Trust is one of the important factors that determine the success of a relationship. A person will trust others if he still feels accepted when showing vulnerability. You can gain trust in a relationship if you are willing to put in the effort and commit to behaving as someone you can trust.
Method 1 of 4: Become a Dependable Person
Step 1. Do what you say
One of the basic things you have to do in order to gain trust is to do what you promised. Even if it's a small thing, you will break the trust of others if you cancel or fail to keep your promise.
Although occasionally failing to keep promises doesn't seem like a big problem, repeated failures will become a big problem because over time, you will be perceived as a person who is less worthy of trust
Step 2. Honor the promise you made
In order for people to trust you, they must feel confident that you can always be counted on. Therefore, you must be able to fulfill the promises you have made.
- If you really can't keep your promise, meet the person in question to explain the reason in person.
- If you make a very important appointment, an explanation alone may not be enough. Maybe you have to make a new appointment for him to accept. Make sure you keep this new promise no matter what!
- Don't take promises. Promises that you may think are trivial and unimportant, may be very important to someone else. He will be very disappointed if you do not keep your promise.
Step 3. Be consistent
One of the most important aspects of the definition of reliability is to always deliver on your word. By definition, someone you can count on is someone you can trust.
You can't gain trust in a good relationship if you only do what you say once or twice
Method 2 of 4: Be Honest
Step 1. Tell the truth
While sometimes you can't tell the truth because it will come across as rude, in many cases being honest is the best option.
- Usually, the best time to tell the truth is when the lie feels good to you. Telling the truth in the face of self-interest shows that you prioritize good relationships with other people. What's more, by acting like this, you show that his happiness is more important than your own.
- For example, imagine that a book you borrowed from a friend was spilled over coffee. You can either say the book is missing or buy the same one and pretend nothing happened. However, you have to say what really happened. To you, a damaged book may not be a big deal, but if the truth is revealed or your friend finds out that you are lying, it will destroy his trust in you.
Step 2. Admit if you lied
Sometimes, people are forced to lie, without even having time to think at all. If you've ever lied, admit it quickly. Explain why and show genuine remorse.
If you get caught lying, don't deny it as this will mean you're lying again and will damage trust even more
Step 3. Speak from the heart
When you feel like you've lied to someone, focus on the good in them while you're chatting. This way, you can keep your feelings in check and control your own feelings to prevent unpleasant responses from occurring. Think about the good and say good things when you talk.
- Say what's good and don't say anything bad.
- Show a willingness to listen. You may say, "It seems" or "I believe that" to emphasize what your perception of what actually happened is. By showing a willingness to listen to other people's opinions, you can restore their trust in you.
- For example: if you want to tell a friend that he or she is at fault, explain the mistake in neutral, nonjudgmental words. Focus on his strengths, his kindness as a friend, and if you can, tell him what he needs to do to correct his mistakes. After that, ask him to explain and listen carefully. However, don't say all is well if this isn't true.
- You could say: “Beryl, I found a major error in our report. It seems that you are very stressed about this new job. I know this mistake doesn't reflect your talent or ability. In any case, we must immediately notify the client and submit a new report.”
Step 4. Express your feelings
People who are only able to say negative things will seem callous and care less about others, making them untrustworthy.
It may be easier to share facts that have happened in your opinion. However, you will come across as someone who enjoys seeing other people suffer if you don't show compassion and understanding
Method 3 of 4: Be Open
Step 1. Provide information voluntarily
If the opportunity arises, consider whether you need to provide more information. Often times, it's a good idea to share information voluntarily to show that you're not keeping it to yourself. Here's an example:
- In everyday life, your partner may ask: "What are you experiencing today?" then you answer: “Fine.” This kind of attitude makes you less trustworthy because you are reluctant to share real information.
- Now, imagine a different answer to that question: “I consulted a doctor this afternoon for a routine checkup, but according to the doctor, I may have a heart problem. For now, doctors can not make any conclusions. So, I was asked to come back next week for further examination. I don't know if this is a worrying condition." This response shows openness and will build trust.
- In this case, your partner may be disappointed if he or she is not told the information the doctor has given you about your condition, even if you haven't had a definitive result yourself. Withholding information will interfere with the intimacy of the relationship if for a week you worry about the outcome, while your partner does not understand why you are worried. Maybe he also wanted to know what was going on so he could help.
