Anger is a natural human emotion, and it's not always negative. Anger can help you know when you have been hurt or when a situation needs to change. It is important to learn how to process and react to your anger. Anger is often associated with a higher risk of heart disease, high blood pressure, depression and difficulty sleeping. This may happen if you have a high level of anger or you often hold your anger in check. Fortunately, you can learn to understand, process, and release your anger in healthy ways.
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Method 1 of 3: Releasing Your Anger Productively
Step 1. Exercise
When you feel angry, doing some light exercise can help you. A study by the University of Georgia suggests that moderate exercise (such as running or riding a bicycle) during or immediately after an upsetting experience can help you deal with your anger. When you exercise, your body releases endorphins, which are natural “good” chemicals that can make you feel more positive and happy. If you can't run or bike, consider walking, stretching, and other forms of light exercise.
- Exercise also has a preventive effect. A Yale study shows that prolonged intense activity such as running before an upsetting experience occurs can dampen your extreme emotional reactions.
- Even if you don't have time to exercise regularly when you're angry, try to take some time out. Leave the situation that made you angry if you can, and shake your leg as hard as you can. Even minor physical distractions can help you feel better.
Step 2. Do exercises to control breathing
Breathing deeply from your diaphragm (the large muscle at the base of your lungs that helps with breathing) can help relieve feelings of anger. Deep, controlled breathing slows your heart rate, stabilizes blood pressure, and relaxes your body. Combine your breathing exercises with meditation, calming words or phrases, for added benefits.
- Find a quiet place to relax. Make yourself comfortable. Lie down if you wish, and loosen tight or uncomfortable clothing.
- Place your hands on your stomach.
- Inhale slowly through your nose. Focus on filling your belly with air as you inhale. Let your stomach relax as you inhale; You should be able to feel your belly getting bigger. Hold your breath for a few seconds.
- Exhale slowly through your mouth. Contract your abdominal muscles to push all the air out of your lungs.
- Repeat this process at least ten times.
- If you're still having trouble taking deep breaths, buy a bottle of soap bubbles from a toy store. Hold the bubble wand in front of your face and breathe in slowly through the wand. Focus on exhaling from your lower abdomen, pushing out your breath. Even breathing will result in the formation of soap bubbles. If your soap bubbles burst or don't appear, change your breathing until the bubbles appear.
Step 3. Perform progressive muscle relaxation
Progressive muscle relaxation requires you to focus on tension and relaxing certain muscles in your body, which can help distract you from feeling angry. Plus, it's great for easing anxiety and tension, which can also help quell feelings of anger. This training also works to help you fall asleep when your thoughts are out of control.
- Go somewhere quiet and comfortable if possible, then find a seat.
- Focus on a specific muscle group, such as a muscle in one arm. As you inhale slowly deeply, tighten the muscles in the group as hard as possible and hold for 5 seconds. For example, tightening the muscles in your hands will involve clenching your fists. Focus on those muscle groups and try not to accidentally strain the surrounding muscles.
- Exhale and quickly release the muscle group you just made tight. Focus on the experience of the muscle you just lost. Allow yourself to relax for 15 seconds, then move on to the other muscle groups.
- Try to tighten the other muscles and relax your legs, lower legs, thighs, buttocks, stomach, chest, neck and shoulders, mouth, eyes, and forehead.
- You can also start with your feet and work your way up to your upper body, toning each of your muscle groups. As you relax each muscle group, imagine your anger also leaving your body when you relax.
Step 4. Do an activity to release anger
Focus on activities that can help you channel your anger into something productive so that you can forget about the incident that made you angry. Research has shown that anger can temporarily increase brainstorming and creative thinking. Engage your imagination and carefully release your anger in a controlled and creative way.
- For example, find a private place to shake yourself and imagine that you've let go of your anger the way a dog shakes water after a bath.
