In making friends, friends who had been nice turn out to be attacking by gossiping or betraying you. The world feels like the end of the world when your friends are against you, especially if they are the people you can rely on when you need help. To deal with friends who turn into enemies, you need to maintain emotional health, evaluate ongoing relationships, and deal with problems wisely. This article will help you deal with a disloyal friend and deal with heartache.
Step
Part 1 of 3: Overcoming Disappointment
Step 1. Acknowledge the disappointment you experience from being friends with a disloyal person
It hurts a lot to find out that the person you thought was a close friend isn't or even brought you down. It's natural to be devastated when you find out and there's no need to cover up the fact that you're hurt.
- Express your disappointment by saying it out loud when you are alone. Label what you're feeling and try to accept the impact you're having. For example: "I'm so disappointed that I trusted the person who betrayed me."
- Apart from accepting the disappointment, remember that you are the only person who can control how you react to the treatment. Often times, someone behaves in a certain way to get you to overreact. Instead of reacting impulsively, you should stay calm and reflect on the emotions that arise.
Step 2. Reflect
Breaking up a relationship or friendship also has its benefits. Use this incident as an opportunity to think about whether you want to have a confrontation or break up. After a few days of not seeing each other, you may feel calmer or even better.
- Take the time to explore the possibility of making new, more supportive friends. Spend time with friends or other coworkers. Would you rather interact with them than meet a friend who is hostile towards you? When hanging out with friends, do you find positive qualities that he doesn't have?
- One way to reflect is to write a journal. Writing down everything you experience, think, and feel about a painful event is a great way to channel your emotions and empower yourself. Use this method to think of ways to deal with the effects of a friend's betrayal.
Step 3. Watch yourself
Before making new friends, prioritize time to take care of yourself. Oftentimes, we ignore our feelings so that you or others don't feel guilty for their actions. You'll have a hard time making healthy and lasting friendships if you don't give yourself time to prioritize your own needs.
- Learn to forgive yourself by learning the lessons of this friendship and experiencing everything you feel after learning that you were betrayed. When you feel cheated or betrayed, you may want to blame yourself for feeling used.
- Be nice to yourself by doing fun things, for example: watching your favorite TV show, enjoying a manicure, or spending time with your family.
Step 4. Be a wiser person
Don't be provoked by a desire for revenge or harbor hatred. Forgive the wrongdoer so that you are not burdened by anger. You may find it too easy to excuse the other person from guilt if you forget your anger and forgive it. This view is completely untrue. You are the first person to hurt the most if you hold on to anger. Often times, the person who made you angry seems to think everything is fine. Be a wise person so that you feel empowered again and don't want to take revenge.
- Remember that you can't control what other people do and say about you. Anger and hatred don't make you any better at controlling yourself. In the end, behavior that is not in line with your own character or beliefs will only make you feel ashamed or guilty because it goes against your core values.
- For example: if a coworker or classmate is gossiping about you, don't make the situation worse by doing the same. Be calm and deal with the problem without doing anything negative.
- The old adage "put out fire with fire" is useless advice. The fire must be extinguished with water or something that can extinguish the fire. Don't exacerbate the problem by overreacting or behaving negatively because it will only make things worse.
Step 5. Set aside time to hang out with supportive friends and family members
When a friend betrays you, you will feel very comfortable being around positive people and wishing you the best. In addition to helping you face and accept reality, it affirms your existence as a person and a good friend.
For example: if someone disappoints you, don't ignore your friends who have been loyal to you so that they know you really appreciate them
Part 2 of 3: Evaluating Ongoing Friendship
Step 1. Evaluate the friendship that has been established so far
Your personal, social, and work life will usually be affected if you are hostile to your friends. Consider the magnitude of the impact you have had on being gossiped about or betrayed by a friend to decide whether you want to ignore or deal with the problem.
- If your friend's behavior is causing you minor problems, maybe you should just ignore it. However, if you're at risk of losing your job or being slandered by rumors that continue to spread, there are ways to keep things from getting worse.
- Is everyone talking gossip about you? Does this issue lead to legal sanctions? How many people know about this incident? You can determine how big the problem is by answering these questions.
- In order to determine how to solve the problem, talk to people who are neutral and able to be objective. In the end, you have to decide for yourself the best way to deal with the problem although wise advice is still helpful.
