There are times when we feel worried and anxious. A common misconception is that the way to deal with social anxiety is to face it and not be yourself. This is not right. You need to feel relaxed and comfortable with yourself in order to live a calm social life. This article will explain some easy ways to relax and be yourself.
Step
Method 1 of 3: Relaxing Yourself While Socializing
Step 1. If you feel nervous or anxious, focus on your breath for a few seconds
Deep breathing is the best way to relax. Take a deep breath through your nose, hold it for three seconds and then exhale through your mouth. Repeat three times while feeling less stress. Do this if you start to feel anxious or stressed.
- You can use this method while chatting.
- Practice as you wish. Although it seems easy, deep breathing requires skill. Get used to breathing using the diaphragm which is between the lower ribs and the stomach. Diaphragmatic breathing is the most relaxing and calming way of breathing.
- Be aware of your breath. When you are worried or frustrated, your breath will become shorter, faster, and your heart will beat faster. This condition will disrupt the balance between oxygen and carbon dioxide in the body, causing anxiety problems with the appearance of dizziness and muscle tension. Your breath will return to calm and regularity if you are calm.
- Start meditating to make it easier to focus on your breath. Sit in a quiet place and focus on the rhythm of your breath until your mind calms down again.
Step 2. Focus on the ongoing conversation
Often times, we get carried away by negative social interactions or are too focused on appearance. This makes it difficult for us to blend in and lose the confidence to start new conversations.
- Know that social anxiety is completely invisible. People can't tell you're nervous. They'll think you're totally confident and sociable if you act like that.
- Listen carefully and think of an appropriate response when someone is speaking. Look him in the eye, nod your head, respond or affirm occasionally by saying “okay” or “wow” for what he is saying. You will be a good chat buddy this way.
- Be aware of your thoughts when socializing. If you have a negative thought that says "I was bored while chatting earlier" or "No one wants to talk to me", replace it with a positive thought. Remember how well you blend in or how much fun you have to chat. In conclusion, you think negatively because there is a misunderstanding.
Step 3. Find a comfortable social environment and build confidence in an environment that makes you feel uncomfortable
Use this method to increase your self-confidence. If you really enjoy working out with friends, studying with a group, or relaxing on the beach, do this activity as often as possible. If you don't like going to parties, start going to small parties at a friend's house and find friends you already know. After that, come to a party that forces you to leave your comfort zone.
- Make a list of these two social situations. Write down each experience and people you meet, starting with the most comfortable to the least comfortable. Recognize your strengths by doing this. Start doing activities that are at the top of the list.
- Gradually, do the activities in the next sequence to the bottom. Ask your friend to come along and tell them if you feel uncomfortable so they can help.
- If an activity seems uncomfortable, don't do it.
Step 4. Identify “safe behaviors” and work on them
Safe behaviors are like crutches to support you while socializing. Examples of safe behaviors include drinking alcohol to build self-confidence, avoiding eye contact, or making excuses to avoid conversation. While useful, this method can also be detrimental because you avoid the real source of the problem.
- Write down all the safe behaviors you normally do. Check this list to see if you are dependent on certain behaviors. For example, you may have to take sedatives to feel comfortable in public. Here's an example of a dependency that you should stop.
- Try to stop safe behavior that you think is not good. Face the fear while doing this. If you're used to avoiding eye contact, try looking into the eyes of the person you're talking to. Start practicing making eye contact with a friend. Once you get used to it, try making eye contact with people you don't know.
- Find out when you use safe behavior. Usually, you will behave safely in the most frightening situations. Face this fear starting from the easiest to the most difficult.
Step 5. Stop pleasing other people by being someone else
People like you for who you are and no one likes people who pretend. If you do something just to be liked or accepted, people will find out and you won't be happy. Prioritize your happiness so that others feel happy too!
- If you say a certain sentence simply because you are following someone else's words, remove this sentence from your dictionary.
- Follow your heart and don't think too much. Try to act spontaneously because excessive thoughts will weigh you down. Making decisions at the right moment gives you the opportunity to be yourself, instead of just going along with what other people want.
- Don't repeat what was said except to remember what you did well.
- Silence in a conversation is not a mistake, nor is it a bad thing. Both parties are responsible for keeping the conversation going.
