You may have experienced a situation where the conversation suddenly stopped and each of the other people felt awkward because they were stuck in a restless boredom. It doesn't take impeccable social skills to rekindle a conversation; You just need to prepare certain phrases and practice pronouncing them well. The key to your success is asking questions that require detailed answers, digging deeper into what the other person is interested in, and having a few alternative topics in reserve. As your skills in the art of speaking develop, you will learn to be less anxious when silence occurs, and to know how to leave a conversation gracefully.
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Part 1 of 4: Keeping the Conversation Rolling
Step 1. Learn some basic techniques to lighten the mood
You don't need to have extraordinary speaking skills to be able to chat comfortably. You just need to remember a few simple questions to fill the silence:
- Ask new acquaintances this question “Where are you from?”, “How do you know (name of your mutual friend)?”, or “What is your hobby?”
- When meeting an old friend, ask the following questions: “How was your job?”, “How is your family?”, or “What did you do last weekend?”
Step 2. Think of the topic of conversation first
Before attending a social event, arm yourself with a few topics of conversation that will help you revive a conversation that has suddenly stalled. This “supply” will help you fill the silence so you don't have to struggle to find the words to say.
- It will be easier for you to start conversations with people who share similar interests or hobbies. You can simply talk about things you find interesting, like last night's ball game or a new knitting pattern you discovered by accident.
- If you're chatting with coworkers, think about workplace-related topics, but don't talk about work. You could say something casual like, "What do you think about the new lunch spot?"
- The latest news, local shows, popular books and TV shows can be great alternatives to reactivate a conversation that suddenly died. It's best to avoid political topics if you don't want to spark debate.
Step 3. Avoid short responses
If you answer only "yes" or "no", of course there will be an awkward silence. It's also a good idea to avoid closed-ended questions that only yield similar answers. For example, if someone asks, "Do you like sports?", don't just respond with a yes or no. You can add a little explanation and share personal information. You can say something like, “Yes. I like playing basketball. I started practicing when I was six years old. My father used to take me to watch basketball games. What sport do you like yourself?”
It's also a good idea to avoid responses that interrupt the conversation or result in awkward silences. For example, if you're talking about something funny and the other person says, "Yeah, that's really funny!", don't respond with "Hahaha, that's really funny." Try to keep the conversation going. You could say something like, “That was funny. But not as funny as last time. Do you remember when we disguised ourselves as extraterrestrials?”
Step 4. Don't be too tense
If you push yourself too much to keep the conversation going, you will lose focus on the conversation. It would be better if you listen and respond to what the other person is saying. You must be prepared to follow wherever the conversation takes you. If in doubt, take a deep breath and relax. The topic of conversation that you prepare is just a backup in case the conversation gets stuck. If the conversation went well and you moved on to the next topic smoothly, congratulations. Your prepared topics are just to get the conversation flowing. If you've moved on to new subjects, you've already succeeded!
Fear not, everyone has experienced this uncomfortable silence problem. Try not to exaggerate it. This attitude will not solve the problem, and will only make you more depressed
Step 5. Share the information gradually
If you reveal everything at once, the conversation may not last long. Instead, gradually incorporate personal information into the conversation and give the other person a chance to contribute. This way, the conversation will continue and minimize the chance of an awkward silence.
If you find you've been talking about work for a long time, try to pause and ask the other person, "How's your job lately?" This will give both of you an equal opportunity to contribute to the conversation
Step 6. Show a friendly attitude
By being friendly, you relax the other person and will make the conversation easier. Don't forget to smile and appreciate what he has to say. Show that you trust him and he will feel more comfortable opening up and talking to you. That way, the conversation will continue. Remember that having a pleasant conversation is the responsibility of all parties involved, not just you.
Show that you are listening to what the other person is saying by repeating some of the information. For example, if she's talking about her daughter being sick, you might say, "I'm sorry for your son's condition. The flu is terrible! I remember when my son caught the flu a while ago.” That way, he knows that you are listening and interested in what he has to say, and the conversation will continue
Step 7. End the conversation gracefully
Conversations don't last forever, and there's no shame in wanting to end them. If you find yourself stuck in a boring conversation or feel awkward ending it, think of some ways to get out of the conversation and practice saying them:
- If you meet an acquaintance in a public place, say “Hi, Yeni! You are very beautiful. I'm in a hurry, we'll talk later, okay?"
- During a phone call or text message: “Okay, I'm glad we both agree on (the subject). We'll talk later, okay!"
