At times, you will find it difficult to make up your mind in front of your boyfriend's parents, especially if it's your first or second time meeting them. What's important is that you're respectful and involved, while showing how much you like their daughter. In the end, it's what matters to them too, not your looks or your wealth. However, looking attractive and being elegant doesn't hurt. You just need to remember not to show physical affection as much as possible, and your boyfriend's parents will warmly welcome you into their family.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Making a Good Impression
Step 1. Do your homework
Before meeting your boyfriend's parents, you should know some information about them. And if you've met them before, it's still a good idea to learn a few new things about them before meeting them the next time. Ask your boyfriend a few things about his parents, for example, his job, his country/city, his hobbies, or anything else that can help you get in touch with them. This could even be a sports team that you both share a passion for, or a field of work you both share, as long as it helps you chat and build rapport as you interact.
- If you know of certain similarities between yourself and your boyfriend's parents, don't reveal these similarities as soon as you meet them. Wait until the conversation calms down, then say, for example, "Pak Suryo, I heard that you are also a big fan of the ABC team".
- Be honest with your boyfriend, don't hide your intentions while trying to get information out of him. Say that you want to know a few things about his parents, to find out what they have in common.
- You can even ask about the traits and habits of your boyfriend's parents, if you've never met them before. If you know ahead of time that his dad is sarcastic or that his mom is very talkative, you'll be better prepared to spend time with them.
Step 2. Shake hands as a man
This is not the time for you to shake hands in a lazy or limp style! During introductions, shake his father's hands in a nice, steady style while maintaining eye contact, as well as smiling and giving the impression that you are honored to be with them. Remember that it is these people who have brought the woman you love, and they deserve your respect and admiration.
Step 3. Dress appropriately
Make sure that you are dressed appropriately for the introductory meeting. If your dress style is too casual, they will think that you (A) don't care about the importance of this occasion and are lazy to bother choosing appropriate clothes (this is a bad first impression), or (B) too stupid to realize why you are need to set the best appearance (and this too is a bad first impression). You should wear clothes that are neat and appropriate for the occasion. If you're just joining in on their in-house grilling, jeans and a neat collared t-shirt are a great choice; but if you go out to dinner together, you need to wear neat trousers and a button-down shirt.
Also check the cleanliness and tidiness of your body. Shower, shave, and comb
Step 4. Bring them the right gifts
If you are visiting their home for the first time, you should bring flowers or other gifts, to show your efforts. You can also bring a good bottle of wine, if you know that your boyfriend's parents like to drink. Ask your boyfriend what his parents like. Even though you may have met them before and even though they are going to treat you, it is not polite to come empty-handed. Bringing a gift, no matter how simple, will show you care.
Step 5. Maintain positive body language
Another thing you should do is make sure that your body language conveys the impression of being open, approachable and involved in the interaction. Stand or sit up straight, always make eye contact, don't slouch, and use your arms to perform various movements while speaking or leave them at your sides, not crossing your arms. You should also avoid vibrating or repetitive movements that can give the impression of being bored or nervous. If it's an evening event, don't be tempted to slide the food across your plate. Know that your actions will speak as loudly as your words, and if you're busy changing your feet while trying to sound interested in your boyfriend's mother's story about the parenting meeting she attended, she'll know you're actually bored.
Maintain an open posture, and make sure that your body is facing your boyfriend's parents, not facing the other way to seem away from them. This will show that you are excited to have a conversation with them
Step 6. Offer to help, for example with cleaning
If you meet your boyfriend's parents at his house, you should offer whatever help you can. Maybe you can help his intimidating dad set up the grilling utensils. Maybe you can help her mom clean up in the kitchen after a nice casual dinner. There may be other things around the house that you can do to show that you care and want to be useful. It's very likely that your boyfriend's parents will say they don't need help, but you'll be displaying the image of a real man by offering to help.
Try to understand the tone of their response when they decline your offer of help. You'll find out if they really mean it, or if they really want to be helped
Part 2 of 3: Treat Your Boyfriend Well
Step 1. Treat their daughter with respect
This is the single most important thing you can do to win their heart. Every parent, including those who tend to be rude to their daughter's boyfriend, wants their daughter to find the best possible partner who respects her and treats her right. Show your girlfriend's parents that you are the person they are looking for! Encourage your boyfriend when he talks, talk about his accomplishments and outstanding qualities, and don't make fun of or talk bad about your boyfriend. Be a real man and treat your girlfriend like a respectable lady.
While you and your boyfriend may often flirt with each other when you're alone, try to do as little of this as possible in front of his parents, at least in the beginning until they fully understand the dynamics of your relationship with your boyfriend. Otherwise, they may think that you don't respect your boyfriend
Step 2. Avoid physical intimacy as much as possible
There are other ways to show your boyfriend's parents that you like their daughter, without having to fondle or grope her in their presence. If you really want to show that you like your daughter, you should be respectful to her, maybe just holding her hand or showing a little affection, but don't overdo it. Fathers usually don't like seeing their daughters touched by other men, and you need to keep this in mind when meeting the parents of your special woman.