- Another example could be writing your anger down on a piece of paper and gently tearing the paper, imagining that you have destroyed your anger as well.
- If you're an artistic person, try making a sketch or a painting that describes how you feel. Focus on removing feelings from yourself and painting them into works of art.
Step 5. Use toys that relieve stress
A stress-relieving toy, such as a stress ball, can help relieve anger quickly. Since you have to squeeze this toy to release a muscle group, the stress ball will give you some of the benefits of progressive muscle relaxation more quickly. However, there are some solutions that should be paired with other techniques for the best long-term results.
It's much better to use a toy that can relieve stress than to release your anger by hitting, kicking, or throwing something. Such explosive actions can cause damage, and often increase your anger rather than relieve it
Step 6. Find something funny or silly
Silly humor can actually help calm your anger. The main cause of high anger is the feeling that your idea of a situation or experience is always correct and that things should work out the way we want them to. Using humor to approach and deconstruct the idea can help you defuse and manage your anger.
- For example, the American Psychological Association recommends that, if you find yourself insulting another person's name, or at least imagine it, So, if you're so mad at your boss that you call him “a jerk”, imagine what would happen if your boss was a real jerk, complete with a suit and briefcase. Humor like this can help you feel less tense.
- Watching silly or funny videos can also help calm your mood. Humans are biologically programmed to see things like puppies with big eyes and chubby little babies looking absolutely adorable, and we have a chemical reaction to happiness to see such things.
- Avoid sarcastic or cruel humor, as this type of humor tends to only make your anger worse and can also hurt other people.
Step 7. Listen to relaxing music
Listening to music can be a distraction technique that can help you release your anger. However, it is important if you really listen to “relaxing” music. If you're already feeling angry, music with an aggressive rhythm or angry lyrics can make your negative feelings more extreme.
Find soothing music to help ease your anger. The part of you that makes you feel "more upset" when you're angry is when your body enters the "fight or flight" stage of excitement. The British Academy of Sound Therapy has created a playlist of songs that are considered “soothing” based on scientific studies, including songs from Marconi Union (“Weightless”), Airstream (“Electra”) and Enya (“Watermark”)
Step 8. Repeat the self-soothing statement
Look for statements that are meaningful to you, and try to focus on these statements as you repeat them. You can also repeat some statements to yourself. Here are some statements you can try:
- “This situation is only temporary.”
- "I got through all of this."
- "I may not like it, but it's not going to kill me."
- "I will remain calm about this."
- "It is not worth letting me down."
Method 2 of 3: Controlling and Preventing Anger
Step 1. Make an “anger plan”
Since it's hard to find ways to temper your anger when you're angry, try making plans in advance to help you calm yourself down when you're angry. Having this plan in mind will help you to manage your anger productively.
- For example, you can plan to take a “break” if you feel yourself starting to get angry, which is where you calmly tell the other person that you are feeling down and need some time off.
- If you are in a conversation that makes you very angry – about a conversation about a big issue like politics or religion – try to turn the conversation into a more neutral and pleasant topic.
Step 2. Reshape your way of thinking
Cognitive restructuring can help you become angry less often. Anger often causes an exaggerated response to an event or experience and can throw you out of control. Changing the way you think about your experiences and goals can help you both in avoiding feelings of anger and also in managing your anger when you experience it.
- Avoid words like “never” or “always.” One tendency of anger is that it erases our memories of other experiences, which can increase frustration. These words also hurt others and make people feel defensive rather than cooperative. Instead of saying something like "I've always been an idiot" or "You never remember anything important," focus on what really happened. You may find it necessary to make clear statements of fact yourself, such as “I forgot my cell phone at home” or “You forgot your dinner plans,” to help keep things in perspective.
- Keep thinking logically. Of course, it's easier said than done, but reminding yourself that negative experiences can drive you to anger isn't the only experience you'll encounter on a day-to-day basis. Remembering that the irritation, no matter how big it seems, is only temporary and will help you deal with your angry feelings more quickly.
