Motherhood is a great experience, but sometimes you can feel stressed about it. In the midst of busyness as a mother, you may feel like a failure because you can't do certain small things well. Many mothers worry that their children will inherit the stress they feel. If you want to settle down to become a better mother, love yourself, spend quality time with your child, and try to develop a point of view.
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Method 1 of 3: Taking Care of Yourself
Step 1. Take care of yourself before taking care of others
You will need the energy that comes from this self-care. In addition, children will imitate your lifestyle. Therefore, design a healthy lifestyle, and set aside time to maintain mental and physical health.
- When you become a parent, generally you have to sacrifice certain things. Parents are considered to have to sacrifice luxury and comfort for the sake of their children. However, such sacrifices can be dangerous. Children can imitate their mother's tendency to neglect comfort for the sake of the requests of others. The best way to teach your child to take care of himself is to set a good example.
- Design a healthy lifestyle. Take regular breaks from work and household chores. Set aside time for lunch. Every now and then, ask a babysitter for help, and go see a friend. Many parents feel guilty when they take a break, but don't worry! Your child will not feel neglected, and they will learn about a healthy lifestyle.
- Of course, a healthy lifestyle is not easy to practice, especially if you have a toddler or are the primary caregiver. Don't hesitate to ask for help. If your sibling lives close to you, try asking them to babysit while you're resting. In addition, once in a while, ask your partner to play with the child.
Step 2. Take deep breaths when you feel stressed about work or tasks
These deep breaths will help calm you down. Follow these steps when you feel stressed:
- Inhale slowly until the air goes into your stomach instead of your chest. Count to four as you inhale.
- Close your lips, and exhale slowly while counting to four.
- Wait for a count of four without inhaling.
- Breathe normally twice, then repeat the steps above.
Step 3. Accept the feeling of stress
Many parents believe that feeling stressed is a sign of weakness, even though this is not the case. In fact, it's healthier to accept these feelings of stress instead of trying to ignore them. Avoid stress before the holidays.
- Many mothers feel guilty when things don't go according to plan. However, remember that all mothers experience stress, and all aspects of life can be stressful, even if they are enjoyable. Remind yourself that sometimes, you too can feel tired. Knowing that fatigue is common, and that you don't have to feel guilty about it, will make you feel more relaxed.
- If you're having trouble dealing with stress, don't hesitate to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you manage your anxiety and regulate your mood. You can see a therapist by asking for a referral from a family doctor or insurance company, or through campus/office.
Step 4. Know how to deal with anxiety
There are various small things you can try to reduce anxiety throughout the day. Keep those little things in mind when you need to cool off quickly.
- Close your eyes. If you're having trouble dealing with something, and you don't need to be alert, close your eyes for 30 seconds. By closing your eyes, you can calm yourself and your mind.
- Drink water. A glass of cold water can help with anxiety. Many people feel calmer after moving for a drink. The clear water can also help you think more clearly.
- Listen to music. Set up a relaxing song on your laptop or music player. Creating a playlist of relaxing songs can be a good way to get rid of anxiety quickly.
- Try spending time outdoors. Most people will feel more at ease when they are not stuck at home. Take a 10 minute walk around the complex to help cool down.
Step 5. Find a support group
Being a parent is not easy. Because of this, many mothers find it difficult to deal with problems as parents. Finding support will make you realize that you are not alone. This way, you will be more confident. On the internet, there are many forums about parents and children. You may also find a mother's group in your ward that holds meetings and shares experiences about motherhood. Finding help and support from those around you will help you become a better mother.
Method 2 of 3: Spending Time with Kids
Step 1. Remind your child that you accept him for who he is
Today, schools and extracurricular activities are so competitive that children carry a heavy burden. As a parent, you have to remind your child that imperfection is inevitable, and that it's not the end of the world.
- Remember that your child is human too. While you can encourage your child to try new things according to his interests, remind him that sometimes he also needs to rest. Remind children that their activities at school and extracurricular activities must be based on a love for science, not just because of perfect grades or achievements.
- Let your child make mistakes. If your child is failing at a sporting event, tell the story of his favorite athlete's defeat. If your child doesn't win in a music competition, remind him that he has to play with his heart, not just to win.
Step 2. Focus on the positive
You can pass the positivity virus on to your child by focusing on the positive things in your life. Invite your child to adopt a "glass half full" philosophy to increase happiness and reduce anxiety. Focus on your child's strengths, and try to find the bright side of every situation. This way, you and your child will feel more at ease.