- Long conversation at social events: “Gee, I'm glad to be chatting with you again. I have to find my friend now."
Part 2 of 4: Projecting Yourself
Step 1. Talk about your passions
If you feel enthusiastic and proud of what you do in life, others will respond to that passion. Talk about personal accomplishments and goals that make you unique and make your personality known. For example, if you're chatting with a group of outdoor sports enthusiasts, you might say something like, "I went rock climbing last week and made it to 5.9 without beta!" They will be interested in what you have to say and ask what is 5, 9 without beta!
- Don't brag about competitive topics or compare yourself to others. Focus on your personal goals and your satisfaction in achieving them.
- Be careful when you touch on topics that other people may be sensitive to. Don't tell someone about your vacation abroad or boast about your diet's success to someone who is having trouble losing weight.
- If you don't know how to talk about your accomplishments, ask a friend or family member who is proud of you for some suggestions.
Step 2. Tell a story
When the conversation breaks down, take the opportunity to tell an interesting story that happened to you. You could say something like, "I had a funny incident the other day." Then, tell us about a memorable experience you had recently. For example, you might lose your keys and get stuck outside your house and have to find a way to get in. An interesting story will pique the interest of the other person and prolong the conversation.
Step 3. Have confidence
You always have something interesting to say in any conversation. You have a unique point of view that interests others. Realize that you have an important role to play in the conversation and allow yourself to participate if deemed necessary. Good conversation allows everyone to express themselves and share experiences with others. Be yourself to create a real relationship without creating an awkward situation.
Take the opportunity to share something you think is very important. For example, you could talk about a personal goal that is important to you, such as wanting to run a marathon. Even if it doesn't appeal to the other person, it will allow the other person to get to know you better and you'll also get to know what he's trying to accomplish
Step 4. Give praise
This advice is always a safe alternative, as long as the compliment is appropriate. For example, you might say, "I've been meaning to tell you for a long time that I really like your shirt. Where did you buy?" This can divert the conversation to another topic as well as make the other person feel happy.
If you just want to start small talk with someone, try to flatter their personality or achievements. Save physical flattery when you want to tease her
Step 5. Change the subject
Sometimes a topic is so thoroughly discussed that there's nothing more to say, but that doesn't mean you can't cover other topics. You can talk about the latest news, the weather, or your favorite book to take the conversation in a different direction. If it's not related to the previous topic, make your own transition. If there's no obvious transition, just make your own:
- “I know this has nothing to do with what we're talking about, but I remember someone said you knew Zoel. What's the story?"
- “You said earlier that you had a dog, right? From what race?"
- If you don't mind being seen as eccentric, try bringing up a random topic, such as "So what's the weirdest place you've ever been?" It is best applied in a relaxed atmosphere, with people who like to have fun.
Step 6. Find something to comment on without offending
The most appropriate comments usually relate to what you see around you. For example, at the end of the conversation, you might say, “Whoa, look at that painting! If only I could paint like that. Do you like art?”
- When you're having lunch with someone, you can comment on the food, for example, "This lettuce is delicious, isn't it?" That comment not only ends the silence, but also gives the other person a chance to respond.
- Make funny or interesting comments about some inanimate objects, for example “I heard this wooden door was imported directly from Yogyakarta. The owner of this house seems an eccentric person."
Part 3 of 4: Listening and Responding
Step 1. Find the right tone of voice
Sometimes, awkward silences result from inappropriate comments. If you're not sure if the other person will be comfortable with your slightly quirky sense of humor, don't joke with them until you're sure the joke will be well received.
To find the right tone of voice, try to make a few comments that straddle a certain topic and observe how the other person reacts. For example, if you want to talk about politics, try saying something like, "This election will be more interesting." Maybe the other person will share some of his points of view and you'll get an idea of whether he likes your joke about one of the candidates or is offended
Step 2. Listen carefully to what the other person is saying and respond in an appropriate way
Listening is an important factor in engaging conversation. If the other person only responds to your question with short, flat answers, such as "Yes," or "No," it could be a sign that he or she is uncomfortable with the topic. In this case, try to discuss something that also interests him. For example, “I heard your team won the soccer game last night. Come on, tell me."
- Pay attention to the body language of the other person. If he crosses his arms over his chest or fidgets, or looks down, he may feel uncomfortable with what you're talking about. This hint is important and is a signal that you should move on to a different topic.
- If he didn't reveal too much information, he might just be a shy person. Try to lure him in a bit and see if he's willing to open up. For example, if you ask, “Did you like the movie?” and he simply replies "No", you can push him further by asking what he doesn't like. The plot? The rating? This trick will give you more opportunities to continue the conversation and get to know each other better.