Step 3. Deal with a situation with flexibility
It's easy to assume that your first impression of a situation or experience is “right”, and it can be hard to give up on the idea that there is a true objective for every situation. However, being more flexible with how you approach experiences and events will help you to be less angry about them.
For example, if someone cuts the line in front of you while you're waiting in line at a store, you may assume that the person doesn't care about your needs and is being rude, that assumption can lead to anger. While the assumption may be true, it is not productive. Approaching the experience flexibly, such as imagining that the other person simply doesn't see you or may be stressed about the problem they have, will help you to let go of angry personal feelings
Step 4. Learn to be assertive
Developing an assertive communication style can help you feel more in control of your life and experience less anxiety and anger. Communication and assertiveness are not about being arrogant or selfish; it's just about clarity and calm to express your thoughts, feelings, and needs to others openly and honestly. If you are not honest with others about your needs, they may not be able to help you, and the experience can leave you feeling angry, depressed, and unappreciated.
- Use “I” focused statements such as “I feel confused about what you are saying” or “I want you to be on time when we go see a movie together.”
- Do not insult, threaten, and attack others.
- Use cooperative statements and ask others for their opinion.
- Speak clearly and directly to the heart of your wants and needs. For example, if you've been invited to a party that you don't want to attend, don't just say "Oh, I think I should go if it's necessary." Instead, say clearly but politely that you don't want to attend: "I'd rather not attend the party."
Step 5. Try meditating
Meditation not only reduces anxiety and eases your depression, it can also help keep you calm during a disappointing experience. A recent Harvard study showed that meditation has a positive effect on your brain function, especially in the area of emotional processing. This study examines two forms of meditation: mindfulness meditation and compassion meditation. Although both can reduce a person's feelings of anxiety and anger, compassion meditation is much more effective than mindfulness meditation.
- Mindfulness meditation focuses on being present in the moment, being aware of and accepting the experience you are receiving. This type of meditation is almost the same as the meditation you do in a yoga class.
- Compassion meditation, also sometimes called loving-kindness meditation, is based on a set of “lo-jong,” or Tibetan Buddhist practices, which focus on developing your feelings of compassion and love for others. This type of meditation requires you to seek some instructions before you can practice alone effectively.
Step 6. Get enough sleep
Lack of sleep can cause a variety of damage to your body, including causing physical stress and increasing the risk of developing mood disorders such as depression or anxiety. Sleep deprivation or sleeping too little can also cause irritability, mood swings, and a tendency to feel angry more often than usual.
Sleep experts recommend that the average adult get at least seven to eight hours of sleep per night, although you may need more or less sleep to feel satisfied depending on your body's needs
Step 7. Share your experience with the person who made you angry
Once you have let go of your angry feelings, it can be useful to share stories about your feelings and experiences with the person who made you angry. For example, if someone hurt your feelings by ignoring you at a party, slowly talking to the person and explaining why you feel hurt can help the person understand the effect their behavior has on you. It can also help you feel more in control of the situation.
It is “very” important to wait until you have processed your anger to talk to someone else. If you deal with it when you're angry, you'll only make the situation worse, and can also end up causing pain. Always use nonviolent communication when interacting with others
Step 8. Go to a therapist
A therapist can help you understand your underlying feelings and the motivations behind your anger. This is especially helpful if your feelings and their causes are not very clear to you. Cognitive therapy, in which a therapist helps you learn how to think about your experiences differently, can be very helpful in managing your anger.
Method 3 of 3: Understanding Your Anger
Step 1. Identify the problem with your anger
Most people experience mild anger several times each week. In some cases, it's perfectly normal to feel angry, such as if you think someone has insulted or hurt you. However, you must learn to recognize the signs that your anger has become a "problem."
- Do you often yell, scream, or curse at others when you are angry? Do you verbally attack others?
