The loss of virginity does sound scary, and there are many myths that reinforce the fear of this historic moment. Even though some women feel pain the first time they have sex, there's no need to be afraid. Talking to your partner and understanding about sex can help you relax. By setting the mood and using the right tools, you can make this first and only experience positive and enjoyable.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Forming a Positive Attitude
Step 1. Make sure you are ready to have sex
It's natural to feel nervous. If you're tense at the thought of sex or if your relationship with your partner isn't serious, it's best to wait for the right time and person, don't rush. If you try to have sex at the wrong time, you may be tense and unable to enjoy it.
- Most of us are taught that sex is taboo, only after marriage, and between men and women only. If the thought of sex is stressing you out or feeling guilty, it's best to wait. Try talking about your feelings with someone you can trust.
- Don't fret if you feel inferior or insecure, that's normal. However, if you are afraid or can't take off your clothes because you feel your body is full of deficiencies, it's a sign that you are not ready to make love to your partner.
- Don't be embarrassed if your sexual preferences are different from the average person. Only you can decide who you are attracted to and in what type of sex.
Step 2. Invite your partner to communicate
Heart-to-heart talk can build trust and also help create a more positive view of sex. A good partner will take your feelings into account and will be willing to help you through the process. If your partner is putting too much pressure on you or making you uncomfortable, think again about whether you really want to be with him or her.
- Before making love, talk about contraception and protection. Say, "I did use contraception, but you're still going to use condoms, right?"
- Talk about your fears, expectations, and feelings. For example, "I'm nervous, people say that at first it's going to hurt a lot."
- Let your partner know if there's anything you want to try or don't want to do. For example, “I want oral sex, but I don't want anal at all.”
- Tell them if you feel nervous or anxious. If he plays down your feelings, it's a sign that he doesn't care about your worries.
Step 3. Find someone you can trust to talk to
Even if it feels awkward to talk about sex, at least find someone you can turn to for help if needed. For example, you can rely on a parent, doctor, nurse, counselor, or sibling. They can advise, answer questions, and protect or provide access to women's protection. Even if they didn't speak up, at least there was someone to call in an emergency situation.
If you feel pressured to have sex, ask someone you can trust for help. Remember that you don't have to if you don't want to. No one can pressure you to do something you don't want to do
Part 2 of 3: Studying Your Own Body
Step 1. Learn fully about sex
You will feel more confident if you understand the anatomy of your own body, especially if your partner is also a virgin. Know what to do during sex, what's normal, and what to expect, and in turn your anxiety will reduce by itself. Look for some reliable sources and information about sex education.
To help you understand the pleasures of sex, try masturbating. Before having sex with a partner, try to explore your own body first
Step 2. Find your hymen
Contrary to popular belief, the hymen usually does not cover the vaginal opening, unless there is a condition such as a microperforate hymen (a membrane that covers the vaginal opening with only a small opening in the middle) or a septate hymen (a thin membrane that separates the vaginal opening into two small openings).. The hymen is not a “new stuff seal” as many say, but is simply the muscle and skin that surrounds the vaginal opening, much like the skin and muscle in the buttock. The hymen is not "torn," but can be damaged by anything, such as tampons, doing splits, or making love or inserting a large object into it, causing the pain most virgins feel.
- If the hymen is broken or open, it will usually bleed. This can be seen during and after sex. The amount of blood is not close to the amount of menstrual blood.
- When the hymen "tears", it will not be so painful. Pain during sex is usually caused by friction. This can happen if you are not wet enough or not passionate enough.
Step 3. Know the angle of the vagina
If you can help your partner enter at the right angle, you can avoid the pain of slipping. Most vaginas form an angle of inclination towards the abdomen. If you are standing, position your vagina about 45 degrees from the floor.
- If you wear a tampon, pay attention to how it is inserted. Try the same angle when your partner begins to penetrate.
- If you don't use a tampon, insert one finger in the shower. Point your finger at your lower back. If it's not comfortable, move it around a bit until you find a comfortable spot.
Step 4. Locate the clitoris
Usually, women rarely feel orgasm from penetration alone. Stimulation of the clitoris that usually brings women to sexual pleasure. Try relaxing tense muscles with oral sex or clitoral stimulation before penetration.
- Try to find the clitoris before making love. You will find it by masturbating or looking in the mirror with the help of a flashlight. Next, you can guide your partner, especially if this is also their first time.
- Orgasm before penetration can also reduce pain during sex. Try oral sex on foreplay and before penetration. Your partner can also use their fingers or sex toys to stimulate your clitoris.
Part 3 of 3: Enjoying Sex
Step 1. Choose a location away from stress
If you're worried about getting caught, you won't be able to enjoy making love. Make things easier for you and your partner by choosing a time and place that is free of distractions.
- Find a private place, a comfortable surface to lie on, and free time without any schedule.
- Think about whether you would be more comfortable making love at home alone or at a partner's house.
- If you live with other people, consider asking them to give you some alone time at that time.
