes for over twenty years? Sold!
- Pathos – hold on to your emotions. Everyone knows about the SPCA commercial with Sarah McLaghlan and the sad music and puppies. The ad is the worst ad. Why? Because, if you see it, you will feel sad, and want to help the puppies. Pathos has done its job very well.
- Logos – this is the root of logic. This is perhaps the most honest way of persuading. You just tell them the reason they should agree with you. That's the reason statistics are often used. If you're told, On average, adults who smoke die 14 years earlier than people who don't smoke, (which is a fact, by the way)), and you want a long and healthy life. Logic will tell you to stop. Bam! persuasion.
Step 5. Create a need
This is the first rule of persuasion. Because, if there's no need to buy/do/get what you're offering, this won't happen. You don't have to be the next Bill Gates (even though he did create a need) – all you have to do is look at Maslow's Hierarchy. Think about different needs – whether they are psychological needs, safety, love and existence, self-esteem, or self-actualization. You can definitely find the part that's missing, something only you can do.
- Create scarcity. Apart from the things that humans need to survive, almost all things have a relative value. Sometimes (perhaps most of the time), we want something because someone else wants (or has) it. If you want others to want yours (or be like you or want you), you must make it rare, even if it is yourself. Something exists because of demand.
- Create an urgent need. To get someone to act quickly, you have to be able to create an urgent need. If they are less motivated to do something you want them to do, they are more likely not to change their mind in the future. You must persuade them now; that's what's important.
Method 2 of 5: Your Skills
Step 1. Speak quickly
Yep, that's right – people are more easily persuaded by someone who can speak quickly and confidently than one who can speak properly. It makes sense – the faster you speak, the less time it will take your listeners to pick up on what you're saying and question it. Do it and you will feel that you really understand the subject of the conversation by telling the facts at super speed and feeling confident.
October, 1976, a study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology analyzed speech rate and behavior. The researchers talked to the participants, trying to convince them that caffeine was bad for them. When they spoke at a breakneck speed, 195 words per minute, participants were easier to persuade; those who were lectured at 102 words per minute were somewhat less convinced. It can be concluded that with a high speech rate (195 words per minute is the highest speed a person can achieve in a casual conversation), messages appear more believable – thus more persuasive. Talking fast seems to show high self-confidence, intelligence, objectivity, and knowledge. A speed of 100 words per minute, the minimum speed of casual conversation, is associated with a negative side
Step 2. Be arrogant
Who ever thought that being arrogant was a good thing (for now)? In fact, recent research says that humans prefer arrogance over skill. Ever wonder why ignorant politicians and public figures have it all? Why is Sarah Palin still on Fox News? This is a consequence of how human psychology works. Consequences, of course.
Research conducted at Carnegie Mellon University shows that humans prefer advice from a reliable source – even if we know they don't have a reliable track record. If a person is aware of this (subconsciously or otherwise), it can increase their confidence in the topic
Step 3. Master body language
If you seem unapproachable, introverted, and uncooperative, other people won't listen to anything you have to say. Even if you say the right things, they listen to the words from your body. Watch your body position as you watch your mouth.
- Stay open. Keep your arms folded and your body toward the person you are talking to. Maintain eye contact, smile, and don't look nervous.
- Follow the moves. Again, humans like those who try to be like them – by following their actions, you are, literally, in the same position as them. If they are chin propped up, follow the movement. If they lean back, lean back. Don't do it so blatantly that it grabs their attention – in fact, if you feel a connection between you two, you'll do it automatically.
Step 4. Stay consistent
Imagine an important politician in a suit standing on stage. A reporter asked him about his support which mostly comes from people aged 50 years or over. In response, he clenched his fists, pointed, and loudly said, I can sense the younger generation. What's wrong with this?
What's wrong is everything. Her image as a whole – her body, her movements – was the opposite of her words. He responded appropriately to questions and was friendly, but his body language was unintelligible, uncomfortable, and rude. As a result, he is not trusted. To be able to persuade, your message and body language must match. Otherwise, you will look like a liar
Step 5. Be persistent
Fine, so don't bother someone all the time if they keep saying no, but don't make you give up asking the next person. You can't persuade everyone, especially before you've been through a lot of rejection. Your persistence will pay off later on.
