Parents and children usually have a hard time finding time to talk openly with each other. Parents often think they are intruding on their child's privacy, while children think that parents are not interested in what they have to talk about. Whenever you feel your parents are too critical or too awkward to start a conversation, make a plan and use some communication strategies to help you talk to them.
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Method 1 of 5: Planning Your Conversation
Step 1. Be brave
No matter the subject, know that you will feel more relieved after talking to your parents. Don't feel worried, scared, or embarrassed because it's your parent's job to support you. They may also know a lot more than you previously thought.
Step 2. Don't worry about your parents getting angry or reacting badly
With careful planning and good communication. You can talk about what you want. Parents worry because they care and only want what's best for you. With that in mind, they'll be glad you asked for advice on your problem.
Step 3. Don't avoid the conversation
Any problems or awkwardness won't just go away if you avoid talking to your parents. Release stress by talking about it openly. Knowing that your parents are trying to understand you and help you solve problems can relieve stress and fear.
Step 4. Identify who you want to talk to
Do you want to talk to both parents or is it only the mother who can handle this problem? Your relationship with each parent will be different. So ask yourself what is more appropriate.
- Some topics may be easier to discuss with one of the parents. One of your parents may be calmer, while the other may be more irritable. In this case, it would be better to talk to the calmer parent first before discussing the same thing with the other parent together.
- Know that your parents will most likely talk about your conversation together, even if you only talk to one of them. It's a good idea to include both your parents in the conversation, but it's wise to ask one parent for help if you think it's best. For example, you don't want to alienate your father and only talk to your mother about bullying at school. Ask mom if she can accompany you to talk to dad because you're afraid he'll be angry at you for not fighting bullies.
Step 5. Schedule a time and place to talk
Check your parents' schedule to know when it's time to talk. You don't want them to be distracted from the conversation thinking about meeting and preparing dinner. The location of the conversation is also important because you don't want things like the sound of the TV or coworkers messing up the conversation.
Step 6. Plan the end result
Even if you don't know the outcome of the conversation, there are several versions of the answer your parents might give. Plan everything. Ideally, you want the conversation to be positive for you, but if not, that's fine. You are never alone because there are many other reliable sources, such as teachers and other responsible adults.
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If the end result isn't what you wanted, you can try a few things:
- Talk to your parents again. It's possible that you spoke to them at the wrong time. If they're having a bad day, parents may not be in the best condition to have an open-minded discussion. For example, don't ask permission to come to the school dance right after you've made them late for your sister's dance performance.
- Speak. Don't piss your parents off and ruin your chance to get what you want in the near future. If you have spoken politely and openly, respect your parents' opinion. Showing maturity by respecting the opinion of your parents will make it easier for you in the future because they will be more receptive to what you have to say based on your emotional restraint.
- Seek outside help. Consider asking your grandparents, friends' parents, or teachers for help. Your parents will always be protective. So asking for outside help can reassure them that you can handle the situation. For example, you could ask your sister to tell her parents that she has been to a place you want to visit and would like to take you there to make sure it is safe.
Method 2 of 5: Starting a Dialog
Step 1. Write down what you want to say
You don't have to write the entire script, but at least jot down the main points of your conversation. It can also help you organize your thoughts so you can predict how the conversation will turn out.
You can start by saying something like "Dad, I want to tell you about something that's stressing me out." "Mother, can I tell you something?" "Mom, dad, I've made a big mistake and need help to sort it out."
Step 2. Talk about small things with your parents every day
If you're not used to talking to your parents every day, start by talking about small things. If you make it a habit to talk to your parents about everything, it will be easier for them to listen to you. It can also strengthen your relationship.
It's never too late to talk to your parents. Even if you haven't spoken to them in over a year, you can start a conversation by simply asking how they're doing. Say something like “I just wanted you guys to know what I've been doing so far and have a little chat. We haven't spoken to each other for quite a while and I want you to know what's going on in my life." Parents will welcome this attitude and find it easier to have an open dialogue
Step 3. Do a test run
If you think the topic of conversation is too sensitive or believe your parents will be rude, talk about it gradually. Intrigue them with questions to guess their response or indicate what you really want to say.
For example, if you need to talk to your parents about sex, say something like “Mom, Lisa has been dating for a year, I think they are serious. Do you think lovers can have a serious relationship while still in high school?” By using your friend's situation as a conversation context, you can predict your parents' reactions. You can try to find out what their point of view is, but be careful not to make it too obvious, as parents can get a sense of what you're talking about and ask what your problem really is
Step 4. Know what end result you want
There's no way you can manage a conversation if you don't know what you're doing. Ask yourself what the real purpose of the conversation is so you know what strategy to use.
Method 3 of 5: Speak so Parents Will Listen
Step 1. Make sure the message is clear and uncomplicated
State your thoughts, feelings, and desires clearly. It's easy to get nervous or babble incoherently. Prepare the content of the conversation to calm your mind, and provide detailed case examples until you are sure your parents understand what you are really trying to convey.
Step 2. Be honest
Don't lie or exaggerate anything. It is very difficult to hide emotions when the topic is very sensitive. Speak honestly and make sure your parents don't cut you off. If you've ever been caught lying or being overly dramatic, they won't trust you easily, but keep trying.
Step 3. Understand your parents' point of view
Be prepared for parental reactions. Have you ever talked about it? If you know they will be negative or disagree, let them know that you understand their point of view. If you show that you understand their feelings, your parents are more likely to see through your point of view.
