It's normal to feel jealous of other people from time to time. But when you're blinded by envy to the point where you spend your time yearning for what other people have and can't appreciate your own circumstances, then you have a problem. If you want to overcome envy and move on with your life, keep reading.
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Method 1 of 4: Understanding Your Envy
Step 1. Admit that you have a problem
Before you can start dealing with your jealousy, you need to admit that it is a serious problem that is taking over your life and preventing you from loving yourself right now. Envy can really make you weak and hold you back from reaching your goals and becoming a better person. Here are some signs that envy is taking over your life:
- If you spend most of your time yearning for what other people have, instead of appreciating what you have.
- If you are constantly comparing yourself to your friends, family members and coworkers, and find that you are always worse off.
- If you're jealous of a certain person and can't hang out with him for five minutes without wishing you had his clothes, his looks and his demeanor.
- If you're jealous of all your friends' love relationships and wish your relationship was at least half of the beauty of theirs.
- If you're in a relationship and you can't stand it when your lover interacts with anyone of the opposite sex. You feel sure all girls have one goal – to win your lover.
- If you're so obsessed that you're constantly checking your boyfriend's Facebook, or even checking his phone and e-mail, for signs that he's cheating on you.
- If you can't pass a few minutes without comparing your love relationship, career, or family to the relationships, careers and families of everyone you meet.
- If you are really jealous whenever one of your friends hangs out with a new friend. If it makes you ask, "What's wrong with me?"
Step 2. Reflect on your envy
The moment you admit you have a serious problem with jealousy and want to tame the "monster," you have to understand why you had jealousy in the first place. If you feel you don't have what other people have, then there must be something missing in your own life. Here's how to understand where your feelings are coming from:
- Are you jealous of just one aspect of your friends' lives? For example, if you're just jealous of your friends' love relationships because yours isn't as good as theirs, then you should try to improve your relationship on your own terms, or end your relationship if it's not worth saving. Are you jealous of your best friend because she is pursuing her career as an artist, while you are afraid to take that step? It may be a sign that you need to rethink your career path.
- Do you envy every thing that other people have? If you think you have nothing to make other people jealous of you, then you suffer from insecurity and lack of self-confidence. You need to work on developing how you see yourself before you can move on with your life of envy.
- Are you jealous of how your friends look? Do you feel that your life would be much better if you looked like them? Try to develop a unique style, spend more time with a healthy diet and exercise, and learn to love your best qualities by looking in the mirror and reminding yourself of the things you love about yourself every day.
Method 2 of 4: Improve Your Situation
Step 1. Improve yourself
If you have chronic jealousy, then you may feel like you're not someone to admire because you're not fun, attractive, or dynamic. It's time to try to turn yourself into someone who has no reason to be jealous because you are so happy with who you are. Here's what you should do:
- Develop your confidence. Write down all the things you love about yourself and make a list of your flaws. Try to name as many flaws as you can, and you'll start to feel better about yourself. If you feel better about yourself, you will feel less jealous.
- One of the most common reasons for envy is material reasons. If you're jealous of your friend who has a lot of money, or whose family has a lot of money, and you don't, you have to accept the fact that you can't buy everything that she can. Instead, you should value your money. Save your money to buy just a few essentials for your wardrobe or your apartment that will make you feel better about what you have.
- Shape your body. If you're jealous of your friend because of her toned stomach, start going to the gym more often. Remember, although everyone is born with a unique body, you still have control over how your body looks. However, if you feel like everyone around you looks better than you and there's nothing you can do to change that, then you may have a problem with your body image and should seek medical attention.
- Remember to be yourself. You won't beat your jealousy if you're obsessed with doing what your friends do, looking like your friends, or having the same love relationships your friends have. While we should take inspiration from other people in various ways, don't forget that you are a unique person and never compare yourself to others.
Step 2. Improve your work
You may feel jealous because you can't stand the things you do every day. To avoid this, you must take pride in the hard work you put in and must feel good about pursuing the things that interest you. If you're busy pursuing your goals and interests, you won't have time to be jealous of what other people are doing.
- Do the things you love more often. If you spend a lot of your time wishing you could be more like your friends, it's probably because you don't do much to be proud of. Be more cultured like reading poetry, plays and novels or try to develop useful skills, such as knitting or repairing furniture. The more you do to improve yourself, the happier you will be to be who you are.
- Focus on your career. If you're jealous of someone else because he's pursuing his dream, or jealous of someone who got a promotion at work, you should work harder at your job or consider changing your career path so you can do what you really want..
- Set goals for yourself and achieve them. Start small. If you've never run before, practice for a 5K run without stopping for a walk. If you are successful, you will feel proud of your abilities, and will try to set other goals for yourself.
Step 3. Improve your social relationships
If you envy someone for having lots of friends or for having a great love relationship, chances are something is missing in your relationship. Try to spend more time in meaningful conversations or activities with your friends, and strive to have open and honest relationships.
