The American Psychiatric Association defines a sociopath as a person with antisocial personality disorder who often ignores the moral and cultural standards that apply around him. Even though they are often misunderstood as attractive and sociable individuals, they actually have very low empathy for others and do not feel guilty for their actions. A sociopath may constantly lie and manipulate others for personal gain. Healing yourself after ending a relationship with a sociopath can be really difficult. But don't worry, there are several things you can do such as creating distance, giving yourself time to process healing, and following relevant therapy.
Step
Method 1 of 2: Moving On
Step 1. Understand what you've been through
The first step you need to take to heal yourself is to really understand your experience. Reflect on your experience; You need to do this to understand what's going on and know the best way to move on. Being in a relationship with someone with antisocial personality disorder can be very difficult, especially since such people rarely feel guilty for their actions or words that hurt you.
- A sociopath can't empathize with you either. Often times, he will blame you for the situations that befell you. Not infrequently he also looks satisfied because he saw you stressed and hurt.
- It is very important that you understand your experience and identify past behaviors of your ex.
- Doing so will help you understand that whatever happens is not your responsibility. You are innocent and do not need to be held accountable for his actions.
Step 2. Validate your emotions
After realizing the situation you are in, begin to realize the emotions that you have been hiding (even the emotions that you have considered wrong or unimportant because of being manipulated by your ex-partner). If you feel frustrated, sorry, or a little stupid for feeling these emotions, stop feeling that way. Accept and realize that these emotions are rooted in very strong and logical reasons.
- Being aware of these emotions will help you understand what is really going on. Being aware of it also helps you learn to trust your emotional responses in the future.
- A sociopath who lacks empathy and rarely feels guilty can suppress emotional awareness and distort your self-awareness.
- Remember, it's normal to have emotional reactions to such situations. Also realize that your emotional reactions are legitimate and well-founded.
Step 3. Keep your ex-partner at a distance
Making a real distance with your ex-partner is very important to do. Distance gives you the opportunity to heal yourself, break free, as well as reflect and build things all over again from scratch. A sociopath is usually lazy to follow people who have left him, so it's a good idea to "escape" for a while out of town and stay at a friend's or relative's house.
- Moving house can have a very positive impact, especially because you have the opportunity to see new things and add perspective.
- You may feel the need to delete all of their contacts, or even take a break from social media for a while.
Step 4. Create safe boundaries
One of the most important parts of the healing process is creating clear boundaries that separate you from your ex. Your ex probably won't care about the boundaries you set, so set boundaries that you at least won't break. Having a clear understanding of what you're not going to do is essential to maintaining some distance in order to heal.
- Write down things you wouldn't do, such as taking her calls or contacting her in any way.
- Setting boundaries also helps you let go of things in past relationships that didn't work as they should.
- You may feel the need to imagine physical boundaries with your ex. Build a giant wall in your mind, then imagine all his hurtful words and actions bouncing off the wall and failing to enter your territory.
Step 5. Don't keep putting yourself in the victim's shoes
Make it clear to yourself that you don't want to be a victim all the time. Your relationship is over and you are ready to move on with your life. Acknowledge and plant this fact in your mind every day. Repeating positive statements and affirmations can help you replace dominant negative thoughts with more positive ones.
- Take some time to think about who you are, what you want to be, where you want to travel, and what you want to achieve.
- Your ex may never show you empathy. Therefore, it is now your duty to show it to yourself.
- Understand the difficulties you have been through. Put those bad experiences in a box and leave the box in your past. After that, you can start planning a better future for yourself.
Step 6. Seek support from friends and relatives
Your previous relationship was likely very poor in empathy and caring. So make sure you spend time with people who are willing to empathize with you. This will also help you validate your feelings and understand bad experiences in the past. Friends and relatives are the most appropriate parties to ask for support. Make sure you feel comfortable telling them about it, and make sure you really trust your listeners.
- Try talking to your friends whose relationships aren't in trouble.
- Spend time with family and closest friends. They can help you think about the future as well as reflect on the past.
- Consider enlisting the help of an expert counselor or psychologist. Also make sure they are independent third parties who can assist you in a neutral manner.
Method 2 of 2: Drawing Lessons from Experience
Step 1. Be aware of indicators of antisocial personality disorder
Your past experiences, however bad they may be, will still contribute significantly to your life. Learn and reflect on your experiences; try to identify behaviors that indicate antisocial personality disorder in your ex. In general, sociopaths do not feel there is anything wrong with their actions. Sometimes they even casually admit that they have hurt others, whether emotionally, physically, or financially. They often blame the victims and call the victims naive. Being aware of these behaviors can help you be more sensitive in the future. Some indicators that someone is a sociopath are:
- He often hurts you and expects you to act as if nothing happened.
- He manipulates others, either directly or indirectly.
- He can treat you very differently for no apparent reason.
- He felt comfortable lying to escape responsibility.
- He always blames others and refuses to take responsibility for his actions.
- Sometimes, he seems to enjoy manipulating or hurting other people.
Step 2. Recognize that the behavior is not directly related to you
At one point, you may feel like you can do something to change the situation, and wonder if the situation was your fault. The more you know about antisocial personality disorder, the more you will understand that sociopaths tend to never regret what they did. Not infrequently, they actually seek pleasure from manipulating and hurting others around them.
- Sociopaths can be very good manipulators. The way he behaves is not determined by you, but by himself.
- A sociopath can be very charismatic and good at faking emotions (like guilt).
- You may have a hard time guessing his actions. On the other hand, sociopaths are very aware of their actions and their consequences for others.
- This awareness then distinguishes sociopaths from other people with personality disorders. For example, people who experience narcissism can also hurt others. The difference is, they often do it to protect themselves.
Step 3. Follow the therapy process
After the end of your relationship with a sociopath, seek professional help to help you move on with your life. Don't forget to look for a psychologist who does understand sociopath behavior to make it more relevant. Before scheduling a meeting, ask if they have knowledge of, or experience with, people who have been involved with sociopaths.
- Find the relevant support group. The best people who can understand you are those who have been through something similar.
- Ask your counselor or psychologist for relevant support group recommendations. You can also browse the internet to find forums devoted to accommodating victims of relationship violence.
Step 4. There is no need to rush into a new relationship
If you've recently come out of a painful relationship with a sociopath, take a moment to heal yourself and get back to "normalizing" life. Don't rush into a new relationship and watch out for similar symptoms in your potential partner. Think about how your previous relationship was, then begin to identify if you have anything in common with your new relationship. Some of these questions you should first ask yourself:
- Is your new partner aware of the impact his or her actions have had on others and are willing to take responsibility for it?
- Does he always blame others for the situation they are in?
- Will he apologize sincerely?
- Will he admit his mistake?
Warning
- Be careful when dealing with ex-partners, especially since sociopaths can be very dangerous without you even realizing it. Avoid or leave the situation; if necessary, ask the police for help if you feel you are in danger.
- If you experience constant fear, depression, or difficulty performing daily activities, consult your doctor or psychologist immediately.
