Everyone must have been selfish and wanted to win on their own. However, sometimes there are people whose selfish nature seems to never stop. If your friend's behavior is frustrating you, it may be time to do something about it. There are several ways to express your friend's selfish nature and nourish your friendship. Start by identifying the problem, then share your feelings with a friend and find the best solution.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Identifying the Problem
Step 1. Keep in mind that being selfish can be a sign of other problems
While being around selfish people can be frustrating at times, this behavior may be due to a more serious problem, such as depression. Try not to judge or label your friends as selfish people. Look for things that are happening in your friend's life that could be the cause of his selfish behavior.
- For example, try saying, “It seems you haven't been talking to us much lately. What is it?" Or, “Looks like you're in serious trouble. Try talking to me, who knows I can help."
- If your friend has signs of depression or is in serious trouble, it's a good idea to encourage your friend to seek help. Suggest a friend talk to a counselor or therapist.
Step 2. Study the things that bother you
Do friends make you angry? Does he say bad things to you, seek your attention constantly, or won't he stop talking about himself? Know exactly what is bothering you.
- Some friends continue to ask for help but refuse to be asked for help. If so, the problem is that your friend prefers to receive rather than give and so your friendship feels one-sided.
- Other friends will keep talking about themselves but never ask how you are. Many people are like this, but sometimes there are people who take it to the extreme. If so, the problem is that your friendship feels one-sided. Friends want you to listen to them, but refuse to do otherwise.
- Other selfish behavior for example seeking attention without stopping. Some of your friends may keep texting or calling you to chat. Relationships like this quickly become annoying because your friends don't value your alone time.
Step 3. Consider the underlying problem
Problems that trigger selfishness can give you clues when talking to your friend. You may even feel a little empathy if you find out why your friend is being selfish.
- Being overly selfish or self-absorbed can be the result of stress or insecurity. Many selfish people seek attention because they have a negative self-image
- Mistakes in upbringing can also affect selfishness. Your friend may get so much attention from your parents that they feel like they should be cared for by others too. Or, friends are rarely noticed by their parents so they are now desperate to seek attention from others.
Step 4. Recall a time when you were selfish
Selfishness is a normal human behavior and has been done by everyone. You may have been selfish unintentionally and hurt someone's feelings. Remember when you were selfish and did annoying things to your friends.
For example, have you ever interrupted someone while they were talking? Or have you ever felt bored when other people were talking and started minding your own business? Recall your selfish behavior as a reminder that everyone is selfish sometimes
Part 2 of 3: Revealing Friends' Selfishness
Step 1. Take time to talk
The most important thing to change someone's behavior is to talk about it. Plan talk times, and make sure the location is private and quiet. Your friend may feel disappointed or embarrassed to hear how you feel in a crowded place.
- Choose the best time to talk. This conversation is going to be in-depth, so take as much time as you can to get your heart out. Try scheduling a talk time of approximately one hour.
- Choose a place that has privacy. You can choose your home, or an open place where not many people visit.
- Don't choose restaurants, shops, or bars. Although it is usually used to meet, it is difficult to discuss personal matters in these places because there are many people around them. Also, if your friend's reaction is not good, he or she could create a stir and embarrass you in public.
Step 2. Tell us the problem that bothers you
Keep your honor and positivity, and let them know your relationship is good but needs improvement. Be direct and state the problem as clearly as possible.
- For a friend who asks too much for help, say: "I am very annoyed by your many requests for help but always refuse to respond." Don't use negative sentences, such as "I'm sick of your selfishness" or "I don't like being asked for too much."
- For a friend who is always talking about themselves, say: "You always talk about how you feel, but you don't want to take the time to hear how I feel." Again, avoid using negative sentences, such as “I hate it when you keep talking about yourself. It sucks."
- To a friend who often asks for help, say: “I know you're having a problem, but it's hard for me to keep helping you. You're a good friend, but I feel like I've done too much." Don't say: "You're always messing up your life and I'm sick of always fixing it for you."
Step 3. Focus on how you feel
Selfish people spend most of their time thinking about themselves. If you talk about your friend's selfishness in person, he or she may understand the consequences of his negative behavior.
- To a friend who often asks for money, express your feelings clearly. Maybe you feel that your friends don't appreciate your hard work. Or, he's just friends so he can ask for money, not because you're a good friend or easy to get along with.
- To a friend who complains constantly, but doesn't want to listen to your problems, share how you feel that you are being belittled in your relationship. Say you feel this friendly relationship feels one-sided, and the problems you have are not appreciated.
- Some friends may visit and make your house a mess. Tell your friends about the problem and how frustrated you are that they didn't help clean up the mess they made. However, remember that selfishness is not the cause. Maybe this behavior is caused by habits in their messy home environment.
Step 4. Listen to your friend's explanation
If you speak respectfully and kindly, most friends will apologize or give reasons for being selfish. Make sure you listen carefully to the reason your friend is giving, and try to understand his feelings.