Step 2. Don't hide important information
You should not hide important information because it will be difficult to maintain consistency when you tell the story. Others will pick up on the contradictions in your story and make you lose faith, even if you are hiding a little.
If you want to be trusted, share what other people need or need to know too
Step 3. Tell the truth if you don't want to tell certain things
You don't have to share personal feelings and secrets just to be believed. Remember that everyone has the right to keep personal information. In addition to maintaining privacy, you must also set clear boundaries to be trustworthy.
For example, you might say: "I'm not ready to express how I feel right now, but I'm sure you have nothing to worry about." This makes the listener feel given the opportunity to prove that he or she is an understanding and patient person. What's more, you make him feel safe. This method is still better than pretending or lying because you want to avoid talking about personal things
Method 4 of 4: Showing Integrity
Step 1. Keep the secrets entrusted to you
Never tell anyone else if someone forbids you to tell him what he's keeping a secret. Do not let you betray someone's trust.
People tend to share secrets more easily when they're stressed, tired, or can't think straight. If this happens, admit it immediately and apologize. This way, the person in question has not had the chance to hear from others that you have shared their personal information. Apart from that, you can also prevent bigger problems from happening because of your actions
Step 2. Show loyalty
Loyalty means a willingness to protect and support another person when he or she is with you or not. Loyalty is even more important when this person is not with you.
- People will trust you more if they believe that you are loyal to them. You can also earn trust by being nice to other people or in relationships.
- For example, you can earn the trust of a coworker by staying in the office after hours to help out, even if you don't get anything yourself.
Step 3. Take control of your feelings
Others will respect and admire someone who is able to control their emotions. A person whose emotions are unpredictable and changes frequently tends to make it difficult for others to trust him.
- Studies conducted on “Fortune 500” executives show that people who are able to control and express emotions appropriately tend to be more trusted.
- Do not exaggerate the small mistakes that other people make because this can lose their trust in you.
- Be careful with your attitude when your emotions are high. Try to control yourself by relaxing your palms, jaw, and muscles throughout your body.
- Control your emotions by focusing on your breath. Watch and feel the flow of your breath. Don't think about the breath or try to regulate the rhythm of the breath, just feel the sensation. If your attention is distracted, refocus your mind to pay attention to your breath again.
- If you are able to control your emotions, other people will be better able to predict your attitude. This way, they will perceive you as emotionally reliable and therefore more worthy of their trust.
Step 4. Don't be rude to other people
Try to avoid behavior that will make others distrust you, for example:
- Insulting or demeaning partner
- Keep away from other people
- Threatening or physically harming others
- Don't be rude to other people. If you have treated others this way, apologize immediately. Promise to fix it and keep your promise.
Step 5. Be assertive in your communication
Instead of behaving rudely or aggressively, make it a habit to communicate assertively by expressing wishes honestly and respectfully while trying to understand the wishes and opinions of others.
- Assertive communication means being able to resist when you don't want to do something and being able to control your emotions.
- Communicating assertively means being open in expressing feelings and opinions without belittling or bullying others.
- For example, imagine your neighbor playing loud music at night. Aggressive people will come right up to him and shout: “Lower the music or I will call the police!” You can take an assertive approach by knocking on the door and saying calmly: “Excuse me, please turn the music down a bit. It's late, I want to sleep." This way, your neighbors won't feel humiliated or threatened.
Step 6. Make a commitment to improve your behavior
If you ever lie or break people's trust in you, promise to change your behavior and keep the promise by doing so. You must consistently honor the promises you make to yourself in order for others to trust you again.
- You can't restore someone's trust in a short time just by making a promise.
- Apologies are also not necessarily able to make someone trust you in the future.
Lying to yourself is the same as lying. You can convince yourself that what you are doing or saying is right, but other people with an objective view will see otherwise. The way you see reality the way you want it isn't necessarily the same way other people see the actions you take and the words you say. Someone's trust will be lost if your words and actions are not trustworthy
- Sneaky actions will destroy trust. If you're being sneaky for some reason, ask yourself why you're acting like this. Also, ask if you like this behavior. Maybe you don't like it yourself. If you believe that this is the only way to interact with other people, it's time to improve your social skills.
- In general, people break trust because they are suffering from a mental disorder, are unable to control their anger, or are having problems. In this case, they need to consult a therapist in order to get the right help.