While you don't need to be cold and distant to your boyfriend, not showing excessive physical affection is a sign of respect for his parents as well
Step 3. Make it clear how much you like their daughter
In the end, the most important thing parents consider is how much you like their daughter. You may be a handsome tycoon or famous celebrity, but they won't really care about any of this if you seem distant or demean their daughter. While you don't have to praise them until they fly to the seventh heaven or pretend to be fake, you do need to make it clear that their daughter is really special to you, by finding the right moments to give subtle compliments. or expressing affection, and by talking about his accomplishments or things the two of you have done together. Let your boyfriend's parents see that you are serious about their daughter and that you realize how special their daughter is.
That you're willing to go to the trouble of making a good impression on your boyfriend's parents just shows them how much their daughter means to you. If you act like you don't care what they think of you, they'll think you don't really care about their daughter
Step 4. Don't show the impression of being lazy
Another thing parents don't want to see is that their daughter is dating a man who has no ambition or no earning potential. You don't have to have a master's degree in business, but you don't have to tell me how much you don't like your school or job, or that you think you have the education system (or job system). Of course, you can have these thoughts, but you don't have to share them with your boyfriend's parents. At the very least, don't do this until you're sure they really like you. You need to give the impression that you have potential for improvement and that the two of you will make a great team.
- While the view that your boyfriend's parents want you to be the sole breadwinner for their daughter may sound old-fashioned, they still want to find a man who can at least take care of himself responsibly. If you're talking about how you're still being paid for by your parents, your poor grades, or your drinking with your male friends, none of this is going to win over your boyfriend's parents.
- If education or work isn't your thing, talk about something you're passionate about, such as playing the guitar or collecting stamps. You still have to give the impression that you care about a certain thing.
Part 3 of 3: Building Comfortable Conversations
Step 1. Engage in the conversation
What's important is that you show interest in the conversation that flows with your boyfriend's parents, even if you're talking about filing taxes or growing cauliflower. Ask lots of questions, politely nod your head, and give your boyfriend's parents your full attention. Make sure that you react when they make jokes, and seem genuinely enjoying your company and interested in the topic of their conversation. This will make a huge difference, and will show them that you are a good young man.
- When they ask you a question, don't just say yes or no or a short answer. Take the time to share longer answers, to show your concern.
- Even though your boyfriend's parents may ask questions that can be answered with just a yes or no, it's still advisable to give a broader answer. If his dad says, "I heard you studied history," don't just say, "Yeah, that's right…". Instead, say, “I majored in history, with an interest in the study of American history. I've been interested in history since I was little."
Step 2. Give them your full attention
The most important thing in this case is to get rid of your phone temporarily. This is a serious matter. Don't text your friends to make a get-together plan, don't look up your favorite team's game scores on sports websites, don't check your e-mail, no matter how tempting it may seem. If necessary, turn off your phone. You certainly don't want to annoy your boyfriend's parents with his casual style, because he checks your phone every five seconds. If you're in a restaurant and the game is out there, I'm sorry, guys, you have to be willing to miss the game.
Step 3. Be as mature as you can be
This doesn't mean you have to be very formal when you're only 16, but you should still try to show that you're growing into a mature young man. Be polite and ethical, don't use vulgar speech, and be elegant and friendly during conversations. You can show yourself as a grown man by talking about future plans, talking about your family in a respectful manner, and not making comments that make you seem clueless.
Remember that no matter how old you are, your boyfriend's parents will want their daughter to date a man, not just a boy. They certainly want someone who is a good influence on their daughter and can encourage her growth into adulthood
Step 4. Always have ethics
Another important thing to do in front of your boyfriend's parents is to show that you have good etiquette. You don't have to act like an English aristocrat, but you should always say “please” and “thank you” at appropriate times, asking the other person across the table to pass the food instead of trying to reach it yourself with your hands. from the opposite side, pull up a chair so it's ready to sit when your boyfriend is about to sit down (unless his parents have already done so), and don't interrupt other people.
You also need to know how to politely call your boyfriend's parents. This part is quite easy. Just use the nickname they use for themselves at the time of introduction. If his father said, "Just call me Joko..". (although this is less common in Indonesia), so don't be afraid to call him Joko. However, if he introduces himself as "Pak Suryo", you should call him "Pak Suryo" until he himself asks you to change the call
Step 5. Avoid topics that spark debate
You really don't want to get caught up in an argument about the political situation in Ukraine or the state of the Catholic Church with your boyfriend's parents, in the midst of a dinner that should be fun. If you find that you have vastly different views on important topics, or if you just want to be polite, it's best to stay away from topics that spark debate. Arguing won't make you feel great at all, and it will only embarrass you and get you into an uncomfortable conversation.
- If you feel that the conversation is heating up because your boyfriend's parents don't agree with your views, try to change the topic subtly. You might say, for example, “I don't go to church on Sundays, but I like to watch English league games in the afternoon. Mr. Joko, I heard you are a big Arsenal fan too?”
- Once you get to know your boyfriend's parents better, you can discuss these topics in more depth. However, at first, it's better to stick to safe topics, even if they may be a bit boring.