The most persuasive people are the ones who are willing to keep asking them what they want, even if they keep getting rejected. No world leader can accomplish anything if he gives in to the first rejection. Abraham Lincoln, one of the most respected presidents in history, lost his mother, three children, older sister, girlfriend, failed business and lost eight different elections before being sworn in as President of the United States
Method 3 of 5: Incentives
Step 1. Provide economic incentives
You want something from someone, you have to do something. Now, what can you give them? Do you know something they might want? First answer: money.
Suppose you have a blog or magazine and want a writer to interview. Instead of saying Hey! I love your writing! which words are more effective? Here's an example: Dear John, I know that your book will be released in a few weeks, and I'm sure readers alone, on my blog, will like it. Are you interested in doing a 20 minute interview and presenting it to all my readers? We'll also end with a comment about your book. Now John knew that if he agreed to be interviewed, he would get more listeners, sell more books, and make money
Step 2. Define social incentives
Well, well, not everyone cares about money. If money is not an option, use social means. Most people care about other people's views. If you know their friends, even better.
On the same topic, but using social incentives: Dear John, I just read the research you published and was wondering Why doesn't EVERYONE know about it? I was wondering if you would be interested in doing a short 20 minute interview to talk about this research. Previously, I helped research Max, a person you've worked with in the past, and I'm sure your research will be well-known on my blog. Now, John knows that Max once you helped and you are loving this job. Socially, John has no reason not to and has many reasons to do so
Step 3. Use morals
It's true, this method is the weakest way, but it may be more effective for some people. If you think that someone doesn't care about money or social views, use this method.
Dear John, I just read the research you published and was wondering Why doesn't EVERYONE know about it? In fact, this is one of the reasons I released my Social Triggers podcast. My main goal is to introduce academic papers to the public. I was wondering if you are interested in a short 20 minute interview? We can introduce your research to all of our readers and hopefully we can both make the world a little bit smarter. The last sentence ignores money and ego and uses moral means
Method 4 of 5: Strategy
Step 1. Use guilt and return the favor
Have you ever heard your friend say, I'll pay for the first round! and the thing that comes to your mind is, I'll pay for the second! ? This happens because we have to return the favor; so fair. So when you help someone, think of it as an investment in your future. People want to repay you.
If you pay close attention, there are people who use this method around you all the time. ALL THE TIME. Those annoying ladies at the mall who give out lotion? Returning the favor. Mint in your bill when dinner ends? Returning the favor. Free glasses of beer from the bar? Returning the favor. Businesses in the world use it
Step 2. Use the power of the crowd
It is human nature to want to be cool and fit. When you tell them that other people are doing something too (hopefully it's a group of people they respect), this will reassure them that your suggestion is right and they won't think about whether it's right or wrong. Having a mental togetherness makes us mentally lazy. In addition, it also prevents us from being left behind from others.
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A successful example of using this method is the use of information cards in hotel bathrooms. In one study, the number of customers reusing their towels increased by 33% when an information card in a hotel room read that 75% of customers staying at this hotel reused their towels, according to research conducted by Influence at Work in Tempe, Ariz.
It becomes more intensive. If you have ever taken a Psychology class, you must have heard of this phenomenon. In the 1950s, Solomon Asch conducted conformity research. He grouped subjects into a group who were asked to give the wrong answer (in this case, the obviously shorter line was longer than the longer line (something a 3-year-old could do)). As a result, 75% of participants said shorter, longer lines and changed what they believed in, only to conform to others. Crazy, huh?
Step 3. Ask for lots of things
If you are a parent, you must have experienced it. A child says, Mother, mother! Let's go to the beach! Mom said no, feeling a little guilty, but couldn't change her mind. But then, when his son said, All right. Then let's go to the pool? Mom wanted to say yes and do it.
So ask for what you really want later. People would feel guilty if they refused a request, no matter what the request was. If your second request (i.e. your actual request) is something they can't refuse, they'll take the chance. The second request gives them a sense of guilt free, like an escape route. They will feel relieved, better, and you will get what you want. If you want to ask for IDR 100,000, 00, ask for IDR 250,000, 00. If you want a job done within a month, first ask to have it done within 2 weeks
Step 4. Use our word
Studies show that our use of words is more productive for persuading people than other less positive approaches (e.g. the threatening approach (If you don't do this, I will) and the rational approach (you should do it for these reasons)). Our use of the word conveys a sense of friendship, equality, and understanding.