- If your friend says they never noticed their bad behavior, you're right. Many selfish people behave badly and never know the consequences of their actions. If you make your friend aware of the problem and seem eager to improve your relationship, you will be able to devise a plan.
- If friends make excuses, try to understand. Many people are very affected by the problems in their life and can't see problems other than theirs so it often affects friendships. If the problem is major, such as a breakup or the death of a family, you should be patient until your friend can think more clearly.
- If you don't seem to care, that's not a good sign. There are many selfish people who, when told of their shortcomings, don't mind their behavior at all. Your friend doesn't seem to intend to change, and never will. Friendships like this need to end.
Step 5. Ask a friend to correct his behavior
If your friend values your role in his life, he will try to make a difference. Make sure you specify the type of behavior you want.
For example, if you're tired of listening to the person you're talking to but aren't listening back, ask your friend to put more effort into listening to you
Part 3 of 3: Correcting Friends' Behavior
Step 1. Remind if a friend reverts to his old behavior
If your friend starts to revert to their old behavior, make sure you let them know. Remind each time the behavior is repeated and the effect on your feelings and the promise of a friend to correct his behavior.
- Remind your friends every time they show their selfishness by constantly seeking attention. If your friend keeps asking you to change appointments with other people, or keeps texting, stop the conversation and let your friend know they're back to their old behavior.
- For example, let's say your selfish friend or relative spends too much money and asks for it from you. If he promises to change but asks for money again the following week, remind him of the promise he made. I hope you realize your mistake and learn not to do it again.
Step 2. Don't be silent
Many people are selfish because others let them. If someone asks too much or talks about themselves, ask them to stop the behavior immediately. Don't let other people take advantage of you.
- For example, let's say a friend often takes you to a cafe to talk about her problems for an hour. You've probably gotten so used to it that when you're invited to a cafe, you already know he's going to keep talking about his problems there. Therefore, refuse the invitation. Or, you can accept the invitation, but immediately change the subject to your problem.
- If your friend is always looking for sympathy, don't give it to him. Many people like to complain, and just complain. The next time your friend asks if you feel sorry for him, say no. Instead, offer a solution or help a friend see the positive side of the situation. Or, you can share good things for your friend to be grateful for. You can end your speech with a positive sentence, for example, "So what if I don't feel sorry for you? You have a lot of good things in your life.”
Step 3. Stay positive
If you're being treated badly by a selfish person, it's not because you deserve to be treated that way. Selfish people ignore their friends or obligations because they only think about themselves, and have nothing to do with your personal worth as a person. Don't let your friends make you feel bad.
Step 4. Check progress regularly
Take the time to see if your friend is committed to change. Oftentimes, the change is immediate because your friend is embarrassed and doesn't realize that he or she is being selfish. Other times, a friend's behavior change is slow but sure. Be patient.
- Chat with friends once in a while. See if your friend is improving his personal life, or if your friend is keeping his promise to be unselfish.
- Hang out. Hanging out with friends is the quickest way to see a change in their behavior. Take your usual time, and feel the change in your friendship.
- Talk to other friends. See if your friend's changes in behavior affect other relationships. Maybe other friends see an improvement in the friend's selfish behavior, or just don't see any change. Ask if they notice a change in the behavior of the selfish friend.
Step 5. take a break
If your friend's behavior is intolerable, keep your distance from your friend. Selfish behavior drains the energy of those around him. Get away from your friends for a day or a week and spend some time with yourself. Perhaps, your selfish friend actually feels deterred if the type of person who likes to ignore you.
Step 6. Know when to end the relationship
If you've been patient and tried to help your friend as much as possible but to no avail, it's best to just end the relationship. In addition to being hard to live, your life should not be complicated by people who have a racin and negative mouth. Politely say that you won't see him again, and keep your promise.
Tips
- Be careful if you have a group of selfish friends. If they support each other's selfishness, it's almost impossible to change their behavior.
- Don't complain too much or be negative about your selfish friend, especially if you're trying to change their behavior. Maybe your friend will hear your complaint and stop trying to change their behavior.
- Don't skip the step of speaking directly to a selfish friend. It may be difficult and awkward to talk about your own feelings, but it is very important to change the dynamics of your friendship.
- Try to distance yourself after your conversation. Friends feelings may be hurt and disappointed. Give your friend time to think about what you're saying, instead of interrupting her and hoping her friend will change soon.
Warning
- Don't yell or yell at your friend while you're talking. Maybe he deserves it, but your friends won't understand if you scream. Your feelings can only be channeled through kind and respectful dialogue so that selfish friends can understand.
- Selfish friends may never change. Some selfish behaviors are so deeply ingrained in one's soul that they cannot be completely eradicated. Therefore, do not be too disappointed if you do not find progress.
- Be careful if your family members behave selfishly. Kinship relationships are very difficult to end. However, ask for help from other family members and stick to your stand.
