Everyone must have experienced sadness at some point. Comforting others means listening to their stories, empathizing with what they are going through, and helping them to find enlightenment. If you want to know how to comfort someone, here are some easy steps for you to help them begin healing.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Listening and Connecting
Step 1. Listen to the story
Sometimes, people who are feeling sad or depressed are not really looking for an answer to their problem. He just wants to be heard and vent his feelings. Do you know why he feels sad? Does he seem eager to talk to you about it? Grab a chair, smile, and let him tell his story.
- Never interrupt in the middle of the story. Unless there is a possible pause for your comment, keep your comment limited to short words such as, "Oh," and, "I see." Otherwise, you may come across as being too presumptuous, which will only make him feel even more depressed.
- Act to appear interested in the problem even if you're not really interested or don't really know what the problem is. The more interested you are in the problem, the more you will be attracted to it. Isn't that the point of your attention to him? People wanted other people to notice him and be interested in his story. Try showing it to him.
- Don't let him feel like he's a burden. Often times, people are reluctant to share their problems with others because they don't want their listeners to feel burdened by a sense of responsibility. So, if necessary, make sure the person knows that they are not considered a burden, and that you are willing to listen and offer advice if you can.
Step 2. Ask related questions
There's no other way to engage in conversation than to ask questions, especially about how the person is feeling. Here related questions are key. Asking questions that have nothing to do with the person's problem will confuse him, and don't encourage him to be open.
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Here are some good general questions to ask him. These questions are supposed to motivate the person to talk about his feelings, helping him to vent his emotions:
- "How do you feel?"
- “Have you experienced this before?”
- “Is there someone you can call and ask for advice?”
- "What are you going to do next?"
- "Is there anything I can help you with?" (Get ready to help her!)
Step 3. Connect yourself to the situation, if appropriate, but make sure not to take the limelight away from the problem
Don't steal attention from him, but tell him a story or a similar experience you've had if you think it might help him. Any experience you've learned can be useful even if it doesn't end up being appropriate for the person.
Connecting yourself to other people's circumstances is about how you say things, not what you say. If someone tells you that his father has just been diagnosed with cancer, it won't help him much if you say, "Then we're in the same boat, my grandfather has just been diagnosed with cancer." You'd better say, “I know how sad it is when something like this happens. My grandfather was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago, and it was very hard for me to face this reality. I can feel how sad you are right now.”
Step 4. After listening, give suggestions if he asks for it
Once you know the problem, think for a moment what the best course of action is for him to do. Let him know that you have an idea of what he can do. If you don't have an idea, be honest with yourself and with him to make sure you're not lying. Share this problem with someone who has better suggestions for the problem.
- Remember that there is rarely a single perfect solution to a problem. Be sure to offer the struggling person a choice, and make sure he or she understands that he or she has other options. One way to do this is to give him suggestions using words like “hopefully”, “maybe”, “maybe”, and so on. That way, he won't feel guilty if he decides not to follow your advice.
- Try to be honest with him. The worst thing you can do to someone who is in a fragile state is a lie that turns out to be completely false. If you are discussing something that has serious consequences, try to tell the truth, even if it hurts. But, for example, if your girlfriend asks for advice about her boyfriend dumping her, it's okay to call her a jerk even though her boyfriend isn't. In this case, making your girlfriend feel better is more important than telling the truth.
- Be careful not to give unsolicited advice, or unsolicited advice. The person may not want to be given advice. If he follows through, but fails (it's not your fault), he can blame you.
Step 5. Meet face to face
Although technology makes life better and easier, it can also make things more difficult. It's nice to send SMS messages to your friends, but it may not be enough. It's best to show that you really care about him personally. Because today so much is done via screens (computers, cell phones, etc.), visiting to meet in person has its own meaning.
Letters by post have become impractical – troublesome. Sending an e-card is possible, but if you want to send him a very beautiful message, send him a postcard. He definitely wouldn't have guessed it
Method 2 of 3: Offer a Kind Gesture
Step 1. Give gifts
Can you remember when someone suddenly gave you a sincere gift? How friendly and confused did you feel in your heart when that happened? Giving a gift to someone can make him happy, helping him to understand that the intention of the gift is more important than the content of the gift itself.
- A gift doesn't have to be expensive, or even an object, to make an impact. Take him to your secret study, or show him how to fold a paper crane. Little cues like these are often worth much more than something you can buy at the store.
- Offer him something antique and well-maintained. An ancient heritage item or keepsake also has an emotional bond because you have had it for some time, and therefore value it. Ancient objects are also a symbol that life goes on, even though we can't imagine it will happen.
Step 2. Try to make him smile
Smile and make him smile by reminding him how much you care about him. Or maybe, if you know that he won't mind, you can even tickle him!
Step 3. Make him laugh
Jokes and funny stories are always a good breaker after you've had a long talk about an issue. The joke doesn't have to be completely funny, but when said at the right time, it can have a huge effect.
Don't be afraid to make fun of yourself. Making fun of the person you're entertaining will be more difficult. It's easy to make fun of yourself: Point out when you embarrassed yourself, did stupid things, or got stuck in a difficult situation. Your friends will appreciate your humor
Step 4. Surprise
Gifts on Christmas and birthdays, attention on Valentine's Day and other holidays, are all common. But, paying attention to this year's 34th Tuesday was something he would never have expected. When you least expect it, a gift can mean so much more.
