In fact, fake friendships are hard to spot, especially since fake friends are generally very good at subtle manipulation and deception tactics. To make things easier for you, understand that a friend who is unable to support and/or respect your needs can be categorized as a fake friend. Whoever he is, try to improve the patterns of interaction between the two of you so that he doesn't continue to take up your time and emotional health. Also, try to identify the behavior and decide whether or not you deserve the relationship. If his behavior is getting annoying and hurting you, don't hesitate to cut ties with him!
Step
Part 1 of 3: Interacting with Fake Friends
Step 1. Set limits on the distance and time you can allocate to it
Don't give all your time and energy to fake friends! Try first to identify how much you can tolerate his behavior, and how much time you can allocate to him with reference to that tolerance limit.
- Invest very carefully in a relationship. Don't spend all your time and energy on someone who is constantly breaking your personal boundaries, hurting you, or has no respect for you. Generally, fake friends will continue to do these three things.
- Remember, you are under no obligation to respect people who can't respect you! If your friend finds it very difficult, there's nothing wrong with limiting interactions with them. After all, you don't have to completely stop seeing him or communicating with him. Instead, simply limit the interaction to a more personal and intimate level, and stop immersing yourself in the drama of life it creates. Pour out your emotional energy into positive and true friends!
Step 2. Have realistic expectations of your friend's behavior
Remember, a fake friend is generally difficult to change his behavior. In fact, in some cases, the falsehood can even turn into bullying! Therefore, manage your expectations very carefully when interacting with them. Always remember that these interactions can be very negative for you. By preparing ahead of time, you're more likely to be less surprised or hurt when the situation does occur.
- If your friend is constantly criticizing you or implicitly lowering your self-esteem, try to balance your expectations with your experiences so far. Say to yourself, "Oh, that's how Samantha is."
- Don't expect too much from him. If you invest too much time, effort, and feelings into a fake relationship, one day your feelings will definitely hurt because of it. But at the same time, realize that the only person responsible for your emotional health is yourself.
Step 3. Observe the nature of your friendship over time
Usually, fake friendships will be difficult to maintain in the long run. Therefore, try to constantly observe your friend's behavior; watch out if his behavior gets worse or turns into bullying.
- While doing so, ask yourself if his recent behavior has made you feel stressed and/or uncomfortable. Does his attitude seem more difficult for you? Is he starting to bring up unnecessary relationship drama, and even ruin your relationships with other people?
- In fact, there is nothing that cannot be changed. Chances are, your friend may change his behavior to be more positive over time. That's why you need to constantly observe the changes taking place in your relationship with him. If you find that you feel he is capable of acting like a true friend, don't hesitate to continue with him.
Step 4. Meet your emotional needs
Dealing with a difficult friend will definitely take up your time, focus, and energy. As a result, you are prone to neglecting your personal needs and desires because of it. If the person has hurt you more than made you happy, try to always put your emotional needs above all else! Trust me, there's nothing wrong with actually ending the relationship with him or simply limiting the interactions the two of you have if his existence is becoming more and more exhausting for you.
Part 2 of 3: Recognizing Disruptive Behavior
Step 1. Identify what behaviors you are reluctant to tolerate
Don't be afraid to end relationships with people who can't treat you well. First, try to identify any behavior that you cannot tolerate. After that, identify your friend's behavior. If he does one of these, immediately limit interaction or end the relationship with him. Having trouble identifying the behavior you can't tolerate? Try to think about how you felt when you received the treatment.
- If you're constantly fighting with the person, and if the argument is never really resolved, then he or she has really crossed your boundaries. Usually, a fake friend won't want to validate your feelings and think you're overly sensitive because you're upset about things they don't think are important.
- Don't tolerate any behavior that makes you feel upset, anxious, or uncomfortable. Also reject behavior that has the potential to hurt your self-esteem or make you of no value.
Step 2. Watch for signs of bullying
Sometimes a fake friend can transform into a bully! If your friendship has been abusive, make sure you end it as soon as possible. For that, first understand some of the symptoms of bullying in the following friendship relationships.
- Generally, bullies have very low self-esteem. That's why, they are always looking for targets to vent their frustration and insecurity. A friend who turns into a bully will usually be constantly criticizing whatever you do. In addition, he will be more temperamental and constantly say or do things that hurt your feelings.
- Identifying the situation is not easy, but make sure you stay alert. Be careful, the act of bullying can really destroy your self-esteem over time. Therefore, pay close attention to how someone treats you. If he's constantly breaking your personal boundaries and doesn't apologize afterward, chances are he's already transformed into a bully. Instead, immediately end the unhealthy relationship.