Step 6. Fake it until you do it
This method has been tested and proven. Even if you're feeling sad or lacking in self-confidence, try smiling and displaying a confident posture. It's a way of manipulating your mind into believing that you're happy and confident that you're actually experiencing this.
- Smile while looking in the mirror. Try smiling every morning before taking a shower. Research has shown that smiling can bring peace and happiness, even when you're feeling down.
- In the same way, do the “bold posture” while looking in the mirror. Puff out your chest, spread your arms to the sides or put your hands on your hips while raising your chin. This method will manipulate your mind so that you feel confident that you are indeed confident. Practice regularly so that you really feel confident.
- Get in the habit of maintaining good posture throughout the day. Pull your shoulders back slightly and keep your back straight. Don't slouch and don't keep looking down to make yourself appear more confident.
- Show a friendly and welcoming attitude, even if you don't like it. This will become a habit and others will see you as friendly and happy. Their views will soon come true.
Step 7. Meet new people and show kindness
The first meeting is an opportunity to show the real you. It's okay if this person doesn't like you because you don't have to. You just have to try. The more people who want to make friends or get to know you, the more comfortable and confident you will be.
- If you're going to a party or social event, ask a friend to introduce you so you can mingle and make new friends.
- Join a team or group. This is the best way to meet new friends. If you like to play badminton, join a badminton group. If you enjoy cooking, take a cooking class.
- Ask for the phone numbers of friends and invite them to lunch or coffee together.
- Keep in touch with the people you meet by texting them once in a while.
Method 2 of 3: Learn to Be Yourself
Step 1. Keep a journal
Get to know yourself by writing down your thoughts and experiences. This method can be a means of introspection that has a therapeutic effect and makes you feel good about yourself.
- Write down anything including all your wishes. Whatever you write is never wrong. Start writing what you first remember.
- Write down your most personal thoughts and ideas. Don't worry about what you write because only you will read.
- Write about yourself. Get to know all your thoughts and actions. Instead of going through life without thinking about what you are doing, be aware of each action and why you are doing it. By thinking, you can learn about yourself if something unpleasant is happening. Plus, you can also find out what you like about yourself!
- Write down the things you like and don't like about yourself. Also write down how to maintain the positive side and improve the negative side.
Step 2. Be aware of your thoughts
One of the biggest challenges to being yourself is being aware of negative thoughts. These thoughts are usually unfounded and self-defeating. Once you realize this, you can overcome negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones!
- Write down if negative thoughts arise. Once written, try to change it.
- Try to analyze negative thoughts. Why do you think negatively? Is this thought true? Are there any examples that can go against it? Is this thought helpful? Or harm? Do you keep having negative thoughts? Answer all these questions, especially about negative thoughts. Eventually, you'll realize how ridiculous and detrimental it can be to continue to think negatively.
- Replace negative thoughts with positive thoughts. Instead of thinking "I'm always ignored in conversation", try saying "I just had a nice conversation" or "There are lots of interesting and funny things I could tell you, but I prefer to stay silent." Instead of thinking "No one thinks I'm smart" try remembering a time when you told a joke and everyone laughed. Get in the habit of focusing on the positive.
- Laugh at yourself. Laughter is the best medicine. After recognizing negative thoughts, you will realize that these thoughts are unfounded. For a moment, negative thoughts can feel ridiculous. However, these thoughts will disappear once you laugh.
Step 3. Build good relationships and learn yourself through others
Forge new relationships and repair existing ones. Hold a meeting with friends or new people. You should also reflect on the relationship that has existed so far, including your skills and shortcomings in communication. Get to know the habits of the people you usually hang out with and find friends who are like this. Also pay attention to how you talk and interact so that you can improve.
- If you prefer to engage in activities that involve a lot of movement, such as playing basketball or bowling, you may be an active person. Therefore, participate in social activities that allow you to stay active.
- If you're having trouble maintaining relationships or starting conversations, try practicing these skills with a friend or taking a social skills course. These courses are usually held at your local education center and can be very useful.
- Develop your strengths. If people usually laugh when you tell jokes, try taking a course that has to do with comedy.
- Ask your friends about yourself. Invite them to talk about your personality honestly. Ask what you need to improve and what is already good. The best way to know yourself is through other people.