Step 2. Overcome the negative impact of this problem
If your hostile friend is spreading gossip or slandering you, try to correct the negative perception that has formed about you.
- Defend yourself or meet certain people to explain the truth by saying, "The rumors about me are not true…" However, be prepared if there are people who won't listen to your explanation.
- To restore reputation, remember that deeds are more useful than words. Take concrete action to prove the gossip about you is untrue, instead of wasting time dealing with rumors just by talking too much. If people call you a liar, let them see for themselves your daily life so the rumors will go away on their own.
Step 3. Decide if you want to have a confrontation
There are times when you need to talk, but sometimes, just let things go. Consider the character of the friend who betrayed you and evaluate the current issue to determine if you need to respond.
- Think about the positives and negatives of having a confrontation. If you cut ties right away, you don't give him the opportunity to explain and clarify the things that caused the misunderstanding. While you can use confrontation to express your feelings, keep in mind the possibility that he will verbally attack you and hurt your feelings even more.
- Find out why he is hostile to you. If his behavior seems different than usual, he may be having problems or feeling hopeless. If so, try to understand the situation and forgive it.
- If you want to find a solution, tell him: "I know you told your boss that I cheated at work. I am very disappointed that you were accused of cheating. superior."
Step 4. Decide if you want to make up again
In order to make the right decision, compare how important this relationship is and the problem at hand. Consider carefully whether this friendship is worth maintaining. If he's not someone worth hanging out with, just stay away. However, if this friendship means a lot to you, try to find the best solution for both parties.
Even though this friendship means a lot to you, remember that there are certain actions that are so unforgivable that the relationship is irreversible. Make sure first whether your friend is the cause so you don't make the wrong decision. Gather evidence to support what you know before breaking up. For example: if you get information that he is in a relationship with your partner, make sure it's true before breaking up
Step 5. Restore the relationship if you want to remain friends
Explain what he must do to prove his loyalty. Try to find out why he is hostile to you. Do your coworkers slander you because your success makes them jealous? Take this as a compliment and give him a chance to improve himself and acknowledge your performance at work.
- Let him know that you are not very receptive to apologies. For example: "I want to forgive your actions and want to solve this problem. I am very disappointed with your treatment. If this happens again, maybe I can't continue this friendship."
- Set boundaries so that he understands why you can accept what has happened. Give understanding that loyalty is very important to you so you can not tolerate if this problem occurs again. For example: to support work performance, implement a new system through the division of tasks so that each team member clearly knows their respective obligations. If this problem occurs in the family, ask a friend not to approach your partner so that domestic chaos does not happen again.
Part 3 of 3: Prioritizing Useful Things
Step 1. Focus on your own behavior
Be a good friend so that you seize the opportunity to meet loyal friends. Learn what a healthy and fun friendship looks like for both parties. Be kind to yourself by avoiding problems at work and at home. Free yourself from unhealthy relationships.
Do not involve yourself in negative associations and join in doing bad things because they are influenced by the environment. You can't be friends with trustworthy people if they don't trust you. When you say you will do something, make it happen with action. If you've already made plans with someone, stick to them. You can become a person worthy of trust by doing small things
Step 2. Consider what kind of people you want to be friends with
Remember that there is no one you can control but yourself. You have to decide how to respond to certain people and who has a place in your everyday life. Don't maintain a friendship or be friendly to someone you don't trust just because he's an old friend or coworker.
- If you're having trouble trusting coworkers because of a competitive office environment, set boundaries so the problem doesn't affect the atmosphere at home. Don't make friends or socialize with coworkers who are likely to cause problems at work.
- The same is true when you want to make friends in another environment. Find friends who are a positive influence and don't like to take advantage of other people. Pay attention to the personalities of your friends and the obstacles that come with making friends. It's a good idea to evaluate your existing relationship to see if you are capable of making smart and wise decisions in choosing friends.
Step 3. Don't ignore the virtues you believe in for the sake of friendship
This means not hiding the truth about yourself or your family in order to stay friends with certain people. At times, friends may show different attitudes and you can't rely on other people to be consistent. If you lose friends because you want to focus on your family, it's better not to continue the relationship.