Step 3. Find a connection with the previously discussed topic
If you start a good conversation and cover a variety of topics, then suddenly come to a dead end, try to remember the previous conversation and ask how the conversation suddenly turned to cats when you were previously talking about a local restaurant. For example, you might ask, "How did we end up talking about cats when we were talking about restaurants?" Perhaps connecting these two topics is a mutual friend you recently went to see a movie with. This move can trigger a fun chat about movies and TV shows, and then it will move on to books or music.
Step 4. If there is an awkward silence, think about what you were talking about earlier to start a new topic
If you mention heavy rain and the other person expresses concern about their dog getting sick easily in cold, wet weather, you can use that to continue the conversation. Now, you can bring up the topic of talking about dogs, which will also provoke a different theme. If you look for a link between the previous topic and what is being discussed and add some relevant information, the conversation will continue.
If there is a long silence, think over the previous topic of conversation and find something that can be developed from there. For example, you could fill in the silence with, “You mentioned a new project you were working on. Tell me more about the project."
Step 5. Ask questions
Find out what the other person's interests and hobbies are. Everyone loves to talk about something they love! This is an effective way to get to know the other person better and to change the subject in a positive way if the conversation suddenly stops. This trick will also reduce the awkwardness in subsequent conversations because you're both more familiar with each other's interests.
- For example, if you want to talk about children, ask "How has Doni been lately?"
- You can also ask him about his recent trip by saying, “I heard you went to Singapore last month. What's going on there? I haven't been there in a long time."
Part 4 of 4: Dealing with Awkwardness
Step 1. Accept the silence
Pauses in the middle of a conversation don't have to be awkward. Maybe the other person needs to think before answering or maybe silence is natural. Use this opportunity to interact in other ways, such as making eye contact or making your company fun. Silence need not make you awkward. You can fill it in other ways, not just words.
For example, if someone talks about a difficult issue (such as a sick family member), instead of trying to find the right words, give them a hug. This way, you can show you care and can be even more expressive than words
Step 2. Identify the cause of silence
Generally, something is causing the awkward silence. If you identify the cause, this situation will be easier to treat. Maybe the other person or you said something that made the other person feel uncomfortable. Maybe your views on one topic are highly controversial and he's trying to avoid conflict. Maybe the two of you don't have much in common to talk about. You can respond accordingly and take the next step, depending on the situation.
- If what you're saying makes the other person feel uncomfortable, you can apologize and say, “I'm sorry. What I said was inappropriate." Then, start the conversation on another topic.
- If you don't have much in common with the other person and you're running out of interesting topics to talk about, silence may indicate it's time to end the conversation. You can resign gracefully and say, “I have to go take my son to the ball game now. See you later."
Step 3. Let the silence happen
This action is best applied when the conversation is interrupted because someone said something embarrassing, rude, or inappropriate. For example, if you are engrossed in explaining how you hate the game of chess and the other person says, “Oh, that's my favorite game. Actually, I'm a chess master." You can say, "Gee, I don't think we're going to be playing chess anytime soon!" Then change the subject to something more general or you can ask him if he likes other games.
On the other hand, if you talk to a friend and tell them about your romantic date last night, and then he says he's going on a date tonight too, and it turns out you're both dating the same woman, the silence will be intense. To fix this, all you have to do is say, “This is so awkward!” in a funny tone to reduce tension
Step 4. Find activities to do
If you decide to have a chat with the other person, but for some reason the conversation stagnates, try proposing to do something together. For example, if you're at a party, you could be the welcome organizer for new guests, or offer to be a temporary bartender. You might be able to mix up a drink and name it after the two of you!
If you're on a date or just chatting, break the silence by suggesting going for a walk, throwing rocks at the surface of the water, or some other activity the two of you can do at the same time
Step 5. Avoid awkward behavior
If your attention is focused on something else, not the person you're talking to, you're sure to feel uncomfortable and awkwardness is inevitable. For example, don't take out your phone and start reading messages. Your actions can make the other person feel neglected, and he may even just walk away! Find a productive way to deal with the silence between the two of you. If you really have to check your phone, you can involve the other person by showing a short video or listening to a song together. This action can provoke a new topic of conversation.
Step 6. Know when to leave
If the conversation doesn't go well and you're in the right situation, smile and say “Excuse me for a minute,” and walk away. Find a friend to talk to or you can simply walk outside for some fresh air.