- Does your anger often lead to physically abusive behavior? How severe is the expression of this rude behavior? Anger of less than 10 percent usually involves physically abusive behavior, so if you experience this frequently, it could be a sign that something more serious is in the works.
- Do you feel the need to self-medicate when you are angry, such as by using drugs, alcohol, or food?
- Do you feel that your anger is negatively affecting your personal relationships, your job, or your health in general? Has someone else expressed their concern for you?
Step 2. Study your body
Anger can cause a variety of physical symptoms, especially in women, who are often taught by social and cultural pressures to avoid expressing unfriendly attitudes and anger openly. Feelings of physical tension or muscle aches, rapid breathing, feeling restless, and experiencing headaches are symptoms that can be associated with anger. Understanding when you are actually feeling angry, rather than trying to cover it up, can help you process your anger.
Anxiety, depression, and insomnia can also be associated with feelings of anger
Step 3. Examine the pattern of anger in your family history
The way in which your parents and other family members express their anger has a significant influence on your own pattern of dealing with it. How did your family members process and express their anger as you grew up? Did your parents openly express their anger, or did they hide it?
Step 4. Keep a journal of your anger
One way to become more aware of how you are feeling and why you are experiencing anger is to write down your anger in detail. Reflect not only on what happened at an event or experience, but how you reacted and what was on your mind. Try not to blame those feelings as you write them down. Just put it in writing so you can be aware of how you feel. Awareness is an important first step to processing and dealing with anger. Ask yourself the following questions for each incident:
- What triggers your feelings of anger or stress? Have you been feeling stressed before this incident?
- What was in your mind when you experienced this incident?
- On a scale of 0 to 100, how much anger do you feel?
- Do you take it out on others or hold back your anger?
- Do you notice any physical symptoms, such as an increased heart rate or a headache?
- What kind of response would you like to get? Do you want to scream, attack someone, or destroy something?
- How do you feel after an incident or experience?
Step 5. Learn what your triggers are
Anger in many people is usually triggered by a specific thought or event. You can use a journal containing your anger to find out what patterns you are most likely to become angry with. Thought triggers fall into two main categories: feeling that you are in danger, and feeling that you have actually been wronged in some way.
- A very common thought trigger is that someone has or has not done something that you thought they would do. For example, if you arrange to meet a friend for dinner and they don't show up, you may feel angry that they didn't do something as expected.
- Another thought trigger is feeling like something has put you in danger, even in a very general way. For example, being stuck in traffic jams, having computer problems, and constantly turning off calls from your mobile phone, but these incidents can have real and negative consequences that make you worry that something bad will happen. Feelings of worry can trigger anger.
- Feeling as if you haven't reached your goals or personal needs can also trigger anger, in which case the anger will be directed at yourself.
- Feeling like you're being taken advantage of or that other people don't help or care about you are also common triggers, especially at work and in romantic relationships.
Tips
- Using an anger release strategy is a good start when you're in a situation where you're really angry, but make sure that you also examine and process your anger. This can help you feel less angry.
- When you can, avoid situations where you know it could trigger your anger. For example, if you have political or religious beliefs, try not to join in a conversation that could make you feel attacked and angry.
- It's often a good idea to see a therapist when you're not so angry that it causes you to punch a hole in the wall. Many people think that your problem has to be very serious before you need to seek mental health help, but seeing a therapist can also be a good preventative!
- Seek information from your local university or health center about anger management programs. When used in conjunction with the techniques given here, this program can help you feel less angry and can reduce violent reactions.
- Just hit the pillow.
Warning
- Don't use aggressive physical actions such as kicking, punching, or crushing something to calm your anger. These actions may "seem" helpful, but research shows that they actually increase your feelings of anger.
- If you find yourself frequently hitting others or yourself when you are angry, or if you frequently treat your anger with drugs or alcohol, seek professional help from a mental health professional. You need to seek help so as not to harm yourself or others.
