Chatting is one of the main pillars of friendship. Whether it's a lighthearted or serious topic, chatting can help you connect with friends, learn from each other, and build trust. When talking about something lighthearted, bring up a topic of conversation that refers to your friend. When discussing more serious topics, offer friends help and encouragement. Therefore, be a good listener and show that you are there for him.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Talking Light Topics
Step 1. Say “hello” when meeting a friend
Nodding, smiling, and waving are all very friendly gestures, but they won't start a conversation. Saying "hello" to a friend in the hallway or near the house can give you the opportunity to start a conversation with them.
Continue the conversation by asking how he is. Even if you can't chat for long, you can show you care about your friend by genuinely showing interest in what's being said
Step 2. Recall your friend's personal details while chatting
Think about the things your friends have mentioned. Has his favorite band just released a new album? Did your friend just visit her parents? Recall these details and make them a topic of conversation when chatting with friends to show that you are listening carefully.
For example, if your friend just went on vacation, try asking questions like, “How was your vacation in Aruba? I want your story."
Step 3. Make sure the conversation between the two of you remains balanced
It's rude for someone to be too controlling the conversation, however, friends will be too intimidated if they have to talk all the time. Instead, make sure the conversation remains balanced. After expressing your opinion or asking a question, leave room for your friend to respond. Also, when you are asked a question, try to answer it in more than one word.
If you don't know something a friend has just said, don't be afraid to ask him for clarification. For example, when a friend asks about a movie you haven't seen, don't just say, "I haven't seen it." Continue the statement by saying, “It seems interesting, anyway. How was the film?"
Step 4. Balance the personal information to be discussed
Make sure not to talk too much about personal information too early. Building friendships requires a process based on mutual trust. Every time you talk, try to talk a little about yourself.
- For example, don't immediately talk about romance when you've just had a conversation with a friend. Start the conversation by talking about light topics, then talk about more personal topics once your friendship is strong.
- Make sure the personal information you both will talk about is balanced. If you want to talk about a private secret but your friend only wants to talk about the cat, respect your friend's decision and wait for the right time to talk about a more personal topic.
- If your friend is talking about something too personal and you're not comfortable with, let them know by saying, "I think you should talk to someone else about this."
Step 5. Make sure your posture is open and invite friends to interact
Chatting doesn't just rely on the words that come out of the mouth. Keep your body language friendly by leaning slightly forward, keeping your shoulders open, not crossing your arms, and maintaining eye contact. These gestures show that you are willing to interact and start a conversation with him.
Don't lean forward too much so that your friend gets annoyed. The purpose of leaning forward slightly is to show interest, and not to make your friend uncomfortable
Method 2 of 3: Discussing Heavy Conversation Topics
Step 1. Show that your friend is not alone
You may not fully understand what problems your friend is having, but you can still show that you are there for them. Remind your friend that he is not alone and that you want to hear and help him.
Talking about your bad experiences when you were emotionally troubled and needed help might also help a friend. By doing this, your friend will realize that hard times happen to everyone and it's okay to ask for help
Step 2. Ask open-ended questions
Asking the right questions will help you understand the issues your friend is having, and this can help them express their emotions. Try asking open-ended questions that don't go into too much detail so that he can tell you more about his thoughts and feelings.
Questions like, “How are you feeling right now?” can make friends express their emotions more than questions like, “Are you mad?”
Step 3. Don't judge your friends
Seeking help takes courage, especially if a friend has done something bad. Try to listen to the complaints of friends without judging them. You don't always have to agree with what they say or do, but remember that everyone makes mistakes. Listen to the complaints of friends, and understand that he is also a human being who is not free from mistakes.
Blaming is not the only answer to a problem. For example, if a friend cheats on a test, don't call him a bad student. Instead, say, “Mathematics is hard. Instead of cheating, how about we study together so I can help you?”
Step 4. Help a friend find help
If a friend needs help going through a difficult time, you can help a friend find help. Seeking help alone can feel foreign and scary. You can accompany a friend to visit a psychiatrist or help them find other options. By doing this, your friend will realize that they are not alone and that it is okay to seek help when going through a difficult time.
For example, if your friend is depressed, he or she may be too afraid to visit a therapist or psychiatrist. You can help your friend by finding a therapist who can treat depression
Method 3 of 3: Be a Good Listener
Step 1. Respect your friend's wishes when he doesn't want to talk
You may feel hurt when a frustrated or troubled friend refuses to talk about their problems. You want to be a good friend and help him out, but it's hard to do that if your friend doesn't want to open up. It may be difficult, but the best option in this situation is to give him space.
- Say, "It's okay, I'm not going to force you to talk. If you want to talk, I'll be happy to listen to you."
- There are many reasons to force your friend not to talk. He may not really understand his feelings. Your friend may just want to ignore the problem. Or, he may not feel comfortable talking about his problems. Don't take it to heart. Just respect the decision.
Step 2. Show that you are actively listening to your friends
Active listening is a gesture that can show that you are engaged with the topic of conversation. This gesture can be demonstrated by using open body language, avoiding giving unwanted advice and considerations, and expressing interest in what your friend has to say.
- Repeat your friend's statement in your own words periodically. This is done to show that you are paying attention and listening to what he has to say.
- Show empathy. Empathy is very important when actively listening to a friend. If your friend is having negative thoughts about you or someone else, you can simply agree with the friend's feelings rather than question them.
- For example, if a friend is under stress because of his work, listen until he finishes talking. Then, rephrase your friend's statement and show empathy by saying, "I think you're under a lot of stress right now, and I understand that your job could be to blame."
Step 3. Don't interrupt
You may want to ask something while your friend is talking or the conversation reminds you of something. However, it's important that you don't interrupt your friend's conversation. By not interrupting the conversation, you will appear to respect what your friend has to say.