Step 3. Never compare yourself or your child to anyone else
Turns out, being a parent is also a competitive thing. Many parents are proud of their children, and make their children as a comparison for other children of the same age. However, remember that your child is a unique individual. Therefore, do not compare him with other children.
- Children will develop in time, and each has advantages and disadvantages. Your child may struggle with math but get good marks in Indonesian, or can't pick up biology easily but remember dates in history very well. Remember the saying "If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will feel stupid for the rest of its life. Everyone is a genius in their own field."
- Don't let your child compare himself to others. When a child goes to class and tries various extracurricular activities, he may be tempted to compare himself to others, whom he perceives as smarter or more successful. Once you find your child is comparing himself, remind him that he is a special and unique person. Ask him to focus on himself and his accomplishments, instead of following environmental standards.
- The same goes for you. Don't compare yourself to other people. Children will imitate you. If you compare yourself to other mothers and often talk about your weaknesses, your child will learn to compare himself to others.
Step 4. Teach children how to solve problems
Human life is full of challenges and problems. As a mother, you may be moved to solve your child's problems. However, as your child grows older, it is more effective to teach your child how to solve his own problems so that he learns to be independent. Child independence will reduce stress levels for you and your child.
- Listen to the child as he pours out his heart. Then, try to show them how to calmly solve the problem. For example, when your child is upset that his playmate doesn't want to switch roles, understand that he wants to try his friend's role, but is afraid to talk. Then, discuss appropriate communication strategies so that their friends will switch roles. For example, "Just ask Inul to switch roles. Inul won't know you want to try her role if you don't talk. She might want to try yours too."
- By teaching children how to solve problems, and directing children to find solutions instead of solving problems, they will learn to be independent. He will reduce his dependence on you to solve small problems, as well as feel better able to deal with the causes of stress. That way, you and your child will feel calmer.
Step 5. Get used to the child to sleep well
One way to maintain peace in your home is to prioritize sleep. Poor sleep habits can increase stress levels, thereby provoking anger and other bad things.
- Get regular sleep. The body has a circadian rhythm that adapts to sleep patterns. If your child always goes to bed at 9 o'clock, he will feel tired at that time.
- Do a relaxing bedtime activity, such as a bath or storytelling. These activities can help the child feel sleepy so that it is easier for him to fall asleep.
- Relaxing activities before bed can also help you maintain a sleep pattern. Teach your child to take deep breaths. Invite him to imagine himself in a quiet place, and ask him to reminisce about a pleasant thing until he falls asleep and falls asleep.
Step 6. Encourage the child to develop a positive self-image
Teach children to take care of their health and diet for themselves, not for others. Teach children healthy eating patterns, and encourage children to have fun by moving their bodies. Forbid them to compare themselves with others. If you have problems with self-image, try to consult a counselor or therapist to overcome them because the child will follow the diet and exercise of his parents.
Method 3 of 3: Developing a Mindset
Step 1. Learn to forget small mistakes to strengthen your mindset
There is no ivory that is not cracked, there is no perfect parent. Accept the fact that some things will not go according to plan.
- Sometimes, your housework will be neglected. Your laundry won't be done in time, and your home will look messy. Try to ignore it. You can do it later anyway.
- You may also not be able to attend all invitations. Your worship activities may clash with a family dinner, or the parent meeting at your child's school is held at the same time as the event at the house of worship. Try to reduce stress, and remind yourself that right now, you are trying to be a good mother.
Step 2. Reconsider your priorities
Sometimes motherhood can be exhausting because it's your fault for prioritizing, overestimating the little things and neglecting the really important things.
- Managing finances can be exhausting, but remember that money isn't everything. You may not be able to buy your child an expensive toy, but you may be able to spend quality time with your child.
- Think about your expenses. Many parents invest in their children by buying sports supplies, art, or expensive equipment for the interests of the child. While it's important to support your child's interests, remember that time is of the essence for you and your child. Instead of buying a piano for your child, consider hiring a housekeeper to clean the house, and use the cleaning time to listen to your child play the piano.
Step 3. Be grateful
While it can be hard to feel grateful when you're tired, gratitude will develop your mindset. Be grateful for the existence of your family and children, even when you are in trouble. Gratitude will reduce your stress level, and make your home life more harmonious.
Step 4. Ask for help
Many mothers perceive a request for help as a sign of defeat, even though this is not the case. Asking a nanny or parent for help to look after the child is not a sign that you are a failure as a mother. Motherhood is tough, and asking for help when you need it is normal and healthy.