Remember when we told you earlier that it's important to be in a relationship so that the listener feels like you and likes you? And then to imitate his body language so that listeners feel like you and like you? Well, now you need to use our word… so that listeners feel like you and like you. Surely you will not believe the results
Step 5. You have to start it
Sometimes a team won't move until someone starts something. Well, you have to be that person. You have to start it so your listeners feel more inclined to finish it.
People are more willing to complete a task than to do it all. Next time your clothes need to be washed, try putting them in the washing machine, and ask your partner to finish. Because it's so easy, they can't say no
Step 6. Get them to say yes
People want to be consistent with themselves. If you get them to say yes (in one way or another), they want to maintain consistency. If they admit they want to raise a problem or are confident about something and you offer a solution, they'll want to hear it. Whatever it is, get them to agree.
In a study conducted by Jing Xu and Robert Wyer, participants indicated that they were more receptive to something if they were shown something they agreed with first. In one session, participants listened to a John McCain or Barack Obama speech and then saw a Toyota advertisement. Republicans are more into advertising after seeing John McCain's speech, and Democrats? You guessed it – more pro Toyota after seeing Barack Obama's speech. So if you're trying to sell something, get your customers to agree with you first – even if what you're saying has nothing to do with what you're selling
Step 7. Give all points of view
Though sometimes invisible, people have their own thoughts and not all of them are stupid. If you don't mention all the points of view in an argument, people will either believe you or disagree with you. If flaws come up in front of you, tell them – especially before anyone else tells them.
Over the years, many studies have compared their one-sided and two-sided arguments and their efficiency and degree of persuasion in various contexts. Daniel O'Keefe of the University of Illinois examined the results of 107 different studies (50 years, 20,111 participants) and conducted a meta-analysis. He concludes that two-sided arguments are more persuasive than one-sided arguments – with different types of delivery and different audiences
Step 8. Use the secret method
Ever heard of Pavlov's dog? No, not a 70s rock band from St. Louis. Research on classical conditioning. Like that thing. You do something that unknowingly elicits a response from the other party – and they don't notice it either. But be aware that this takes time and craft.
If every time your friend mentions Pepsi, you grumble, that's an example of classic conditioning. Over time, as you grumble, your friends will think of Pepsi (maybe you want them to drink more Cola?). A clearer example is if your boss uses the same sentence to compliment everyone. When you hear your boss congratulate someone else, you'll remember when he congratulated you – and you'll work a little harder with pride that lifts your mood
Step 9. Raise your expectations
If you have the power, this method works better – and should be done. Show that you fully trust the positive actions of your subordinates (employees, children, etc.) and they will be easier to work with.
- If you tell your child that he's smart and you believe he'll get good grades, he doesn't want to let you down (if he can). Telling him that you believe in him will make it easier for him to believe in himself.
- If you are the head of a company, be a positive source for your employees. If you give them a difficult job, tell them that you gave them the job because you believe they can do it. They show the qualities of X, X, and X that you can be sure of. With that support, they will work better.
Step 10. Show the disadvantages
If you can give someone something, great. However, if you can prevent something from being lost or lost, even better. You can help them remove the stressors in their lives – why should they say no?
- There is a study in which a group of executives had to decide on a proposal that involved pros and cons. The difference is huge: Executives say yes to the proposal if the company is predicted to lose Rp5M if the proposal is not accepted, compared to projects that could earn Rp5M. Can you be more persuasive just by giving the price paid and the benefits? Possible.
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It also works well at home. Can't get your husband to stop watching TV and go out? Easy. Instead of feeling guilty and nagging him about time together, remind him that it's the last night before their kids return. He will be more persuaded if he feels lost or missed something.
This must be taken with consideration. There is conflicting research, which concludes that people don't like to be reminded of negative things, at least in private. If this is too household related, they will be frightened by the negative implications. They prefer attractive skin than avoiding skin cancer for example. So keep in mind what you want to ask before using one way or the other
Method 5 of 5: As a Seller
Step 1. Maintain eye contact and smile
Be polite, cheerful, and charismatic. Good behavior will help you a lot. People will hear what you have to say – because opening the door is the hardest thing.