For example, if your parents are worried about having a cell phone, you might say something like “Mom, sir, I know you don't want me to have a cell phone. I understand these items are quite expensive, should be used responsibly, and not very important for a child my age. I know you see kids my age only use their phones to play games and Instagram. What if I cut my pocket money to buy a cell phone? You can also check the games and apps I downloaded because I will only use them to communicate without bothering you.”
Step 4. Don't argue or complain
Be respectful and mature in a positive tone of voice. Don't be sarcastic or rebellious when you hear something you don't agree with. If you talk to your parents in a polite manner, they are more likely to take your words seriously.
Step 5. Consider talking to mom or dad
Some types of conversations are best done with one of your parents. Maybe you are better suited to talk about school activities to your father and love issues to your mother. Make sure you make the right conversations with the right people.
Step 6. Find the right time and place
Make sure your parents have your full attention when you talk to them. Avoid public places where they can only converse briefly. Let them digest everything you say and don't surprise them that you're trying to slip in an important conversation at the wrong time.
Step 7. Listen to the parents as they speak
Don't worry about what you're going to say next. Soak up your parents' words and respond to them well. It's easy to get distracted when you don't get the response you want right away.
You can repeat what your parents say to make sure you understand what they are saying and let them know that you are listening carefully
Step 8. Have an active and flowing discussion
You certainly don't want the conversation to turn one-way. So ask and share your opinion if they don't seem to understand. Don't interrupt or raise your voice. However, if your parents seem angry, say something like “I understand you guys are upset. I don't want to run away from the conversation, but I want this conversation to be more constructive if we are to continue it."
Method 4 of 5: Talking About Sensitive Topics
Step 1. Be prepared for the end result
You may want the conversation to achieve one or more of the following:
- Make your parents listen and understand what you have to say without judging or commenting.
- Get your parents to support or allow you to do something.
- Give you advice or help.
- Give you guidance, especially when you face a problem.
- Fair and don't bring you down.
Step 2. Recognize your feelings
This can be difficult to express, especially if you need to talk about sex or open up in a way you've never done before. It's natural to feel awkward or scared when discussing difficult things with your parents. Recognize your own feelings and let your parents know so that you feel more relieved.
- For example, if you are worried that your parents will be disappointed, talk about it as soon as possible. Say something like "Mom, I know you've talked about this before and you'll be disappointed with what I said, but I know you'll always listen and give me what I'm looking for."
- If your parents are very emotional and you know their reaction will be very bad and unsupportive, let them know that you've thought it through and mustered up a lot of courage to say it. Be proactive and defuse the situation with a positive attitude. "Dad, I know this is going to make you angry, but it's important to say this because I know you love and respect me, and I'm angry because you want the best for me."
Step 3. Determine the right time to talk to them
If your parents are having a bad day, they are likely to react negatively. Apart from being in an emergency, wait for the right time to approach your parents. Wait until you feel they are in a good mood and their days are not filled with stress.
- For example, ask "Can we talk now or is this not a good time?" When you go for a long drive or take a walk it could be a great time. However, if you can't find the right time, take your own time.
- Make sure you know what you want ahead of time or jot down key points to make sure you don't miss anything. You don't want to let your guard down and let your parents start a conversation you're not prepared for.
Method 5 of 5: Finding the Middle Way
Step 1. Don't be stubborn
You don't always get what you want. So don't be stubborn if your parents say something you don't want to hear. If you have expressed your opinion respectfully and listened to what they have to say, your parents will listen to you more openly in the next conversation.
Step 2. Talk to another trusted adult
Sometimes parents are busy dealing with their own problems. If one of your parents has an addiction or mental health problem, talk to another trusted adult. Whether it's a teacher, sibling, or counselor, there are plenty of people out there you can talk to.
Before talking to anyone you don't know, do some deep research and ask your friends for help
Step 3. Be mature
If you choose not to talk to your parents, deal with the matter in an adult way. Don't shy away from any problem, especially if it concerns your health or safety. If you want to talk to your parents about other people, talk to them clearly and respectfully.
Tips
- Mornings are a bad time as parents may be busy avoiding traffic or thinking about work. Try to talk about light topics if you want to talk to them in the morning.
- Simple words make a big difference. Say “thank you” or something as simple as “hello, how are you today?” can have a big impact.
- It's okay to disagree with something as long as you respect what they have to say.
- Preparing for dinner is a good time to chat because everyone probably has something to do. This can have everyone gathered in one location without focusing all their attention on you.
- Be confident and don't be afraid.
- Try reading books, blogs, or forums that talk about how to communicate with parents more openly.
- If you don't agree with their point of view, calm yourself before reacting negatively and involving anger. Take a few deep breaths. After you've calmed down for a few seconds, begin to explain your point of view.
- Make sure your parents aren't in a hurry, busy, frustrated, or tired beforehand. Try to talk to them at the right time. Make sure you feel ready to start a conversation.
Warning
- The longer you wait to talk about a sensitive topic, the more stress will be in your life. If your parents find out that something is being hidden from them, it can be difficult to start the desired conversation.
- Be patient when talking to parents, especially about sensitive topics. You don't want emotions to run high and cloud neutral judgments.
- If you and your parents have not communicated well in the past, they may need a little more time to feel comfortable communicating with you.