Step 6. Give sincere compliments
Another way to impress your boyfriend's parents and to behave appropriately in their presence is to compliment them on themselves or in certain things about them. These compliments shouldn't sound forced and you shouldn't do them too often, but compliments at the right time can go a long way until they see that you value being with them and care about their daughter. Even if your compliments are a little silly, they'll still be happy that you put in the effort. Here are a few things you can commend:
- Paintings, souvenirs or certain furniture in their homes
- The food you eat (if they cook it)
- Her mother's earrings
Step 7. Be honest
Parents love honesty in any situation, because honesty makes them feel comfortable entrusting their daughter to be with you. Therefore, always give honest answers to their questions. Not only that, but parents are far more experienced than you, they can tell if you're being dishonest, no matter how well you think you can lie or hide something. This doesn't mean you have to tell them everything down to the tiniest, for example, that you really like smoking marijuana, but it does mean that you absolutely shouldn't lie to them about important things, such as your education or your future plans.
Step 8. Exercise your confidence
Tell yourself that you are a nice guy who really loves their daughter. Make sure that you feel safe and confident in yourself, without exuding the slightest bit of arrogance. It's not enough to just pretend to be confident, but you need to really feel confident, because otherwise it won't shine out of you the way you want it to. If you want your boyfriend's parents to really believe in you, then you have to believe in yourself first.
Step 9. Speak directly and frankly
Make sure that when you first meet your boyfriend's parents, you maintain eye contact when you talk to them. Don't look away, mumble, or leave them. Use a confident tone of voice when you speak and show that you have faith and trust in yourself. Try not to say "uh" or ask your boyfriend for help because he's at a loss for words too often. However, it's okay to take the time to put together the words if you need to.
Step 10. Don't be nervous
No matter how nervous you are, keep your head up. Don't shake, roll your eyes around the room, or stay too long before answering a question. Take a deep breath and tell your boyfriend's parents whatever you need to say. It's okay to be nervous, but you should still do your best to keep your boyfriend's parents from seeing him. If you look nervous, they will think that you lack confidence and are not ready. Just tell yourself over and over again, that if your boyfriend likes you, of course his parents will like you.
- Don't be so nervous because you're worried about appearing nervous! This will only make things worse.
- In the end, know that being a little nervous isn't a big tragedy. Your boyfriend's parents have also been dealing with nervousness when they met his girlfriend's parents, and they'll understand that you're in a similar situation.
Step 11. Don't forget to stay true to yourself
Don't pretend to be someone else just to win over your boyfriend's parents. You really don't have to be someone else to please anyone. Remember, your boyfriend has chosen you for a reason, and besides, parents can tell if a young guy is faking it. Showing a more mature and responsible self-image is different from pretending to be someone else entirely. If you're planning to be in a long-term relationship with their daughter, you can't pretend forever.
Tips
- Don't always be alone. Your boyfriend's parents want to keep their daughter sweet and innocent. If your boyfriend suddenly acts flirtatious and mischievous, and you can't control your own hands, your boyfriend's parents will never like you. Until whenever.
- Don't worry if they don't look like you right away. Give them time to get used to you.
- If you already know them, for example because you and your boyfriend were childhood friends who later started dating, be prepared for a question session. Mothers are usually curious about their daughter's condition and whether their daughter is dating a good person.
- Be kind and light-hearted, especially to his mother. Offer to help when you see her mom doing something, like bringing in groceries or emptying the trash can.
- If it seems that they don't like you from the start, understand the reasons for their dislike. Is it because of your appearance, your reputation, or because you had an argument with your boyfriend and they overheard it, or because your boyfriend discussed the argument with them? Any cause can make them disapprove of your relationship. Finding the point of their objection is the first step to overcoming it.
- Don't overdo anything, so you don't look fake and too good. Present yourself naturally but politely.
- Ask your boyfriend about his parents before meeting them. You don't want to sound rude, but if they're not the kind of person who's used to being overly formal, don't be too tense about it. Just be polite and don't pretend.
- Don't honk the horn without getting out of the vehicle to pick up your boyfriend.
- Don't use too much body fragrance on the first date.
- Don't use your gadget while eating or chatting. Your boyfriend's parents will think you're a tech geek!
Warning
- Appreciate their genuine hospitality to host you, and respond in a friendly and respectful manner. This could be your family too in the future.
- Don't over-praise. They will actually feel uncomfortable after a while. Your attitude will look fake.
- Don't be rude, fierce, or overtly to your boyfriend's parents. Do not attack or insult them. Remember that these parents are the ones who will give your blessing if and when you propose to your boyfriend. You should try to refrain from intentionally hurting them. You certainly want your boyfriend to treat your parents that way, right?
- Don't always control your boyfriend. But don't be the guy who ignores his girlfriend and only gives him time when it's convenient for him. Parents don't like this kind of guy to be a girlfriend for their daughter. They want a good, steady man, who wants the best for their daughter and is ready to make their daughter an important priority in her life.
- When answering questions, do not be too long. You may end up giving the impression that you're not the right guy for their daughter if you tend to talk too much.