You don't want them to think that you want to force your opinion on them. Be friendly and confident – they are more likely to believe every word you say
Step 2. Get to know your product
Show all the advantages of your idea. However, not to your advantage! Tell them the advantages for they. This will always attract their attention.
Be honest. If you have a product or idea that they don't need, they'll know about it. It will feel awkward and they will stop believing even the words that are the truth for them. Explain both sides of the situation to ensure that you are rational, logical, and understand their interests
Step 3. Be prepared for all the opposition
And be prepared for all the things you might not think of! If you've practiced your words and sat down for an overall evaluation, this shouldn't be a problem.
People will find excuses to say no if it looks like you made more profit from the transaction. Minimize this possibility. The listener is the one who should benefit – not you
Step 4. Don't be afraid to agree with others
Negotiation is a big part of persuasion. Just because you have to negotiate doesn't mean you don't win. In fact, tons of research have led you to a simple yes that has the power of persuasion.
If yes sounds like an odd word for persuasion, it seems to have the power to make you sound agreeable and that the person you're talking to is part of the request. Covering up what you're looking for as if it's an approval, not a request, might get someone else to help
Step 5. Use indirect communication with leadership
If you're talking to your boss or someone else in power, you may not want to be too direct. The same is true if your proposal is a bit ambitious. With a leader, you have to guide their thinking, making them think that they came up with the idea themselves. They have to remain in power in order to feel satisfied. Play their game and give them your idea slowly.
Start by making your boss feel a little less confident. Talk about something she doesn't quite understand – if possible, talk outside her office, in a neutral place. After the conversation, remind him who's boss (he!) – which will make him feel powerful – so he will do something about it at your request
Step 6. Manage your emotions and stay calm in a conflict
Getting carried away with emotions won't make things any easier to persuade. In a situation full of emotion or conflict, managing your emotions always allows you to be in control of the situation. If someone can't control their emotions, they will look for you to calm down because you can control your emotions. Then, he will trust you to guide them.
Put your anger to good use. Conflict makes everyone feel uncomfortable. If you are willing to get angry, make the situation tense, then the other person will succumb. However, don't do this often, and definitely don't do it when you lose control of your emotions. Only use this strategy correctly and usefully
Step 7. Believe in yourself
It can't be forced: Confidence is something that hypnotizes, amazes, and attracts like no other quality. The man in the room talking about something boring with a smile on his face full of confidence was the man who persuaded everyone to join his team. If you believe in what you do, others will see it and respond. They want to be confident like you.
If you don't believe in yourself, you really have to train your self-confidence. If you walk into a 5-star restaurant, no one will know you're wearing a rented suit. As long as you don't walk in in jeans and a T-shirt, no one will ask. As you deliver it, think of some of the same lines
Tips
- It helps if you are friendly, outgoing, and humorous; if other people enjoy being around you, you will have a greater influence on them.
- Try not to negotiate with someone when you are tired, in a hurry, unfocused, or not thinking about it; You may make a confession that you will regret later.
- Watch your words. Everything you say should be optimistic, encouraging and praising; pessimism and criticism should not be said. For example, a politician who makes a speech about hope is more likely to win an election; Talking about bitterness won't win you over.
- Whenever you start an argument, agree with it, and say good things about the point. For example, if you want to sell your truck to a certain furniture store, and the manager says to you, "No, I'm not buying your truck! I like any brand-that's because of this and that". You should agree and reply to something like, "Sure, any brand of truck-that's great, in fact I hear they have a reputation for 30 years". Trust me, he won't mind too much after that! From here, you can explain your point about your truck, for example "… But did you know that if your truck doesn't start in cold conditions, the company won't help you? And you have to call a crane and fix the truck yourself?" This will help him. consider your opinion.
- Sometimes, it helps to let your listeners know that this is something that is very, very, very important to you, and when it isn't; be wise.
Warning
- Don't give up suddenly – this makes them feel like they've won, and will make it more difficult to persuade them in the future.
- Don't lecture too much or they'll stop giving you chances, you'll even lose influence over them.
- NEVER be critical or upfront about the person you are talking to. This can be difficult at times, but you won't be able to achieve your goals this way. In fact, if you're feeling a little offended or frustrated, they'll notice and feel offended right away, so it's better to wait. A bit long.
- Lying and exaggeration is never a morally sound option and it is useless. Your listeners aren't stupid and if you think you can fool them without getting caught, you deserve it.