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If you are happy with your friend or lover, then you have no reason to want the relationship that someone else has. If you have a strong relationship, then you will feel calm and secure.
If you have a friendship based on jealousy, it may be time to end it. If you feel like you have a friend who keeps trying to make you jealous by bragging about everything they have, it may be time to leave
- Improve your relationship with your family. If you don't spend enough time with your family, you may become jealous of the close relationships other people have with their family members. Make an effort to call home or spend more time with your parents, and you'll feel better about your relationship.
- Improve your love life. If you're in a serious relationship, make an effort to have honest and open communication to help you spot things that aren't going well. If you're single, try to feel happy by being detached and excited to find someone in the future, instead of spending your time feeling jealous of someone else's committed relationship.
Method 3 of 4: Improve Your Perspective
Step 1. Remind yourself how lucky you are
When you are blinded by envy, it is impossible to look at things objectively and understand how lucky you really are. Remind yourself that you are lucky to have running water, food you can eat anytime, good health, and even access to a computer. This is how you do it:
- Understand how lucky you are compared to most people in the world. Remind yourself that many people in this world don't have the basics that you waste. You most likely never face hunger, you are healthy and can see a doctor easily, you have enough clothes to keep warm, and there is no oppression in the area where you live.
- Understand that you have a lot of things that other people can envy. Make a list of at least twenty things you have that other people want. It could be as simple as running water, or more detailed, like the ability to speak to make other people laugh.
- Understand that whoever makes you jealous doesn't have a perfect life. Be realistic about the people you envy. Make a list of the things they have that you envy, then ask yourself if you have anything they want. For example, you may be jealous of your friend's wonderful love relationship, but it's possible that she wishes to have loving and loving parents like yours. You may be jealous of your friend who just got a promotion, while she may wish she was a talented artist like you.
Step 2. Be a philanthropist
If you spend more time helping others, not only will you feel better about being generous, but you'll also have an understanding of what you have that other people will be grateful for.
- Volunteer in your community. To truly understand how lucky you are, you can volunteer in your community to help people learn English, read, or deliver food at a free food distribution center. Being around people whose basic needs may not be met will remind you how lucky you are in life.
- Help people you know. Help a friend who is having trouble in a relationship, or motivate your friend who is struggling in class to graduate. Understanding the difficulties that other people face will allow you to see that everyone is struggling with their own problems, and you are not the only person looking to improve your life.
- Do small things for your loved ones. Help your friends who are having a hard time. Help wash her clothes, or give a friend a ride whose car broke down. You will feel like a more helpful person and will appreciate what you have more.
Method 4 of 4: Live a Positive Life
Step 1. Accept who you are
Reflecting on your jealousy and trying to make yourself a better person can help to solve your problem. But you must still understand that no matter what you do, you will never be perfect and there will always be things you want.
- Realize that life is not fair. You can't have everything you want, no matter how hard you try, and there may be people who are truly luckier than you. Once you accept this fact, you can let go of your burdens and stop trying to have everything.
- Enjoy being yourself. You may be someone with flaws like everyone else, but take time to enjoy your uniqueness and really learn to feel good about being who you are. Take time for yourself, and really value your solitude.
- Focus on your positive qualities. Even though there may still be things you are missing, focus on the parts of your life, like your relationships, or your great job. Pay attention to the things you have and love, instead of thinking about the things you want.
Step 2. Avoid envy in the future
After you've tried your best to beat the envy that has taken over your life, you still need to make sure you don't encounter it again in the future. There are a few things you can do to make sure you don't feel jealous in the future:
- Never waste anything. Every morning, remind yourself of at least ten things you are grateful for. Creating a routine like this will remind you that you are someone you shouldn't be jealous of.
- Avoid situations that can make you feel jealous. If you can't help feeling a little jealous as a lover, don't date a guy who hangs out with a lot of female friends. If you have a friend who seems to have it all and you can't stop being jealous of him, try cutting back on the time you spend with him if being around him makes you feel bad.
- Recognize your envy. When you find yourself feeling jealous of someone again, go home and reflect on that in your notebook. Why are you jealous of that person? What can you do to stop your jealousy before it gets out of hand?
- Remember that it's healthy to feel jealous every once in a while. Don't beat yourself up if you can't stop being jealous about everything. If your friend has a new car and you wish you could buy it too, or your friend just announced they were getting married while you wished you had a boyfriend, it's okay to be a little jealous. But if that jealousy takes over your life and affects your every action, then you have a problem.
Tips
- Avoid telling people how lucky they are all the time. This can create an uncomfortable situation and will only make those around you feel awkward.
- Jealousy is an unattractive quality. If you're in a relationship, always remind yourself that there's nothing more unattractive than someone who is always feeling jealous. This will show that you are insecure about your qualities, and will make anyone you date lose interest in you.