Think about what this person likes most in the world and see if you can surprise them. Maybe he likes food, so surprise him with dinner, or give him a cooking class. Maybe he likes movies or music, surprise him with movie tickets or tickets to music shows
Step 5. Make him forget the problem
Now that you've listened to his story, offered advice and extended a kind hand, try to make sure that the problem doesn't overwhelm him or depress him. Don't say something like, "Other than that, …" or, "Don't worry too much about it, it's not that big of a deal" because that will undo all the work you just made. Instead, give him some time to make up his mind, then try saying something like "Want to hear a funny story?" and see how it reacts.
Use your social experience to gauge his progress in this entertainment process. If your friend is grumpy, this is not the time to ask if she wants to hear about your story today. However, if he recently had an argument with his parents and seems to be starting to lose his temper, approach him. What matters is the right time
Step 6. Find a new environment
More often than not, we get cues from our surroundings and let our environment dictate our moods. If you want to release someone from a stressful situation, ask them out! Different environments support different mindsets and new and better ways of thinking.
The environment doesn't have to be a nightclub or bar. Socializing is not always the solution. A visit to the local bird market, for example, might occupy him with the beautiful chirping of birds that can distract him. Anything that can distract your friend, do it. It was good for him, whether he wanted to or not
Method 3 of 3: Doing Your Part
Step 1. Give him a hug, if he wants to accept it
Sometimes, some people just stay away when they feel sad. However, this is also not a problem. A warm hug from someone can reduce the burden.
Step 2. Do what you can
Not all of us have skills like Marinka, Anggun Cipta Sasmi, or Mario Teguh. However, most of us have expertise in a particular field. Whatever it is, use it to cheer up your friends. Can you cook pizza noodles? Can you write a song and sing it well? Can you motivate others and make words of wisdom? Good. All of these skills can become skills for entertaining.
Use your creativity and abilities to deal with her grief. Sing out loud for him. Invite him to sing along. Suppress the anxiety. What other abilities do you have? Use them all
Step 3. Be optimistic
Look at the bright side of life. Focus on the positive, not the negative. Being optimistic is a mindset, and it can be contagious if used the right way. Look for interesting, fun, or mind-blowing opportunities that your friend may have missed while she was busy being pessimistic.
- There is always wisdom behind a problem. Sometimes we don't want to see it, but usually there is always a silver lining. Here are some ways to think about common problems with a positive attitude:
- My partner/girlfriend cut ties with me. “Don't worry about someone who doesn't value you fully personally. If he doesn't understand how special you are, he probably doesn't deserve you. There are many others who will understand that you are special.”
- Someone from the family/social environment died. “Death is a natural part of life. Even if you can't bring the person back to life, you can reminisce about how they affected your life, and perhaps how you changed theirs. Be grateful for the time you have spent with him.”
- I lost my job. “Work is an important reflection of who you are, but it's not the whole picture. Think about the lessons you learned on the job, and try to find ways to apply them in your next job in the future. Finding a job means working harder than anyone else does. Make yourself more motivated to show your potential employer how much more qualified you are than everyone else.”
- I have no self-confidence. “You have a lot to be confident about. Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. That's what makes us unique and beautiful. I like you as you are. I see no reason why you don't have the self-confidence that your neighbors have."
- I don't know what's wrong, I just know that I feel bad. "It's okay if you feel sad. Our happy times are more beautiful with the gloomy times. Don't push yourself if you don't feel like it, but think about how lucky you are to other people. It always works to help me.”
Step 4. Don't be sad too
If you yourself are drowning in sadness, how will you comfort your friends? Find a good balance between being considerate – you want him to know that you are not happy when he is not – and being optimistic (not worrying about anything, focusing on the positive things in life). This takes a lot of work, and can be emotionally exhausting, but your friend is worth the effort, right?
- Do what you can for him and let him know that there are people who care about him. This will build trust. He knows that he can count on you. Always do this with a cheerful smile.
- Offer to ease his mind with an activity, such as going to the movies, hiking, swimming, or playing a game. If he doesn't want to be distracted, don't force him. You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves. Stay happy, keep trying for him, and keep taking the time until he's willing to try to make things right or forget about it.
Step 5. Recognize that sometimes a person needs to feel sadness too
There are types of people who benefit more from feeling sad than anyone else – for these people, sadness provides time for reflection, self-reflection, and renewed enthusiasm. Your friend may just need a moment to feel the pain, then get over it. If he asks for such a thing, honor his request. In this case, you don't need to cheer him up. In time, he will be the one to deal with this.
There are times when people should feel sad. It was illogical to expect a girl whose father died three months ago to suddenly forget about it. Everyone is different and the length of time mourning is unique is like a fingerprint. If he's still mourning something, the only thing you can do is stay by his side. That was already a clear sign
Tips
- Hug him (if he doesn't mind)! Hugging him when he doesn't want to be hugged will make him even more unhappy.
- Tell a funny story or watch something funny!
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Some ideas for gifts:
- Candles with a smell that can relieve feelings of stress.
- Chocolate! (If the person is not allergic.)
- Funny certificates for certain “achievements”. For example, if he broke up with someone and is sad about it, give him a certificate with the words “Story of the Year”. (Do this only if he is able to accept this.)
- Write a nice letter or card about how good a friend he is, and how much you love and care about him.
