Grief can be so intense that people try to “get rid of” it in various ways. This suggests that sadness is not perceived as a beneficial emotion, whereas sadness is actually a natural response to life's hardships or loss. These feelings serve as signals that you are experiencing loss or need to change things that are causing stress. Don't avoid sadness, but admit it and learn to deal with it as best you can.
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Part 1 of 2: Understanding the Meaning of Sadness
Step 1. Know the meaning of sadness
Grief is a natural response when a person feels lost, including the negative effects or things that are not wanted due to the loss, for example because a loved one dies, loses identity, or loses material possessions. Sadness that arises because of this incident is a normal reaction.
For example, you feel sad when a close friend at work stops working because you will lose a friend. Another example, finding out that you weren't accepted into the university you wanted can be a source of sadness because you missed out on an opportunity. In this case, you lose the opportunity to reach for the future or achieve what you want
Step 2. Know what triggers your emotions
Sadness sometimes triggers the emergence of other feelings. A trigger emotion is an emotion that causes another emotion to arise. For example: someone who is trying to cope with sadness may express his feelings in the form of anger. In addition, sadness can also trigger feelings of guilt, shame, envy, etc. that appear according to the cause of the loss that makes you feel sad.
For example, because you feel lost, you tend to want to blame others because you are embarrassed to have to blame yourself. If you're sad, work on dealing with the triggering emotion, such as guilt or shame
Step 3. Distinguish between sadness and depression
Sadness and depression are two very different things, although one of the symptoms of depression is sadness. In addition, the words “sadness” and “depression” are often misunderstood. Therefore, know the most basic difference between sadness and depression by understanding the meaning and symptoms according to the following explanation:
- Depression: this condition is a form of disorder and an abnormal response to stressors, such as sadness. Symptoms of depression are more severe than sadness and can make you lose interest in activities you used to enjoy, get angry quickly, get anxious easily, don't like sexual activity, have trouble concentrating, have changes in sleep patterns, and feel tired all the time. Depression can last for several months. Depression must be cured immediately because it will get worse if left unchecked.
- Sadness: this feeling can last for a moment, a few hours, or a few days as a normal response after experiencing a breakup, layoff, or the loss of a loved one. Sadness is normal, as long as you are willing to admit, accept, and deal with it so you don't get caught up in sadness.
Step 4. Recognize the need to grieve
Grieving or experiencing grief is an aspect that is difficult to accept because of experiencing loss. Grief usually lasts longer than grief and affects daily life emotionally and cognitively. Grieving is a way of dealing with loss and helping you move on with your life without feeling like you've lost anything. Grief usually precedes sadness, but this is not necessarily the same for everyone. Grief due to loss consists of several stages, starting with denial and then followed by isolation, anger, bargaining, feeling sadness, or acceptance. Sadness can appear in different ways for each person, so acknowledge that what you are feeling is a normal response.
Know that apart from the event of death, people grieve for other reasons, such as the loss of a job, material, identity, or future
Step 5. Distinguish between grief and depression
These two things are very different, but can occur together with the same symptoms, such as being moody, sad, and avoiding social interactions. Depression negatively affects self-esteem and continues to cause sadness, but grief does not affect self-esteem and feelings of sadness gradually decrease. Grief does not trigger suicidal ideation, difficulty sleeping, anxiety, and reduced energy, as experienced by people with depression. People who are grieving can still feel happy, for example by thinking positive things after experiencing a loss, but people with depression tend not to feel happy.
Research has shown that people who have experienced clinical depression prior to the bereavement tend to show more severe depressive symptoms after the loss for more than a year. In conclusion, the suffering they experience is not due to events that cause depression, but can be made worse by experiencing grief
Step 6. Know what benefit you get by feeling sadness
Aside from being a way of expressing that you are losing, times of sadness enable you to appreciate the positive. Grief is a psychological mechanism for getting support from family members or friends because they will usually provide attention and encouragement when you are sad. Sadness can also be an opportunity to evaluate your life goals or values to make your life more enjoyable.