Step 3. Understand the behavior of real friends
To identify unhealthy friendship patterns, you first need to understand the true character of a friend. True friends will not hesitate to support and care for you. In addition, they will also help you to understand what kind of treatment you deserve.
- A good friend should always make you feel happy. Its existence must always give off a positive aura! In addition, he will always respect the various personal boundaries you make. Unlike fake friends, real friends will respect you for who you are and won't demand that you be who they want you to be.
- True friends also won't hesitate to provide you with constructive feedback, or to be assertive when your behavior makes them anxious or uncomfortable. Unlike fake friends, real friends won't make you feel guilty all the time. They want the best for you and as such, will always give genuine care for your physical and emotional health.
Step 4. Beware of relationships that are not independent and overly attached
Usually, a fake friend is someone who is not independent and good at emotional manipulation. Generally, they make friends just to maintain stability in their lives and don't really know how to respect other people. Therefore, be wary of people who hide their insecurities behind a mask of care and affection. People like this usually rarely act aggressively! If it turns out that you are currently stuck in a relationship that is not independent, immediately take steps to overcome it.
- A friend who isn't independent usually won't make it clear to you. Instead, he will often go along with your wishes to make you feel attached to him. In other words, in the future you will be faced with the consequences of the agreement. For example, he will start complaining about the things the two of you do together and start making unreasonable demands on you.
- Friends who are not independent generally will find it difficult to account for their actions. If you criticize him for feeling hurt by him, he's more likely to turn around or deny your criticism aggressively.
- If you are already stuck in a relationship that is not independent, try to really consider whether or not the relationship is worth keeping. Trust me, getting involved in a relationship that isn't independent will only make you feel constantly tired and hurt.
Step 5. Protect yourself from emotional threats
Be aware of the emotional threats that fake friends often make. Make sure you are really able to identify the forms of emotional threats and always put your happiness and personal safety above all else. In fact, emotional threats are sneaky ways that someone uses to get you to act according to their wishes. Be wary if he looks angry, annoyed, or even humiliating you just to make you feel guilty and go along with him.
- Usually, fake friends are very good at making emotional threats in implicit forms. For example, he will hide negative comments behind vague compliments like, “I swear, I thought you could do better than that. I didn't think that you, among my other friends, would do that."
- Some other forms of emotional threats are getting angry or giving warnings if you don't act the way they want. For example, your friend might say, “I don't know what to do if you don't come. I'll get drunk later, you know, because your rejection hurts me." Be careful, emotional threats are aimed at making you feel responsible for the other person's behavior.
- If someone threatens you emotionally, try not to be influenced! End any conversation that feels manipulative and don't reply to text messages or emails that contain threats of any kind.
Part 3 of 3: Setting Limits if Necessary
Step 1. Understand your wants and needs
The first step to setting boundaries for a healthy relationship is understanding your needs. Remember, everyone has rights that should not be violated in a relationship. Therefore, try to identify your rights to determine whether or not a relationship is worth it.
- What makes you feel uncomfortable? What are you looking for in a friend? Would you like to share your interest, kindness and sincerity with your friends? So, did he manage to meet these criteria?
- Has the person started breaking your boundaries? Does he never care about your emotional health? Remember, you deserve more sincere and caring friends than him!
Step 2. Determine if your friendship is worth keeping
In fact, there are relationships that are not worth maintaining. If his behavior bothers you more and more, there is nothing to stop you from ending the relationship with him.
- Think about the impact the relationship has on your self-esteem. Does your mood always get worse every time you're around him? Do his criticisms and complaints always make you feel inferior?
- Did you ever really want to meet him? Chances are, all this time you just felt "obligated" to meet him, even though the situation of meeting the two of you was always not pleasant. If that's the case, chances are that you're already trapped in a fake friendship.
Step 3. Find ways to end unhealthy friendships
If you feel the relationship is not worth keeping, try to find a way to end it. In other words, make it clear to the person that they are no longer wanted in your life.
- End the relationship via email or text message. While this may sound "cold" and cruel, try it, especially if you really don't want to see her or be around her. There's no need to spend too much time listing your suffering as a result of his actions. Instead, just send a short email that says, "Sorry, it looks like our friendship isn't going to work out."
- Control your emotions. Even if you feel like you've been treated badly by him, blaming him will only make the situation worse. As much as possible, end the relationship in as neutral a way as possible and avoid unimportant dramatic moments.
Step 4. Limit interactions without actually breaking up with them
Remember, not all fake relationships have to end. If you see the person almost every day (for example, you both work in the same office or have the same close friends), chances are that you will never truly end the relationship. Instead, set your own limits. For example, you would never want to see him alone. Also, you won't take them out with you, or invite them to events that are private to you. Never ever allow it into your private area.