Step 2. Create a relaxed atmosphere
Relieve tension by creating a relaxed, stress-free atmosphere. Clean the room, turn off the phone, and get rid of anything that might make you nervous or distract from your partner.
- Dim lights, soft music, and moderately warm temperatures can make you feel safe and comfortable.
- Consider cleaning and grooming yourself first so that you feel relaxed and confident.
Step 3. Ask your partner for permission and make a deal first
Make sure you and your partner have agreed to make love. If you're not sure how your partner feels, just ask. Just because he doesn't refuse, doesn't mean he agrees. He must be sure, and answer “yes” without hesitation when asked.
- If he doesn't want to hook up, don't be pressured. If you don't want to, he'll also have to stop when you refuse.
- Permission here also means not doing anything your partner doesn't like.
Step 4. Put on a condom
Condoms can prevent unwanted pregnancies and protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs). If you're worried about pregnancy or illness, condom protection can help you relax. Other contraceptives cannot protect against STIs, so condoms have a double protection function. If your partner does not want to use a condom, you should reconsider your decision to give up your virginity with him.
- There are two types of condoms, for men and women.
- Condoms must fit. Couples should buy several types of condoms, and try one after another until they find the one that fits best. If she's allergic to latex, try a nitrile condom.
- Condoms must be worn before, during, and after penetration. This will increase protection from STIs and unplanned pregnancies.
Step 5. Apply lubricant
Lubricants will relieve pain because its function is to reduce friction. In addition, the lubricant also prevents the condom from tearing during penetration. Before starting, apply lubricant to the male partner who is already using a condom or sex aid that will be used.
If your partner uses a latex condom, do not use an oil-based lubricant. The oil can weaken the latex and cause the condom to tear. Use a silicone or water based lubricant. Meanwhile, any type of lubricant is safe to use with nitrile or polyurethane condoms.
Step 6. Go slow
Try to enjoy the moment, do not rush to reach the climax. Explore each other's bodies. Start with kissing, fondling, and making love at a pace that is most comfortable for both of you.
- Warming up can help you relax as well as excite you. Natural lubricants will also come out more so that penetration is easier and less painful.
- Remember that you can quit. Consent to make love is subject to change. You have the right to withdraw or withdraw consent at any time you wish.
Step 7. Communicate your needs
Don't be afraid to ask for what you need. If something feels good, let your partner know. If you are sick or uncomfortable, say so too. He must be willing to do anything to make you feel pleasure, not pain.
- If you feel pain, try slowing down, moving slower, or adding more lubricant. For example, if you're sick, say, "Slow down, I'm sick."
- You can ask your partner to try another position to replace the uncomfortable position. For example, if you are on top, you can control the speed and angle of penetration.
Step 8. Take the necessary action after making love
If you have pain or bleeding, treat it before it becomes a problem. Try taking an over-the-counter pain reliever, removing blood stains, and wearing a light pad for a few hours. If the pain is extreme, talk to someone you trust or see a healthcare professional.
Tips
- If you experience severe pain or bleeding, see a doctor immediately.
- If you don't think the time is right, don't be shy about waiting. A caring partner will value your feelings above their needs. If you change your mind, just say so.
- Maybe you will feel the urge to urinate during sex. That's normal. Urinating before sex can reduce this sensation. If you still feel it even after you pee, it may not be an urge to urinate, but you are one of those people who can experience female ejaculation.
- Remember to always urinate after sex to prevent bladder infections.
- Make an appointment with a health clinic or gynecologist before deciding to become sexually active. They can provide contraceptive methods, teach about sexually transmitted diseases, and even give condoms.
- Always use water-based lubricants, not Vaseline, oils, moisturizers, or other oily substances. Oil-based lubricants can damage latex condoms and cause irritation and pain, or vaginal or yeast infections.
- No first experience is perfect, so don't expect much. It's natural that your first experience isn't as perfect as it was in the movies.
- Use condoms even if you are already using other forms of contraception. Hormonal contraceptives (like the pill) only prevent pregnancy, not STIs. You may catch an STI at this first opportunity.
- If you're nervous, don't skip foreplay because you'll feel more comfortable to the touch, even if you're not making love yet. Kissing can make you more comfortable and confident.
Warning
- Don't give up when pressured by your partner. You have the right to decide, not someone else.
- Do not drink or use any medicine for fear of getting sick. That will only make things worse.
- If your partner has had sex with someone else, you should ask him to do an STI test. STIs are spread through vaginal, anal, and oral sex. People who are infected and transmit STIs do not show any symptoms. You can reduce your chances of getting sexually transmitted diseases by using condoms, dental plastic for oral sex, and other barrier methods.
- If you take birth control pills and take other medications such as antibiotics, sometimes the effects of the pills will lessen. Consult your doctor before you start taking medication to see if there are any negative interactions with the contraceptive pill you are taking
- The possibility of getting pregnant in the first sex is always there. Condoms are very effective when used correctly, but if possible, you should use another form of contraception at the same time as condoms.