For example, losing a loved one makes you sad, but remember the good times you had with them
Part 2 of 2: Overcoming Sadness
Step 1. Acknowledge the sadness you feel
Give yourself time to feel sad. Don't think that you have to be able to handle it as this tends to trigger a desire to avoid sadness that keeps you away from other experiences, emotions, and opportunities. For example, someone who is afraid of experiencing grief will turn down the opportunity to appear on a show or cancel a job interview call for fear of failure. Remember that sadness has a purpose, namely to remind you that you are missing or something needs to change.
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Do the following exercise if you tend to want to avoid sadness. Write or say aloud:
- “I'm sad to experience………and this is a natural thing.”
- “I allow myself to grieve for experiencing……”
Step 2. Respect your feelings
Don't belittle your own feelings or allow others to make you underestimate how you feel. Remind yourself that it's okay to feel sad, especially if the support of other people who want to help you turns out to be useless, in fact it only makes you feel belittled. Don't let other people determine how you feel.
For example, you just lost your job and your friend says: "Now you have a lot of free time because you got laid off." He actually wanted to show the positive side of the current situation. However, you need to correct what he's saying while still being nice by saying: “I know you want to support me so I feel better, but this job is very important to me. I need some time to think about it before I start looking for ways to pass the time.”
Step 3. Spend time with people who can understand your feelings
Call friends or loved ones who are willing to listen to your expressions of sadness. Find a friend who can help, whether it's just a listener or a chat to distract you. Your loved ones will cheer you up when you hang out with them. You can tell a friend, coworker, or family member that you are grieving and need time to feel sad.
Other people may not be able to understand the sadness you feel, but loved ones will try to help overcome it
Step 4. Express your sadness
Release emotional baggage by channeling it. Crying is one of the body's mechanisms for dealing with emotional disturbances. Many people feel relieved after bursting into tears. Research has shown that stress hormones are released through tears. Apart from crying, there are various ways to let go of sadness, for example:
- Listening to music that makes you feel sad. Research shows that music that triggers feelings of sadness can help overcome sadness. The harmony between the music and the sadness you feel can be a means by which you are able to accept it. If you're not ready to deal with grief, music can be a distraction until you're ready to accept and deal with it.
- Make a story. If you are saddened by grief or loss, write a story or create art by stringing together details from a loved one's life. Choose things that involve the senses of sight, smell, touch, and taste. After that, focus on how you feel when you think about an experience that made you feel lost.
Step 5. Keep a journal
When journaling, start each sentence by writing 3 words that describe or have something to do with how you feel. End each sentence with 3 words that express how you feel. Journaling is not just writing unstructured feelings, thoughts, and awareness. Take time to write a journal every day. Set the timer to go off after you've been writing for 5, 10, or 15 minutes at the most.
- If you've been trying to let go of your emotional baggage but are still feeling sad, there's a reason why. There may still be problems or internal conflicts that need to be addressed. You can document and resolve the issue by journaling.
- Determine the most appropriate media and journal form, for example using a notebook, digital journal, or a printed annual agenda so that it is easier for you to evaluate progress during the year.
Step 6. Cope with grief by rearranging your life
Everyone deals with and deals with their feelings in a different way. If you're feeling pressured by emotional baggage, try to organize yourself. Write down feelings, memories, creative ideas, dreams, or anything that can help you cope with your sadness. Every night, reread what you wrote. Take a few minutes to write an experience that focuses on hope, joy, success and happiness because of your decision.
You can also manage and control your emotions by making to-do lists, keeping calendar appointments, and making plans for tomorrow
Step 7. Connect with people who are a positive influence
When you feel sad or overwhelmed by negative emotions, sometimes you forget that you have positive emotions, for example: feeling happy, comfortable, excited, happy, brave, etc. Write down and remember happy or joyful moments. Sometimes, you just need to remember that you've experienced different feelings to be able to feel the positives again.