Step 4. Re-discover yourself as a child
Over time, you get used to being someone else and this happens to everyone. When we are children, social norms have not been embedded in us. Try to remember what it was like to be young and free again and let your sincerity shine through in your social life.
- To some extent, try to act impulsively. Acting on intuition will reveal who you really are, rather than who you are in social life.
- Don't worry about being judged. Do what you want and just forget the people who hate you.
- Cherish every moment. Don't dwell on the past or focus on the future. Cherish every moment and enjoy your life right now.
- When you were a kid, you didn't care what other people thought. Listen to your favorite music, read your favorite book, say and do what you want. Try to restore this mentality again.
- Read an old book you enjoyed or do something from your childhood. Play bekel or build a sand castle!
Method 3 of 3: Feel Good With Your Body
Step 1. Try practicing yoga and meditating
Your breath and thoughts greatly determine your behavior. Get up early and get into the habit of practicing yoga for 15 minutes every morning. Take a break and do meditation if you are stressed because this method can be calming. You will feel more comfortable and your body will relax again.
- Learn yoga through online videos or take classes.
- Learn how to meditate by practicing breathing techniques to calm yourself down in a quiet place.
- You can practice yoga or meditate anywhere, even while chatting. Stretch on the plane or meditate for a few seconds if you're feeling nervous during the party.
Step 2. Get into the habit of exercising
Scientific research proves that physical activity can reduce stress, overcome anxiety, and increase self-esteem. Exercising also makes the body release endorphins that bring happiness. Even if it's only 15 minutes, exercise can make you calm and happy.
- You don't need to work out in the gym. Try running or playing basketball with friends. In addition, exercising with friends will feel more fun and more useful than practicing alone.
- Make a workout schedule and run it well. Decide when and how many times you want to exercise. Try to exercise at least four times a week while doing other physical activities each day.
- Walking or cycling to work, instead of commuting, is a great way to get regular exercise every day.
- Exercise is also very beneficial for health because it increases energy and strengthens the heart. These two things make you feel calmer and more confident.
Step 3. Get enough sleep
Doctors recommend that we sleep seven to nine hours every night. You will feel anxious and depressed if you don't get enough sleep. With enough rest, you will remain calm and comfortable while socializing.
- Be careful with oversleeping because sleeping ten hours or more can make your problem worse.
- Avoid caffeine and chocolate because they can keep you awake and as stimulants that cause anxiety symptoms.
Step 4. Quit smoking and don't drink alcohol
Nicotine is a stimulant that can increase anxiety and lower self-esteem. Alcohol is also very harmful to health. While it may seem like a solution, alcohol actually increases the risk of developing anxiety.
- Make a plan to quit smoking. Tell family members and friends what you are going to do and do it. Use a smoking repellent (nicotine patch) and give a reward if you don't take cigarettes with you when you travel.
- Make a plan to stop drinking alcohol. Be aware of how much alcohol you drink. If it's hard to quit, try finding a support group on alcoholics anonymous sites.
Step 5. If the above doesn't work, try consulting a therapist or doctor
About 13% of the world's population suffers from some kind of social anxiety, so you're not alone. Not everyone can help themselves. There are times when you have to seek help.
- Explain your condition first to family members and friends. They can also help you as much as or even better than what a therapist can give you.
- Don't try to self-medicate. Talk to a doctor who will refer you to a specialist who will prescribe beta blockers or antidepressants to treat symptoms of social anxiety. However, this drug can not treat the cause. If you stop taking the medicine, the problem will come back again.
- First, try to help yourself, but don't be shy about seeking professional help. In reality, this is a very difficult way and requires courage.
Tips
- Mental problems can be overcome physically. Exercise and meditation are very beneficial for mental health because a relaxed body will calm the mind.
- Read a self-help guide or casual fiction. Reading can have a therapeutic effect and help you learn more about yourself.
- Smiling can prolong life. Apart from making you happier, smiling also makes other people like you more.
- Face the fear. Avoiding the problem only makes things worse.
Warning
- Don't put off telling other people if you're thinking about suicide. Seek professional help and share this with your family.
- Do not abuse alcohol or antidepressants because they can be addictive. Drugs are not the way to solve the problem and only make things worse.
