It is believed that keeping secrets can be both a pleasure and a burden. You certainly feel appreciated that someone trusted you enough to tell a secret, but realize that if you betray that trust, you could damage the relationship with the person who trusted the secret. Maybe you're also keeping secrets to yourself, which is just as difficult as keeping other people's secrets. Embedding the power to remain silent will ensure the secret is safe and it will maintain your reputation as someone you can trust.
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Method 1 of 5: Keeping Other People's Secrets
Step 1. Know the seriousness of the secret before you hear it
If someone has told you in advance that he or she is going to tell you a secret, ask for more information first.
- Find out if it's a “small” secret or a “big” secret. This will let you know the importance of keeping it a secret. It also lets you know whether you should give the person your full attention when they reveal their secrets (checking the phone when speaking seriously is bad etiquette).
- Prepare yourself to hear the secret, knowing that it's something you can hold onto.
Step 2. Ask how long you have to keep the secret
It may be easier to keep a secret if you know that you only need to keep it for a certain amount of time. If you're expected to keep it a secret forever, it's important that you know it from the start.
Step 3. Find out if you are allowed to tell someone else
When you are told a secret, ask if you can tell someone else, such as a sibling or spouse.
- Asking if it's okay to tell someone else can help you avoid an uncomfortable situation when this person is upset with you.
- If you know you are going to tell someone, such as a partner, be honest about it and warn that you will tell someone else. You may need to give this warning before he tells the secret.
Step 4. Stop him from telling you
If you know you're not good at keeping secrets, tell him not to tell you.
- He will appreciate your honesty and still have the option to tell you, knowing that you might tell someone else.
- Suggest that he tells you right before he tells anyone else, so you don't have to keep it a secret for too long.
- Some studies show that keeping secrets puts a lot of stress on a person. If you want to avoid stress, say no to secrets.
Method 2 of 5: Keeping Your Own Secret
Step 1. Decide how long you want to keep the secret
Depending on the type, the secret may have a specific end point in time.
- Secrets like pregnancy or a surprise gift will have a natural ending.
- Other secrets may not have an endpoint, and you'll have to decide when you're ready to tell people.
- Try waiting a few days if you feel very emotional about the secret. You may regret telling people right away, and giving yourself a few days to cool off will help you make a more rational decision about when and who to tell.
Step 2. Make a plan to tell someone
If you know that you can tell someone in the future, making a detailed plan for how and when to talk can help you keep that secret for a while.
- If it's a "fun" secret that you're about to surprise someone with, planning a fun way to tell it will keep you busy before revealing it.
- If it's a serious secret, make a plan to give yourself and the person some uninterrupted and alone time to talk and discuss the secret.
Step 3. Get the secret out of your mind
Keep yourself busy with other things, and try not to think too much about the secret. If you keep thinking about it, it will be much harder for you to resist telling someone.
Step 4. Think about the benefits of telling your secret
If you're keeping a secret that's messing you up, then you might be getting in your way. Telling someone will give them the opportunity to help you in ways you might not expect.
Step 5. Entrust your secret to one person
If you do have to tell someone, make sure you pick the right person.
- Think about your past experiences with this person. Is he always trustworthy and careful?
- Be open about your expectations when you tell this person your secret: are they allowed to tell anyone else? To whom and when can they say it?
- Know that telling other people will open up the possibility of the secret being exposed.
Method 3 of 5: Avoiding the Topic
Step 1. Don't bring the topic to anyone
If you bring up the secret topic in a conversation with someone, you're more likely to be tempted to say it. You may (consciously or unconsciously) discuss related topics in the hope that you will have the opportunity to tell the secret. This awareness can help prevent you from doing it on purpose.
Step 2. Change the subject if necessary
If you are talking to someone who mentions something related to the secret, you may need to change the subject.
- Continuing to talk about something that reminds you of the secret will push it to the front of your mind and eventually you will be tempted to say it.
- Try changing the subject casually so the other person doesn't notice that you're avoiding the possibility of telling him something.
- If necessary, find an excuse to leave. Sometimes breaking away from the conversation is the only way to stay still.
Step 3. Pretend you don't know anything
If someone suspects you know a secret, try to be vague when they ask you directly.
You can pretend you don't know by asking about the secret yourself
Step 4. Lie if you have to
You may have to lie that you know a secret. If you're lying, make sure you remember what you said so you don't get caught. It's better to lie by saying you don't know (even though you actually know) than to make up a story to make up a complicated and lengthy lie.
Step 5. Be honest
If someone continues to pressure you, say, "I can't talk about that with you right now." Even if you admit that you know something, you don't reveal the secret.
If the person is pushy, politely ask them to stop asking you questions
Method 4 of 5: Satisfying the Urge to Speak
Step 1. Write and destroy
Writing the secret down in detail on paper, then destroying the evidence, can be a great way to "get it out."
- Make sure you destroy the evidence thoroughly. Consider burning (safely) or crushing it with a paper shredder.
- If you throw it in the trash, tear it to shreds and bury it under the trash. Consider throwing it in a different trash can and/or taking it to a landfill as soon as you put the paper in it.
Step 2. Find an anonymous online place to talk
There are several forums for posting secrets so you can get them out but remain completely anonymous.
Make sure you really are in an anonymous environment
Step 3. Tell the object that won't understand
Telling a secret to a doll, pet, or collectible can help you feel like you've already told someone. If you feel like you're about to explode because you can't tell anyone, this can help you satisfy the urge to let it out.
- Make sure that no one near you can hear what you are saying.
- Make sure your phone and computer are not connected to the call or audio chat function before speaking loudly on an object.
- You might also consider telling a baby who can't talk yet. You can feel like telling someone, but the risk of being exposed is very small.
Step 4. Tell yourself in the mirror
If you have to feel like you're telling another human being, try telling yourself in the mirror. Pretend you have a twin and talk to yourself. This may seem silly, but it can help.
Again, make sure that no one near you can hear what you are saying
Step 5. Get the secret energy out of your body
Sometimes, hearing a secret makes you feel like you're about to explode. There is a physical connection between the body and keeping a secret. Get out of your nerves by shouting or dancing – anything that will release that excess energy so you don't run and tell someone the secret.
Step 6. Tell one highly trusted person
If you do have to tell another human being, make sure he or she is someone who can keep a secret.
- If you keep secrets about other people, try telling a third party who doesn't know the person who has the secret.
- If you do tell someone, make sure they understand that it's a secret and that they shouldn't tell anyone.
- Know that telling someone opens up the possibility that the secret will be exposed, and that people will know that you told them.
Method 5 of 5: Knowing When to Speak
Step 1. Evaluate whether the secret is dangerous
If the secret involves one or another person being hurt, you may have to tell someone who can help, especially if there are small children involved.
- If someone is dangerous or a danger to yourself or others, you may need to report them.
- If someone engages in criminal activity and informs you about it, you may be legally detained for not reporting the action.
Step 2. Find out if there is an end point or time limit
If you inquired about the possibility of telling a secret the first time you heard it, check repeatedly to see if it's still within the time limit before starting to tell people. Some events, such as surprise parties, have a clear “secret” time limit.
- Ask if you can ask for a “gift” for keeping the secret of the right to tell others when the time comes.
- Depending on the nature of the secret, you may not want to tell the other person that you knew before them. This may hurt the feelings of close friends or family of the person who has the secret.
Step 3. Consider the risks and benefits of talking
Whenever you decide to tell someone else, you have to assess the risk of having the secret known to a large number of people and you being perceived as untrustworthy, compared to the satisfaction you feel when you tell someone a secret.
