The desire for revenge usually arises because someone has treated you so badly that you feel humiliated or humiliated and wants to do what is appropriate to restore self-esteem. However, taking revenge can lead to problems related to violence or crime to others. This will make you suffer more, instead of feeling relieved. Read this article so that you can eliminate the desire for revenge and live your life in peace and security.
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Part 1 of 3: Controlling Emotions
Step 1. Know what triggers your emotions
The desire for revenge arises because you feel insulted by the person who treated you badly and so you feel ashamed for allowing this to happen. These feelings will trigger anger and a desire for revenge.
- Emotions can be felt physically, so emotions can be controlled by recognizing the physical signs that you are feeling. For example, when you are angry, your blood pressure will increase and you will feel a warm feeling that radiates from your shoulders to the back of your head.
- Emotions can control the decision-making process. This is shown through the strong correlation between emotions and decisions. For example, you tend to make rash decisions when you're angry, but not when you're happy.
Step 2. Write down your feelings
Expressing how you feel in words is a way of understanding your feelings and calming your mind. In addition to reducing the burden of feelings, this method can also relieve the desire for revenge.
If you don't like expressing your feelings in writing, tell someone what you're going through, for example, to a close friend or family member. Explain how you are feeling, who you are having a problem with, why you want revenge, what would you like to get revenge on, etc
Step 3. Start meditating
Find a quiet, distraction-free place. Sit on the floor or in a chair with your eyes closed and take deep, calm breaths. During meditation, let go of all negative thoughts and focus on the positive things in your life.
Scientific research proves that meditation can help reduce stress and eliminate the desire for revenge. In addition to calming the mind, meditation also makes you feel calmer and able to control yourself
Step 4. Repeat the sentence to calm yourself down
Negative emotions tend to be difficult to deal with and can make you feel depressed. In this situation, repeat positive affirmations to yourself to remind yourself that you are in control of your response, even if you can't control the situation. Say some positive mantras or sentences to yourself, for example:
- "Things will improve."
- “I was able to control myself when I responded to his actions.”
- "I can handle this situation."
- "All of this is temporary."
Part 2 of 3: Finding Another Way
Step 1. Channel your anger in a useful way
Anger and hatred tend to trigger a desire for revenge. Find the right way to channel these negative emotions. Find a fun activity, for example: listening to your favorite music, cooking, or writing poetry.
Exercising is an excellent way to channel negative emotions. When we exercise, our bodies release hormones that trigger feelings of happiness and relieve stress, which control the desire for revenge
Step 2. Work on improving yourself
Instead of lowering yourself like the person who put you down, choose a more honorable way of improving yourself so that you become a more successful person. For example, if he makes fun of you because you didn't score well on a test, instead of getting back at him for bad treatment, study harder so that you get the best possible score so he won't be able to mock you again. This way, you'll feel good about being able to achieve something great and stop the people who once made fun of you.
Step 3. Write down what you would do to get revenge and then tear this note up
Think of all the ways to get revenge, from the good to the bad. You can ignore this person, block his account on social media, thwart his efforts, send anonymous SMS, publicly humiliate him, etc. Consider each option and imagine how you will feel afterwards. After thinking about what you can do, tear up the paper so that you feel relieved.
Step 4. Find peace through friends and family
We are social beings who need the interaction and support of others. If you're having a hard time getting over your desire for revenge, ask someone else to come with you. Invite your friends over for coffee or a movie together without talking about your feelings or desires. This frees your mind from wanting revenge and makes you feel happy instead of feeling depressed or angry.
Step 5. Let the problem pass
After some time, the negative emotions will subside and the desire for revenge will decrease. In the end, you are unwilling to seek revenge and are able to focus on the important things in your life.
With time, things will get better again. Determine what you should prioritize in your life and consider whether getting revenge is worth the effort and the consequences
Part 3 of 3: Forgiving People Who Behaved Badly To You
Step 1. Talk to the person who is being mean to you
If possible, talk to him so you can understand his point of view. Ask him, "Have I ever hurt your feelings?" or “What can I do to improve our relationship?” Don't be condescending or argumentative, but show understanding and empathy.
Dealing with a bad person can be difficult, so use texting or email to communicate with them. However, a written conversation may not necessarily convey exactly what you mean and can be misinterpreted
Step 2. Be nice
Show directly and indirectly that you are still being nice to him. Maybe he is experiencing difficulties or is not able to deal with problems well. Realize that he is a fellow human who has feelings.
Learn to open your heart to your enemy and try to understand his point of view so you can understand his feelings
Step 3. Remember that you cannot control other people
Even if you have forgiven the person who did you wrong, it doesn't mean that he will forgive you because you can't control his thoughts and feelings. However, this has nothing to do with your decision to forgive the other person.
Free yourself from wanting to control others by being submissive and trusting that things will get better. Don't dwell on this person so you can forgive them more easily
Step 4. Know that the decision to forgive others is yours
Forgiveness and reconciliation are two very different things. Reconciliation requires agreement from both parties, while forgiveness only depends on oneself. Forgiveness doesn't mean just letting the other person go, but it shows that you accept what happened and want to move on with your life.
